A Year with Q
by Morena Evensong
Summary: Q loses a bet with his son. Now he must pretend to be a sixth year student at Hogwarts without using any of his powers. How will Hogwarts react to the new student? Will Q survive the year? x-over with Star Trek: TNG and Voyager.
1. Default Chapter

Hey there, this is my first fan fiction, so here goes nothing. Please review and tell me what you think about this. I promise to try to update at least once a week if possible.

The story takes place after book 5 of Harry Potter and after the series finale of Star Trek: Voyager. The only characters from Star Trek that will place any major role will be Q, his son q, but others will play chameos or will be mentioned occasionally.

I don't own any of the characters in this story. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowlings and Q, ect. belongs to the brilliant people that brought us Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Voyager.

**A Year with Q****Chapter 1 **- The Bet

I lost. I actually lost! I can't believe that infernal brat of mine beat me at my own game. Damn him!

Q stood with his hands crossed and a deep frown on his face as he watched his son, q, waltz away with Katheryn Chakotay. They were at the USS Voyager crew's grand anniversary, commemorating twenty years since their return to Earth. Naturally, the two of them were not on the guest list in any way shape or form, but they decided to come anyway.

So far they had gone incognito and opting to not play some utterly hilarious and obnoxious stunt just yet. Q was invisible to the Voyager crew and their guests in order to not attract attention. His son had bet him that he could mingle among the guests, including Katheryn Janeway herself, without being recognized for who and what he was. They had been here for exactly five hours now and the entire Voyager crew (and Admiral Picard who had also shown up) was completely oblivious to the entity in their midst.

I have obviously underestimated just how stupid humans are. We obviously didn't spend nearly enough time annoying the hell out of them.

The song that had been playing ended and q grinned at his father before escorting his dance partner back to where her parents Chakotay and Seven of Nine stood talking to Tom and B'Elanna Paris. Tom was showing off their three-month-old granddaughter as q turned and slowly made his way through the crowd to where Q stood with a very smug expression on his face.

I still can't believe those morons didn't recognize him! I mean he even dropped hints. Huge, elephant, impossible-to-miss-unless-your-IQ-is-the-size-of-a-houseplant's-size hints and they still didn't get it! Humans are impossible.

"Well father," q said happily, "I guess that means I've won."

"I noticed," retorted Q and scowled at his son.

"And luckily, I've been magically inspired and as the winner know exactly what to make you, the loser, do."

This was a game the two of them played; one way for father and son to spend the years of eternity. One of them would come up with a prank to play on some unsuspecting creatures and then they'd guess the reaction of the people involved. The winner then got to come up with an embarrassing thing for the other to do. It was Q's way of ensuring that his son grew up with a healthy sense of fun.

Q hated losing. But he had to set a good example for his son.

"Alright then, let's have it," said Q and flung his arms up in defeat. "What have you been inspired by?"

"Why, Tom and B'Elanna's granddaughter of course," q smirked, "I'm assuming you did notice."

"What that she's a witch? Of course I noticed, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well. . .father, I think it's time you went to school."

"You want me to go to a magic school?!" Q couldn't help but gape at his son.

"Hogwarts to be precise."

"But that's an old, shabby institution that's absolutely and utterly boring and should have been put out of commission along with the rest of the wizarding world a long time ago! I mean that part of human culture is practically dead!"

"Not Hogwarts now, Hogwarts when it was in its prime, during the Second war."

"You have to be kidding? You want me to go back to a time when humans were even more stupid and ignorant about the universe than they are now?!"

q's evil smile became even broader and Q knew he was doomed.

"Ok, so what do you want me to be: somebody's pet cat?"

"No, I think you'll be a student. . .an American exchange student."

"You know that's highly unusual for a Wizarding school, especially during that particular time in history."

"And I suppose you have something against doing the highly unusual?"

Of course he didn't, but pretending to be a human was not what he considered fun. He'd been human once and did not particularly enjoy the experience. But he had to set a good example, had to play by the rules.

"And your terms are. . .?"

q's eyes flashed in triumph. He knew he'd won.

"You will still be a Q, I can't change that, but no one else can know. I think you'll go into sixth year and must attend the full term."

Q winced, realizing for the first time that this meant that he, an omnipotent being with an intricate knowledge of the universe and an IQ hundreds of times larger than the smartest human, was going to be playing a human adolescent child. His bad mood had just hit an all-time low.

"Oh, and no time manipulation of any kind, no disappearing for a week and then altering everyone's memory so they don't remember and you have to be an average wizard, not some genius from overseas. Basically you can't tamper with anything that couldn't be explained by regular magic."

Damn him. Q looked around at all the happy Starfleet faces. _There is absolutely no reason why they should all be so happy, when I'm this miserable._

He waved his hand and a jungle appeared out of nowhere, enveloping the surprised partiers.

"What the. . .?!" exclaimed several people at once. Some children in the corner squealed with delight, as a huge multicoloured bird flew out of the bushes. The adults simply stared at the trees, trying desperately to figure out whether or not they were actually real.

"Q!" yelled Kathryn Janeway from somewhere behind a large, vine-covered tree.

"Always the perceptive one Kathy," said Q, appearing behind her. Janeway turned around and glared, but before she could say anything, q appeared to her left.

"Why aunt Kathy, you didn't really think we'd miss such an important date, now did you?" he teased.

Janeway's eyes widened as she recognized him as the man who'd been dancing with Chakotay's daughter most of the night.

"You. . ." She began.

"Happy anniversary Kathy," said Q cheerfully. There was nothing like annoying his favourite Starfleet officers to restore his good mood. "Oh, and don't worry, most of the snakes aren't poisonous."

With that both Q's vanished with a flash, leaving the humans to deal with their new jungle.


	2. Off to School We Go

Only in my dreams do I own any of the characters in this story.

**Chapter 2** - Off to School We Go

Seconds later the two Q's were in an empty cabin of the Hogwarts Express at King's Cross station in London. The station clock read 10:50 am and platform 9 ¾ resembled a shopping mall the day before Christmas. Everywhere parents, students and friends frantically darted about attempting to get organized, say good-bye and get onto the train all at once.

q waved his hand and the scene froze. He turned to his father, who was frowning once again, only this time with a dangerous glint in his eyes that warned q not to push his tolerance. The force of the glare would have made most people cower, but q merely smiled sweetly.

"Now then, as of right now you are a human, an American exchange transfer student going into sixth year," he said.

"Oh goody, doesn't that just sound like fun," Q noted sarcastically.

"And all the while I will be watching over you to make sure you don't break any rules."

"Oh please, this masquerade won't require almost any effort at all; I won't even need to bend the rules."

"I think it'll be harder than you think."

"It's not like I haven't done this before. I mean I actually was human once you know!"

"Hmm. . .and from what I hear, an absolutely dreadful one at that," q smirked.

Q opened his mouth to retort, but then decided to leave it. After all, he couldn't really deny what his son had just said. On the occasion in question he had only been human for a few days when he attempted to essentially commit suicide in order to put himself out of his misery.

"Well, I think that's all I have to say," q continued cheerfully. "Have fun at school. Oh, and play nice."

With a flash of light, q was gone, leaving Q along in the cabin. Q signed and shrugged.

Might as well get on with this charade. This may even end up being fun. Well, maybe.

He snapped his fingers and in a flash transformed himself into a sixteen-year-old boy with dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. He was wearing designer jeans, a black t-shirt and black leather jacket. He had a gold earring in his left ear and his hair was slightly spiked. An arrogant smile appeared on his lips.

If I'm supposed to be a human, I might as well be a good-looking one. Q inspected his now young and muscular body approvingly.

With a flick of his wrist, a trunk appeared in the overhead compartment filled with everything he knew he'd need for his year at Hogwarts. He momentarily considered getting a pet, but then decided not to bother. He never had understood what compelled humans to seek the companionship of anything even less intelligent than themselves. As far as he was concerned, humans didn't have enough intelligence themselves.

Q then snapped his fingers and a wand appeared in his right hand and a pair of dark sunglasses in his left. He put the glasses on and stuck the wand, which was fiery red, into the left inside pocket of his jacket.

Satisfied, Q sat down by the window and picked a copy of Shakespeare's _Hamlet_ out of thin air. Turning to the first page, he absently waved his hand and the station resumed its chaotic pace.

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Ok, now it's your turn. Review and tell me what you think.


	3. New Student

Hey guys, sorry for the wait. I promise to do better from now on.

Anyway, again, I don't own any of the characters in this story. Nor do I own Hogwarts. Unfortunately.

anything in _italics_ is Q thinking. Enjoy.

**Chapter 3 - **New Student

Out of the corner of his eye, Q noticed shapes moving through the corridor: students hurrying to find a place to sit.

I almost feel sorry for them. They have so little time in their lives that they end up constantly rushing in order accomplish something, no matter how insignificant. Kind of like ants, really.

He didn't look up to meet the curious glances he knew he was getting from the passing students. Instead he concentrated on the play he was reading. He knew it off by heart of course, but Q considered Shakespeare one of the few good things to come out of human culture and therefore worthy enough of his attention to be read again. He barely looked up when the door to his compartment slid open.

"Excuse me," came a female voice, "is there anyone else sitting here?"

Does it look like there's anyone else sitting here?

"No." Q answered, not bothering to look up from Hamlet.

"Er . . . well, do you mind if we sit here then?"

"Everywhere else is full," added a second voice, this one male.

"Be my guest," Q absently gestured with his left hand.

There was some shuffling as a fairly large group of people made its way into the compartment. After they settled down there was an uncomfortable silence.

Please don't let them get some stupid idea like trying to start a conversation with me. The last thing I want to do is engage in worthless, idle conversation with a group of human children. The adults are bad enough.

Luckily, the students decided to ignore Q just as he was ignoring them. They talked about their summers, the upcoming school year and the war. Q took advantage of his powers and listened in on their conversation as he read, hearing everything perfectly despite the group's lowered voices.

It did not take him long to figure out why q had put him into sixth year: Harry Potter was in sixth year. Not only that, but he was one of the students who had interrupted his peace and quiet.

Great, I hope q doesn't expect me to make friends with the brat. However, if Potter's still in school then that means the big battles are yet to come. Well, at least I'm stuck at the beginning of the war and not the middle of it. Otherwise I might actually try to kill my one and only son.

Harry Potter and his friends, who Q quickly identified as Ron Weasley, Hermoine Granger, Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom, were in the middle a discussion about who the new DADA teacher was going to be, when the compartment door was banged open. Everybody fell silent.

"Well, well, what have we here?" sneered a voice from the open doorway. "A meeting of the Hogwarts dream team. Planning how you're going to defeat the Dark Lord single-handed Potter?"

"What do you want Malfoy?" answered Harry in the same venomous tone.

"Yeah, and where are your goons? Did they abandon you now that your father's in

Azkaban and can't protect you?" added Ron.

"Watch it Weasley, just because my father's in Azkaban now, doesn't mean he's going to stay there."

Malfoy, eh? Must be Draco Malfoy, which means the one in Azkaban is Lucius. That boy probably has no idea just how right he is.

"And as far as Crabbe and Goyle are concerned, they're both back in the Slytherin part of the train," continued Draco. "You see, they didn't make prefect and therefore don't need to attend the meeting. . ."

"Oh no, the meeting!" gasped Hermoine and flew to her feet. Ron and Ginny followed her example and quickly scrambled to dig their school robes out of their trunks.

Ginny, who had been sitting opposite Q, suddenly stopped and turned to Draco, who was now casually leaning against the open compartment door with his arms crossed and an amused expression on his face.

"So why exactly are you here, if the prefects have a meeting now?" she asked carefully.

"Oh, I've been sent to tell you that the meeting's been cancelled and instead all prefects will be briefed by Dumbledore upon arrival at Hogwarts. Before the feast."

The other two prefects in the group stopped what they were doing and turned to stare at Draco, who was now clearly enjoying himself.

"Well why the bloody hell didn't you say so?!" yelled Ron.

"Because Weasel, if I recall correctly, you chose to ask me about my friends and father instead."

Q chuckled at that. It sounded like something he'd do, only on a smaller scale. It was a quiet chuckle, but somehow Draco heard it. His eyes darted towards the source and narrowed at the stranger sitting by the window.

"Who's your friend?" he spat, taking in the obviously muggle clothing in disgust.

"Uh. . .well, actually. . .uh. . ." Harry looked to his friends for help, but they all knew about as much about the stranger as he did. In other words, nothing.

"I'm Q," said Q evenly, still not looking up from his book, "and I'm not their friend."

This volunteering of information seemed to startle everyone and all eyes flew to Q, who casually turned a page.

"Merlin! You're American!" exclaimed Ron.

"You don't say," Q answered, his voice sounding only slightly annoyed.

Draco rolled his eyes at Ron's stupidity.

"You're a letter of the alphabet?" he mocked, annoyed that the American still hadn't even bothered to look up from whatever he was reading.

Crap. I need a human name. . .hmm, I suppose use Q as a nickname.

Q looked up to the blond youth staring at him.

"Of course not," he replied without missing a beat, "my full name is Quincy Picard.

However, it makes me sound like some boring, stuffy old university professor, so everybody just calls me Q."

"So. . .are going to Hogwarts?" asked Harry.

"Yes, for a year."

"I didn't think Hogwarts took exchange students," said Ron.

"They haven't, not since before the first war with You-Know-Who," Hermione informed him.

"Well, then I guess that just makes me special, doesn't it?" Q said, effectively ending that topic of conversation.

"So, what's that you're reading?" asked Ginny. Now that the strange boy had finally started to talk to him, she was determined not to allow him to ignore them again. Especially since he was rather good looking.

"Hamlet."

Everyone except for Harry and Hermione gave him blank stares.

"Oh, so you're muggleborn," said Hermione and Draco sneered.

"Absolutely not!" Q looked up and shot her a glare, which would have been far more effective, he realized, without the dark sunglasses. "However, Shakespeare happens to be one of the few muggle things worthy of attention."

"What's Shakespeare?" asked Neville.

"He's a famous sixteenth century British muggle playwrite. All muggle students learn about him," explained Hermione.

She's going to get very annoying, very quickly. I wonder how far. . .oh ten minutes to Hogwarts. About time too.

Q closed his book, stood up and went to get his trunk down.

"What are you doing?" asked Harry.

"What does it look like I'm doing? We'll be in Hogwarts in ten minutes and so I'm going to change into my robes, which by the way, I can't believe you people still wear."

Immediately following Q's statement everyone else in the compartment jumped to their feet and began to change into their robes. Draco surveyed the scene for a few moments and then smirked and casually strode off to his own compartment.

Ten minutes later, the Hogwarts Express arrived at Hogsmead.

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Well, that's it from me. Please read and review. 


	4. The Talking Hat

Thank you, thank you for the great reviews! Don't worry, I plan to update the next chapter as soon as I can: I'm already working on it.

As always, I don't own any of the characters, unfortunately.

'. . .' is the Sorting Hat talking to the person who's wearing it

_Italics_ is Q thinking to himself

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**Chapter 4 - **The Talking Hat

Q was met at the station by a half-giant named Hagrid, who shook his hand and informed him that he was to travel to Hogwarts in the boats with the first years. Apparently the approach to the castle was more impressive that way. Q raised an eyebrow at that, but got in the boat with three eleven-year-olds.

He could feel the curious looks he was getting all the way to the castle, after all it was blatantly obvious that he was not a first year student. Luckily everyone seemed too intimidated by him to actually talk to him. However, he lost all the attention he was getting once the school came into view.

Q rolled his eyes as a chorus of gasps and "ooh" erupted around him.

Oh really, it's just a stupid castle! Humans are so easily impressed. I could name several thousand things more impressive than this.

Out of the corner of his eye Q registered Hagrid's disappointment at his lack of enthusiasm for the wonder that is Hogwarts.

Once on the other side, Hagrid escorted them to a stairway before the Great Hall and told them to wait for another professor. Q hated waiting. And he hated not being able to use his powers to speed up the process. Everything was taking far too long for him. He reached out with his mind to locate the professor they were waiting for.

What was her name again? Right, McGonagal. Hmm. . . she's in the postponed prefect's meeting, which they couldn't have on the train because of possible evesdropping spells. Apparently they never counted on me being here. How typical. It's like Picard insisting that they were ready for whatever was in the universe. Well, that certainly ended well. I suppose he never will forgive me for bursting his illusions by introducing the Enterprise to the Borg. 

Having nothing better to do, Q half-listened in on the meeting, but did not find out anything particularly interesting. They talked about Harry Potter's DA group, which was being allowed to continue under the condition that it allow Slytherins to join. This announcement brought a smirk from Draco Malfoy and vocal protests from Ron Weasley.

Q gathered from this that Slytherins were not well liked by the rest of the school. He thought that amusing and found himself liking Slytherin a bit more than the other houses because of it. After all, he had always been a bit of a rebel (except for that rather embarrassing period after he had been accepted back into the Continuum and before the trail with Q on Voyager). Eventually, after mentioning some of the new security features that had been added to the castle's defence system, the meeting ended.

It took professor McGonagal another ten minutes to make her way to the first years. As soon as she arrived, her eyes swept the crowd before her and rested on Q. He could tell she immediately labelled him "the American exchange student." To her credit though, Q couldn't tell whether or not she approved of his presence.

"Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," she addressed them, "I am Professor Minerva McGonagal, Deputy Headmistress of the school."

She continued on to explain the four houses of Hogwarts and the sorting ceremony they were about to undergo.

She reminds me a bit of Jean Luc. You can tell by her eyes that she obviously has a sense of humour, but believes in rules and regulations. Likes to set an example by following all the rules. Though I do wonder how far she'd be willing to bend them.

Q looked around at the other students. They were all nervous, scared and excited to various degrees and were staring at the professor in wonder, as if hoping to somehow memorize every word she uttered.

"Mr. Picard, you will be sorted last as you are not in first year," she said, concluding her speech. Q looked up at her and slowly nodded after he bit his tongue before instinctively correcting her that it was Capitan Picard.

Professor MacGonagal looked behind her to where a short, chubby man stood. He nodded at her and she turned around to face the new Hogwarts students.

"They're ready for you, so follow me into the Great Hall," she said and turned to lead them in.

Q followed the first years in front of him. He could hear them gasp as they entered the Great Hall for the first time in their lives. Again he rolled his eyes at how easily humans were amazed, though as he entered the Hall himself he had to admit that it was quite a nice sight to behold. The ceiling was enchanted to imitate the night sky and was alive with thousands of stars. He would never admit it to anyone, but Q found stars beautiful in their own way. After all, they were his home in an odd sort of way.

He knew very well that he had the attention of the entire school. Most of the student populous hadn't yet been informed about the American exchange student. He chuckled to himself.

All this attention and I haven't had to even think about using any of my powers. I feel like I'm back on the Enterprise. All I have to do is show up and I have everyone's attention.

Q scanned the students as he passed them, spotting Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Ginny at the Griffindor table. They waved at him. Instead of waving back though, Q turned his attention to the Head table.

Hmm. . . I don't think the headmaster could look more like a wizard if he tried. The pale guy in black at the end looks like he might just stand a chance at winning a glaring contest with Worf. I wonder if he's as much fun to annoy, he he he. And sitting next to him. . . my one and only son is dead! Officially dead! I am going to strangle him with my own hands and sprinkle his innards over a Klingon death camp!

Q almost tripped as he noticed who was sitting next to the pale professor. In bright yellow robes covered in multicoloured smiley faces that beamed at everyone and a mop of dark curls that appeared in desperate need of a barber's attention, his son stared back at him. q winked before looking away.

Q cursed under his breath as he stopped at the front of the Great Hall with the rest of the first years. He was so preoccupied with all the horrible things he would do to his precious son that he didn't notice the Sorting Hat singing until the school erupted in applause after it had finished. He clapped along with everyone else.

A hat that talks and sings: now I know what to get Kathy for Christmas. Only hers will of course sing about how wonderful I am.

Q smiled to himself at the thought. Meanwhile, Professor McGonagal began to call students to be sorted.

When all the first year students were sorted, she cleared her throat and motioned for Q to come up to the stool.

"And now I would like to introduce Mr. Quincy Picard, from America, who will be joining us this year. He is entering sixth year and I'm sure you will all make him feel welcome here at Hogwarts."

Q noticed the puzzled looks students exchanged amongst themselves, which then changed to speculation at which house would get Hogwart's first exchange student in almost 30 years.

He sat down on the stool and made sure to block off all of his Q essence so that the Hat couldn't sense it. He didn't want to give the game away before it had even begun. Not to mention that taking in all of his Qness at once would probably drive the Hat insane, which would interesting to watch, but not particularly practical at the moment.

'Well, well, an American. . . I haven't sorted one of those for a while," the Hat began. Q rolled his eyes.

Why does everyone around here have to point that out when they meet me.

'I'm just trying to figure out where to put you. Let's see, you're highly intelligent. . .'

You have no idea.

'Arrogant too, I see. Hmm. . . you enjoy proving your intelligence to others and playing with others for your own amusement."

Hey, you know, you're smarter than most humans I know.

'What do you mean?'

Never mind; it's supposed to be a compliment. Maybe some day I'll explain it to you.

'Secretive, are we. . . and ambitious too I see,'

Ambitious? How do you figure?

'Well you want to be all-powerful and all-knowing, though I think I might have to disappoint you: those things are impossible to achieve.'

Maybe for a hat. And most humans, but then again I'm not most humans.

'See, I told you, ambitious; you think you can be better than everybody else. Well, I have a feeling that you'll fit right into. . .'

"Slytherin!"

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Well that's it for now. Hope you enjoyed it! Please review.__


	5. The Feast

Hey, sorry this took a bit longer than intended. I had to rework it a couple of times, because my brother (also my beta-reader), told me that my Q was too nice. And, well, we can't have that.

_Anything written in Italics_ is Q thinking to himself.

Anyway, thank you, thank you for the reviews. And as usual, I don't own any of this. Have fun!

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**Chapter 5 - **The Feast

After the Sorting Hat proclaimed Q a Slytherin, the entire Slytherin table erupted into applause. Q could see more than a few smug faces at the table.

Ok, now this isn't at all my style. Just applause? I deserve at least a banner, several hundred balloons and a marching _band. . . oh wait, I usually provide those myself don't I. Damn._

Q shook his head and casually made his way to the Slytherin table. Making a point of ignoring q, he noticed a group of students shuffling down to make an empty seat next to Draco. Q met Draco's eyes and the Slytherin prefect gestured to the empty chair on his right. Q frowned. He had a feeling that because of their earlier encounter on the train, Draco was probably the one person at the table whom he wouldn't easily be able to ignore or at least silence with a glare. Q looked to the end of the table for an empty seat, preferably somewhere without any humans around.

His frown deepened as he realized that thanks to the magic at Hogwarts, the tables had the exactly same amount of chairs as students. Therefore, the seat next to Draco was the only empty one at the table. The thought occurred to Q that he could easily add another dozen chairs onto the end of the table and sit there, but quickly dismissed the idea. As stupid as they sometimes were, humans weren't blind and something like that would certainly not go unnoticed.

I could just change history so that there are always several extra chairs at the Slytherin table Then I could go sit there and none of them would be the wiser. Unfortunately, my adorable brat would know if I did that. I hate rules!

He sighed and reluctantly sat down beside Draco, praying that if he had to interact with the human adolescents, they would prove to be at least somewhat amusing.

Moments later the headmaster rose and the hall fell silent again.

"Welcome everyone to another year at Hogwarts," he began, "To those joining us for the first time: I am the Headmaster of this school, Professor Albus Dumbledore. Before we eat, I have a few announcements to make. First of all, Mr. Filch would like me to remind everyone that there is no magic allowed in the corridors. There is also an extensive list of banned items up in each common room. I would advise anyone wishing to replace the Weasely twins to read it over carefully since ignorance is never an excuse. And, of course, the Forbidden Forest is still forbidden."

At the last remark the headmaster's gaze wandered to the Griffindor table.

"Now on to more pleasant things. It gives me great pleasure to introduce this year's Defence against the Dark Arts instructor, Professor James T. Janeway."

Q groaned at the name. Meanwhile, his son stood and bowed theatrically at the clapping students. The faces on his robes grew arms and appeared to bow along with him. Q noticed the vampire look-a-like beside him was watching the faces with obvious disgust.

Now I know I can be obnoxious at times, but that's just ridiculous.

"In conjunction with regular Defence against the Dark Arts classes," continued Dumbledore, "a Dark Arts defence club will be meeting regularly throughout the year for students wishing for more practice. It will be headed by our very own Harry Potter and students from all four houses are encouraged to join. Further details will be posted on your common room message board by the end of the week. And now what you've all been waiting for: kaleidoscope, kazoo and kipper. Tuck in."

No sooner had he finished speaking, then mountains of food suddenly appeared on the tables.

Realizing he would have to humour the humans and at least pretend to eat something, Q carefully scanned the dishes. Even in his short experience as a human, he had barely eaten and so still had no idea what he liked. The only thing he had actually tried was a chocolate sundae and that particular dish wasn't on the table. So he observed what those around him were putting on their plates and selected dishes accordingly.

"So, I guess you really aren't Potty's friend," said Draco with a smirk while piling his own plate with food.

Oh, so this brat thinks he has me all figured out does he?

"How do you figure?" asked Q neutrally, eyeing the mashed potatoes suspiciously and in the end opting for the potato salad because it reminded him less of the slop Klingons fed to their house pets.

"Well, you're in Slytherin and they're in Griffindor. To say that our two houses don't get along would be an understatement."

"Oh please, I will not allow an article of clothing to tell me who to associate with. All I said on the train was the simple truth: I don't know them, hence they could not possible be my friends."

Draco raised an eyebrow at Q's response.

"What, no reaction to Hogwart's Golden Boy, Harry Potter, the famous Boy-Who-Lived?"

"No."

"I mean, you do know who he is, right? Surely you've heard of him in America."

Me, not know something?! Maybe if I humour him and answer, he'll get bored and leave me alone.

"Oh I know exactly who he is. I just don't understand what the big deal is. If the greatest thing he ever did was live then I'm sorry, but it seems that the only people here he's got one on are the ghosts, because they're, well . . . dead."

Q heard the students around him snicker. He looked up at them, his eyes scanning the small group until meeting Draco's again. Draco looked at him with a neutral expression except for his eyes, which held a glint of humour.

"I don't believe we've been properly introduced," he said extending his right hand, "I'm Draco Malfoy."

"Quincy Picard." Q shook Draco's hand and couldn't help but get the impression that somehow, without meaning to, he had just passed some sort of test. "But call me Q. It's more of my name anyway."

"Very good, Q. Allow me to introduce the rest of my little group," Draco continued, pointing out each student as he named them. "The boy sitting next to you is Vincent Crabbe. Sitting across from him is Gregory Goyle. Sitting across from you is Blaise Zabini. Next to him, that's Millicent Bulstrode and sitting here next to me is Pansy Parkinson."

Q exchanged polite nods with each student as they were introduced to him. None of them were snickering anymore and were instead sitting rather stiffly with extremely serious expressions on their faces.

What a cheerful bunch, they all look like they're trying to do an impression of Mr. Data with a large metallic rod stuck up his rectal cavity. Wait. . .does Data even have a rectal cavity? Oh whatever. One thing's for certain, all those creationists, who refuse to believe that man is descended from apes have obviously never met Crabbe and Goyle. Judging by the expression on their faces, I'm not quite sure they're on the right rung of the evolutionary ladder. Which is bad, because humans aren't exactly the most intelligent of creatures to begin with.

"So, tell us something about America; what's it like?" said Millicent, who had finally decided to stop imitating Mr. Data and instead look like a child being given a map to Candyland.

"It's a slab of dirt surrounded by water, not very interesting if you ask me," Q answered dryly and her face fell. Everyone else tried to hold back the smiles that were threatening to break their face.

"Do you have a girlfriend there?" asked Pansy batting her eyelashes, her face a model of innocence. Q froze for a second. It had not even occurred to him that he might be seen as a potential mate to these adolescent females and the purpose behind that particular question was quite clear. He was also, absolutely not interested.

This was certainly not one of the problems he had encountered on the Enterprise.

Probably best if I put a quick stop to this before it starts. After all, I already have not only a mate, but also a son, even if I can't tell them that. Not that I'd ever be interested in a human anyway. Well, except for Kathy, but she was an exception.

Q turned to face Pansy, noting the annoyed look on Draco's face. Apparently she did this a lot.

"Yes, I do actually and we've been in a very serious relationship for quite some time now." He looked her straight in the eye as he answered her, making sure she got the point. She did and barely managed to cover her disappointment.

"You know, with her all the way in America, you could fool around all you wanted and she would never be the wiser. . ." stated Blaise thoughtfully.

"Oh trust me, she'd find out. She has her ways."

Namely the fact that our child is currently on the teaching staff. Oh, and also the tiny detail that's she just so happens to be omniscient.

"Do you think she knows someone at Hogwarts?" asked Blaise, obviously not wanting to let this go.

"Oh leave him alone Blaise," said Millicent and Q silently thanked her, "I for one think it's sweet that he wants to remain faithful to her even though they are separated by an ocean."

"Sweet? Maybe. But definitely not practical."

Q ignored the rest of their argument about the validity of male faithfulness, not really caring about the outcome of it anyway. His attention wandered over to the Head Table, where he noticed that q was talking to Professor Snape, which he just realized was the greasy-haired vampire look-a-like's name. Though talking in this case meant that q was chattering on about something while Snape was grinding his teeth and quietly seething with suppressed rage. Q smiled at the picture this presented. It reminded him of himself during any one of his numerous visits to both the Enterprise and Voyager. Annoying the sanity out of their senior officers was always so much fun.

"I wonder how long before Snape hexes him into the next century," Draco interrupted Q's reminiscing. Q tore his eyes off his son and looked at him with interest.

"He'd do that?"

"Probably not in front of the students, but I wouldn't put it past him even though he does have incredible self-control."

"Oh drats, I was rather hoping to be able to witness it." Draco smirked in agreement.

"I just hope this new guy doesn't turn out to be another Lockhart," said Pansy and Draco's lip curled with disgust.

"Yeah, he was horrible," agreed Blaise who had finally stopped arguing with Millicent.

"Oh, I don't know. . ." Pansy began, but was quickly silenced by several glares.

"Lockhart?" asked Q.

"He was the DADA professor in our second year," explained Draco, "A right nancy-boy, walking around all puffed up like an overstuffed peacock, complete with fairy outfits."

"Turns out, he was a fraud," added Blaise.

"Hmm. . . well, I wouldn't call this year's model's robes fairy outfits. Obnoxious and utterly ridiculous yes, but not fairy," said Q authoritatively.

The others gazed back to said professor's robes thoughtfully, though in Crabbe and Goyle's case this amounted to staring into space with vacant expressions. In the end they all agreed with Q and decided to give the new professor a chance to prove himself.

"I wonder why he wore robes like that to the Welcoming Feast though?" thought Pansy out loud.

"Probably doesn't want to get lost amongst the rest of the professors," answered Q, knowing his own son very well.

"And to make sure we all remember him tomorrow, I'll bet," added Blaise and Draco snorted in amusement.

"Well those robes certainly are memorable," he said.

After what seemed to be several millennia, Q's first meal ever was over and he was following the others to the Slytherin dormitories. Once there he was welcomed into Slytherin by Professor Snape, who just so happened to be the head of Slytherin House. Thanks to q, he was in a very foul mood and therefore thoroughly unpleasant.

However, he was also quick and to the point, which Q appreciated, having spent enough time just waiting around for something to happen in that one day to last him several centuries.

Professor Snape briefly welcomed Q into Slytherin house, went over a few of the house rules and then informed Q that as an exchange student, he got his own room. This came to Q's immense relief, having gone through several seconds of absolute horror when he learnt that most students slept three or four to a room.

Once in his room, Q unpacked with a wave of his hand and then picked up one of the text books for the year, having nothing better to do for the rest of the night. Being a Q, he didn't sleep.

It only took Q two hours to decide that night was his least favourite part of the day. At least when the humans were awake, there was something going on, no matter how mundane.

In the end, Q gave up reading a textbook full of things he already knew and decided to walk around the castle. Not wanting to explain to anyone what he was doing wandering the halls after curfew, he did it invisibly. On his way, he found a dozen secret passageways, evaded a prowling Snape and came upon the ugliest cat he had ever seen.

Q had never been quite so happy to see the sun rise.

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Well, hope you enjoyed that, I'm going on vacation with my family tomorrow, so I'm not sure when my next update will be, but I will try to get some writing done while traveling. In the meantime, please review!


	6. First Day

Ok, I'm back and with a new chapter.

First off, I'd like to thank **Fuji the Hobbit**, **Cow as White as Milk**, **Gymnast204 **and **Eratosthenese** for their reviews. They really make my day, thanks guys. From here on, the story should take on a slightly faster pace. There's just certain things I had to introduce first.

Eratosthenese - My most faithful reviewer! Thanks for pointing out my mistake. You're right, students at Hogwarts do sleep five to a bed. But it's not really an important fact to the story, so I'm not going back to change it. Also, Blaise Zabini is in Slytherin (I had to check the spelling of the name before I posted the chapter, so I'm sure). However, from what I've read in various fan fictions, no one seems to be sure whether Blaise is a guy or a girl. Obviously, I've gone for guy. Well, I'm glad you're otherwise enjoying the story. Hope you enjoy this chapter too.

And as usual, I don't own any of this. I wish I did, but I don't.

_Italics_ is Q thinking to himself.

Enjoy! And, of course, please review.

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Chapter 6 - First Day

When Q returned from his walk at 6 am, the early risers among the students had begun to stir. Amazingly, Q actually found himself grateful for this, as it broke the night time silence of the castle.

He had seen enough of that castle already. Having nothing better to do, he had explored it the human way, the slow way, instead of the Q way, which would have taken only several seconds. As it was, it would only take another night or two before he'd seen the entire thing. Unless he found something extremely interesting along the way. Which he doubted.

Q didn't become visible until he was back in his room. There, he looked in the mirror, snapped his fingers and was once again wearing the robes he had discarded after the feast.

Q smirked as he listened to the showers. Being a Q had its distinct advantages. That he

wasn't made up of solid matter was certainly one of them: he didn't sweat, get dirty and his appearance in general changed only when he wanted it to. He simply could not fathom how beings with such short life spans could want to spend so much time worrying about something as trivial as outward appearances. Although, he reasoned, that could have something to do with their low intelligence.

"Well I must say, I've never seen a student do that before," came a mature-sounding female voice from out of nowhere, startling Q out of his thoughts. Q's eyes narrowed and he scanned the room. It took him a minute to figure out that it was the mirror talking.

"I mean I've seen students attempt various glamour charms and such before," it continued, "but usually anything above the simplest ones ends in absolute disaster. Why I remember this one lad, who really wanted to impress his girlfriend and so used a glamour charm to enlarge. . ."

Oh great, a talking mirror . . . no make that talkative mirror. What is it with the Wizarding World's obsession with animating objects that aren't supposed to be animated. Ever.

"Such complex glamour charms, and without a wand . . .that's very difficult to do even for the most powerful wizards," it continued.

"Maybe for a carbon-based organism with barely the intelligence necessary to crawl out of the ocean from whence it came it may appear difficult."

"How dare you insult. . . I'll have you know that one of those wizards just so happens to be the Headmaster of this school. Being from America you may not know it, but Professor Dumbledore. . ."

"Is considered to be one of the most powerful wizards of the time and the only one that Voldemort fears. . ."

"Don't say his name!"

"Huh?" Q suddenly realized that most wizards were afraid to call Voldemort by his real name and instead used silly acronyms. He rolled his eyes at the mirror.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of him? You're a mirror. What's he gonna do, break you and have seven years bad luck?!"

Yea gods, I can't believe I'm talking to a mirror!

"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is the darkest wizard that has ever lived. The pain and suffering that happened by his hand was terrible."

"Funny, how it only took a baby to defeat him."

"Not just any baby, but Harry Potter," the mirror said the name almost reverently and then began to go into a detailed account of "young Mister Potter's amazing adventures." After about two minutes of listening to the mirror singing the Griffindor Golden Boy's praises, Q's almost non-existent patience evaporated.

"Oh do shut up," he snapped, "I get enough mindless chatter from the humans."

"I was just being friendly," huffed the mirror, "I thought. . ."

"You're a stupid mirror, you're not supposed to think!"

"Now see here, young man . . ."

Q didn't hear the rest of the mirror's admonishment as he had already grabbed his stuff and walked out the door.

He walked into the Slytherin common room glowering at everything and anything he passed.

"Well, you certainly look cheerful this morning," said Draco smoothly from a leather chair by the fireplace, where he was reading. Apparently he was one of those early risers.

"Do all the rooms have talking mirrors specially designed to drive a person insane?" asked Q, his voice lacedwith irritation. Draco chuckled quietly.

"And with absolutely no taste whatsoever," he added and looked up at Q.

"Good to know I'm not the suffering alone."

"Oh, but you are," Draco gave Q his finest smirk, "you see, the mirror in my room has been under a silencing charm for the past 4 years, ever since I figured out how to do it in my second year."

Q groaned, wondering why he needed a human child to point out the oh-so-simple solution to his problem.

At that moment Millicent decided to appear. She was obviously a morning person, all excited and happy.

"Good morning Draco, Q," she said as she practically skipped into the common room. Q rolled his eyes and Draco groaned.

"You know, you should be thrown into Azkaban for being that cheerful in the morning," Draco said in disgust. Q agreed.

"Well, I don't know what your problem is, after all, you and Q are both up. . ."

"Yes, I'm up, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it!"

"I like mornings and it's such a beautiful morning too, all bright and sunny. So of course I'm happy."

"No one should ever be that happy," announced Q and scowled at Millicent. "Especially for the silly reason that the heavenly bodies did not decide to sporadically move overnight, thus enabling the Earth to continue circling around the sun while turning around its axis, which makes it possible for the sun to come up just as it has for the past several hundred billion years."

Millicent gave Q a blank stare.

"So what's his problem this morning?" she finally asked Draco.

"He met his mirror."

"Ahh." Millicent nodded and gave Q a sympathetic look. Which vanished within seconds to be replaced with an enthusiastic smile.

"So, are you guys going to breakfast?" she asked brightly.

"Sure, why not," said Draco and closed his book, carefully placing it in his book bag. Then he turned and looked at Q questioningly.

Q shrugged. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.

For breakfast, Q decided to have eggs. Since he did not get the urge to gag or otherwise spit them out, Q figured that he must like eggs.

Draco and Millicent meanwhile began to compare schedules, which magically appeared next to each student's plate as they sat down.

"Oh no, I have divination first thing today," moaned Millicent.

"I can't believe you're still taking that," answered Draco in disgust.

"Well, it's an easy mark, so why not. I mean Trelwany's a fake anyway, so it's not like she can tell me anything I say is wrong. And since Ferieze insists that the future and the stars are always uncertain, then if I make a prediction and it turns out wrong, then it's ok, because it's impossible to ever make an accurate prediction."

"Then why are you complaining?"

"Because it's not exactly a great motivation to get up on Monday morning."

"I can't argue with that."

As the two of them continued their discussion about classes, Q looked at his own schedule, wondering how he even had one without ever having registered for any classes. What slightly scared him was that q probably had something to do with it. It turned out Q was taking Charms, Transfigurations, Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology and Astronomy. Q sighed as he realized that he really had no choice but to sit through a year's worth of classes, listening to people tell him about things he knew more about than they did.

"Bloody hell!" suddenly gasped Millicent, who was sitting beside him.

Q looked up at her and followed her gaze to the figure walking to the Head Table. It was q.

Instead of yellow, this time q's robes were dark blue with a magenta-coloured trim. Every couple of seconds, the robes lit up with a spectacular display of silent fireworks. q confidently strode up the aisle between the house tables, seemingly unaware of the gaping students. Q knew better of course. He rolled his eyes at the display, though not without a flash of pride, that his son took after him.

It was then that Q noticed the crowd of students that had gathered at the doors. They all had identical thunderstruck expressions and were inching their way into the Hall as if expecting the robes to do something violent to them at any second. At the head of this mass Pansy stood side by side with Harry. Neither seemed aware of the other though.

Suddenly a deep and immensely irritated voice broke them out of their stupor.

"If you all do not move and stop blocking the doorway this instant, I shall begin deducting points!"

The students quickly scattered to their respective tables revealing a glowering professor Snape standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. As soon as the last student had gone, he uncrossed his arms and stalked across the hall. He was almost at the Head Table, when he stopped abruptly and stared at q. Unlike the children earlier though, he quickly recovered and with a last glare, went to the opposite end of the table and sat down.

Q was amused at how such a simple thing could cause such a commotion.

Meanwhile Pansy, followed by Crabbe and Goyle sat down at the Slytherin table.

"Well, even if the guy turns out to be another Lockhart, at least he won't be boring," suggested Millicent, still staring at q.

"Lockhart wasn't really all that boring. . ." Pansy began, but then wisely decided not to continue after seeing the glares everyone else sent her way.

"On the other hand, maybe his robes are the only interesting thing about him," mused Draco as he poured himself another cup of tea.

"Well, we'll find out what kind of teacher he is tomorrow morning," said Q, getting quickly annoyed that his son was the centre of attention while he wasn't able.

"Right," said Pansy, "so, Q, what do you have this morning?"

"Transfiguration and Charms."

"That means you'll be in the same class as all of us except for Millicent and then Goyle."

Q nodded, not quite sure if that was a good thing.

Suddenly the doors to the Great Hall opened and dozens of owls swooped into the room. Millicent, Pansy and Draco all received issues of _The Daily Prophet_. They began to skim the headlines together and Q allowed his mind to wander to the other tables. Most people were discussing the first day of school. A few Hufflepuffs were huddled around the latest issue of some fashion magazine, filling some sort of ridiculous quiz.

At the Griffindor table, Q found, to his pleasure and amusement, that the Golden Trio was talking about him.

"Picard just doesn't sound like a pureblood name," whispered Hermoine.

"Well, he is American; their pureblood family names are probably different than ours," said Harry sceptically.

"Or he could be using an assumed name," Hermoine insisted.

"And why would he want to do that?"

"If he was a death eater and didn't want anyone to find out," Ron said enthusiastically.

"You think he could be spy for Voldemort?" asked Harry and the other two nodded.

"It would explain why all of a sudden there's a random exchange student after 50 years of virtually no contact from any of the American schools," Hermoine began to explain, "And it's not like Dumbledore has never let a death eater slip into the school."

"Snapes proof of that." Harry said with a dark expression, deep hatred flashing in his emerald eyes.

"Oh you are not still on about Snape are you? Harry, he's on our side and you know it."

"I'm not so sure 'Moine," said Ron cautiously, not wanting to anger his bushy-haired friend, "I don't think I'd put much past Snape even if Dumbledore says he's all reformed or whatever."

"Well forth year with Barty Crouch definitely proves that Dumbledore doesn't always know what's best." Harry's voice was laced with bitterness, which Hermoine raised a questioning eyebrow at and Ron didn't seem to notice.

"So does first year when Quirrel had You-Know-Who under his turban all year," agreed Ron.

"All right, so we're agreed: Quincey Picard has to be looked into. I'll see if I can find anything on his family in the library."

"Good. Ron and I will meet you there after the Quidditch meeting."

"Yeah, there has to be a reason why he's so friendly with Malfoy."

They think I'm a death eater?! They actually think that I'd lower myself to becoming the slave of some ugly, weak fool of a wizard with a reptile fetish and all the might and power to be defeated by a one-year-old. And with the completely unoriginal plan to take over the world. Honestly, I don't get it, the Earth's not exactly the tenth wonder of the universe or anything; why anyone would even bother trying to take it over is beyond me. However, if the Terrific Trio decide choose to believe I'm a death eater spy, then I certainly won't do anything to dissuade them.

An evil smile appeared on Q's face. At approximately the same moment several new entries appeared in a few select books in the library along with a brand new book about the American Wizarding World's most prominent familes.

Feeling quite satisfied with himself, Q turned his full attention back to the Slytherin table just in time to see Blaise rush to the table and grab a piece of toast.

"Good morning Blaise," drawled Draco, not looking up from his _Daily Prophet_, "nice to see you made it to breakfast on the first day."

Blaise mumbled something incoherent as he attacked his breakfast.

"You're not planing on starting a new trend are you?" teased Millicent. "You know, like actually getting up with more than five minutes to spare before the start of class."

"I can't help it! I'm not a morning person by nature," Blaise defended himself.

"Speaking of class. . ." began Pansy.

"We'd probably better get going," finished Draco.

"Yikes! And I have to go all the way up to the Divination tower!" Millicent exclaimed.

"Well, see you all in charms." With that she hurried off.

Q got up along with everyone else, including Blaise (who had somehow managed to devour two sliced of toast and gulp down an entire cup of tea), got up and headed off to class in a much more leisurely pace.

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Well, that's all for now. Next up: Q goes to class. 


	7. Classes

**Hey guys!** I'm back with a new chapter. Sorry for the wait, but this one's a lot longer than the others, so hopefully that makes up for me taking so long. Enjoy!

Thanks a lot for the reviews, it was great hearing from you guys. Oh, and **Eratosthenese, **overseas. . .sounds like fun, hope you enjoyed that.

As usual, I don't own anything in this story, except for the idea to put two and two together.

_Italics_ is Q thinking (this is the last time I'm saying this).

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**Chapter 7 - **Classes

The Transfigurations classroom was almost full when Q and his Slytherin group entered. Since it was an advanced class, there were students from all four houses in the class The front of the room was taken mostly by Griffindors and the back by Slytherins with Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws mixed randomly in between.

The Golden Trio had looked up briefly when Q and the others strode in. Draco, Pansy and Blaise had sneered at them, while Crabbe and Goyle merely tried to look intimidating. Q ignored them. He had however noticed that at some point after leaving the Great Hall, all of the Slytherins had acquired almost identical expressions: cold and arrogant. Especially Draco. He was now unmistakably the Slytherin Prince.

Once in the classroom, they made their way to the far corner, where there were empty seats. Draco sat next to Blaise, the two gorillas behind them, which left Q sitting with Pansy next to Draco and Blaise. The bell rang as they sat down.

The students became instantly quiet, however professor McGonagall did not appear to be in the room. Just as Q was beginning to get irritated at having to yet again wait for the professor, he noticed a cat sitting on the desk.

"I do hope the professor realizes she's a cat before she starts to lecture," Q mumbled to himself. Pansy snorted beside him and cast him an amused look.

It was at this moment that the cat leaped off the desk and transformed itself into Professor McGonagall. The Griffindors and a few of the Hufflepuffs clapped which resulted in a thin smile from the professor and a chorus of groans from all the Slytherin students.

Ok, as of right now I am extremely glad to be in Slytherin. They actually think that was impressive? Wait . . . why does this surprise me? They are human after all. Hence, no imagination. DS9's security chief can do better than that and he doesn't need magic to do it. I wonder what they'd do if he walked in and turned himself into, say . . . fog? Probably crown him king. Pity I can't test the theory.

Professor McGonagall cleared her throat and the clapping stopped.

"Welcome to Advanced Transfigurations," she began, "as the title indicates, you will undoubtedly find the workload in this class more difficult than in previous years and me much more demanding."

She paused and looked around the room, as if making sure that all her students understood exactly what she meant. Apparently satisfied, she continued:

"Today we will begin with something a tad easier. I want you to take turns with your partner and turn your desks into dogs."

She then went on to explain the incantation and give the class a few pointers on how to do it correctly. Afterwards she told the students to practice.

"Why would anyone need to know how to change a desk into a dog?!" Q asked no one in particular.

"Haven't the faintest idea," Pansy answered him. "Can I go first?"

Q gestured for her to go ahead. He certainly didn't need to practice. Pansy nodded and stood up with her wand drawn. She pointed it at the desk and said the incantation. The desk shook for a moment and then barked. Ten minutes later she finally managed to transfigure the barking desk into something that resembled a dog, though a breeder would get a headache trying to figure out what breeds it was made of.

Most people seemed to be faring similarly. There were several large, brown dogs running about as well as a few furry desks with heads and tails. Amazingly enough, the most complete dog came from Goyle, who had managed to transfigure himself a loveable Bernadine, except that its white patches weren't quite as white as they should have been.

Hermoine, it turned out, was better at handling magic than dogs. Half the Griffindors in the room were currently busy chasing the brown mutt she had created, which was easily dodging them with Hermoine's wand between its teeth. It was having a lot of fun.

Harry had even tried a _Petrificus Totalus _charm on it, but had tripped over somebody else's book bag and hit Neville instead. Q, of course, had absolutely nothing to do with that.

He was enjoying the chaos regning in the class immensely and was quite disappointed when Draco finally decided he'd had enough of the out-of-control dog.

Draco sighed and hid his wand in his robes as he stepped out into the aisle between desks. The dog had just scooted into the aisle from underneath one of the Griffindor's desks and was looking around for his next escape route. Draco knelt down and held his right hand out.

"Come here boy," he called gently. The mutt stood still for a second, cocking its head to one side. It sniffed once, then trotted over to the blond and sniffed his hand. Draco scratched the dog behind his ear with his other hand. Clearly the dog enjoyed Draco's attentions because it let go of Hermoine's wand and began licking Draco's outstretched hand. A ghost of a smile appeared on Draco's face and Q noticed there was amusement in his eyes.

By now the dog's tail was wagging so hard it looked ready to fly away at any second. Suddenly it jumped up and placed its front paws on Draco's knee. It stayed like that only for a few seconds. After that it stretched just a bit and licked his entire face with one swipe of the tongue.

"Hey!" Draco shoved the dog off of him roughly and wiped his face with the sleeve of his robe.

He slowly stood and picked up Hermoine's wand. He then threw it at Hermoine, who fumbled and nearly dropped it into the mouth of the dog, who had happily followed it.

She, and almost everyone else in the class, was too busy staring at the blond in shock. The only ones who did not seem at all surprised were from Slytherin.

Professor McGonagall, who had meanwhile managed to de-petrify Neville, cleared her throat and everyone jumped.

"Alright class, now everyone turn your dogs back into desks."

That turned out to be a much easier task and within minutes the classroom was silent and completely dog free.

"Now then, would anyone care to demonstrate how the spell is done correctly?" she asked. Hermoine's hand shot up along with a few Ravenclaw hands and one Hufflepuff. No one else seemed to be confident enough in their ability to transfigure their desk correctly. Or they couldn't be bothered to raise their hands in the Griffindor Head's class.

"Mr. Picard," rang the professor's voice, "why don't you show us just how well American wizarding schools have taught you. Since you do not seem to need to practice along with the rest of the class, then I expect quite an impressive performance from you."

Q frowned at the message conveyed by the tone of her voice: she intended to 'put him in his place' and teach him to follow instructions by publicly humiliating him. Q slowly stood up and Pansy beside him moved her chair back a bit to give him room.

"Now then Mr. Picard, please show us how to properly turn a desk into a dog."

"What kind?" he asked, looking her straight in the eye.

"What do you mean what kind? What kind of what?"

"Dog. What kind of dog do you want me to turn the desk into?" Q explained carefully.

McGonagall's eyes narrowed.

"Do not get cheecky with me Mr. Picard. I think you will find the spell difficult enough to perform as is."

Difficult?! Turning a desk into a stupid dog?! I could turn the desk into a planet! Or a planet into a desk! I can't believe I'm going to be stuck here for a year doing pathetic tricks to amuse the humans.

Q took his wand out, which in itself generated curious glances, since most students had never seen or heard of a red wands before. He paused briefly, purely for effect, and waved his wand, saying the correct incantation.

The whole class watched as the desk began to shrink, darken and change shape. A tiny chiwawa stood where the desk used to be. After a moment of disorientation it began to yip ferociously at the students surrounding it.

"Oh my, it's absolutely adorable!" exclaimed Pansy and was seconded immediately by Lavender Brown from Griffindor.

"That's a dog?" asked Draco suspiciously, eyeing Q's creation, "it looks more like something I'd feed my owl."

Q meanwhile had looked back to the professor, raising his eyebrow. She had obviously not been expecting him to be successful. Frowning, she looked back at him.

"Well done," she said reluctantly, "ten points to Slytherin."

Just then the bell rang. Q returned the desk to its original form.

"For next class, read chapters five and six," he heard McGonagall call as he slung his book bag over his shoulder and headed out the door.

Charms was considerably less chaotic than Transfigurations. The events of the latter class was the topic of many whispered conversations. Millicent was quickly brought up to date and laughed when Blaise described the look on the professor's face when Q transfigured the desk correctly. She then said she wished she could have been there to see it. Most students, however, could not seem to decide whose actions were more noteworthy: Draco's or Q's.

Harry, Ron and Hermoine especially could not seem to understand how the cold Prince of Slytherin managed to find enough gentleness to sooth the beserk dog. Apparently they didn't think he was capable of gentleness towards any living creatures. Q decided to file the topic under "possible discussion material when death by boredom imminent."

The class was incredibly dull as far as Q was concerned. They spent the entire class learning how to make their quills invisible.

Flitwick was absolutely horrified at Q's haphazard wand waving. However, after being told what took place in Transfigurations by one of the Hufflepuff students, he decided to let Q do what he was doing. However, he kept giving Q furtive glances every few seconds to make sure something hadn't blown up yet.

"Psst," came Draco from behind Q. Q partially turned to look at him. "Can you teach me how to do spells by randomly waving my wand around like you do?"

"I suppose so. . ." Q answered him, slightly confused.

"Good, I love what it's doing to Flitwick."

Draco's eyes were full of mischief. Q found himself warming up to the boy just a bit. He answered him with a mischievous smirk.

"I think I would too," said Millicent, who was sitting next to Q.

Hmm . . . Maybe I can make something of these students yet. I wonder how far they'd be willing to go to annoy their professors . . . q never said anything against a few harmless pranks. . .

Hermoine managed to make her quill invisible first. After being awarded ten points by Flitwick, she turned around to see how Q was doing. When she noticed that his wasn't invisible yet, a very smug smile appeared on her face.

Q had been less direct this time and played around with his quill a bit first. He made it shimmer in and out of focus for a while, turn translucent and even turn partially invisible before making it completely disappear. Eventually though, all the Slytherins managed to get their quills mostly invisible.

Words could not describe how incredibly happy Q was when the bell finally rang.

He opted not to go to lunch with the others as it was just another hour of sitting in a large room surrounded by hundreds of chattering children. Q now understood why the Continuum had not allowed their members to reproduce for as long as it had.

Instead, Q went outside and walked up to the lake to see the squid. True, it was less intelligent than the humans, but also infinitely quieter.

Less than an hour later he picked up his book bag and headed off to double potions.

The classroom was empty when he entered. Q immediately liked the room: it was dark and depressing, just like any good torture chamber. This was a very practical room and there was not one ornament or knick knack anywhere, everything in the room had a purpose and was necessary for the class.

"So what do you think of Snape's classroom?" came Draco's voice from the doorway.

"It suits him," Q answered, still examining the room. "Needs colour."

Draco chuckled and walked in the room.

"You weren't at lunch."

"No, I wasn't."

"Tired of the food already?" the blond Slytherin joked. Q wasn't fooled. Draco obviously very much wanted to know where Q had been, but also seemed to realize that demanding would get him nowhere.

The boy seems to be good at reading people. However, he better not be thinking that he can play me as easily as he does his friends. I am curious to know why he cares where I was though. . .maybe he thinks I'm a spy for Dumbledore. . .that would certainly make things interesting.

"No, not yet," Q said, giving him a half-smile as he turned around, "Just not interested in going into the big, noisy, Great Hall."

Draco gave him a calculating glace, as if trying to figure out some hidden meaning behind Q's words. Then his eyes widened in comprehension of something. Q was now genuinely curious to see what he would come up with.

"Ahh. . .right, the whole school's probably talking about what happened in

Transfigurations, how you showed up McGonagall. . ."

Huh?

"Yeah, we should've warned you, Slytherins aren't very popular in this school. . ."

Q gave Draco his best 'you-have-got-to-be-kidding' look.

"Draco, it took me an entire five minutes upon entering the school to figure that out."

"Oh. Well, all I wanted to say is, don't worry about all the attention you're getting. In a few days no one will remember any of it."

Draco looked like he would've continued, but suddenly Q threw his head back and started laughing. This startled his companion. By the time Q had calmed down enough to speak again, Draco was looking at him with a carefully neutral expression. There was a hint of anger in his eyes though; he clearly didn't like being laughed at.

"What's so funny?" he demanded, throwing all tact out the window.

"I'm just picturing Jean Luc and Kathy's reaction to anyone suggesting I'd be bothered by receiving attention," Q said as he wiped away tears. The anger in Draco's eyes disappeared and was replaced with confusion.

"Who are Jean Luc and Kathy?"

"Friends of mine."

"So you're saying the negative attention doesn't bother you?"

"I thrive on attention: negative and positive alike. Though most of the attention I get is negative." He smirked. "I'm a bit of a rebel you see and don't tend to play well according to other people's rules. And as far as the whole thing with McGonagall is concerned, I get extremely annoyed with people who question my abilities."

"Well, you certainly showed her why not to do it again," Draco was mirroring Q's smirk now.

"I just hope she got the message."

"With Griffindors you never know. They're supposed to be brave, but no one ever seems to mention anything about brains."

"In my experience, bravery never co-exists with intelligence."

Draco sat down in his accustomed seat at the front of the class. He gestured for Q to join him. Q shrugged and sat down.

"So. . .we sit at the front of this class?" he asked.

"Yes, because Professor Snape is our Head of House. And also because everyone else is afraid of him."

Q's eyebrow shot up. A teacher everyone was afraid of? This promised to be another interesting class.

"Hey, you're in here already?" called Millicent at the two of them as she and Blaise entered the classroom.

"You know, you don't get bonus points for showing up to class early," added Blaise light-heartedly as he and Millicent sat down behind Q and Draco.

"Don't be a ditz, I'm already Snape's favourite. I get bonus points just by showing up," Draco joked. Millicent rolled her eyes dramatically and then turned to Q.

"So I see, we haven't managed to scare you off yet," she said cheerfully.

"Believe me, I don't think there's a thing you could possibly do to scare me away," Q said dryly. He couldn't believe he was actually somewhat enjoying himself with these humans without flinging one of them half-way across the galaxy just for the fun of it.

Just then a group of Ravenclaws entered the room. The transformation the Slytherins went through was instantaneous. Within seconds their faces were emotionless and their attitudes cold, arrogant and superior.

Ok, what's with the instant Vulcan impressions. This is really getting annoying. I almost feel like I should make their ears pointy to finish the look.

"So, what's up with the attitude change the minute someone who isn't a Slytherin walks in the room?" he asked, thoroughly annoyed.

"We're the evil house, didn't you know that?" said Millicent casually.

"Evil? Why evil and what does that have to do with anything?"

"Because the first thing every student is told when they enter Hogwarts is that every wizard that ever went bad came from Slytherin," answered Blaise quietly.

"And since most of our parents are Death Eaters, or at least alleged Death Eaters, they figure we're all just Death Eaters in training," added Draco.

"That's ridiculous!" said Q.

"It is. However, they wouldn't believe us even if we did try to explain it, so we just don't bother." Draco explained and then sneered at the Golden Trio as they hurried into the class. He then smirked at Q.

"Besides, it's fun playing the evil villains."

The bell rang. Seconds later, Professor Snape strode into the room, his black robes billowing behind him. At the front of the room he spun abruptly around and eyed the class menacingly.

"This is Advanced Potions," he began in a dangerously low voice as he leaned against his desk and crossed his arms, "you are all here, because you have shown that you are capable of making simple potions. As of right now, there will be no more simple potions. I expect perfect potions from everyone. However, potion-making is more than simply following the instructions in a book. As difficult as may be to grasp for some of you, this class will require you to use the limited intelligence you have in order to pass."

Q grinned inwardly.

This guy is genuinely nasty. I love it!! I wonder if he's ever heard of such a thing as colour though? Probably not, he looks as if he'd melt if he tried laughing. I don't even want to think about what his skin would do if it came into contact with a colour other than black.

Just prove to Q how nasty he really was, the first thing the potions professor did was give his class a pop quiz. This was absolutely no problem for Q, but the only other person who seemed to be unconcerned by the quiz was Draco. And Hermoine, who actually appeared to be happy about it.

After the professor had collected the quizzes from all students, he tapped his wand against the black board and the names of several potions appeared. Q recognized them immediately.

"Who can tell me what all these potions have in common?" asked Snape in a tone that practically threatened physical injury to anyone who attempted to do just that.

Hermoine's hand shot up. Moments later it was followed by an uncertain boy from Ravenclaw and lastly by Draco. Q was surprised that the boy beside him even raised his hand, since he never seemed motivated enough to participate in any of his other classes.

"Mr. Malfoy?"

"They are all potions used in healing," Draco answered.

"Very good, five points to Slytherin."

There were several groans from the Griffindors in the class, but no one dared actively protest.

"Now then today we will be concentrating on potions that deal with infections. Most of these are fairly complex and require precision. Incorrectly brewed, they can be lethal. However, even before brewing, it is essential that all ingredients are precise. Does anyone know what you would use as the base ingredient in anti-infection potions?"

Snape paused and looked around the room. Hermoine's hand was frantically waving in the air, but he ignored it.

Just as he'd predicted on the train, Q was beginning to find Hermoine very annoying. In both Transfigurations and Charms the professors practically swooned over her questions, which were not actually important to what they were teaching. It seemed she asked questions in order to show just how intelligent she was to have thought of them. She also answered every single question that the professors had asked with a very smug expression on her face.

Why does she think that she needs to show off her pathetic excuse for an intelligence? If she were actually intelligent, I might not have a problem. But she's human! When will humans finally understand that they are not actually very intelligent creatures.

"Miss Granger?" the professor finally said, after he realized that no one else was going to raise their hand.

"One of the best base ingredients in anti-infection potions are Red Mamba berries, which effectively neutralize almost all poisons." Hermoinerhymed off. The professor awarded her five points for her answer and she looked triumphantly towards the Slytherin side of the room.

Q rolled his eyes at the air of superiority that seemed to surround her. He was annoyed that she actually thought she was smarter than him. He had been hearing from the Slytherins about how everyone thought she was the cleverest witch at Hogwarts. It was time someone showed the Griffindor Know-it-All, that she did not actually know it all.

"Congradulations Granger," he drawled, receiving an icy glare from Professor Snape, who had wanted to begin his lecture, "by the time you travel to South Africa, wait for the full moon, harvest the stuff and make the potion, your patient will be dead." He paused. "Or maybe you'll get bitten by a Black Mamba while you're there and then both of you will be dead. Wait, what am I saying, please, by all means do use the Red Mamba berries."

The expression on Hermoine's face was completely venomous. She did not like people making fun of her intelligence. Q found this very amusing and was disappointed when Snape cut off the biting comeback he was sure she was about to make.

"Mr. Picard, please explain to the class why Miss. Granger would need to go to South Africa on a full moon in order to harvest the Red Mamba berries." There was a warning in Snape's usual baritone.

This guy seriously needs a sense of humour.

"Because the Red Mamba only grows in South Africa and it has to be harvested on the day of the full moon when the berries are the darkest colour and haven't started wilting yet. Otherwise, they are poisonous. Also, they have to be used within three days or they start drying up and cause the potion to blow up." Q looked back to Hermoine, who was now trying very hard not to look disappointed that he actually knew what he was talking about. He smirked.

"Oh, and because of the irregular shape of its roots, it tends to attract the Black Mamba, which is the second most poisonous snake in the world." Beside him, Draco sniggered.

"Well, what do you know, a Slytherin plant," the blond muttered.

"Correct, Mr. Picard," Snape actually looked somewhat pleased, if one really looked close and used their imagination quite a bit. "Five points to Slytherin for giving thought to the choice of ingredients instead of rambling off what some idiot wrote in a book."

There were a few outraged gasps from the Griffindors and Ravenclaws in the class. The Griffindors were enraged at the insult aimed at Hermoine and the Ravenclaws at the one addressed at the idiot who wrote the book Hermoine had gathered her information

The professor ignored them and launched into a lecture on anti-infection potions and their ingredients. His timing was perfect and the bell rang exactly as he finished assigning homework for next class.

Q was incredibly happy that one day of classes was over. However, he was also depressed at the thought that he had a whole year of them to look forward to.

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Author's Notes: **Odo **is not from "The Next Generation" or "Voyager," but I figure that anyone who knows the two shows has a basic knowledge of the Trek universe. For anyone who doesn't know who he is: Odo is the Cheif of Security on DS9 (as in "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine"). He is a changeling and he did indeed change into fog in one of the episodes.

**Black Mamba** is a real snake that is found in South Africa, Etheopia and that area. It is considered one of the most poisonous snakes in the world as well as the fastest. Ironically enough, it's not actually black.

**Red Mamba** plant and berries is my own creation. As far as I know it doesn't exist.

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Well, hope you enjoyed that. Tune in next time for DADA class! In the meantime, review!!


	8. DADA Class

**Hey, I'm back!** And with a new chapter. Hope you enjoy it, but first I'd like to answer a few reviews:

**Gymnast204**- I'm glad you like Q's thoughts, I have a lot of fun writing them. I will try to get some more Star Trek references in. I couldn't really think how to fit any more into this chapter, but I'll try harder for the next one.

tapdancing humbugs- Thanks for the review. No one's ever sent me a song before. I don't know whether to be confused or flattered. I'll go for flattered.

Fuji the Hobbit- I'm glad you like my Slytherins. It's how I've always pictured them, not good, but not necessarily bad either. I hope you like q's class.

Eratosthenese- Q admitting that he is enjoying himself with humans?! Only if he's tormenting them.

As usual, I don't own anything in the story. Except putting Q into it. He he.

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Chapter 8 - DADA Class

The second morning went pretty much the same as the first. Draco was up early, Millicent was more than a bit too cheerful to be healthy. Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle came into the Great Hall at the same time after Draco, Millicent and Q had already finished most of their breakfast. Blaise didn't make it to breakfast.

The good thing about the morning was that Q didn't have to listen to his mirror because he had made it dumb the night before. It was currently sulking, which was fine with Q, because he didn't really care what it did as long as he couldn't hear it.

The bad thing about it was that Q's only class of the day was DADA. Somehow, going to a class taught by his son did not lend him a positive attitude.

Pansy, Millicent, Draco and Q walked into the DADA classroom and sat down at the back. q was nowhere in sight and most seats were still empty because they were early.

"So, has anyone heard anything about the joker who's teaching this class?" asked Draco once they were all seated. Q, who was sitting next to him just shook his head. He was not about to admit that he knew said joker personally. Not when he hadn't been at breakfast and therefore Q didn't know what his robes looked like today.

"Apparently he's pretty good," replied Pansy, "better than Umbridge."

"The boggart in third year was better than Umbridge," snorted Millicent.

"True."

"I wonder if he'll have a new creation for us today, or if he's going to finally wear normal robes," wondered Millicent out loud.

"I somehow doubt he knows what the word normal even means," said Q.

"Well he wasn't at breakfast," began Draco thoughtfully. "Maybe one of his fireworks exploded yesterday and he's dead."

"One could only hope," Q said dryly as the rest of the Slytherins sniggered.

Blaise was the last student to enter. He looked around in dismay as he noticed that everyone else was already seated. His eyes flashed in triumph as he spotted one empty seat. Then his entire face fell when he realized it was next to a Griffindor girl. With a sigh he resigned himself to his fate, but as he approached her, he noticed that the girl was actually quite pretty. A sly, calculating expression appeared on his face.

Q found it quite comical to watch.

The bell rang as Blaise sat down. He looked back at his friends and winked. Then he turned to the girl and asked her something. His friends rolled their eyes.

Several minutes passed and the professor still hadn't arrived. The door to his office, which was located to the right of his desk at the front of the room, was shut. Whispered conversations erupted around the room.

"Maybe he really is dead," Draco mumbled.

No, I wish he was, but he's not. He's waiting behind the door to his office to make a grand entrance. And probably to annoy me. He knows just how much I hate to wait. He also knows that this time I can't do anything to him for making me wait.

Suddenly the office door swung open to reveal a serious-looking q standing in the doorway. He looked around the class once, grinned widely and strode up to his desk.

"Bloody Hell!" came a gasp from the front row.

"Sheep?" asked Draco incredulously.

"Our newest Dark Arts professor is wearing cute, cuddly, white sheep," Millicent stated as if by saying it out loud she would convince herself that what she was seeing was real.

Indeed the entire class was openly gaping at q's newest set of robes. Today they were a light pea green colour, with fluffy, cartoon sheep moving around on them. Some were sleeping, others grazing, a few were jumping over a white picket fence and there was even one playing a guitar.

The professor didn't seem to take any notice to the attention his unusual garment was receiving. He pointed his wand at the open door to the classroom and it slammed shut. A loud click ensured the class it was locked as well.

"Hello class," began their new professor cheerfully with a cultured accent and a goofy grin, "as you all heard during the feast, unless you were asleep, I am Professor Janeway and I will be teaching you Defence against the Dark Arts this year. I have heard about the curse plaguing this position and would just like to state for the record that I am not insane and neither am I a dark creature or a follower of the Dark Lord."

Several students laughed. The Slytherins chuckled and Q smirked, shaking his head.

No, you're an omnipotent, omniscient entity. I wonder if anyone notices that he never said he was human. No, of course not, that would require a speck of intelligence.

q looked around the class, his eyes became serious, but the smile stayed on.

"I also hate being interrupted, so I'd like to let you all know that the door to this class closes when I enter the room and when it does, no one will be admitted into class. If you have a question, raise your hand and I may answer it. I do not mind answering questions, provided they are half-intelligence. It gives me a chance to show you all how smart I am."

He winked and the class once again erupted into laughter. Q could see the students in front of him looking at each other in delight. They obviously liked the new DADA professor. Said professor waited for the laughter to subside before continuing.

"As the more observant of you have no doubt already noticed, this class is not a mix of all four houses, as many of your other advanced classes are. That is because DADA was such a popular choice this year that two sixth year classes had to be created in order to accommodate all interested students. Personally I'm rather flattered really. But anyway, that is why this class is only Griffindor-Slytherin and not mixed with the other two houses."

Q noticed several students looking around the room checking that what his son was saying was indeed true.

What are they actually expecting him to lie to them about something so obvious? I never did realize just how much that brat loves to hear himself talk though.

"Well, that's all for an intro, except to say that if you pay attention in this class, I think you'll find you'll actually learn a lot."

Like what not to wear under any circumstances.

"Not then, I was going to start the term off a bit differently, but Professor Dumbledore, um. . .requested that I do Patronus Charms with you."

q said the word 'requested' cautiously, indicating that he hadn't had much choice in the matter.

"Since I must do the Patronus Charm however, I have decided that you should know a bit about Dementors, against which the spell is predominantly used. After all, knowing what you're up against is always good and Dementors are really quite fascinating creatures. Now who can tell me what a Dementor is?"

Hermoine's hand shot up first, followed quickly by Harry's along with just about all the class, except for Q and Draco.

Professor smiled sweetly at Hermoine.

"Yes dear, what's your name please?"

"Hermoine Granger."

"Well then, Miss. Granger, what is a Dementor?"

"A Dementor is a dark creature. It sucks the happiness out of a person and makes them relive their worst experiences. A Dementor's kiss sucks the soul out of a person. They are used as guards in Azkaban prison."

"Very good Miss. Granger," q looked positively ecstatic, "ten points to Griffindor!"

Then the class was treated to a lecture given by Q's bubbly son on Dementors. By the end of the lecture, the guitar-playing sheep had fallen asleep.

Crabbe and Goyle were already stuffing their faces when the group from DADA arrived in the Great Hall for lunch.

"So how was DADA?" asked Goyle between bites.

"We learned everything we never, and I repeat never, wanted to know about Dementors," said Draco with disgust.

"Well, at least he seemed to know his stuff," volunteered Pansy.

"Yeah, I never knew Dementors mated," added Blaise thoughtfully.

"And I never wanted to know," Draco stated.

"You guys just had DADA?" asked a fifth year Q hadn't met yet. He was sitting next to Pansy and had been listening in on the conversation.

"Yes, we did," Pansy answered sweetly as the others nodded.

"So what's the new professor like?"

"Lockhart, only smart and actually talks about the subject instead of himself," answered Millicent.

"He's like Millicent in the morning," added Draco. Everyone chuckled except for

Millicent who mock glared at the Slytherin Prince.

"He also doesn't seem to like Dumbledore," said Blaise.

"Or being told what to do," Q suggested.

"Yeah, he didn't seem to be thrilled at having to do the Patronus Charm instead of whatever it was he had planned," Pansy agreed.

"Then I wish he'd taken it out on Dumbledore and not on us," Draco groaned.

At that moment the subject of their conversation strode into the Great Hall. Again, his unorthodox robes drew stares.

"I'd love to know where he finds those things," Pansy thought out loud as she watched him walk up to the Head Table.

"Why, planning on refurbishing your wardrobe?" asked Goyle, who was finally done eating.

"Merlin I hope not," Draco exclaimed and then looked directly at Pansy. "Pansy, I forbid it. I will not tolerate any Slytherin walking around looking like a self-sustained circus."

Pansy giggled.

If he starts a new fashion trend before I leave I will personally glue him naked onto the hull of a Romulan War Bird. Preferably with several Klingon Birds of Prey in close proximity.

An idea suddenly sprung into Q's mind.

"You know, his robes do have the effect of annoying the faculty," he said to the others.

All eyes turned to the Head Table. Indeed, Professor Snape looked as though he was contemplating making lamb chops out of q's robes. Professor McGonagall settled for glaring at it disapprovingly and Trewlany, who had actually showed up for lunch, appeared to be attempting to communicate with one of the sheep. Or perhaps read its fortune.

"So, your point?" Millicent looked at Q curiously.

"So. . .if something as simple as Professor Janeway's robes or my erratic wand waving is enough to annoy them. . ."

"What exactly are you suggesting?" Draco leaned in, mischief and curiosity playing in his eyes.

Q smiled evilly and explained his idea to the group. By the time he finished they all wore identical evil grins.

When lunch finished, Q went to his room. He did his potions homework and the readings for his classes. It was something to occupy him for about two hours. He then went down to the common room, where he found a fifth year girl losing for the sixth time to Blaise at Wizard's Chess.

The slight brunette decided that she did not want to lose a seventh time and Q took her place.

It turned out Blaise was an extremely good chess player. Unfortunately for him however, he was playing against an entity with an intelligence several times higher than his own. He lost ten games to Q before admitting defeat and reluctantly acknowledging that Q was the better player.

After dinner Q paid a visit to the library. He figured a somewhat interesting book was at least something to keep him occupied while everyone else slept now that he had explored most of the school.

As he emerged from behind the Magical Creature section he spied Hermoine at a table in the corner of the library. In front of her was a huge stack of books and a notebook opened to a page already half full of notes. The books were all about American Wizarding families and one was titled _Dark Arts in America_.

Q smiled widely.

Well, well, it looks like Miss. Hermoine Granger is a very determined young lady. Good. More fun for me. A few well-placed comments from me should help her reach her conclusions. Ah, humans are so easy to manipulate. They so readily grasp for the simple answer instead of stretching their puny little minds.

Meanwhile, Hermoine got the feeling she was being watched. She looked up and gasped when she spotted Q leaning against a bookcase with his arms crossed, watching her. He smirked and waved before abruptly turning on his heel and disappearing from view behind a bookcase.

As Q picked up two books on glamour charms, Hermoine prayed to all the gods that he had been far enough away to be unable to read the titles of the books in front of her.

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Well, I'll admit that was sort of short. Hope you still enjoyed it. Unfortunately I'm going back to university next week and have to pack, unpack, set up my computer, ect., so I don't know how soon I'll be able to update. I'll try for sooner rather than later, but I'm apologizing ahead of time in case it takes a while.


	9. Operation: APE

**Yay! I'm back!** Sorry for keeping you waiting for so long, but first week back at university takes up a lot of time. Thanks for the reviews and glad you liked the chapter. Oh, and as for the cliffe: he he he. I try my best to be evil. And a bit of suspence is always good. Anyway, here's my update (finally). I promise to try my best to update sooner. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. So don't even bother suing me.

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**Chapter 9** - Operation: APE 

First thing Wednesday morning Q entered the Hogwarts greenhouses with Millicent and Goyle for Herbology. Though he was an omnipotent entity, Q did appreciate the simple beauty of plant-life and would at times spend days walking through the wild rainforests on Risa (not that he'd ever admit that to any of his Starfleet acquaintances).

He did not, however appreciate having to trim vicious Firespikes, which had large thorns and bright red and white flowers that spit sparks into his face at random intervals.

The best way to trim the plant was to do it delicately, fingers running along the bluish spots on its stem. Hating to do things slowly and never one for delicacy, Q merely grabbed the plant and sniped off the necessary shoots. He received several bursts of sparks, which singed his robes and would have done something quite nasty to his face had he been human. As such, Professor Sprout took ten points away from Slytherin for blatantly disregarding instructions and fleetingly wondered how it was that his hair was still intact.

Q cursed colourfully at the plant in Klingon and wished he could invite Kes to take the class for him. She had, after all, managed to successfully create and maintain a hydroponics bay on Voyager. The fact that none of the plants she had grown there would ever have tried to hurt her was only a minor detail in Q's opinion.

Before the end of class, Professor Sprout asked if anyone knew what the Firespikes were for. Q's suggestion that they would make a wonderful self-lighting bonfire did not amuse her in the least. It did however draw numerous smirks from the class, most of whom, like him, developed a deep sense of loathing for the plants shortly after the first five minutes of class.

Only Neville and a few Hufflepuffs had not had problems with trimming the thorny, spark-spitting monstrosities.

His only other class of the day was Astronomy, which was essentially the most boring and pointless thing he had ever experienced. And considering he had once spent a century as a lamp post, that was indeed saying a lot.

Ten minutes into the class he unilaterally decided that the professor was even more incompetent than most humans and that Voyager's Doctor could teach the class better if he sang his lectures as an opera and used stick-on, glow-in-the-dark plastic stars. Not that Q ever wanted to experience that particular scenario, but it would certainly be more exciting and educational than his current class.

Q ground his teeth in frustration in order to avoid constantly correcting the professor's facts. Unfortunately, in order to prove him wrong, Q would have to explain where he got his facts from and why he was one hundred percent positive they were right. He was not about to lose a bet with q over such a trivial matter. No matter how irritating it was.

Instead Q let his mind wander and he found the Dream Team in the library researching American Wizarding families. Well, Hermoine researching, Harry trying very hard to make out the blurry words in front of him and Ron snoring loudly, head resting on an open book.

Q shook his head and wondered how long it would take them to come to whatever conclusion they were going to come to. He was a bit curious to see what explanation their limited intelligence would enable them to concoct.

He couldn't wait for the end of the year, so that he could tell the wonderful Hermoine Granger just what he thought of her so-called intelligence. And also to banish the Astronomy professor to the deserts of Kazon.

Between Herbology and Astronomy, Q and the other Slytherins had worked out the details of what Blaise had dubbed Operation: Annoying the Professors Enormously (or APE for short). It had taken a bit of research to find the correct charms and several hours of testing to make sure the spells worked perfectly. And, with a bit of persuasion, most of Slytherin House was convinced to join in.

Q was actually rather impressed with that particular development and surprised that somehow Crabbe and Goyle were the strongest proponents of the idea. Q got the distinct impression that had they not been sixth year Slytherin students, they would have been jumping around Common Room, waving their hands about in a giddy fit of excitement.

He was eternally grateful that they were in fact sixth year Slytherin students or he would have had to strangle them both with some left over sausages from breakfast.

It was decided that Operation: APE would commence on Thursday morning when both the sixth years and fifth years had Professor McGonagal for Transfigurations. The only professor excluded from the prank would be Snape. The Slytherins knew better than to anger their Head of House, even if he did favour them.

At exactly four 'o clock on Thursday morning, Draco, Millicent and Q met up in the Slytherin common room.

"Good morning guys!" Millicent practically sang as she bounced in. Draco, who was for once regretting being one of the best at charms, since he would otherwise still be in bed, groaned.

"I honestly didn't think it was possible for you to be any more cheerful in the mornings." He yawned. "Don't you ever need sleep?"

"I guess I don't need as much beauty sleep as you," she teased and then ran her fingers through her hair, "I'm beautiful naturally."

"Well I'm certainly glad I'm not your kind of beauty."

"True, you're vain enough as it is. We probably wouldn't be able to tear you away from the mirror if you were as beautiful as me."

"You're right, you'd have to hide all the mirrors so they wouldn't shatter as I walked past them."

"Actually. . ."

"I do believe we have more important things to do than waste time establishing that you're both ugly!" snapped Q, impatient to get started. He couldn't care less what they looked like, nothing could improve on the fact they were human.

Draco and Millicent looked at Q in shock. Especially Draco, who had never been told he was ugly by anyone who wasn't a Griffindor. Millicent noticed the look on Draco's face and burst into a fit of giggles. The Slytherin Prince tried and failed to keep a straight face as he looked at his friend.

Q rolled his eyes as the he watched the two wipe the tears from their eyes as they laughed.

I think there's been a miscommunication somewhere, that wasn't meant to be funny. I was actually being serious. Though, now that I think about it, this is actually the first time I've ever seen Draco actually laugh. Usually he just smirks or chuckles. Interesting. . .and if we weren't supposed to be heading off to do something I might even pretend that I care.

Finally, Millicent and Draco calmed down enough to be able to effectively sneak out into the hall without getting caught. They walked up the stairs from the dungeons and went their separate ways. Draco headed up one flight of stairs to the second floor where the Transfigurations classroom was, while Millicent went to the fourth floor to the Arithmancy classroom.

Q pretended to head off to the library, but stopped once he was out of sight. Then he waved the books he had gotten out in front of them and watched them as they disappeared, only to reappear in their proper places in the library. Then he snapped his fingers and moved himself to the hall in front of the DADA classroom.

He knew very well that q was probably already aware what the Slytherins were doing. And that whatever spells they used in the classroom could easily be neutralized by q the moment his father left. So Q decided to use his own powers (which were stronger than his son's since he was much, much older) to put something in that would not be quite so easy to get rid of.

By the time they got back to the common room, it was packed with students. Most were doing some last minute practicing of the spells they learnt the day before.

"Wow," said Draco as he entered the Common Room after Q, "I never thought I'd see the day when Crabbe and Goyle became experts at a spell."

Indeed, the two Slytherin gorillas were among the first people to master the charm and were now walking around helping the younger students along with Millicent, who was already back. Looking up, she noticed Q and Draco and walked up to them.

"Hey, you're back!" she said brightly, "so how did it go?"

"I had a bit of trouble with the Charms classroom," Draco shrugged, "but I managed. You?"

"I ran into Mrs. Norris on my way to the Divination tower, but luckily I was prepared," Millicent stated.

"How?"

"I brought a pocketful of cat treats along."

"Oh."

Just then Pansy walked into the room and stopped, clearly amazed at the amount of people inside. Her eyes swept the room and landed on the group by the door.

"So, is everything set?" she asked after she having weaved her way through the crowd.

"Yes, it is," answered Q.

"Umm. . .Pansy, where's Blaise?" asked Draco scanning the room.

"Don't know, probably still asleep."

"Damn it! I thought I made it quite clear that he had to be up for this." the blond Slytherin seethed.

Q said nothing out loud but silently agreed with him. He hated waiting. Without warning, he broke away from the group and plowed his way through the students to the entrance to the boy's dormitories. Pansy, Millicent and Draco gave each other questioning glances and then followed after him.

They found him standing outside the door to the room Blaise shared with Draco, Crabbe and Goyle. He seemed to be pondering something. Before they could question him though, he swung the door open and strode in.

Draco, Millicent and Pansy cautiously padded to the doorway and looked in. Q was standing in the middle of the room with his wand pointed to a spot above Blaise's bed. In a flash of light a bucket appeared, hovering in mid-air for about two seconds, before turning over and dumping water over the unsuspecting sleeper.

Blaise let out a high-pitched scream and shot upright; his eyes were wide open, darting about in panic and confusion.

It took the trio at the door a few moments to register what had just happened. First their mouths dropped in shock. Then the corners of their mouths began to twitch. Millicent put her hand to her mouth, covering her wide grin, but not the sheer amusement in her eyes. Pansy burst into an all-out giggling fit. Draco grabbed the doorframe for support and began laughing so hard that moments later his face was completely red.

Blaise's disorientation was meanwhile beginning to wear off. His sleep-addled brain slowly registered what was going on by presenting him with bits of information about his surroundings. First he realized that he was in his bed and that he was awake. Then that he was somewhat cold. Wrapping his arms around himself for warmth, he added wet to the list. Which made him wonder why he was wet. Suddenly he recognized the noise he was hearing as laughter and when he looked to the source he saw his friends literally falling over themselves laughing.

'Why are they laughing,' he thought and looked around the room. Then he noticed Q with an evil smirk plastered on his face and his wand in the air. It was pointing to something above his head. Blaise looked up to where it was pointing. Then he saw the over turned bucket.

It suddenly dawned on him why his friends were laughing. He scowled and shot death glares to every one of his friends.

"You better have a really good explanation for this," he growled.

"Serves you right," laughed Draco, who was now sitting on the floor looking utterly exhausted.

"Yeah, you should have been up by now," Millicent agreed.

"And why is that exactly?" Blaise tone was dangerously low, something all Slytherins tended to pick up from their Head of House.

"Because we're supposed to be preparing for Operation: APE, remember?" Q said sweetly, or as sweetly as Q could with an evil smirk on his face.

The reaction was immediate. Blaise's eyes went wide again and he whipped his head around to look at Q.

"Crap!"

In one fluid motion, he flew to his closet, grabbed his uniform and bath things and dashed past his friends into the boy's showers.

"Well, that was fun," Pansy smirked.

"Yeah, I never knew he could scream like that," Draco added with a thoughtful face. He was thinking of all the ways he could rub that in his fellow Slytherin's face.

"Q, I'm sure glad you're in Slytherin," Millicent said.

"Why, do you want to be next?" asked Q, with a devious look in his eyes.

"No thanks."

"Pity, Pansy was right. That was fun."

I must be getting senile, thinking that was fun. It was pathetic. I've been around these humans for too long. Even the stupid android was more creative than that when he threw Dr. Crusher overboard. Actually that was quite hilarious. Too bad no one else appreciated the humour. Maybe that's what I'll do next time I'm on Voyager: throw Tuvok overboard. He needs to loosen up a bit.

Blaise, who was used to rushing in the mornings, was completely ready in about ten minutes. Once he joined the rest of his house in the Common Room, Draco explained the plans again and then the Slytherins headed off to breakfast. Not all at once of course, because that just might draw attention to them.

After all, what kinds of Slytherins would they be if they allowed themselves to be caught that easily?

The students of Slytherin House were used to acting in front of the rest of the school. It was the first thing every new student learned. However, despite the well-practiced masks, anyone paying close attention to the Slytherin table would have noticed the thin air of excitement that electrified the table this morning.

However, no one ever paid that much attention to the Slytherin table; at least not enough to notice such subtle changes. Perhaps Professor Snape might have been able to feel the anticipation hovering about, but he did not make it to breakfast that morning.

The DADA professor did, however. Q noticed that he had a mischievous sparkle in his eyes and an extra bounce in his step as he entered the Great Hall. As q passed by, he turned his head slightly and winked at his father.

No one noticed; they were all busy inspecting q's robes.

This time they were bright red with multicoloured lizards darting about on them, changing colour as they moved. Their wearer was, as usual, completely unfazed by the attention he was getting.

So, the brat knows what we're planning. Oh well, it's not like I actually thought we'd manage to hide it from him. Maybe if I was doing it alone. . . Judging by his expression he's not about to tell anyone about it though. Probably can't wait to see the reaction of his colleagues either. Wait a minute . . . did I just think of a Q as a colleague to a human?!

Soon after it was time to head off to class.

"Remember guys," said Millicent as she left ahead of the others to go to the Divination Tower, "I want a blow by blow account of the expression on McGonagal's face."

"You got it," smirked Pansy.

"Just make sure you do the same for Trelwany," drawled Draco, "I'd love to know if the bat can predict this with her 'inner eye.'"

Millicent just laughed as she ran from the table. The others looked at each other and took a deep breath.

"So. . . everyone ready?" Blaise grinned evilly. He was now fully awake and wasn't showing any signs of the rude awakening he had received.

"I don't know how I'm going to be able to survive this class without cackling like a maniac," Draco commented casually, adding his own evil smirk.

"Shut up," whispered Pansy urgently, "I'm having a hard enough time not doing that now."

"Let the games begin," said Q mirroring Blaise's evil grin.

They all took another deep breath and then, masks firmly in place, got up and strode out the door up to the Transfiguration's classroom.

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Yes, yes, I know I'm evil because I've only made the cliffhanger worse. Trust me, it wasn't intentional. This just seemed like a good spot to end the chapter and I figured you'd want an update sooner rather than later. Next chapter will feature the completion of Operation: APE and should be up either tomorrow or Friday. Probably Friday. 

Anyway, hoped you liked that and if so, let me know. And if you didn't like it, let me know too.


	10. Operation: APE 2

**Hmm. . .**did I say I'd be updating on Friday? Oops. Sorry, but some things came up (like a mountain of homework, a German quiz and a beach volleyball tournament). Plus I didn't really think this chapter would end up being this friggin long. I think it's my longest one yet. Anyway, **Fuji the Hobbit**, hope you're feeling better or that this chapter at least makes you laugh and feel a bit better.

As usual, I don't own any of this. Though, like thousands of people out there, I wish I did. Then I could really have some fun

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**Chapter 10** - Operation: APE 2

Q and his group entered the Transfigurations classroom with fifteen minutes to spare. Half the class was already there, including the Golden Trio. Draco quickly exchanged looks with the others.

Pansy and Blaise went to sit down in the back of the class while the others went up to the front to cause a diversion. Luckily the professor wasn't in the classroom yet.

Draco took the lead and walked up to the front of the class in a confident stride. Crabbe and Goyle flanked him on either side and Q followed, not feeling like breaking up their routine. He was also a bit curious to see Draco in action.

At the front of the class, a group of mainly Griffindor students huddled around the desk Ron and Harry were sitting at.

"I just can't believe Dumbledore's letting Slytherins join the DA!" Ron was saying.

"Oh, come on Ron," Hermoine said, shaking her head in frustration, "you may not like them, but they are a part of this school."

"Unfortunately," muttered Harry. Hermoine gave him a sympathetic look.

"I don't know what you guys are so upset about," said Seamus Finnigun, "it's not like they're going to come anyway even if they are invited. I mean can you honestly picture Draco Malfoy volunteering to spend his free time with you three?"

Aaah. . .the voice of reason. These guys are actually worse than Romulans talking about Kingons. Or vice versa. Except with less bloodshed and no actual declarations of war involved.

Draco quietly stood behind the crowd waiting for an opportune moment to jump into the conversation. His left eyebrow went up when he heard his name mentioned. He purposely stood so that when he did speak, all heads would turn away from where Pansy and Blaise were currently pretended to be discussing the readings for today's class.

Blaise shot Draco a 'get on with it' look and Draco nodded, turning his full attention to the Griffindor group.

"They could go to the meetings to spy on us and then tell Voldemort what we're doing. . ." began Neville, but was interrupted by Ron.

"Neville's right," he said. "Plus Malfoy's been real quiet lately, he's definitely up to something."

"Maybe I'm saving myself for someone worthy of my time Weasley," Draco sneered and the entire group jumped and swung around to face the Slytherins. Q smirked and saw Pansy and Blaise take that as their cue to begin.

"Malfoy," said Harry in a venomous tone. "See you've got your goons back, plus one extra."

Did he just compare me to those two baboons whose combined intelligence couldn't figure out how many fingers they have on each hand?!!

"I'm sorry, did you just refer to me as a goon?" asked Q as he crossed his arms. His eyes held a silent challenge with a hint of warning as he focused on the green-eyed Griffindor.

"Yes, I did." Harry stood up and mimicked Q's posture, looking him straight in the eye.

He gets points for bravery, I'll give him that. Too bad he looses them all and then some for stupidity.

"How Griffindorish Potter," drawled Malfoy, who would've in all honesty loved to see Q take on the Golden Boy, but decided that now was not the time. "Pick on the new student. Here he is an ocean away from home, on his own in a strange country and instead of welcoming you make him feel isolated and inferior."

Q rolled his eyes at the obvious exaggeration.

"He doesn't look very sad and isolated," observed Seamus sceptically.

"I'm a very good actor," Q answered dryly.

"And like you don't pick on the weaker students Malfoy," Ron said, "You've never once attacked us without your lackeys."

"Clearly, Weasel, you haven't learned to count yet," the blond fired back, "you see me, plus Crabbe and Goyle is three people. You, Scarehead and the Mudblood also equals three people."

Malfoy paused slightly as the Griffindors let out a collective gasp at the word 'mudblood.'

"Though I must say that I'm glad you've finally realized you're weaker than me," he added quickly.

Ron's face went from angry to puzzled in the blink of an eye. He went over the conversation again in his head. Then his eyes narrowed and Draco smirked in triumph.

"Don't worry about it Weasley," Q smiled reassuringly, "you're just living proof that bravery and brains are not compatible."

Ron's face began to change colour to match his hair again as he turned to Q. Slowly he got up out of his chair and it looked like he was seconds from viciously attacking the new Slytherin. Hermoine caught his arm to stop him.

"Ron no," she said in his ear, "he's not worth it. None of them are."

"I knew you were a Slytherin from the moment I saw you," he practically growled, not acknowledging the girl holding him back. Q chuckled.

"Oh, and what gave me away? Was it the hair colour? You know, I've been told that I could do with a change. Perhaps I should dye it red. No, I know. . . it was the book wasn't it?"

If Ron had been a kettle, he would've been whistling like a foghorn at this point in time. Or, if he had been Klingon, he would've been in the process of bellowing a deafening battle cry and pulling out the several bat'lets hidden under his robes.

Just then Harry stepped between the two of them.

"You'd better watch it Picard," he threatened in a voice shaking with anger, "I don't know why you're here all the way from America, but I'm warning you: I am not afraid of you. I've been up against Voldemort several times and survived. You, on the other hand, I have yet to see do anything even remotely spectacular. Do not make an enemy of me."

Many people probably would have paled at the threat, especially due to the dangerous and determined look in Harry's eyes. Q raised an eyebrow.

"Comparing me to the Dark Lord? I'm flattered," he said, then took a step closer to Harry and continued in a low voice: "but you're right, you have yet to see me do much of anything. You really shouldn't underestimate your opponent until you've seen them in action."

Well if they weren't sure if I was a Deatheater before, then they'll certainly think I'm one now. I can almost see the wheels turning in their heads.

"You know, only Deatheaters refer to him as the Dark Lord," Harmoine said carefully, closely watching his expression.

"Really?" Q looked away from Harry and locked eyes with Hermoine. His expression was neutral, but anyone could tell that this little piece of information was not new to him.

"What is going on here?!" demanded a stern voice with a Scottish accent. "Get to your seats immediately; the bell is about to ring."

The Slytherins looked over their shoulders at Professor McGonagall and reluctantly made their way to their seats at the back corner of the class. Blaise and Pansy grinned at them as they approached.

"All set?" whispered Draco after he'd sat down.

"Sure is," answered Pansy. She exchanged a last excited smile with Blaise before their masks slid back into place. Then the bell rang.

"All right class," began the professor as soon as the bell stopped ringing, "today we will be trying something a bit more difficult." She took out an apple and placed it on her desk. "In previous years you have learned how to change an object into another. You have also learned how to shrink or expand an object. In today's lesson you will be attempting to do both at the same time. Allow me to demonstrate."

With that she pointed her wand at the apple and said the incantation. The apple immediately began to grow and change shape.

Suddenly a loud explosion erupted from behind the professor. McGonagall jumped at least a foot in the air and whirled around, wand drawn. The shattered remains of a pink vase were scattered around the small stool it had been previously sitting on.

Several in the class began to snicker. The professor relaxed visibly and lowered her wand. She looked at the mess with a puzzled expression on her face. Then she shook her head and pointed her wand at it again.

"Reparo," she said. The vase began to reassemble itself.

Just then a loud boom came from the centre of the room, where a Hufflepuff girl's ink bottle had exploded. The girl let out a shriek as the ink splattered all over her.

Everyone just stared in disbelief, including the professor.

The first to move was Hermoine, who pointed her wand at the poor girl and chanted a cleaning spell.

Several of the apples the professor had set out on a table for the class blew up. A few unfortunate students in the front row looked at each other with wide eyes and pieces of apple in their hair.

Professor McGonagall glared at a few people in the class who were sniggering.

She did not notice however that Pansy was holding onto her desk so hard that her knuckles were turning white. It was all the Slytherin girl could do to keep from bursting out in laughter.

"Who is responsible for this?" Professor McGonagall demanded in a dangerous tone.

Oh yeah, like she actually expects someone to admit to this. Actually, what am I saying, I always own up to my pranks. But watching her seethe in ignorance is just so much more fun. Not to mention that if she gives me detention, I actually have to serve it. Stupid bet.

Every student in the class looked around at their classmates, trying to spy a guilty face somewhere in the crowd. They came up empty-handed.

After a few minutes of watching the class like a hawk, the professor was satisfied that if nothing else, the prankster would not try anything again, because the entire class was watching.

"I assure you, I will get to the bottom of this," she threatened. "In the meantime, everyone come up to the front and grab an apple."

Crabbe got up and took enough apples for their entire group.

"So what are we making again," Q whispered to Draco, "apple pie?"

Draco smirked, but shrugged his shoulders, indicating he had no idea.

"Concentration will be vital in this exercise," the professor continued, instructing the class. "I want you to transfigure the apples in front of you into sculptures. Now I'm not expecting great works of art, just so long as they're at least two feet tall and do not resemble an apple. Try to get in as much detail as you can."

She then turned to put the correct incantations on the blackboard. However, as soon as her wand touched its surface the pink vase shattered again.

The professor whirled around. She was furious. She scanned the class.

"You may begin," she said behind clenched teeth.

One by one, the students stopped their own investigations and turned their attentions to the apples in front of them. Ironically, no one had bothered to check on the two Slytherin gorillas, one of whom had in the meantime reset the spell.

No one managed to create anything even remotely resembling a sculpture. Every time someone uttered a spell, something in the room blew up. By the end of class most of the apples were scattered all over the desks, floor and people's hair in tiny pieces and every single ornament or dish the Transfigurations professor possessed was shattered.

Operation: APE was therefore deemed a success by the Slytherins in the room, for McGonagall was not only 'Enormously Annoyed', but she seemed to be developing a slight tick in the corner of her left eye. She was glaring at the class with a murderous look that would surely have made even the Borg a bit nervous.

As soon as the bell ran, everyone practically ran out of the room. Not even the Griffindors were brave enough to stay around to see their Head of House loose her temper completely.

"Crabbe, Goyle you two were amazing," whispered Pansy as soon as they were relatively out of sight of the classroom. Everyone else in the hallway was too busy loudly reliving the class to pay attention to them. The two large boys beamed with pride for a few seconds, before their expression turned back into neutral mode.

"Yes, good job you two," drawled Draco and them fixed them with a pointed glare, "though I must say I prefer NOT having chunks of apple in my hair."

"Oh Draco, stop being such a pansy," chuckled Blaise and cast a spell to rid the blonde's hair of the apple pieces.

The group was almost at the Charms classroom when Millicent caught up to them.

"So, how was class?" she asked neutrally, so as not to cause suspicion from the others around them.

"It was a blast," replied Q and the others snorted.

"Literally," added Pansy. "So what about Divination?"

"About the same." Millicent smiled evilly. "You should have seen the look on the old bat's face when her crystal ball shattered at the exact moment she was trying to predict Potter's death."

"Damn," said Draco, "I finally get out of that stupid class and interesting things begin to happen. . . wait, Potter's death? He's not even in that class!"

Millicent shrugged.

"I guess she's hoping someone will pass on the message."

They entered the classroom just in time to see Lavender Brown the same story to a group of Griffindors. They burst into loud laughter.

"Her crystal ball exploded?!" cried Ron in disbelief and then grinned from ear to ear. "Wicked!"

"I wish I had been there to see that," added Harry happily.

The Slytherins sans Goyle, who wasn't in the class, took their customary seats at the back. They didn't need to make a distraction for this class, because the students who had been here before them had already cast the necessary charms. As they sat down, Millicent noticed a huge pile of bright red balls littered around the professor's desk.

"I wonder what he's using the balls for," she thought out loud.

"Oh, I don't think the balls are intended for the lesson," Draco whispered and winked at her. Her eyes went wide in realization.

Shortly after the bell rang and Professor Flitzwick entered the classroom from his office. He looked at the balls in disgust and then began the lecture.

Charms was also a success.

When ever anyone preformed magic, a bright red ball would appear on the Charms Professor's desk. He had by now given up on swatting them away and instead just let them pile. He appeared to be dealing with the problem by attempting to ignore it.

However, that was easier said than done since each ball appeared with a loud 'pop.'

And that was grating on the professor's nerves. He was irritable all class and actually took house points away from several students who couldn't get their charms to work.

At lunch the Slytherins compared classes.

"McGonagall was a nightmare!" complained a fifth year who had had Transfigurations after the sixth years.

"And Professor Janeway actually stopped smiling!" said a third year.

"He did?" asked Pansy with interest.

"Yeah, and he seemed extremely annoyed at the furry things that kept popping up in the classroom," added another. Q grinned evilly at that.

Millicent and Draco looked at Q curiously. After all, he had been the one to set up the DADA classroom. And he had been creative as always.

Just then the doors to the Great Hall literally flew open and in stormed Professor McGonagall. She sat down next to Professor Vector, who was sporting an equally terrible mood and glared at the students.

"Hey, with a bit of practice she could be just as good as Snape!" noted Blaise cheerfully. The rest of the Slytherins chuckled.

"Speaking of which," began Draco, "Q what did you do to the DADA classroom?"

"Why don't you take a look, here's Professor Fancy Robes now," Q motioned to the doors, where his son had just appeared. He looked annoyed, but not furious. 

Probably hasn't managed to figure out what I did to his classroom that he can't get rid of the spell. Oh well, it's not like I'm going to tell him anytime soon. Maybe by the end of the school year. . .

"What's that on his shoulder?" asked Pansy. Everyone craned their necks to see what she was referring to and then looked back at Q, who gave them all a knowing smirk.

"I've never seen anything like it," said a third year boy, "they look like little balls of fur, but they're alive even though they don't seem to have any eyes, ears or mouths."

"And they purr!" a brunette added enthusiastically.

"It's called a Tribble," Q began before anyone could question him about the strange creature. "They are basically big fur balls that eat, sleep and multiply at an incredible speed."

"Why have I never heard of them before?" asked Draco.

"Because they're incredibly rare."

So rare in fact that the only ones on the entire planet are in the DADA classroom. Except for the one in the Great Hall of course. I wonder if he plans on giving it to one of the professors. That might make for an amusing year.

By now q had arrived at the table and snatched the orange tribble off his shoulder and threw it onto the table. Professor McGonagall, who was sitting next to him eyed it suspiciously, as if expecting it to morph into a monster with large, razor-sharp teeth at any moment.

Professors Hagrid and Sprout, on the other hand, seemed extremely curious about the odd creature (they realized it was alive when it began to move towards the food). Sprout cautiously petted it. Before long she had picked it up and was cooing at it.

"What is that?" asked Professor Flitzwick, who had just come in.

"A tribble," answered q.

"It doesn't look like a dark creature to me," said McGonagall.

"It's not. Actually, Hagrid, I was wondering if any of your pets would be interested in a snack. . ."

"You can't possibly be thinking that?!" exclaimed Professor Sprout, cuddling the tribble even more in a protective gesture.

"Why, do you want one? I have about a hundred up in my classroom."

"Why so many?" asked Flitzwick, stroking the tribble.

"They started popping up during class."

Several faculty heads snapped up.

"You too?" gasped Flitzwick and McGonagall as one. Professor Vector just gaped. Then they began a heated discussion of what occurred in each class.

When Professor Snape strode in ten minutes later in an unusually good mood, he was very perplexed to discover the dark mood of the Head Table. And his colleagues were even more perplexed that the sour Potion's Master did not share the foul mood.

Needless to say, they became even more irritable when he informed them that he had actually spent a very pleasant, uneventful morning.

It took the combined efforts of the entire faculty a week to figure out how to remove the spells from the classrooms and in the meantime classes were conducted in some of the unused rooms that the castle was full of. Except for the DADA classroom, where the spell somehow disappeared on its own the next day.

With the spell gone, all the tribbles mysteriously vanished.

The Slytherins were never caught.

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Well, hope no one was disappointed with the conclusion to my small cliffe. Oh, and it just occured to me that especially in the last two chapters I've started using a lot more references to Star Trek (as per** Gymnast204's** request). If anyone doesn't know what I'm refering to, then let me know in a review and I'll try to explain it next time I update.

Please review!


	11. Hogsmeade Weekend

**Ok, here it is.** Sorry about the wait, but at first I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do with this chapter and, well, between school work and such. . . Anyway, it's done now. And I'm absolutely positive that it's the longest chapter yet: 13 pages!! Never knew I had it in me.

I realize it's taking me a while to update each chapter, so I'd like to know from you guys if you'd prefer shorter chapters more often, or if the way I've been doing it is fine. Either can be done.

**Thank you, thank you** so much for all the wonderful reviews: I got a record amount of them, which made me very happy. I'm not going to answer each one of them individually, because you all basically said the same thing. I'm really glad you liked the Tribbles and I'm considering bringing them back for a later chapter. We'll see.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own any of this, or I'd be rich. Which would be nice, but isn't reality.

Enjoy!

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**Chapter 11** - Hogsmeade Weekend

On the second Friday of the school year, the mood in Slytherin House could almost be described as happy - that is if it wasn't extremely unslytherin-like. They had successfully gotten away with their prank and a big party was being planned for Saturday evening as the perfect end to the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year.

In fact the only person who seemed at all suspicious of the Slytherins was Professor Snape. However, he had decided to not ask unnecessary questions of the students in his house and therefore had nothing to tell the Headmaster concerning the prank.

And q, although annoyed at the Tribbles he had been forced to endure in his classroom, kept quiet about what he knew. Secretly he hoped that Q would make the year more interesting by pulling a few more pranks.

Q's last class on Friday was Potions. Q didn't mind the class. For an omnipotent entity such as himself brewing a few potions was simple. And since he was in Slytherin, Professor Snape tended to leave him alone. Which was good, especially today.

Q was in a foul mood. Mostly, he was bored out of his significantly large mind and just wanted to leave Hogwarts and never come back. Or at least blow it up, or perhaps transport it to an alternate dimension of some sort.

I could have this pathetic potion done in under twenty seconds simply by thinking about it. But nooo. . .Mr. It-Would-Kill-Me-To-Wear-Colour has eyes like a hawk. He'd notice if the correct potion just appeared out of nowhere. Actually, so would Draco. Damn humans, if they have to be so stupid, why can't they just all be completely stupid and make things easier?!

Finished with the second stage of his potion, Q let it simmer. He looked around the room; he was itching to make something, anything happen. His eyes landed on Hermoine. She was carefully whispering instructions to Ron, who was working at the cauldron next to her. Because of this she was only half paying attention to her own work station.

Q smiled evilly and turned to his own potion. The he schooled his face into a neutral expression and pretended to be studying the instructions for the last stage of the potion.

Meanwhile he used his mind to reach out to the ingredients on Hermoine's desk and tweaked a few.

The classroom was almost silent. The only sounds came from the simmering potions and Professor Snape as he walked around the class, monitoring the students' progress. Q had just added the last ingredient to his potion and was waiting for it to turn the proper light blue colour. Out of the corner of his eye, he noted that Draco's potion was already showing signs of changing into the correct colour.

Suddenly there was a loud bang from the centre of the room. Q looked behind him in time to see the professor's shocked expression as he looked at the desk of the one student he had never expected to cause a cauldron to explode.

Looking around, Q noticed that most of the class shared identical expressions of shock and bewilderment. More than a few students were gaping at the spectacle of Hermoine covered in her own potion.

The girl in question was simply staring at the spot where her potion had been simmering only a few moments ago, as if unable to comprehend what had just taken place. Beside her, Ron stood frozen in place with eyes so wide they appeared ready to roll out of his sockets at any moment.

The first to recover was Professor Snape. His features quickly changed from shocked to highly annoyed.

"Miss Granger," he began loudly as he stalked to her desk, "I thought the whole point behind you helping Mr. Longbottom for five years was in order for some of your skills to pass on to him. Not the other way around."

He paused and quickly surveyed the ingredients laid out in front of her. Something caught his eye and he glowered down at the girl, who was slightly shaking.

"Twenty points from Griffindor and a week of detentions for being in sixth year and yet unable to tell the difference between a scarab beetle and a dung beetle. I honestly expected better from you Miss. Granger. Perhaps next time you will pay less attention to Weasley's potion and more attention to your own."

By now, Hermoine looked close to tears. She was staring at the remains of her potion and didn't seem to be registering what the professor was saying.

It wasn't until the Slytherin side of the classroom began to laugh at her, that she was jolted out of her stupor. Harry and Ron had by that time recovered enough to send glares to the laughing students, which included a few Ravenclaws, who had always been a bit jealous of Hermoine. They quite enjoyed seeing her mess up on something so elementary.

Just then the bell rang and the rest of the class quickly bottled their potions and cleared off their work stations. Q's mood was infinitely better.

Friday evening was spent in the Slytherin Common Room planning for the party and trying to figure out how to have the most fun while alerting the least amount of attention from the Hogwarts staff. Namely, Snape and Filch since no one else ever spent any amount of time in the dungeons.

The next morning saw most Slytherin students up bright and early, despite the fact that it was a Saturday. Even Blaise managed to get up before ten o'clock, the scheduled departure time for Hogsmeade.

Although the first and second years couldn't go themselves, they were up along with their older housemates handing over lists of items (mostly candy) to be brought back. It was like a ritual in the House. No Slytherin ever refused a request from a younger student, that just wasn't done.

Q watched all this with a look of boredom. It was clear that the entire House was excited to be going to Hogmeade, though being of the Snake House they weren't as obvious about it as some of the others he had seen at breakfast.

They're going an entire two kilometres away from the castle and they're all giddy about it. I can't believe this! Thank the gods they weren't on Voyager when it got itself flung out into the Delta Quadrant. They'd probably go catatonic from all the excitement. Especially those third year Hufflepuffs. I've seen a lot in my extraordinarily long life, but that was just disturbing. Actually, come to think of it. . .catatonic might be a good thing.

When Q and company walked into the hallway in front of the doors, it was already crowed with students from all Houses.

"Oh look," said Millicent as she came up beside Q, "it seems that both Professor Snape and Professor Janeway are going to be chaperoning the trip."

"Where do you see Professor Janeway?" asked Blaise.

"What do you mean where is Professor Janeway?!" Draco looked at the other boy in astonishment. "He's that bright thing over there. You couldn't possibly miss him if you were blind, let alone with two perfectly functioning eyes."

Blaise looked over to where Draco was pointing. Directly behind a gaggle of giggling Ravenclaw fourth-years was what appeared to be a man-sized glow stick. As it began to move towards the other professors, it became possible to recognize q in the most outrageous robes he had worn to date.

As he moved in and out of shadow, it became clear that the robes were a metalic silver colour with bright metallic yellow swirls scattered all over it. As light hit the metallic material, it was reflected back and made it appear as though the robes were giving off light.

Blaise smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, still half asleep here," he mumbled and Draco snorted.

"Blaise, you're in a constant state of being half asleep," he said.

"Unless confronting a pretty girl," added Millicent. Blaise mock glared at her.

"Ok, I must say, Janeway has an absolutely horrible taste in clothing," stated Pansy.

"And you've just figured this out?" Q asked. Pansy ignored him.

"I mean that robe is most certainly not what one should wear on a nice sunny day like today."

"Please Pansy, enlighten us as to the reason why," Draco teased.

"It'll clash with the sun," she answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. There were several snorts of amusement and soon the group was happily following the professors out of the school along with the other students.

Q found Hogmeade to be a rather enchanting little town, though he would never admit it out loud. Their first stop was Honeydukes, the candy store. Unfortunately it was the first stop for about half the students. Q hated waiting, especially since he had no use for the stupid sweets the shop sold. So he went outside.

He strolled along the main street in Hogsmeade at a leisurely pace. Then he noticed that someone was following him. He stopped and let his son catch up.

"What do you want?" he asked as q walked up to him.

"Now that's harsh," q grinned, "does a son really need a reason to see his father?"

"Yes if he's come to gloat."

"Aww, but that's where the fun is."

"In that case I should probably remind you that there was nothing in our arrangement that required you to remain in one piece. Or in any sort of piece at all for that matter."

q thought about this as he quickly went over the rules he had made at the start.

"Damn." Q smirked in triumph.

"Oh, by the way," q began in order to quickly change the topic, "congratulations on a wonderfully executed prank. That was truly brilliant."

Q raised an eyebrow. He knew very well he had done more original and interesting pranks before.

"However, I did not appreciate getting caught in the middle of it."

Aha, so that's what this is about.

"What, didn't you like the Tribbles?" Q asked the DADA Professor with an evil smirk.

"No. Can you believe it, they wouldn't even let me feed them to the large spider in the Forbidden Forest."

"Son, I hate to tell you this, but Tribbles are basically lots of fur, some skin and a few internal organs. I don't think the spider would've wanted to eat them."

"So? It would've been interesting to watch it try."

Q rolled his eyes at his son.

"Though I would like to know just why you didn't do anything to Snape. That guy could really use something to loosen him up. Honestly, he's worse than Worf and Tuvok put together."

Q shrugged.

"He's the Slytherin Head of House. The others thought it best to leave him alone. Besides, there isn't a whole lot of magic used in making potions, so it would not have been as effective."

"Yes, but still, he's very easy to annoy, so even a little bit would've been enough."

"q, I think you annoy him enough for the both of us. By the way, your robes: horrendous."

"Why thank you father." q grinned broadly and with evident pride. Then something caught his eye.

"Oh look, I think your little human friends are looking for you."

Q turned his head to look behind him and saw that Draco and the others had just walked out of Honeydukes and were looking around. It was Millicent who spotted Q first and waved at him.

"Oh goody, at least I don't have to talk to an annoying brat anymore."

"Which annoying brat?" q asked, trying to look as innocent and oblivious as possible. Q was not fooled at all and just sent his son a last glare before turning around and walking to the Slytherin group.

After browsing the other shops for a bit, they settled at a booth in the Three Broomsticks and ordered Butterbeers.

"Here's to Operation: APE!" Blaise said, raising his pitcher.

"Operation: APE!" echoed the others and then took their first gulps of the sweet drink.

"Hey, you know that really was a lot of fun," Crabbe said thoughtfully, "maybe we should do it again."

Q perked up a bit at that. He was going to suggest it himself, but this was even better.

"Hmm. . .well I suppose someone really should replace the Weasley twins," Blaise added with an equally thoughtful expression. Draco glared at him.

"And show them, that Slytherins can do anything better." Millicent quickly said before Draco could comment on how he would not be a mere replacement for anything Weasley.

"Well, it certainly would be interesting to see how long we could keep it up without getting caught," Pansy said, realizing what Millicent was doing. They both knew that without Draco's support the idea would remain just that: an idea.

"Stop it both of you," Draco growled, "you know I can see through what you're trying to do and you also both know that I hate being played." Millicent and Pansy both had identical, innocent puppy-dog expressions on their faces. Draco sighed.

"However, I can't ignore that what you've said is true and you all know very well that I'm always game for anything that will prove Slytherin superiority."

The group broke out in excited grins. That then turned slightly evil as they contemplated what sorts of jokes they could play on the rest of the school.

Hmm. . .I think I could genuinely get to like these kids. They think the same way I do. Oh, this is going to be so much fun. I only wish I wasn't limited to using magic. Maybe when this nightmare is over, I'll come back and do some pranks 'in style.' I know, I'll put them on trial for the crimes of humanity. . .no wait, I've already done that. But they don't know that. Now what kinds of pranks could I pull with these human offsprings. . . .oh, I know.

"You know," Q interrupted the Slytherin's chattering, "if we want to stay anonymous, we're going to have to pull something on Professor Snape as well, or people will begin to catch on."

"Ah, the mind of a true Slytherin," Blaise commented. Q rolled his eyes.

"I think that could be why I was put into that particular House," he said dryly. Draco and Millicent chuckled quietly.

"But Professor Snape's a very intelligent man and a master of Dark Arts," Goyle said, successfully making sure the conversation did not veer completely off topic. "Pulling a prank on him won't be that easy."

"Oh, I'll think of something," Q dismissed Goyle's concern.

If I can transport the Enterprise half-way across the galaxy, then I can certainly come up with an appropriate prank to pull on a cranky, colour-deficient potions master.

"This is all fun guys, but don't we have something more important to do at the moment?" drawled Pansy.

"More important than proving Slytherin superiority by humiliating and annoying our professors and peers?!" Blaise gasped in mock horror. Pansy gave him a 'can't-you-be-serious-for-one-second' look. Millicent rolled her eyes.

"I think she means the party," Draco said.

"Oh, right. . ." Blaise's eyes suddenly lit up, "well what are we waiting for?"

He quickly downed the rest of his butterbeer and began urging the others to follow his example so that they could get back to the school quicker. The others purposely took a rather long time to finish their drinks and then made a big deal of stretching before Blaise literally pulled them all out of the booth.

They put their masks back in place and after a few last stops began the walk back to the school.

Just barely suppressed excitement hung over the Slytherin table at dinnertime. Professor Snape, who was somehow always able to detect the strange mood swings of his house, noticed. He watched his students carefully all throughout the meal, but could not decipher the mixed signals he was receiving.

If any of the other professors noticed, they chalked it up to the Hogsmeade trip and an overabundance of sweets.

As soon as the Slytherins were back from dinner, a few of the seventh years began to transform the Common Room into a Party Room. Soon, it was unrecognizable.

Green and silver serpent streamers decorated the ceiling and the walls were charmed to make the room appear like a clearing in the middle of a dark forest. The fireplace was hidden behind a chair that had been transfigured into a large tree stump and shallow, iron bowls were hovering about the room, just out of reach of all but the tallest students. In the centre of each bowl was a fire. Together the fires illuminated the room just enough so that each individual could be seen while leaving a subtle feeling of mystery.

Soon after the seventh years had completed their part, the third and fourth years returned from their food expedition. The house elves had been very generous and each of the ten students who had gone was laden with fresh sandwiches and pastries from the Hogwarts kitchens.

At this point the first and second years produced what they had managed to acquired earlier in the day while the majority of students was in Hogsmeade. They proudly arranged salamis, hams, various cheeses, crackers and fruit on the large wooden table that now stood in the Common Room.

The fifth years then presented the punch they had made. Though, not until after it had been spiked by a few of the seventh years who were of age. Except for a few bowls the Slytherin prefects had insisted be put aside for the first and second years as well as anyone who did not wish to drink alcohol.

Meanwhile, a group of sixth years were busy at the end of the corridor outside the Slytherin dormitories setting up wards to alert them should anyone approach. These students were namely Draco, Pansy (who was surprisingly skilled at setting up wards), Blaise and Q.

Millicent was busy putting out dishes with cat treats in strategic places for Mrs. Norris. It was quite amazing that Millicent seemed to be the only Hogwarts student to have discovered how receptive the caretaker's cat was to bribes.

Finally the preparations were finished and all of Slytherin House gathered in their Common Room, which had been magically expanded by the seventh years to comfortably fit the entire house.

I wonder what kind of a party a bunch of children can throw. Well, as long as they're better than the ones on Voyager I won't complain too loudly. Though I suppose that since there obviously isn't a hologram in the room, it has to be better than the ones on Voyager. I almost crashed one of those parties once, but I think the crew might have actually enjoyed that since it would've interrupted a recital by their favourite doctor.

In one corner of the room Q noticed Pansy talking urgently with a tall seventh-year boy. By the way she was waving her hands about, Q realized she was describing something to him. Eventually he nodded and then pointed his wand at a lone green velvet footstool and transfigured it into a magnificent grand piano. It was made from dark mahogany wood with black accents and gold-plated designs carved along its edges.

Pansy squealed with delight and jumped into the boy's arms. She planted a quick kiss on his cheek and ran off to her room.

Seconds later, she was back with a stack of parchments in her arms. She walked up to the piano and placed one of the sheets on the instrument. The rest got placed on the floor as she sat down on the bench, which had the Slytherin crest painted on the seat.

Q was amazed that what then flowed from the piano was actually music. He had not expected the girl to have much of any talent. Though, he mused, she had surprised him earlier with her abilities at creating wards.

"She plays well," Q said to Blaise.

"Yeah, Pansy and Goyle are the musically inclined in the group," Blaise answered.

"Goyle?"

"You'll see." Q raised an eyebrow, but was prevented from asking Blaise what he meant by that when Millicent pranced up to them through the crowd.

"What are you guys doing, just standing around?" she exclaimed. She grabbed them both by the hand and dragged them towards the area with the piano.

From where they had been standing, the two Slytherins had not noticed the black leather couch and chairs that the seventh years had not touched other than to move them to the side.

Draco was already lounging in one of the high-backed chairs. Q wondered briefly if the chairs were supposed to have some sort of symbolic meaning of Slytherin House. On first glance they appeared hard and unpleasant, but really they were soft and incredibly comfortable. He didn't dwell on that though.

Q sat down in one of the remaining chairs and Blaise took one end of the couch while Millicent took the other. For a while Q closed his eyes and just listened to the piece Pansy was playing. It was a haunting melody, with long, deep tones, occasionally penetrated by a faster, higher-pitched harmony.

He felt rather than heard when the song ended in a dramatic plunge. As if whoever had written the mournful piece had decided to end their life along with the song. He opened his eyes and noticed that Draco was staring at him thoughtfully.

"So," the Slytherin Prince began, "do you play any instrument?"

"The violin," Q answered, after nodding once. His admission seemed to interest Draco, though he didn't comment on it.

Crabbe and Goyle suddenly materialized from within the crowd, each levitating several goblets of punch.

"Here, we were by the tables and thought you lot might want something to drink," said Crabbe as way of explanation. They all thanked the two boys and each took a goblet.

Goyle took one to Pansy who had just started another piece. This one was slightly more upbeat than her first one and sounded more like a love song. Pansy didn't look up as the goblet was placed on top of the piano, she was too engrossed in the music.

The group on the couch ate, drank and talked. They took turns going to the tables for refreshments.

Half an hour later Pansy was relieved by a curly-haired seventh year boy who struck up a few merry, dancing tunes. Millicent jumped up at that and looked at Blaise. He took the hint and gallantly stood up, bowed and asked her to dance. This caused the girl to roll her eyes and giggle as she curtsied.

They were soon joined by several other pairs and the other students moved away to make room for a dance floor. Draco and Pansy joined them. Q watched the humans with interest.

Suddenly the piano music was replaced by the rich tones of a saxophone. Q looked over to the piano and was shocked to recognize the musician as Goyle.

Wow, Blaise was right, the gorilla does have talent. I think he and Riker would get along very well; the stuff he's playing almost seems like jazz. Well, the Wizarding equivalent anyway.

The musicians switched every so often during the evening. More students joined the couples on the 'dance floor.' Even Q danced, mostly with Pansy and Millicent. The punch was also clearly beginning to seriously effecting everyone.

Well, everyone except Q, but no one really noticed that.

They also didn't notice when Professor Snape walked into the Common Room.

The Slytherin Head of House leaned against the doorway and surveyed the room. It was clear that his students were becoming intoxicated. It was also clear they were having a lot of fun. His eyes lit up with pride and relief. He had been expecting much worse.

At any other time he would have immediately put a stop to the party. Tonight, however, he didn't feel like it. Having just returned from a meeting with the Headmaster, he felt his students deserved a bit of fun. After all, the rest of the school was already convinced they were the enemy.

Besides, the second-year that was currently playing the violin was truly amazing. The professor waited for him to finish and made his exit during the clapping.

"So. . .Q," drawled Draco as the second-year violinist finished, "you said you played the violin?"

I should have known this was coming.

"Oooh, you play the violin?!" exclaimed Pansy and gave Q a pleading look.

"Yes," he answered and then before anyone could ask, added: "and yes, I will play something."

Pansy and Millicent cheered. Q turned and walked up to the second-year to ask if he could borrow his violin. The boy looked surprised, but happily allowed Q to borrow his instrument. Luckily, it was a magical violin and therefore adjusted its size to accommodate each player.

Q first played a few experimental notes. Then he paused for a moment to get into the mood before striking up the long, sweet tones of one of his favourite pieces. He played three songs before giving the podium over to a brass quartet. His weren't really dance pieces, so most of the house had just stood back and listened.

"Hey, you're really good," said Blaise when Q returned to the group, who was now settled back at their previous spot on the leather couch and chairs. Apparently the spot had been labelled as 'belonging to Draco Malfoy and co.' so none of the other students had moved in when the group had been away.

"Well don't act so surprised," Q joked.

"What was that you were playing?" asked Draco. "I really liked it, but I'm pretty sure I've never heard any of it before."

"That could possibly be because they were all written by muggle composers."

"Muggle composers?!" Crabbe exclaimed, astonished.

"Yes. The first piece was "Ave Maria" by Bach, the second one "A Little Night Music" by Mozart and the third "Ode to Joy" by Beethoven."

"You're a pureblood and you play muggle music?" Draco was disgusted by the idea. Q looked him straight in the eye when he responded.

"I recall saying at one point in time that there are a few muggle things worthy of my attention. Some of their music classifies as such."

Draco and the others did not seem convinced. Q groaned.

One of these days I believe I shall publish a book entitled "The Many Ways in which Humans are Stupid, Ignorant Bipeds that Never Should Have Left the Bottom of the Ocean from whence They Came." Then I'll give Kathy, Jean-Luc and a few other choice individuals free copies.

"What is your problem with muggle music?" Q demanded.

"It's muggle!" Draco exclaimed.

"But you just said you liked it."

"Well yes, I mean initially. . ." the blond Slytherin was becoming perplexed. He had never really given the convictions impressed upon his father much thought. And yet he had genuinely liked the music Q had played.

"So why don't you like it now?"

"It's muggle, and therefore, um. . .inferior. . ." Draco realized that his argument was quickly becoming rather weak under Q's scrutiny.

"How many muggle things have you seen, heard, used?"

"None." Draco was frowning.

"Then how do you know that you don't like anything muggle?"

"Because my father says. . ."

"Oh yes, I can see where a man with the intelligence to get himself thrown into Azkaban would be a wonderful fount of information."

In a flash Draco was out of his chair, fists clenched and glaring daggers at Q.

"Don't you dare insult my father!" he yelled and brought the party to a halt. Well almost, anyway, considering just how much alcohol everyone had consumed.

"I did not insult anyone," Q said evenly with a neutral expression, "I merely spoke the truth."

Draco was furious, but did not want to cause a scene. Not about such a fragile subject; it would not do to loose his temper in front of his entire house. Especially since he was not quite sure if he could win an argument against Q.

Instead, Draco gave Q one last furious glare and stormed out of the Common Room.

Pansy looked at Goyle and they both went to the piano. What just happened was personal and had nothing to do with the rest of the house. They wanted to get the party going again.

Soon their voices rang through the Common Room. They were singing A Cappella (in other words, without accompaniment) and their clear voices quickly drew the attention of all students. Pansy's soprano was angelic and carried on the air like a soothing breeze. Goyle complemented her with a deep baritone. They sang a ballad about a powerful, young wizard who fell in love with a veela and then killed himself when he realized she did not love him back.

After they had finished, the room was completely silent for a few moments. Then one, by one, students began to clap. Soon the noise was almost overwhelming. The two singers bowed graciously and the party resumed again in full swing.

Slytherin House generated some interest the next morning when a majority of its students did not show up for breakfast. The few who did were the ones who hadn't gone to bed yet.

* * *

Well, hope you liked that. Now review. Please.

And if anyone has any suggestions for any of q's robes, let me know. Or for a prank Q and co. could play on someone.

Also, I'm not going to go explaining any Star Trek allusions here, but if I mention something you don't understand, let me know and I'll try to explain it a bit more.


	12. New Developments

**Hey guys, I'm back!** Sorry it took a while, but I just got a new job and then I got a really bad cold, which I'm thankfully finally getting over. I also wasn't sure what I wanted to do with this chapter. Anyway, I have the next couple already planned out, so they should be up a lot quicker. Thanks to everyone who reviewed!

**Eratosthenese**- Trust me, I'm envious of Pansy's piano-playing and I'm the one who wrote it. And thanks to replying about chapter lengths, you're the only one who did. So as of right now, shorter and more frequent.

Fuji the Hobbit- I don't think I'm going to be having any Star Trek crew members showing up at Hogwarts, but I know for sure that Q's not staying at Hogwarts over Christmas. . . I also have a few ideas for a sequel that would bring the Hogwarts crew in touch with the 24th century. You'll hear more about that when I get closer to the end of this fic.

Midnight Owl Miranda- Thanks for the idea, though I already know what I'm going to be doing to Snape. Though there's nothing saying that he can't be pranked twice. Or that it wouldn't be equally amusing to see that happen to Professor McGonagall.

Alynna Lis Eachann- Glad you liked the party. It was more toned down than some of the ones I've been too, but, hey, they are at boarding school after all. 

"Blah" is people talking 

_Blah_ is Q thinking 

'Blah' is telepathic communication

* * *

**Chapter 12** - New Developments 

For two days after the party, Draco seemed a bit distant. He especially seemed to be avoiding any conversation with Q. On Sunday it was due mainly to his hangover, but by Tuesday morning everyone knew it was deliberate.

Blaise, Pansy and Millicent were beginning to get worried about their friend, but decided to leave it for the time being. They knew that when Draco was in a mood he had to get out of it himself. To try and snap him out of it had the same effect as gently nudging a landmine. Both blew up instantly and struck out at everything in their vicinity.

Even Crabbe and Goyle had learned by Christmas of first year to never, ever try and talk to Draco when he was in a mood.

However, as much as they were all giving Draco the space they sensed he wanted, they also noticed that this time was different. He didn't snap at random people, didn't go out of his way to pick fights with the Golden Trio and seemed to be thoughtful rather than murderous.

Q paid close attention to the boy.

He's actually considering what I said. Maybe he does have something resembling intelligence in that head of his after all. I'll certainly give him some credit, he's doing better than Picard did the first time we met. It took a life and death situation for him to actually listen to me. Not to mention the Borg. . . Ahh. . .how'd I love to include them in my next prank. I certainly would enjoy the show. I wonder if they could adapt to Avada Kadavera. . .

After dinner on Tuesday, Q motioned for Pansy to follow him into his room. She elegantly raised an eyebrow, but was much too curious to resist following him. He showed her a few books he had borrowed from the library (not all officially) and asked her a few questions.

Her eyes took on an evil glint of excitement when she realized it was for another prank.

"So, what do you think?" Q finally asked her. She looked up and smiled widely.

"It's mean and nasty and utterly brilliant. I'm in."

Just then there was a knock at the door and Draco entered. He hesitated when he saw Pansy was there, surprise and confusion playing on his face. He shrugged and closed the door.

"Hi Draco," Pansy said brightly, sounding a bit nervous as she did.

"Hey Pansy, Q," Draco answered quietly. He seemed unsure of where what to say. Q realized that the for the first time the boy actually looked vulnerable.

Draco took a deep breath and looked directly at Q, giving him a long calculating glance.

"I've been thinking about what you said," he began, "about me not really knowing what I'm hating. So, well, I was wondering if you could help me with that. I. . .uh. . . well, could you lend me that book you were reading on the train?"

Pansy was doing a very good impression of a drowning fish. Q had a small smile on his face and a look of approval in his eyes. In fact he was so pleased that he had actually managed to find a human who wasn't unilaterally stupid that he was a split second away from snapping his fingers and having the book appear in Draco's hand. Luckily he realized at the last second that he wasn't supposed to do that.

So instead, Q got up and walked over to his trunk. He picked up his copy of _Hamlet_ and handed it to Draco. The blond thanked him and then turned around to leave. He paused for a moment and turned his head to look at Pansy.

"Why exactly are you here?" he asked her.

"Oh, just a little prank Q and I are working on," she drawled and winked mischievously.

"Since when?"

"About five minutes ago."

Draco's eyes lit up and he smiled evilly.

"So what's the prank?"

"We can't tell you," Q answered firmly. Draco was about to protest. "It involves a very sensitive individual and the less people that know about it the better. Besides, the shock effect should be priceless."

Draco looked thoughtful for a while and then smirked, having a pretty good idea to whom Q was referring to.

"All right, I suppose I have a date with a book anyway. Thanks again, I'll see you tomorrow."

With that Draco spun on his heel and left the room, carefully closing the door behind him.

"Now then, Pansy dear, where were we?"

Q and Pansy worked on the prank for the rest of the week, trying to figure out how to make it work. On Thursday they asked Millicent to join them since Draco had taken quite a liking to Shakespeare and was currently reading _MacBeth_.

Q found he was actually enjoying himself since magic worked differently than his Q powers and therefore he did not know exactly how to do what he wanted to do. He knew everything in theory, but if something hadn't been done yet, then he had to figure it out on his own.

Friday during dinner he had an epiphany.

However just as he was about to tell his co-conspirators, Q sensed Professor Dumbledore heading to the Slytherin table. He casually picked up his glass of pumpkin juice and sipped it calmly, waiting for him to arrive.

"Mr. Picard," the Headmaster said when he was finally standing behind Q's chair, "would you please be so kind as to come up to my office when you are finished with your dinner?"

"Of course Headmaster," Q answered politely, as he looked up at the old man, "in fact, I am already done, so I can come up now."

"Excellent, follow me then."

Q got up and followed the Headmaster out of the Great Hall. They went up several flights of stairs, down numerous corridors until they came to a gargoyle. After a mumbled 'jelly babies' that Q was sure he wasn't supposed to have heard, another staircase appeared and the two of them ascended to Dumbledore's office.

"Please, have a seat," Professor Dumbledore said gesturing to a chair. Q sat down and watched the old wizard carefully. Said wizard offered the omnipotent entity sitting across from him a lemon drop. Q politely declined the candy and watched as Dumbledore took one and popped it into his mouth.

"So, how are you liking Hogwarts so far Mr. Picard?" Dumbledore finally asked.

"It's ok," Q answered, his expression neutral.

"I noticed that you have already managed to make a few new friends."

"Yes, I suppose I so."

"Are the students in Slytherin treating you well? I'm afraid they do have a reputation of being a bit aggressive towards anyone who is not like them."

"Unlike the Griffindors who were nice to me until I got sorted into Slytherin."

Something flashed in between the twinkling in the Headmaster's eyes.

Struck a nerve have I? Or were you expecting me to be some baffoon who can barely spell his own name?

"Yes, the inter-house rivalry between Griffindor and Slytherin is legendary."

Legendary? It's ridiculous. Not to mention a prime example of why humans never should have evolved. I mean what kind of moron pits children against each other by telling one group that the other is evil. And they wonder why they're at war!

"But from what I hear, the Salem Institute in America has a very similar situation on its hands." Dumbledore was now carefully studying Q's face, trying to read what he could.

"Yes, it does. However, the system there is much newer and therefore the problems do not stem from archaic traditions that have not changed much since the Middle Ages. Also, I didn't attend Salem Institute."

Dumbledore frowned. He was finding the young man (well at least he thought it was a young man) in front of him quite perplexing. The aged wizard was famous for knowing everything that went on in the castle, but for some reason he was having an extremely hard time pin-pointing down any of Q's actions. For the first time since he could remember he had a student about whom he honestly knew absolutely nothing.

Q smirked inwardly at the dilemma that he knew he was causing the Headmaster.

He suddenly noticed a delicate nudging on the corner of his mind, as if someone was trying to communicate with him. It wasn't strong enough to be another Q, but yet it was stronger than most telepathic life forms.

"So which magic school did you attend?" Dumbledore asked carefully.

"A small, private one called Black Bear Falls Magic Academy."

"I must say I've never heard of it."

"Most people outside North America haven't; it's by Niagra Falls, close to the US-Canadian boarder. It only accepts about 15 new students a year from both Canada, the United States and, occasionally, a few international ones."

The nudging on his mind was getting stronger. It wasn't strong enough to even be annoying, but Q's curiosity was piqued. He followed the telepathic connection to its source.

'Hello,' he said.

'Hello, Eternal One.' Q chuckled at that, but only in his mind so that the being would hear it and Dumbledore wouldn't.

'I've been called a lot of things, but never Eternal One. Sounds like something you'd call a god.'

'But you are a god. The humans cannot see it, their magic is corrupted, but you are not a magical being. I feel only a little power from you, but it speaks of more. Great power, more powerful than anything I have every seen.'

Meanwhile Dumbledore was questioning Q about Black Bear Falls Magic Academy. Q answered him as he surveyed the room. It was full of all sorts of magical gadgets and various artefacts, including a large telescope. Then he noticed what he was looking for: at the back of the room perching on a large wooden pedestal, was a fiery-gold phoenix.

'I knew that humans were stupid, but outdone by a bird? That's just pathetic.'

'I am no mere bird.'

'True, but still, for a race that insists it's the most intelligent species on their miserable little planet, that's pathetic.'

'Why are you here then if you do not like humans?'

'I lost a bet.'

'Pardon?'

'I lost a bet with my son and so as a result I have to spend a year pretending to be a sixth-year exchange student at Hogwarts. By the way, I would greatly appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anybody about me, otherwise I lose and he'll think of something even more horrible to do to me.'

The phoenix trilled happily. To Q it sounded an awful lot like laughter. His eyes narrowed and he shot the bird a death glare. Dumbledore noticed this exchange between his student and his pet, even though he did not understand it, not having been privy to their conversation.

"Ah, I see you've noticed Fawkes."

'So you have a name.'

'Of course I have a name. And you? I imagine Quincy Picard is not what you are really called.'

'Absolutely not, I have no need for some complicated human name. I'm Q.'

'The Slytherins call you that.'

'Because I told them to. Wait, how do you know that?'

"Mr. Picard, do you mind explaining why you are glaring at Fawkes?" Professor Dumbledore interrupted yet again.

"It keeps looking at me."

'Now the Headmaster will believe that I sense evil in you.'

'Really? Oh good, his prize pupils already think I'm a spy for Voldemort.'

'Why do you wish for them to think this?'

'I enjoy playing with humans, it's fun. You should try it sometime.'

At this point in time, Dumbledore had turned around to look at Fawkes. The phoenix noticed this and decided to play along with Q's game. After all, he had never met anyone, who could so easily dupe the powerful wizard he lived with. Therefore, what the Headmaster saw was Fawkes pointedly staring at Q.

"Oh dear, that's not good," the Headmaster muttered to himself. He then turned around to face Q again.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that you are settling into Hogwarts and that your new House isn't giving you a hard time. Now then, I'm sure you want to get back to enjoying the weekend."

'Could he be less sincere?'

'I'm afraid our dear Headmaster does not do insincerity very well.'

Q thanked the Headmaster and got up to leave. Just as he was opening the door, Dumbledore spoke up.

"One last thing Quincy: if you ever have any problems, or need to talk to anyone, please do come and see me. Remember, at Hogwarts, help is given to those who ask for it."

"Thank you, Headmaster, I'll be sure to remember that."

Ye Gods! That guy's starting to sound like Kathy! Hmm. . .I wonder what he'd do if I brought to his attention my little problem with q? Would be amusing to see the expression on his face when I explain the problem to him. However, I think that would safely break every single one of q's rules. Damn, why do I have to be the good role model?

'Good bye Q.'

'Bye Fawkes, I'll be seeing you around.'

With that Q left Dumbledore's office and headed straight for the Slytherin dungeons. After all, he still had to tell Pansy and Millicent about his ingenious breakthrough.

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Ok now people, hope you enjoyed that and don't forget to review!


	13. Sunday Morning

**Ok,** so here's a short, but hopefully funny chapter for you. It'll be at least a week before I can update again because of job, school and Thanksgiving weekend for which I'm going home. And before anyone asks: yes, this weekend most certainly is Thanksgiving weekend in CANADA, which is where I'm from. Not to be mixed up with the US Thanksgiving which is in mid-November.

Thanks a lot for all the great reviews; I'm glad to see that I have a steady readership. I'd especially like to thank **Eratosthenese **for pointing out that I've been spelling Gryffindor wrong for the past 12 chapters (AAHHHH!!). If I ever do that again, please shoot me. Figuratively of course.

Disclaimer: I still don't own any of this. Unless I'm dreaming, but that doesn't count.

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**Chapter 13** - Sunday Morning

The majority of Slytherin House was quick to catch on to the subtle hints that Q, Pansy and Millicent sent their way and therefore made sure not miss breakfast on Sunday morning.

The appearance of almost the entire house at breakfast that morning reminded the rest of the school that they had been absent on the previous Sunday. A few whispered conversations speculated about what had happened last Saturday night.

The Slytherins themselves remained suspiciously silent on the topic, which had of course only started many rumours. The most popular one being that the entire house had spent the night meeting He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and half of them were now newly-initiated Deatheaters. Other rumours included complicated blood rituals, virgin sacrifices (which many in the school were convinced the Slytherins did anyway), Unforgivable Curse training sessions and various other such evil activities.

They had become a running joke among the Slytherin students.

Everyone was so caught up in the school's least favourite house's absence the previous Sunday morning that they missed the slight feeling of anticipation that surrounded said house this morning. All but four of the students were carefully watching the room with curiosity.

Q, Pansy and Millicent had refused to tell anyone what was going on. Draco had cornered Pansy the previous evening and so had at least a vague idea of what they were waiting for. He was having a hard time keeping a straight face at the curious glances his housemates were giving him, since they all assumed that as the Slytherin Prince, he was in on the entire thing.

With only a half hour of breakfast left, the doors to the Great Hall suddenly flew open and a figure stalked down the centre aisle to the Head Table.

It was Professor Snape. A very, very angry Professor Snape. The anger was radiating off of him so strongly that those closest to him cowered in fear as he passed. Everyone else was too stunned to do anything more than gape and stare at the Head of Slytherin House.

His robes, shoes and hair were a bright, pumpkin orange colour.

He swept up to the Head Table and took his usual seat on the end, glaring at the student populous, as if daring them to say something, anything so that he would have a reason to hex them into the next millennium.

The professors at the table stared at him with wide eyes. Even Professor Dumbledore appeared so completely shocked that his eyes had forgotten to twinkle and Professor McGonagall was frozen with her fork half-way to her mouth, her eyes glued to her colleague.

Not five minutes later, Professor Janeway waltzed through the door.

Today his robes were white and had ladybugs moving around among bright-coloured flowers on them. Those close enough could also see the occasional bee flying around on them.

The Professor took about ten steps when he finally noticed Snape. He broke out in a huge grin.

"Merlin's beard!" he exclaimed loudly, arms raised to the sky, "He's been cured!"

There were a few moments of shocked silence. Then while Snape shot q an almost lethal death-glare, a few sniggers began to escape from Hufflepuff. More than several Ravenclaw students had hands in front of their mouths in vain attempts to hide their smiles and the Griffindor table seemed to shake from quiet laughter.

The Slytherin table was doing a bit better trying to hide its amusement, but not much. Q and Draco along with a few others were the most successful. Blaise was steadily growing increasingly redder in the face from suppressed laughter and Crabbe and Goyle had simply decided to face the doors to hide the wide grins they could not keep from their faces.

"Severus," began the Headmaster in a quiet conversational tone (though unfortunately for Snape the Great Hall was still quiet enough that many of the students sitting towards the Head Table heard it), "I don't suppose you could explain how this apparent wardrobe change arose?"

"I believe that someone tampered with the wards to my private chambers," the Potions Professor answered through gritted teeth.

That was the last straw for Blaise Zabini, within seconds he was a black blur dashing out of the Great Hall.

It did not take very long for others to realize the intelligence behind his retreat and the hall very rapidly emptied of its student population.

Professor Snape glared at the laughter coming from the hall.

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Ok hope you liked that, now please review. Reviews are good, they make me want to write faster.

Also, I've been told that apparently I don't have enough of the Golden Trio in my story, at least not in a good way. In other words, that I should show them as more of the 'good guys' and not pick on them, especially Hermoine so much. What do you guys think? (Btw, this complaint came from my sister, so I have absolutely no qualms in potentially ignoring it completely)


	14. Pranks, Detentions and Transfigurations

**Hey guys!** As you've probably noticed, this isn't an update, just a repost. I've combined the author's notes that used to have a separate chapter into this one. This website doesn't allow separate chapters for author's notes and I don't want to risk having my story removed for something I can so easily fix.

Disclaimer: don't own this!

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**Chapter 14** - Pranks, Detentions and Transfigurations

The next month and a half of school passed by relatively quickly. Well, for most people anyway. As far as most students were concerned, the time flew by. Q was the only exception, but only because he refused to admit to himself that a bunch of human adolescents could make enjoyable company.

The professors, on the other hand, were beginning to hate the new school year with a vengeance. There was currently a huge calendar in the Staff Lounge counting down the days 'till Christmas break.

Mostly, this was due to the rash of practical jokes that did not seem to want to go away.

It took Professor Snape three days to counter the wards to his private rooms and during that time his robes and hair changed from the original pumpkin orange colour to teal, baby blue, fluorescent pink and lavender.

All four houses lost a lot of points in those three days and more than a few students found themselves scrubbing the potions classroom floor with toothbrushes. Or cleaning the school's many bathrooms.

Many of the pranks were annoying, but harmless. For instance, one day students arrived at breakfast only to find salt in the sugar bowls and sugar in the salt shakers. Q found it quite amusing to watch the faces of students and professors alike as they took their first drink of tea in the morning, made all the more amusing by the fact that only half of them were truly awake at that point in time.

The best reaction of the morning came from Cho Chang of Ravenclaw, who ran into the Great Hall towards the end of breakfast and began to urgently whisper something to her friends before they had a chance to warn her. She liked a lot of sugar in her tea.

Being in a rush, she took a huge gulp of tea. Within seconds the tea came back out of her mouth in a massive spray that drenched the petite blond sitting across from her.

Another day saw all students walking around with their hair charmed into a sort of perverse version of their house colours. The Gryffindors all had bright, fire truck-red hair, Hufflepuffs had mustard-yellow hair, Ravenclaws bright sky-blue and Slytherins lime green. Needless to say, most people weren't too impressed.

Except for the Slytherins, who had done it to themselves on purpose so as not to avoid suspicion. They were collectively amazed that they still had not been caught.

By now the entire House was participating in the pranks in one way or another. Some researched spells or potions, some experimented with new spells and others snuck around the school at odd hours of the morning setting things up (this was made a lot easier now that they knew about Mrs. Norris's weakness for liver-flavoured cat treats).

The prank Slytherin House was most proud of was a collaboration between a group of fifth, sixth and seventh years that originated as an idea from a shy first year.

After a few weeks of preparations, they managed to randomly charm a dozen or so of Professor Sprout's plants to sing vulgar drinking songs. They stopped singing whenever anyone came within a metre of them, making them almost impossible to pick out from all the other plants in the greenhouse.

Professor Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling into overtime. In fact, the Headmaster appeared to be enjoying the practical jokes even though he openly admitted that for the first time he was stumped as to the identity of Hogwarts' resident pranksters.

However, most of the staff did not share his sense of humour and began doling out even more detentions than before. Not even Q managed to avoid detention for long.

He was quickly receiving a reputation for being arrogant, stubborn, listening to instructions only when it suited him and having no respect for authority. Q was quite proud of this reputation and could vividly picture Jean Luc Picard and Kathy Janeway nodding in absolute agreement with this description of himself. After all, neither one of them had needed a month to figure out what he was like. Well, as close as any human could come to figuring him out anyway.

As far as detention went, he preferred serving it alone, especially when it was doing something the particular professor felt they didn't need to supervise, such as scrubbing desks. They would take away his wand and leave. Then he would snap his fingers and spend the next two hours or so talking mentally to Fawkes.

The Phoenix was a wonderful source of information.

Q found out that the Golden Trio had been to see the Headmaster with their suspicions regarding him. Dumbledore had thanked the children and asked them to keep a discrete eye on the American exchange student. He also told them that the only reason Hogwarts had an exchange student was because the new Minister of Magic had insisted upon it. Something about strengthening relations with the colonies.

Dumbledore's opinion of the new Minister was not much better than it had been of Fudge.

Q hated having to serve detention with other students, because it meant that he actually had to do whatever the professor assigned him to do. And he had to do it the slow, laborious, human way.

Unless of course the other student was a fellow Slytherin. The first time this happened Q had detention with Draco, courtesy of Professor Snape, who had not forgotten about the "special features" that had been added to the wards around his private chambers.

Although he never did ask, he was convinced that Q and Draco had something to do with the prank.

This annoyed Draco to no end, since he had honestly had very little to do with the prank.

And so Snape took their wands and left them with two pails of water and some sponges to scrub the Practice Potion's Lab.

The Practice Potion's Lab was an empty classroom that had been refitted into a place where students could go to practice potions. It had five work stations equipped with all the basic essentials required in any potions lab. However, since it was on the first floor instead of in the dungeons where the potions professor could keep an eye on it and because it was used by students who were considerably less than neat, it usually looked like it had been run over by a hurricane.

There had been a very evil gleam in the professor's eyes when he told Draco and Q to clean it "the muggle way."

The two of them just stood and stared at the mess for several minutes. Then Draco sighed heavily and reluctantly picked up a bucket.

"Well, I guess we'd better get on with it then," he said and started walking towards the first work station.

"You're not actually planning on lowering yourself to cleaning this room manually are you?" came Q's reply.

"Well, seeing as how Professor Snape has our wands. . . please tell me you have a spare wand hidden up your sleeve."

"Close," Q smirked. He then knelt down and rolled up his left pant leg. He then stood up and presented Draco with his "spare wand."

He doesn't need to know that I just put it there. I mean so much of what I do is improvised . . . I wonder what Jean Luc would say if he ever found out that the whole trial thing when we first met was completely spur-of-the-moment. Not to mention the Robin Hood thing - actually I think that one was fairly imaginative.

"That's a wand?" Draco studied it sceptically. It was considerably smaller than a regular wand: only about the size of a ballpoint pen. It was bright yellow.

"Well granted it's not as powerful as a full-sized one, but it is powerful enough to deal with the mess in here."

That said, Q decided to demonstrate. He muttered a few spells and within ten minutes the entire room looked neat and organized. Then he pointed it at the floor and it became spotless. As a final touch he turned the water in the buckets a dark, murky grey

"Where can I get one of those?" Draco asked in awe.

"I'll bring one back for you from America after the Christmas holidays."

"So you're going home for Christmas?"

"Absolutely."

There is no way I'm spending more time here than I have to. Besides I have a ton of ideas of stuff I can do to make the lives of my favourite Starfleeters just a bit more miserable. Come to think of it, I still haven't christened the new Enterprise.

But before Christmas came Halloween. The week prior was filled with anticipation, because Professor Dumbledore announced that for the first time ever everyone was invited to wear costumes to the Halloween Feast. And so all students spent the next week putting costumes together.

On top of preparing their costumes, Slytherin House also worked on organizing their second party of the year. None of them were willing to go through all the effort of finding costumes only to wear them for a few hours at dinner. Hence, they decided to throw a costume party. Luckily for them, Halloween this year fell on a Friday.

Unknown to the others, Q did some additional preparations of his own for Halloween.

In the several days before Halloween many of the professors gave Halloween themes to their classes. Professor Sprout showed her students the proper way to harvest Wolfsbane, q did a class on spirit summoning, Professor Snape gave a lecture on the uses of blood in potions (many of which were somewhat dark and some of which were most definitely dark) and Hagrid introduced his class to Aragog.

Q wondered about whether substituting Klingon for human blood would make for an volatile potion that would have the instinctive urge to attack other potions along with their brewers. Meanwhile Draco wished that he was still taking Care of Magical Creatures so that he could've seen the look of absolute terror on Ron's face as he watched Aragog. Instead, he had to settle for vivid descriptions from his housemates.

As far as the sixth years were concerned though, the best class was Transfigurations.

"Put your books and things away; the only things I want to see on your desks are your wands," was the first thing Professor McGonagall said when she walked into the classroom. The class quickly came to attention, since McGonagall rarely ever gave out such instructions.

"Now then, with Professor Snape's help I have prepared a very special class today for you today." The stern professor's lips curled into a half-smile and looked around the room with a mischievous glint in her eye, revelling in the suspense she was causing the students.

Oh, just get on with it woman. Whatever this silly surprise of your is, it can't be that great.

"Today we will be looking at Animagus transformations." Eyes around the room brightened instantly and ears visibly perked up. "Each of you will drink a potion and I will recite a spell. Then you shall turn into your respective animals for about 30 seconds."

But I'm already pretending to be human, isn't that animal enough? I wonder if I can kill my son without my wife finding out. . .

McGonagall spent the next ten minutes giving her class a rough explanation of how Animagi worked and that what the spell they were about to perform did was tap into a person's subconscious and bring its animal manifestation into the forefront. This meant that for a few seconds the Animagus form took over and forced the human to adapt its form. A true Animagus transformation was done through the will of the witch or wizard, not their "inner animal."

"So, who wants to go first?" Professor McGonagall asked innocently and a sea of hands shot up. She scanned the crowd.

"Mr. Potter, come up here please."

Harry looked immensely pleased with himself and practically leapt out of his seat as he bounded up to the professor, as if afraid she would change her mind. She smiled and handed him a vile, which he downed in one large gulp, grimacing when he was finished. However, he didn't have time to comment on how disgusting the potion was as the Transfigurations Professor had already cast the spell on him.

He froze, eyes slowly becoming unfocused. Then his body was surrounded by a slight glow which slowly gained in intensity. Suddenly the light began to change shape, morphing Harry's body along with it. Moments later it disappeared leaving a small furry creature with a long body and tail and small beady eyes that looked up at the students with curiosity.

Draco roared with laughter.

"Potter's a bloody weasel!" he exclaimed. The Gryffindors hadn't come out of their shock enough to admonish him, but McGonagall scowled at his language.

"Actually Draco," said Q, "that's a mongoose."

Somehow, Hermoine actually managed to hear that and her head snapped to Q.

"A mongoose?" she asked. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course I'm sure. I wouldn't be saying it otherwise."

Just then the mongoose was once again surrounded in light and it expanded until it was the size of a human again. It disintegrated and left a very disoriented Harry, who quickly shook his head and looked to his fellow Gryffindors.

"So, what was I?" he asked, excited.

"You were a mongoose Harry," answered Hermoine.

"An Indian mongoose to be precise," added Q.

"What's a mongoose?" Harry looked confused as his gaze shifted from Hermoine to Q.

"Well. . ." drawled Draco, "it's small, furry and looks like a weasel."

Hermoine glared at the blond Slytherin and then turned to Harry.

"Mongooses are small weasel-_like_ animals. They are quick and agile and are known for their ability to kill snakes, especially cobras."

"Is that true?" Draco whispered to Q, who simply nodded. It was the Indian mongoose in particular that was known for killing cobras and mongooses ate more than snakes, but he didn't feel like giving a lecture on some silly mammal, so he just let it be.

Meanwhile Harry sat down, apparently satisfied with his friend's answer.

The next to go to the front was Ron. He turned into a Tasmanian Devil. Q had to admit, the animal did fit the boy, right down to the ears that turned red when agitated.

Then Hermoine went and turned into a reddish-brown brown cat, whose long fur was sleek and shone in the sunlight coming in through the windows. Neville became a large turtle, Seamus a chimpanzee, Dean turned into a moose.

Then came the Slytherins. Pansy was the most surprising; she earned herself several gasps when she turned into a beautiful leopard. Blaise was somewhat less surprising as a gorgeous black stallion and Crabbe and Goyle were a bulldog and tortoise respectively.

When Draco went up, Q could tell he was slightly nervous. He could hear the Golden Trio and several of the other Gryffindors muttering something about a ferret. He concentrated on Draco and knew that there was no way Draco's "inner animal" was a ferret. Many people were clearly disappointed when the Slytherin Prince turned into a White Shepard that barked enthusiastically at the class.

Q went last. Secretly he had been hoping that the bell would ring before he would have to go. Reluctantly he made his way up to the front of the class.

Maybe I should make nothing happen and throw the old bat into a frenzy over why the heck her wonderful little magic spells aren't working. But then she'd want to keep me after class to figure out what went wrong. . . no, I don't think I like that idea anymore. Well, I'm certainly not turning into some ordinary animal. Too bad I've already done a three-headed snake. Wait. . . Aha, got it!

Q downed the useless potion, allowed McGonagall to wave her wand about, jabbering nonsense and then closed his eyes and concentrated. He reached out to every molecule he had gathered to himself when creating the corporeal form he held. Then he changed them, moulding them into different molecules and shifting them into different places.

He opened his eyes and looked upon the shocked faces of the class. His new vision was slightly different, narrower and he could see the Professor's white face even as he looked directly ahead.

"Bloody hell." Seamus gasped, "He's a bloody raptor."

With one massive leap, Q landed on top of the desks in the second row, whipping his tail into Neville's face as he landed. He cocked his head and looked Seamus directly in the eye, opening his jaws slightly to reveal a set of razor-sharp teeth.

Unfortunately, he then realized that his 30 seconds were up and if he kept this up much longer, people would get suspicious. He hated having to hide what he was.

He hopped down from the desk and transformed back to his human shape. Everyone's eyes were still on him.

The bell finally broke them out of their stupor.

Author's Notes:

Because some of the animals I've used as the Aninimagus forms of some of the students, namely Harry, are sort of obscure and not generally common knowledge, I decided to add some descriptions of the animals. Should help to clear up why I chose those specific animals.

Mongoose:

Rudyard Kipling's "Ricki-Ticki" was a mongoose, and the best known species is definitely the Indian mongoose. They are rather small, agile, weasel-like carnivores native to Africa, southern Europe, and Asia.  
The mongoose lives near streams, in thickets, hedges, and fields feeding on rats, mice, snakes, lizards, eggs, and insects. They have even been known to catch animals many times their size, like rabbits. It is the Javan mongoose that is made famous for killing many snakes, especially the venomous cobra.

The Indian mongoose is renowned for killing cobras, which it is capable of doing due to its very quick movements, thick protective hide, and long, thick hair. One of the largest species was considered a sacred animal in ancient Egypt. It checked the increase of crocodiles in the Nile River by eating their eggs and gained the popular name "Pharaoh's Mouse."

Mongooses are not immune to snake venom; rather they strike so quickly as to avoid being bitten by the snake. In order to kill the snake, they attack it with repeated quick bites until it is able to get a favourable lock right behind the head. Then it grasps the snake with its forepaws and rolls over the snake, putting a hind leg on either side of the snake, and rolls on its side.  
They are very playful, and spend a lot of time interacting with one another.

Pictures: http/ encarta.msn. com/media461542878761574651-11/EgyptianMongoose. html

Tasmanian Devil:

This tough little carnivore resembles, in some respects, a small bear. Found today only on the island of Tasmania, south of Australia, it is still fairly common there and protected by the government. Equipped with powerful jaws, it is not hesitant to attack animals much larger than itself. The devil is mainly a scavenger and feeds on whatever is available. Devils are famous for their rowdy communal feeding at carcasses - the noise and displays being used to establish dominance amongst the pack.  
The famous gape or yawn of the devil that looks so threatening, can be misleading. This display is performed more from fear and uncertainty than from aggression. The devil makes a variety of fierce noises, from harsh coughs and snarls to high pitched screeches. A sharp sneeze is used as a challenge to other devils, and frequently comes before a fight. Many of these spectacular behaviours are bluff and part of a ritual to minimise harmful fighting when feeding communally at a large carcass.

When excited, the pale ears gradually turn red. Despite its ferocious reputation, the little "devils" have proven to be easily tamed and, indeed, have become affectionate and playful companions. They are very clean, fond of water, and love to bask in the sun.  
It usually ambles slowly with a characteristic gait but can gallop quickly with both hind feet together. Young devils are more agile however and can climb trees. Although not territorial, devils have a home range.

Picture: http/ www. afunk. com/mammals/tasmaniandevil/page2 .html

White Shepherd:

Here's a where you can find some pictures of white shepherds in case you're having a hard time figuring out what it looks like:

http/ www.whiteshepherd. info/introduction. htm


	15. Halloween

**Ok, so I'm back**. Hope you all enjoy this chapter, I'm quite proud of it. It's another long one, so I hope it's worth the wait.

Anyway, my thanks go out to all those who reviewed the last one and especially to **Gymnast204 **and **Vera** for their costume ideas. As you'll noticed, I've used some of them.

**Ariadne Walker** - I'm flattered that your god sister liked my fic that much. I hope she likes this chapter just as much. And you do too, obviously.

**Fuji the Hobbit** - Q is most definitely going to reveal himself once the school year's over. I actually already have a vision of what the ending's going to be. And as for Chrismas, he is not staying at the castle. Let's just say he'll be taking advantage of being able to use his powers again and spending some quality time with a few people who'd rather he didn't.

Disclaimer: I still don't own this. If I did, it wouldn't be called a fan fiction.

Enough said? Alright: enjoy!

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**Chapter 15 - **Halloween

Finally, it was Halloween. The entire castle was even more alive than usual; excitement seemed to emanate from the massive stone walls and the air appeared to almost shimmer before everyone's eyes.

Luckily, the students had no afternoon classes that day. Dumbledore had allowed them to have it off so they could prepare themselves for the special Halloween Feast. Mostly this meant making last-minute costume adjustments.

The Slytherin Common Room was full of activity as preparations for their Halloween Party were also underway. Again, a group of seventh years did the decorating and the other years took care of food and drink. And, of course, entertainment.

This time, they were opting for a wilder form of entertainment and Blaise's Super Loud Magical Music Singer was being levitated in by Blaise and set up by Goyle, who knew the contraption like the back of his hand. This was due to the fact that Blaise was hopeless when it came to repairs requiring anything more than a simple spell. Whenever the Singer broke down, it was always Goyle, and occasionally Draco, who did the repairs.

Several Slytherins were collecting lists of songs to be played at the party from students in the House. They wrote the songs down carefully on special Music Parchment designed especially for the Singer. The stacks of parchment would later be inserted into a blue fire at the base. The fire reacted to the ink on the parchment, read the name of the song or songs and then smoke from the fire would go into a brightly coloured cylinder that spun around very fast and sang the song through an amplifying charm, imitating exactly the person who sang it.

This Music Singer was very expensive and there were in fact only two in all of Slytherin, possibly five in the entire castle.

Once the room was prepared for the party, everyone quickly began to change into their costumes. Then they slowly trickled out of the dungeons and into the Great Hall.

Q was the first of his little group (without realizing it, he himself had begun to think of them as 'his group') to be ready. Obviously, this was because he was the only omnipotent entity among them.

You know, I wish they still celebrated these meaningless holidays in the 24th century. Watching these children getting dressed up in random outfits almost makes me want to see the professional, no-nonsense Starfleet officers walking around the bridge dressed in clown and princess costumes. I think Tuvok would look good in a tutu.

Draco was the next to walk in. He was wearing an expensive cape: it was pitch black with silver lining, a white fur trim on the bottom and a silver clasp with a delicately carved wolf on it. His robes were as black as his cape. They were slim-fitting, not ballooning out as some robes had a tendency to do and had designs embroidered down the front in silver thread. Around his neck he wore a large green amulet set in gold and he had several large rings on his fingers.

Q realized he was seeing the 'Malfoy presence' the family was famous for. The boy had not put his hair up with gel and Pansy (who was doing all the boys' makeup) had make his face look even paler than usual and traced his eyes with black eyeliner. It gave him a very dangerous look.

"Dracula, I presume?" Q drawled lazily as Draco walked towards him. Draco smiled, revealing a handsome set of fangs.

"And you are?" Draco asked, inspecting Q's costume.

"Why, Napoleon of course."

I would never sink lower than a general.

"And he was. . .?"

"A powerful muggle military leader who took over most of Europe and proclaimed himself emperor." Draco nodded in approval.

"Sounds like a Slytherin," he smirked. Q rolled his eyes.

Millicent walked in next. She was dressed in long, dark green, velvet robes with sleeves that were skin-tight along the arms and then suddenly became very wide just above the wrists. Golden Celtic designs lined the edges of the robes. Around her neck she wore what looked like a talisman of raven feathers on a leather string.

She had straightened her hair and charmed it pitch black. It was held down by a gold band that went across her forehead and around her head. She had very little makeup on: only enough to make her face seem a bit paler than usual and blood red lipstick.

She strode over to them with an expression somewhere between amused and annoyed on her face.

"I think we're going to be one friend short after tonight," she proclaimed as she reached them.

"Oh, and why's that?" inquired Draco.

"Because . . . uh, what are you supposed to be?" she got momentarily distracted upon seeing Q.

"Muggle military leader, true Slytherin," Draco replied for Q, "now about that friend we're going to be missing. . ."

"What? Oh right, sorry, it's just that Blaise seems to have a death wish that Snape will most probably fulfill before the feast's over."

"What do you mean. . .no, you know what, never mind."

Blaise had just walked in the door. He was wearing long black robes that covered him from almost the tip of his toes to the top of his neck. His naturally dark skin appeared to have been bleached and gave him a shallow, sickly look. His hair had been lengthened, dyed black and apparently dunked in something very greasy.

He joined the others, crossed his arms and glared ominously at them.

"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what a dead man looks like," declared Draco.

A few second years that were walking through the Common Room saw Blaise and did a double take, staring at the sixth year with wide eyes. They giggled at Draco's comment and then went on through the portrait hole wondering exactly what their Head of House's reaction will be once he spies his look-a-like.

When Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle finally entered, the Common Room went silent.

Pansy gave everybody a sinister smile. She was dressed in red robes with black fur around the neckline, which dipped low to expose a very generous amount of cleavage. The sleeves were made of a see-through fabric and were trimmed in black. Around her neck she had a black choker with a black heart dangling off of it made of tiny beads. Her hair was up with red flowers weaved through it and the makeup she had was designed to draw attention to her eyes and lips.

However it was Crabbe who drew the most attention: he was dressed as a death eater. The only reason everyone knew it was Crabbe was because the chain he held in his hand was attached to a collar Goyle had around his neck. Goyle was dressed in a baggy pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with a gruesome-looking skull and the word 'Metalica' written on it. His hair was spiked up.

"Is that your father's?" asked Draco.

"Now, I really hope you're talking to Crabbe right now," said Pansy. Draco gave her an annoyed look.

"Obviously."

"Yup," Crabbe answered, taking the mask off. "My father's in Azkaban, so it's not like he'll be needing it. Besides, can you imagine the look on all the Gryffindors' faces when I walk in like this?"

"And so what exactly are the two of you supposed to be?" asked Q pointing at the other two members of the bizarre trio.

"Oh, I'm his pet muggle and Pansy's his concubine," answered Goyle cheerfully.

"Wicked, just try to be less cheerful; it's very much out of character," said Millicent.

With twenty minutes left, the six of them went to join their house for the feast.

The Great Hall was, as usual, beautifully decorated for the feast. The ceiling showed a beautiful clear sky filled with stars. Along each table numerous Jack-o-Lanterns floated, each with a charmed candle inside that created odd-shaped shadows around the room. Bats flew between them, though they never dipped below the carved pumpkins. In addition, the tables were decorated with table clothes, napkins and various centrepieces in orange and black.

The Hall had also been magically enlarged, creating a large space between the doors and the tables where students were mixing together, chatting and drinking punch. Soft music was playing in the background, though it didn't seem to be coming from any particular source.

Several people screamed when Crabbe entered and all heads turned towards the Slytherin group. Pansy, who was draped on his arm, sneered at the crowd. Crabbe simply stood there for a while and soaked the stares into his black death eater robes.

"Come, muggle," he commanded gruffly and yanked the chain to pull Goyle along to get some punch. The tension in the Hall quickly eased as students realized it was only a costume.

The Slytherins, most of whom had already seen the death eater company meanwhile chuckled at the reactions of the rest of the student body.

Looking around, Draco noticed a small dance floor at the far right. He turned to Millicent and bowed slightly.

"May I be so bold as to ask you for a dance fair lady?" he asked with exaggerated aristocratic airs.

"But of course, Count Dracula," she answered playing along, "but please, call me Morgan Le Fay, that is my name for the night after all."

Draco nodded once, took her hand gracefully and led her to the dance floor. That left Q and Blaise to observe the array of costumes before them.

Right beside the dance floor was a large group of Hufflepuffs laughing about something. They were apparently all muggleborn, because they were dressed as the characters from Star Wars. Ron and Neville were deep in discussion with them, trying to figure out why one of them was covered in fur, one of them was all gold and what exactly the laser pistol another one was wearing was supposed to do. The girl dressed as Princess Leia was obviously becoming irritated because Ron simply refused to grasp the concept of a lightsaber.

Not surprising, after all he has all the originality of a rock coming to the costume party dressed as a Quittich player. Though I must say, Neville makes a pretty good clown. The guy that's dressed as Chubacca needs to be taller though. Or everyone else needs to be shorter. Worf would make a good Chewbaca. I'd have lots of fun calling him Chewie.

"I wonder what Professor Janeway will be wearing," Blaise said to Q, "I can't imagine him looking even stranger. . .umph." He was interrupted as someone bumped into him from behind.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Professor, it's just these ridiculously high heels that Lavender made me wear. . ." She stopped as Professor seemed to suddenly be experiencing a rather violent coughing fit.

Q turned around to see Ginny Weasley standing behind them looking nervous, a bit scared, slightly concerned and more than a bit confused as to why she hadn't gotten her head bitten off yet.

Then Blaise finally turned around to face her. He had stopped coughing and his mask was now back in place.

"Miss Weasley," he began in the deepest voice he could muster, "the next time you decide to fall all over me, I would appreciate you at least do more gracefully. I know I'm absolutely gorgeous, but please try to control yourself."

Ginny gaped; she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She didn't know whether to be disgusted, furious or just completely confused.

"But, but, professor. . ." She took a closer look at Snape and her eyes widened. "Oh Great Merlin . . . Zabini?!"

The Snape-look-a-like grinned from ear to ear. Ginny was too relieved that the world hadn't gone mad to realize that one of the evil Slytherins was genuinely grinning at her.

"Yes, and we've already started a pool as to how long he'll last 'till the real thing kills him," said Draco, who had just rejoined the group with Millicent.

"Really?" asked Blaise, intrigued. Draco nodded and Millicent just smirked.

"You're betting on whether or not your own Head of House will kill him?" Ginny asked incredulously, turning to the Slytherin Prince.

Their eyes met. And for the first time the masks each wore weren't there. Draco's eyes were full of amusement, but not in a cruel way. Ginny's eyes were full of softness, there was happiness in her gaze, not contempt or hate. They stood there, transfixed by each other's gaze, forgetting for the moment that they were supposed to be enemies.

In the meantime, Millicent had taken one look at Ginny, gasped and ran off. Now she was hurrying back with Pansy in tow.

"Look, look," she said excitedly, pointing at the youngest Weasley. Pansy took one look at Ginny and her eyes went wide and filled with excitement.

Ginny was wearing white robes with a white fur coat over top. Her brown eyes were surrounded by silver eye shadow and her lashes, which were longer than normally, were coated in silver-white dust that sparkled as the light hit it. Her face was painted to look paler than usual and had a sort of silver tint to it. It made her fiery red hair stand out even more even though it was currently held up with a tall, silver crown.

"Oh Merlin!" Pansy practically squealed. "She's the White Witch!"

That effectively broke both Draco and Ginny out of their daze.

"Huh?" asked a confused Draco and Ginny echoed him.

"Your costume! I loved that story when I was little!"

"But. . .it's a muggle story," Ginny was taken aback by Pansy's behaviour, actually the behaviour of the entire Slytherin group was rather confusing now that she thought about it.

"Is it? Oh, I suppose it is since the only witch in it is evil. . ."

A hand suddenly grabbed Blaise's shoulder.

"Severus," urgently whispered a woman's Scottish accent, "as much as it's nice to see you socializing with the students, aren't you supposed to be at an Order meeting right now?"

Q roared with laughter as Blaise swung his head around and met Professor McGonagall's angry eyes.

"What?" he asked with an expression of absolute confusion. The professor's eyes went wide and for a few moments she appeared to be in complete shock.

"M. .Mr. Zabini. . .?" The Slytherin nodded.

The rest of the group had by now burst into loud laughter as they realized what had just happened. As Ginny wiped the tears from her eyes, she watched Draco, Pansy and Millicent do the same and was amazed. They actually looked normal, not like evil future death eaters, but like average teenagers having fun.

Professor McGonagall was also having a hard time digesting the Slytherins' behaviour and was watching them through narrowed eyes. She was dressed in baby blue robes with a light, see-through cloak over top that had a star-shaped crystal clasp at the front. On her head she was wearing a baby blue rimless pointed had that had a shimmery train in the same colour attached to the top that came down to her shoulders. Her wand had a baby blue star at the tip.

She was a fairy godmother. A very flustered fairy godmother, who rushed off very soon after.

I wonder if she realizes that her little mistake could cost Snape his life. Especially if Blaise puts two and two together and figures out what she was talking about. I had almost forgotten that Snape's really a spy for Dumbledore. Maybe I'll pay a visit to this supremely evil wizard whose very name has everyone cowering in fright once I'm done with this torture called Hogwarts. Little does he know that a simple letter of the alphabet is many times more powerful than he.

"What did we miss?" asked Crabbe who appeared next to Draco with Goyle in tow. Draco explained what happened and both death eater and pet chuckled.

"Ginny, what are you doing?!" came a voice from behind Pansy. A very angry Ron then roughly pushed through the two Slytherin girls and walked up to his sister. "Are you alright?"

Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Yes Ron, as you can see I am breathing, still have all my body parts and am still standing."

"Don't worry Weasel," sneered Draco, "we wouldn't dream of hurting the Weaslette. At least not until after we use her for our annual Halloween virgin sacrifice tonight at midnight."

Ginny was taken aback at how fast Draco had gone from being a smiling boy to the cold, condescending Slytherin he usually was. She looked around and noticed the entire group had undergone a similar transformation. She found herself wondering how often this happened.

Meanwhile, Ron's face had gone through several shades of red until finally settling on looking like a well-done lobster.

"Malfoy," he spat, "if you dare put one finger on my sister. . ."

Draco took a step towards Ginny and carefully poked her in the arm.

Before Ron could punch the living daylights out of the temporary Count Dracula and Ginny could burst out laughing, they were interrupted.

"Holy snake Batman!" exclaimed a boy wearing a red eye mask, red tights, yellow shirt and red cape. Behind him stood another boy dressed almost the same only his outfit was dark blue and his mask hid his whole face and had pointed ear-like tips on it.

Evidently Seamus and Dean had decided to be Batman and Robin for the evening.

"Which snake are you referring to Robin?" Dean asked in absolute seriousness. Then his eyes travelled over Blaise and Crabbe's trio (which had gotten back into formation at some point in time since Ron had appeared).

"Bloody hell!" he gaped. "And I thought Slytherins had no sense of humour."

Q rolled his eyes. He really hated stereotypes. And people who lived by them. An evil smile spread across his face as he thought of what was to come. He really couldn't wait to reveal to the rest of the school who was responsible for some of the best pranks the school had ever seen.

No wait, scratch that: the best pranks this school has ever seen. There is no way I'm going to be bested by any silly human. And Sisco doesn't count. For no other reason than because I said so.

At that moment the doors to the Great Hall opened and q walked in. Or rather staggered in. For some reason he seemed to have a hard time walking. He gestured and the crowd of students parted for him. He smiled at the ones closest to him and winked. He then took several unsure steps before tripping . . . And falling into several tumble-rolls before nimbly flipping himself to his feet. Many of the students clapped. The most enthusiastic were muggleborns.

Professor Janeway was dressed in purple slacks, a purple coat with tails underneath which he wore a white, frilly shirt and a rainbow tie. He also had a purple top hat and a wooden walking stick with what closely resembled a miniature disco light as the handle.

"You're Willy Wonka!" squealed a first-year Ravenclaw girl in delight. q grinned at her and knelt down so that his eyes were level with hers.

"Why yes, Miss. Thistle indeed I am," he told her in a semi-serious voice, doing a dead-on impression of Gene Wilder from the movie _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_. "I have just arrived straight from Oompa Loompa Land where I was visiting with some of my retired workers. They like to keep in touch with what's happening at the factory you know."

"Do they miss it?" asked an equally enthusiastic Hufflepuff boy.

"Would you miss working in a chocolate factory?" Mr. Wonka asked and the boy's eyes lit up and he nodded vigorously.

More students began to gather around their DADA professor, playing along with his little game. When he started giving out Everlasting Gobstoppers they were joined by the ones from magical families, who had no idea who Willy Wonka was, but were not about to pass up free candy. Especially since the candy was oddly shaped and multicoloured, but did not come from the Weasley twins.

"What's that all about?" Millicent asked Q. He merely shrugged.

"Muggle thing," he said.

Just then the music stopped and an insistent ringing took its place. The hall went silent.

"I would ask all students to please take their seats," came Dumbledore's voice, magnified through a sonorous charm.

Ten minutes later everyone was seated and anxiously awaiting the most important part of the feast: food.

"What, in Salazar's name is Dumbledore supposed to be?" asked Pansy once they were all seated.

"He's a hippy," Q answered automatically.

"Which is. . .?" Millicent prodded on.

"A muggle who was a part of a movement in the sixties. They dressed like that and did a lot of drugs," Q decided to give them a condensed version, knowing they wouldn't really listen past the 'muggle' part anyway. And he was right.

"You mean muggles actually dressed like that?" Draco asked in disgust, looking at the Headmaster. "Thank Merlin I'm not a muggle."

"Well, at least he looks more interesting than Snape."

Professor Dumbledore, was the brightest spot at the table, wearing a rainbow-coloured tie-dye t-shirt and white bell pants (the pant legs steadily got wider towards the bottom) held up at the waist with red string. On his feet he had rainbow platform sneakers and on his head he had a pink bandana. Instead of his usual half-moon spectacles, he had large sunglasses and around his neck were several peace signs and happy faces.

On one side of him McGonagall was a baby blue fairy godmother and on his other Flitzwick was a ghost. Professor Sprout had on bright green robes and her head was painted brown and was in the centre of a ring of white petals. She was a daisy.

The most interesting costume was definitely Hagrid's, who thought that a gray pelt, a tail, ears and whiskers could make him look like a mouse. One muggleborn student joked that he looked as if he'd spent his life too close to a nuclear generator. Unfortunately he was surrounded by students from magical families and so no one laughed.

Even Professor Trelwany was in attendance, though what she was dressed as was up for debate. If it was possible, she had even more necklaces and bracelets on than usual. Her robes were also more colourful, with a red, yellow and blue patterned shawl on her shoulders and a red bandana on her head. She also had large hoop earrings. The general consensus ended up proclaiming her a gypsy.

Professor Snape, on the other hand was dressed as he always did. In fact the only attempt he had made at a costume was a small pair of red horns on his head and a well-used pitchfork with something red glistening on its tips. He was glaring at the students, daring someone to speculate about whether that was actually blood.

Dumbledore stood up and all chattering stopped as all eyes focused on the Headmaster.

"Welcome to yet another Halloween Feast. I must say, you all look wonderful. Though I must inquire as to why exactly Professor Snape deserved a double and I didn't."

Snape gave the wizard hippy a confused look. He hadn't noticed Blaise yet. Luckily q, who was again sitting next to the Potions Master, rectified the situation and pointed out the Snape-look-a-like at Slytherin table.

The smug grin Blaise was flashing everyone in sight vanished when he noticed the murderous glare directed at him from the Head Table. He met his Head of House's glare with a look of complete innocence that seemed to say 'I have no idea what all the fuss is about.'

Beside him, Pansy's giggles were muffled by the hand she had in front of her mouth.

Further down the table Wilhelm Starhunter, fourth year and Slytherin's resident bookie, was taking in a number of new bets on when Snape would kill Blaise. He was doing fairly well.

"Well, before we eat," continued Dumbledore, "I think we should all give a round of applause to Professors Flizwick, Sprout and McGonagall for the marvellous decorations."

The entire hall burst into loud clapping and a few wolf calls, which earned glares from McGonagall.

"Yes, yes, the hall looks splendid; good job. And now. . ."

The doors to the Great Hall suddenly burst open. A black condor glided in.

Everyone watched in awe as the huge bird effortlessly circled the room and then deposited an orange and black stripped box in the centre of the room before flapping its wings and flying back out.

It was dead silent for a few moments until people began to wake up from the shock. The fear and tension in the hall was practically a tangible entity. All the professors were standing with their wands drawn, pointing at the box.

Just as people were beginning to relax, the top of the box exploded and a dense smoke curled up from the box. Slowly it began to dissipate, revealing a skull with a snake in its mouth.

At the Gryffindor table a Potter zombie (otherwise know as The-Boy-Who-Undied), Ron the Quittich player and Granger the pirate leapt to their feet and pointed their wands at the Dark Mark.

Gasps, shrieks and thuds (as people fainted) were heard throughout the Great Hall. And then no one moved, hoping that it would soon go away.

Red eyeballs bore directly in Dumbledore's. Then the skull began to speak in a deep, powerful voice.

"I am Lord Voldemort, terror of the Wizarding World. Tremble before my might, my power, my evil. I will haunt your every waking moment and plant nightmares into your sleep. Hear my message and weep in despair."

During this message, Professor Snape's wand had lowered and his face held an expression of confusion. He was a death eater, he had seen and heard the Dark Lord on many occasions: since when did Voldemort sound so. . .melodramatic?

The hall was silent again for a few moments as the snake began to slither out of the skull's mouth and curled up on its crown. Then the skull began to sing:

"In the velvet darkness of the blackest night  
Burning bright, there's a guiding star  
No matter what or who you are."

Now the snake lifted its head and opened its eyes. Its eyes were round and glowed, sort of like car headlights. It swayed back and forth as it sang in a high-pitched, somewhat squeaky voice.  
  
"There's a light over at the Frankenstein Place  
There's a light burning in the fireplace  
There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life."

As soon as the snake had begun to sing, q took his wand, lit up its tip and began waving it back and forth in tempo with the snake's swaying. A few of the muggleborn students followed suit.

Then the skull took over for the next verse, the snake singing the chorus.

"I can see the flag fly, I can see the rain  
Just the same, there has got to be  
Something better here for you and me.  
  
There's a light over at the Frankenstein Place  
There's a light burning in the fireplace  
There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.  
  
The darkness must go down the river of nights dreaming  
Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming  
Into my life, into my life.  
  
There's a light over at the Frankenstein Place  
There's a light burning in the fireplace  
There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life." 

They sang the last two lines together. Then evil laughter rang through the air as the Dark Mark disappeared in a flash of light along with the box it came in.

"What was that?" Draco whispered to Q, somehow knowing it was all his doing.

"A song from a muggle musical called _Rocky Horror Picture Show_," Q answered neutrally.

All over the Great Hall muggleborn students were explaining the same thing to their magic born housemates. Slowly, the room began to fill with laughter. All except for one person.

"I demand to know who is responsible for this!" yelled Professor Dumbledore.

Everyone turned to look at him: he was seething. He had gone through several minutes of panic thinking that Tom Riddle had finally figured out how to get past his defences and had already seen the images of dead students in his mind. As far as he was concerned, the joke was not funny in the least.

Students from all four houses looked around trying to spot the culprits. They were also curious to find out who had the audacity to not only mock the Dark Mark and Voldemort, but also to turn Albus Dumbledore's wrath upon themselves.

None of them were looking in the right spot. Slytherin was ignored simply because no one imagined that anyone in the pureblood house would even know that muggles composed musicals, let alone know a song from one. Too bad they didn't know Q.

Up at the Head Table, the professors were teasing the Headmaster.

"But Albus," said Professor McGonagall, "it's a perfectly harmless prank."

"That's right," agreed Professor Snape, "it's all in a bit of fun. Children will be children after all: they meant no real harm."

Dumbledore glared at the two heads of house, wondering how they could be at each others throats one minute and then working as a perfectly oiled machine the next. Especially when it came to him.

He signed, knowing they were using his own words against him. That was his response to the pranks aimed at them.

He scanned the hall one last time, knowing that the pranksters would not be so easy to catch. They seemed to enjoy their anonymity, unlike the Weasley twins who had loved being publicly known as the Hogwarts pranksters.

"Happy Halloween everyone. Enjoy the feast." He finally said and food appeared on the tables.

Everyone dug in. After the few intense moments of fear they had experienced, they were famished. Over at the Slytherin Table, several students were trying to pry information out of Q.

Mostly they were curious about where he got the condor.

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**Author's notes**:

**White Witch** - is the evil witch from _The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe_ by C.S. Lewis. How did Pansy get her hands on a copy of that? Who knows, she just did.

**Willy Wonka** - is the main character from the book _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_. The movie, as already mentioned is called _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_. I have no idea if this movie and book are big in England, but I know that here in Canada it's one of those things that most children see or at least hear of.

**Condor** - is a black bird with a wingspan of about 3 metres (actually it can be brown or gray as well, but I'm picturing a black one for my story. It looks sort of like a large vulture.

**Dark Mark song** - it's _Rocky Horror Picture Show_ and is called _Over at the Frankinstein Place_. As for the wand thing they do: my mom told me a story once of when she went to see the movie in the theatre and aparently the hard core fans that were there all took out lighters at the "There's a light. . ." part and waved them above their heads (lit up of course). For any fans of the musical, I was tempted to use _Touch A, Touch A, Touch Me_ as the song the skull sings, but it's not exactly G rated, so I opted against it. Wouldn't want to get anyone mad at me after all.

Oh, and just for the record I would like to state that there will be no big romance in this fic. Just wanted to make sure people uderstood that after the whole Ginny-Draco scene.

Anyway, hope you all enjoyed that chapter, now please review it! Oh, and constructive criticism is definitely welcome.

Next chapter will be the Slytherin Halloween Party!


	16. Slytherin's Halloween Party

**Sorry for the late update!**  I'm afraid my schoolwork kinda got in the way of me writing this.  But I really do promise to have the next chapter done by next weekend.  Thanks for the great reviews:

**chicklepea**- wow, I'm honoured that you like my story even though you don't watch Star Trek or even know who Q is.

**Ariadne Walker**- I'm glad you liked the costumes.  As far as Willy Wonka goes. . . it was just sort of the first thing I thought of when I started making up costumes for my characters.  It just sort of seemed like him.  Hence, I'm glad it was obvious.  Oh, and I like exclamation marks too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Lunatic Pandora1**- yay!  I'm glad you thought it was Voldemort himself at first: that was my intention.

**Alynna Lis Eachann**- I don't know why, but Rocky Horror Picture Show just sort of stuck in my head when I was creating the scene.  I actually saw the movie a couple of days ago and when "Touch A Touch A Touch Me" came on I realized just how much funnier that would've been there.  Too bad it wouldn't have made the G rating.  Oh and yes, McGonagall's slip will come back to haunt Snape.  Just not quite yet (in case you were wondering why it doesn't come up in this chapter).

**Fuji the Hobbit**- I made you hyper with giggles? Yay!  I hope this update does the same.  And yes, the slip about the order will come back to haunt the Hogwarts staff.  Not in this chapter, but eventually.  As for Dumbledore. . . I kinda wanted to show that he's not impossible to rile up.  And hey, that was kinda of a shock.  Trust Q not to care about other people's feelings. . .

**Kyer**- well here's what you wanted, sort of.  If it's not enough then don't worry. . . Snape isn't one to let things go easily.

Well, that's all for now.  Hope you enjoy this chapter.  Oh, and btw, I don't own any of it.  Just so you know.

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**Chapter 16 - **Slytherin Halloween Party

Hardly anyone noticed just how little the Slytherins ate at the Feast, compared to the other houses. Which was probably because they were too busy eating twice as much as Slytherin House.

Professor Snape noticed though. He had been watching his students extra carefully tonight. Because of a sixth sense only Slytherins had, he simply knew that they were responsible for the evening's prank. Not to mention the ones that had preceded it.

He also realized it was definitely the influence of the American that had created the new prank masterminds. It was obvious: he was the only new student with abilities advanced enough to pull off some of the stunts the school had seen this year.

The Potions Master sighed bitterly. Professor McGonagall had suggested that Picard was behind the pranks. She especially seemed to dislike the boy. However, the theory had been quickly disregarded by the other professors. After all, "Slytherins didn't have a playful sense of humour; their jokes were bound to be cruel and humiliating. They simply weren't jokers."

The memory brought a frown to his face. Secretly he hoped the pranksters were from Slytherin. He would love to be able to throw that into his colleagues' faces. It would be nice to be able to say that a group of Slytherins trumped the 'Legendary Weasley Twins.'

Plus, he would love the opportunity to pay them back with interest for the prank they pulled on him. As much as he had hated that one, he had to admit, not even the Weasley twins had done something that daring. Though that could be because the current ones were pulling pranks anonymously. When Fred and George Weasley pulled a prank, everyone knew who to blame.

Professor Snape looked over at his students. He noticed they seemed extremely anxious for the Feast to end. Suddenly the effort they had put into their costumes and their lack of appetite made sense. There was going to be another party.

Professor Snape smirked wickedly to himself. Perhaps he should join them this time. After all, it would be extremely irresponsible of him to let them think that they were actually fooling him. That, and he very much wanted to find out who the pranksters really were. It would be nice to know more than Dumbledore for a change.

Meanwhile, at the Slytherin table, talk centred mainly around Q's prank.

"I can't believe you planned something that elaborate without us!" Millicent scolded Q.

"Yeah, it would've been nice to have gone through the evening without nearly having a bloody heart attack!" Blaise agreed, stressing the words 'heart attack.'

"On the other hand, at least we can honestly say we didn't know about it," said Pansy quietly. Draco, who had been silent up 'till now, frowned at her comment.

The others merely looked at her thoughtfully.

"She's right you know," said Goyle carefully and Crabbe nodded.

"Our parents would kill us if they found out we had something to do with a prank that made fun of the Dark Lord," Draco stated. His expression was hard to read, but Q thought he detected a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"I've never heard of anyone making fun of the Dark Lord," said Millicent and looked at Q.

"Really?" Q was astounded. Everyone else was astounded that he was astounded. Q looked around him and shook his head.

"Come on people," he began irritable, as if pointing out the obvious to a group of mental incompetents (which, as far as he was concerned, he was), "what is there not to make fun of?!"

"A self proclaimed 'Evil Dark Lord,' who's clearly insane, has a chronic reptile fetish, adheres to every single evil movie villain cliché in the book. And take over the world? That idea is just so overdone!"

He finished his little rant and saw that he had drawn a crowd of gaping students. Q rolled his eyes.

Oh, for the sakes of all the gods. . . this is ridiculous. Are they actually expecting me to respect that pitiful thing that calls itself Voldemort. Respect what? He's barely alive at the moment and no matter what he does to his face, he's still nothing more than a human who thinks he's grown too big for his own shoes. Maybe I should just blow this whole planet up and save me the misery of ever having to deal with this particular species again. That would certainly throw the Temporal Prime Directive into a loop.

He looked back at the Slytherins. Most of them were still staring at him, some of them in astonishment, some in horror.

"Alright then," he decided to begin again, "give me one good reason why I should not make fun of Voldemort?"

He heard gasps from all around him. The ones who didn't gasp, flinched at the name. Q's patience decided to take an extended leave of absence.

"It's a name," he said, resisting the urge to shout it out to the entire Great Hall. "In fact it's not even his real name, just one he made up to sound cool."

"But, he's the Dark Lord, the most powerful and evil one to ever live," started Pansy timidly. The faces around Q now looked more confused than anything else. Q realized this was understandable.

I suppose I can't expect them to suddenly have an epiphany and realize everything they've ever been told is wrong. It would be nice mind you, but not very human-like. Ok, logic's worked before, let's try it again.

"You know," began Q, not realizing that he had drawn attention not only from the Slytherin table, but also from two individuals at the Head Table, "one of the major religions on this planet, Christianity, doesn't speak the name of their God out of fear that He will strike down anyone who does."

"Yeah, but who's to say that this God even exists," argued Draco.

"That's not the point. The important thing is that the people who believe in the Christian God see him as an all-knowing, all-powerful being with the power to both destroy and create. He actually does have a name. But they do not speak it out of respect, and, I suppose, fear."

Q looked around. A few people had figured out where he was going with this. They were frowning. Among them were Draco, Millicent and Blaise.

"You do realize you're referring to a muggle religion, right?" asked the seventh year who had transfigured the piano for Pansy at the first party. Q glared at him.

"Obviously. However, as I mentioned earlier, that's not important. I'm talking about the principles behind it. They do not speak the name of their God and you do not speak the name of this Dark Lord that seems to be in fashion nowadays. Are you saying that Voldemort deserves the same reverence as a god?"

At the Head Table, Professor Snape was riveted to his seat. He had never heard the Dark Lord spoken of in such terms. Not even Dumbledore had ever explained it this way. He suddenly realized that the Headmaster was wrong: Mr. Picard wasn't a spy.

The Slytherins listening to Q were silent. Some were trying to come up with an argument against what the American had just said, others merely trying to figure out why Q's argument made sense.

"But if Voldemort wins, won't he be all-powerful and therefore the equivalent to a god?" asked Blaise, proud that he had been the one to come up with a defence for their side.

"Blaise, there is no such thing as being all-powerful. Ultimate power is an illusion."

Q could almost feel his son's head snap to attention when he said that. He knew he was going to get asked about it. He was also slightly annoyed that the comment came as such a shock to q. He should have at least guessed it by now.

"So, maybe he won't be all-powerful, but he still will be, and is, very powerful. Shouldn't we therefore show him respect?" demanded Draco.

"Respect?!" Q had had enough of trying to reason with children. "Respect who? The one person in the world who found taking candy from a baby life-threatening!"

The Slytherins just blinked and Q threw his hands up in defeat. Just then he heard a stray giggle, before Pansy quickly clasped her hand over her mouth. Blaise coughed.

"Maybe he should have just tried taking away Potter's candy," Blaise said, looking at his plate, "it might have gotten him further."

Laughter erupted around Q. Blaise looked up at Q; he was grinning from ear to ear. Next to him, Draco winked.

"Can I take you home for the winter holidays?" he asked. "I'd just love to introduce you to my mother."

"Sorry, but I'm already in a serious relationship," Q deadpanned and Draco's eyes widened.

Just then the food disappeared from the tables and Professor Dumbledore announced the end of the feast. The Slytherins were the first to leave.

Professor Snape gave his students an hour head start. He figured that was plenty of time for them to get the party underway and yet still be relatively sober. Unlike some of the other professors, he was under absolutely no illusions about the propriety of his house's parties. After all, he had been a student of that house once too.

Slytherin House parties were actually quite famous. Though for some unknown reason, only amongst Slytherins. It wasn't that they went out of their way to keep the parties secret, or that they were quiet, subdued affairs, it was just that for some reason none of the other houses caught wind of them.

Which really, was rather a good thing, thought Professor Snape. The mixing of students and copious amounts of alcohol usually ended up in a lot of very embarrassing stories the next morning from the few people who remembered anything. He remembered that back in his day, a party was only considered good if at some point during it, someone stripped and danced naked on the common room table. Usually it ended up being Lucius.

By the time the Potions Master finally made his way down to his house, the party was indeed in full swing. Even with all the silencing charms the students had put on the common room, he still heard their music out in the castle halls.

Just how they were planning on hearing the faint tingle of their wards being penetrated was anybody's guess.

And in fact only one person noticed Snape slip into the common room. Q was sitting on one of the chairs by the fireplace, which had been transfigured to look like it had been carved out of a pumpkin.

The theme of the whole common room was that of a haunted house. Which, considering that the room was in a dungeon, wasn't that hard a look to create. All the seventh years had really done, was string up a lot of cobwebs, dim the lighting, put a few faded tapestries on the walls, transfigure a bunch of jack-o-lanterns and invite the Bloody Baron.

The Bloody Baron, being the house's resident ghost, knew all about the Slytherin house parties. However, this was the first one he had officially been invited to. He proudly glided among the students, trying to look as menacing as possible, just for them.

He was the second to notice Professor Snape. He bowed to the Head of Slytherin House and continued to make his way around the room.

The students meanwhile were dancing wildly to the beat of a song the professor didn't recognize. Not that that was saying much, he hadn't been able to recognize most of the songs at Slytherin parties even when he had attended them as a student.

All of a sudden the fast, dizzy rhythm was replaced by a quiet piano and saxophone melody. And then a deep, almost scratchy voice began to sing:

"I see trees of green, red roses too. . ."

Immediately, the air was full of groans, swearing and a chorus of "Q!" as the students all turned to face the American in the room with extremely annoyed expressions. Q's face was the epitome of innocence as he gestured that he had no idea what was going on.

Snape smirked and shook his head. Yes, the American was definitely the prankster.

Just then a second year brunette turned around and spotted him. She shrieked and brought everyone's attention to where their Head of House was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, looking foreboding.

Without having to be told, Goyle turned off the Magic Music Singer. The room became deathly silent.

"Well, well, well," began the potions professor darkly, his eyes sweeping the room, "what have we here? You are of course aware that alcohol of any kind is against school rules."

The students looked at each other nervously. A few tried to appear calm and collected, elegantly raising their eyebrows in the traditional Slytherin fashion: very few succeeded.

"We are aware of the school's policy, professor," Draco announced coolly from where he was standing at the back of the room. A few students moved aside so that Snape could see the blond clearly.

The professor met Draco's calm expression with a piercing glare that would have unnerved almost anyone else. However, if the boy was at all nevervous, he didn't show it. His Slytherin mask was firmly in place.

The professor was impressed, but hadn't really expected anything less from the son of Lucius Malfoy.

"I am so glad that you know the rules," he said with a healthy dose of his famous sarcasm. "And what, pray tell, would I find if I were to taste that delightful-looking punch you have there?"

There was a momentary silence in the room. Then Draco smirked.

"That we're ignoring them," he drawled.

"Care to join us?" Q asked from his seat by the fireplace, holding his glass up in greeting.

Snape's gaze turned to Q and he studied him for a moment. Then he smiled darkly; this was going wonderfully.

"I think I will," he said and walked over to one of the other jack-o-lantern chairs, "could someone please pass me a glass of the unknown substance , which to my knowledge does not contain any illegal substance."

The tension in the room evaporated and there were a few chuckles as a pro-active second year brought his Head of House a glass of punch.

Draco meanwhile sat down on one end of the couch, which had been transfigured into a black coffin. The rest of the house began to sit in various places about the common room. There was a buzz of whispering as the students talked amongst themselves. They were all curious as to why Snape had come if he didn't plan on shutting down the party.

"Tell me," began Professor Snape, once everyone had settled down, "who was responsible for the prank at the Feast?"

"Now, now, professor, we're Slytherins," Draco said, "you of all people should know that we wouldn't just tell you the individual's name."

There was a pause.

"But we will point," added Millicent from her spot on the coffin next to Draco.

As one, all of Slytherin House pointed at Q.

Snape raised his eyebrows in amusement and looked at Q, who was smiling proudly.

"I see." He was rather disappointed that his students had already realized that he wasn't angry with them.

"In that case, I must congratulate you Mr. Picard. . ."

"Call me Q professor. Very few people call me Mr. Picard."

Snape gave him a questioning glance. He was rarely invited to call his students by their nicknames and had never actually done so even then. But for some reason, there was an authority in Q's voice that almost made it seem like that letter of the alphabet was his name. The professor slowly nodded.

"Very well, Q, as I was saying, I do not believe I have ever seen the Headmaster have such a violent reaction to a prank before."

"Why thank you, I tried my best."

Actually my best would've contained a chorus line of singing and dancing death eaters. Possibly in drag to go with the musical. But that might just have been a bit over the top coming from a supposedly human student. Maybe later.

"Then I assume it's safe to say that you are also responsible for the mysterious rash of pranks that we have all witnessed this year."

"Well, not entirely. . ."

"We all participated in those," Draco announced with a smirk and an amused twinkle in his eye.

"Ah, yes, Mr. Malfoy, I forgot to thank you for the colour changes you made to my wardrobe."

Draco groaned.

"Why am I getting blamed for the one prank that I honestly had nothing to do with?!"

The professor's narrowed. Suddenly he remembered that moments ago the blond had said that they had 'all' participated.

"What do you mean you had nothing to do with it?" he asked quietly in his 'lie to me and I will make your life miserable' voice.

"It was Q, Pansy and Millicent who did that one!"

The two girls in question glared at Draco. They had quite enjoyed watching the blond get detention for something they had done. Then they turned and smiled sheepishly at Snape.

"We had to pull something," said Millicent apologetically.

"People would've gotten suspicious if the only professor who hadn't gotten pranked was the Head of Slytherin House," quickly added Pansy.

"Besides," drawled Q, "it was hilarious."

Pansy and Millicent both gave him looks that clearly stated: "you're not helping."

"I will deal with you three later," said Snape looking at each of them in turn. "Now what exactly did you mean that you all participated?"

Suddenly the common room came alive as the students happily relived their pranks and how they prepared for them. The longer they talked, the more amazed their Head of House became. No wonder it had been so hard to pin point the pranksters. It wasn't just a couple of individuals pulling pranks: it was the entire damn house!!

He was almost positive that had never been done before.

"I must say, I'm impressed," he said at last after they had finished. "Are you planning to reveal yourselves to the school?"

"At the end of the year, if they haven't guessed by then," Q answered.

"And by the looks of it they probably won't," added Draco.

"Good," said Snape, "I can't wait to rub it in my colleague's faces that they were fooled by Slytherin House."

The room of Slytherins exchanged evil looks. They were looking forward to that as well.

"That was the idea professor," grinned Blaise. Snape's eyes snapped over to him and narrowed.

"Mr. Zabini," he said with a dangerously low voice and Blaise's grin vanished. "If you plan on imitating me, I would recommend that you at least do it properly. I do not grin like some half-brain who's just been admitted into the St. Mungo's mental ward."

"I also do not slouch." Blaise immediately straightened.

"And I prefer to leave that bewildered, half-frightened look for when I'm marking assignments. Some of the stuff students write truly is terrifying."

A few people chuckled amidst trying to figure out what the time was. The professor heard them.

"Why are you all so preoccupied with knowing the time?" he asked.

"We want to know what time it is, so we can find out who's about to win the betting pool," said a half-drunk seventh year, who had been sitting next to the punch bowl and drinking from it non-stop since professor Snape arrived.

"Hang on!" exclaimed Blaise, "you mean there really was a pool going about when Professor Snape was going to kill me?!"

"Of course there was," Pansy smiled at her friend.

"And you all think that I'm about to do just that?" asked Snape.

Everyone nodded vigorously with eyes bright with anticipation. Except for Blaise. The professor merely shook his head. His face still head his usual stony expression, but his eyes were laughing.

"Then you obviously don't know me as well as you seem to think you do," he stated calmly and everyone stopped and stared at him.

"I would never do something as vulgar and stupid as killing him in front of so many witnesses. Besides, an Avada Kadavra would only land me in Azkaban, which is not exactly my idea of the perfect retirement home. No, I would do it subtly, like a Slytherin and Potions Master. Probably wait until Potions class when I can say it was his own incompetence and have it all chalked up to a simple accident."

The room was hanging on his every word. They were stunned and a bit scared that he had this so thought through. Especially Blaise, who looked absolutely terrified.

With that, Professor Snape smirked and rose from his seat.

"Well, I'll leave you to your party now. Happy Halloween."

He was gone before anyone realized he was leaving.

A few moments later, Goyle turned the music back on and the party resumed its previous tempo. The Slytherins danced and drank 'till the wee hours of the morning. They were happy, knowing they now had an ally on their side. Whom they planned to use as much as he'd allow it.

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Author's notes:

Yes, the Christian God does actually have a name.  However, it is only allowed to be uttered by a specific sacred priest on a specific sacred day in a specific sacred temple.  Unfortunately the temple was destroyed in an earthquake, burned down, or something like that (aka. it no longer exists) and so now it is never premitted to speak His name.

The song that begins to play when Snape's in the common room is "A Wonderful World" as sung by Louis Armstrong.

**Ok, now I have a question**:  would anyone have objections to me raising the rating on this fic to PG-13?  Just 'cause I have a few ideas for this fic and I'm afriad that it might be pushing the G rating if I did.  Nothing graphic, just possibly a bit angsty (it's still going to be a comedy).  Oh, and definitely nothing sexual, because as I've already mentioned, this is not going to be a romance.  If you're curious about what I could be refering to, then go back to Chapter 3: Q kinda mentions something will happen, though he doesn't say when.  Anyway, please let me know if you have any problems with the rating change.


	17. Moonlight Wanderings

**Oh wow**, I'm doing good! I said I'd have another chapter up by the weekend and here it is! I've already started the next one too (well, sort of), but I'm not sure if I'll be able to get it finished before next weekend. I have lots of work to do and exams are coming up. I do promise to get at least one chapter up before exams though. My goal is to at least have my Christmas chapter up before Christmas.

Thanks for your input! **As of next chapter this story will be PG-13**, though I don't think I'll actually need it for a few more chapters. I'm letting you know this in case you want to search for it under a G rating, 'cause you won't find it there.

Also thank you very, very much to **Gymnast204**, **Fuji the Hobbit** (glad you like my Snape and here's to making you giggly!), **Eratosthenese**, **Alynna Lis Eachann** (I enjoy 'Snape talking to his house scenes too) and **Lunatic Pandora1 **(really? I hadn't heard about the priest thing. Either way, my analogy still works, so I'm glad) for reviewing the last chapter.

Disclaimer: If I owned any of this then I would. . . . but I don't, so I'm not.

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**Chapter 17 - **Moonlight Wanderings

The next day found Q wondering just how it was possible that a full three quarters of a school as big as Hogwarts couldn't recognize a hangover when they saw one. Again there was talk some idle gossip exchanged about just why most of Slytherin House didn't show up for breakfast. No one really cared though, they were happy not to have to deal with anyone from the snake house for a day.

Some did get a bit worried though when they noticed that a certain Blaise Zabini didn't show up for any meals on both Saturday and Sunday. Even the Gryffindorslooked relieved when he dashed into the Great Hall on Monday morning for his usual one-minute breakfast.

The first two weeks of November passed by in a whirl of tests and assignments. It didn't help that it rained almost non-stop, making each days seem pretty much alike. It was also an oddly peaceful two weeks during which the school enjoyed a rare break from the string of practical jokes it had been subjected to.

Which only meant that by the end of the two weeks everyone was on high alert: inspecting empty corridors before walking through them, carefully smelling every piece of food before putting it in their mouths and stopping at anything that reflected their image back at them to make sure they still looked the way they were supposed to.

Especially the professors.

Q spent the two weeks evading his son's curious glances. Something was indeed brewing in Slytherin House, but after his spectacular prank at the Halloween Feast it had been unanimously decided that he would play no part in it. They wanted to surprise him. Which considering that he was in fact omniscient was pretty much impossible, but they didn't know that.

It was exactly two weeks after the Halloween Feast when students walked into the Great Hall for breakfast and found the walls, floor, tablecloths, silverware and chairs decked out in bright pink. Even the clouds on the ceiling were pink.

Reactions to the new décor varied. Several girls, such as Lavender Brown squealed in delight and clasped their hands together. Most of the boys stared in utter disbelief for a few seconds and then groaned loudly before heading to take their seats.

Hermoine's eyes went wide for a few moments and then she began to explain loudly to anyone who'd listen just how you'd go about altering the charms on the ceiling. This spawned rumours that she was the prankster (after all, they said, she was said to be the cleverest witch at Hogwarts).

Professor Flitzwick did a lovely impression of a fish on dry land. Professor McGonagall just looked from one side to the other and back, closed her eyes and slowly counted quietly to ten. Then she resolutely strode up to the Head Table.

She did a double take when she noticed that the DADA's professor's robes matched the room (they were dusty rose with black ribbons all over them and looked as if they'd been literally dipped in sparkles).

Professor Dumbledore's eyes just twinkled.

Professor Snape walked into the room and frowned. Then he looked to his table and asked if someone would kindly let him know when they manage to turn the Great Hall back into its original colour scheme and left.

By Monday morning the colours were back to normal.

So was the atmosphere in the school. The prank released the apprehension everyone was feeling. In fact, even though no one knew who the pranksters were, the entire school was now laughing at them.

"Two bloody weeks and that's the best they can come up with!" laughed Ron as the trio made their way to Transfigurations, not noticing the amused group of Slytherins walking a few steps behind them.

"Maybe Dumbledore's reaction at the Halloween Feast scared them," suggested Harry.

"Naw. . .they've probably already used up their best stuff and this is what's left,"

"I don't know Ron," Hermoine said sceptically, "the spell work required to change the colour of the entire Great Hall like that is quite complex. . ."

"Please don't," Harry quickly stopped her, "half the school's already convinced you're the one pulling the pranks."

"Did you owl Fred and George about it?" he then asked Ron.

"Yup, I've been keeping them informed since the beginning. They thought the last one was a tad pathetic compared to the singing Dark Mark."

Draco, Pansy, Blaise and Millicent exchanged sly looks. Q raised an eyebrow asking for an explanation. They just shook their heads, and Pansy winked at him.

Ahh. . .I thought they were planning something else. Because, quite honestly, Weasley's right, changing the Great Hall pink was rather pathetic. Though I suppose following my prank would be difficult in any case. Oh well, we can't all be omnipotent. Who would I annoy then?

On Tuesday night, Q decided to take a stroll up to the towers. Which meant he vanished in a flash of light from his room, reappeared in front of the door to the astronomy tower and then waltzed in.

Too late, he realized there was someone else already there.

Someone who whirled around and pointed his wand at Q the moment the door closed behind him. Someone whose dark, messy hair was sticking out in all direction and whose green eyes were slightly red and unfocused, shining with unshed tears.

Oh lovely, a broken-hearted Gryffindor, that's all I needed to make my day complete. Wait, since when did I start identifying people by which house they were in? Damn school, I can't wait to get out of here. And what exactly does this accidental hero think he's doing pointing a wand at me?

"Hello Harry, planning to turn me into a frog are you?" Q asked mockingly, crossing his arms over his chest. Harry's eyes cleared up and his face twisted in a murderous rage.

"What are you doing up here Picard?" he spat the name out like it was the worst sort of poison. Which only fuelled Q's amusement.

"I was going to have a nice, quiet evening to myself and contemplate the meaning of life, the universe and everything," he said with a smirk.

"You don't actually expect me to believe that!"

"Quite honestly, I don't particularly care what you believe."

"You know, I think that really, you've got some way of communicating with your master and that's why you're up here in the middle of the night?"

My master? Who does he think I am. . .oh right a death eater spy.

"Of course, because people only ever come here to communicate with evil dark lords," Q said dryly, his words dripping in sarcasm, "naturally this is the ideal spot for that because so many people come up here for a midnight snogging session."

Interrupting these sessions was one of his favourite pastimes in the evenings. He found the Ravenclaws especially easy to startle and embarrass.

"Oh, and so I suppose now you'll say that you're waiting for a girl?"

"No."

"So then you could be preparing to report back to Voldemort!"

"Yes. . . theoretically I suppose I could be about to contact Voldemort. . ."

"Aha!"

Q raised an eyebrow. Human logic truly astounded him at times.

"Now why exactly do you think I would be interested in speaking with the Dark Lord anyway?"

"Because you're his spy, obviously," Harry replied absent-mindedly as he began to pace in front of the large tower windows.

"Well, Harry Potter, if I'm a spy for Voldemort, I don't suppose it's all that safe for you to be all alone with me in the middle of the night up in a deserted tower where no one could hear you scream."

Harry stopped his pacing. His eyes went wide as he looked back at Q and realized what he'd just admitted.

"Oh dear, oh dear," mocked Q, thoroughly enjoying himself, "poor Hermoine Granger; all that time she put into finding out everything she could about me and you blurt it all out in a moment of passion. Now I suppose I shall have to pretend to be completely ignorant of the fact that the three of you have been watching me for the past month. I wouldn't want to ruin her reputation of being the cleverest witch at Hogwarts, after all, now would I?"

Q smirked.

Harry was in shock. He had thought they were doing a very good job at not letting on that they were keeping an eye on Q. Of course they had assumed that Fawkes wasn't friendly with the American and that the two couldn't communicate with each other telepathically.

"So, you think you're smart do you?" his eyes narrowed and he glared at Q.

"Give it up Harry," quipped Q, "you'll never out-do Snape's killer glare."

This only made Harry angrier.

"Of course, you would know all about Snape wouldn't you. You death eaters all stick together. . . actually I thought you'd be celebrating right now, along with the rest of Slytherin House. . ."

Celebrating? How did he suddenly jump from Snape and me and death eaters to Slytherin House and celebrating? He doesn't actually think the whole house is full of death eaters does he?

"I imagined you'd all be very happy about last night. . ." Harry continued.

What is he going on about?

". . . all those innocent men women and children dead. It's what you've always dreamed of, isn't it?"

Oh, he means the article in this morning's Daily Prophet. Something about a small hamlet near Newport being attacked by death eaters. And in the fine tradition of human punctuality, tomorrow the Minister of Magic will announce that death eaters might just be a problem that the ministry should look into. Personally, I think the entire Ministry of Magic would function better if it was turned into a herd of cattle. At least then it'd be good for something.

"Whatever gave you the impression that I'd be happy about that particular massacre?" Q asked calmly.

"Because you're a death eater."

"What makes you think I'm a death eater?"

"Oh, I don't know. . . you come from a family with a long history of using dark arts, then someone in the ministry arranges for you to get transferred into this school, where you get sorted into Slytherin with the rest of the death eaters-in-training, and the first person you make friends with is Draco Malfoy, the son of one of Voldemort's top death eaters. I may not be Hermoine, but I can put two and two together."

And somehow get 7 by the sounds of it.

"I wouldn't be a very good spy if I was that obvious."

Harry froze. That was the argument Hermoine had made. She had done all the research and came to the same conclusion he and Ron had, but was still a bit sceptical about all of it. He remembered her saying that it all felt too easy and too obvious. . .

Then his thoughts travelled back to the article in the paper. 32 people had died and they didn't know how many had been captured. All those people. Dead. Just like. . . No, Quincy Picard was a spy. He was evil.

"Besides, even if I was a spy, why would that have anything to do with you? I imagine trying to overhear what Dumbledore is up to would be a much better use of my time than keeping track of how miserable your potions-making skills are."

"Because I'm the Boy-Who-Lived!" Harry yelled at Q. "Because I'm fated to save the Wizarding World, because it's my destiny to destroy your precious Voldemort!"

Q just stood there with his arms crossed. Harry meanwhile found himself a bit disappointed that the American Slytherin hadn't even blinked at the name Voldemort.

"Fate." Q spat condescendingly, "It's such a silly human construction. Thinking that the complexity of the universe can be so easily explained. That it actually has a logical order that the human mind can understand. How pathetic!"

Once again, Harry stared at Q in shock.

"When did you become a philosopher?" he asked finally.

That wasn't philosophy! That was the truth! Stupid humans: wouldn't know truth if it came up to them and introduced itself!

"Maybe forever."

"What kind of an answer is that? Anyway, the centaurs say that the future is written in the stars, therefore something has to write it. I guess that would be fate."

Q walked over to one of the large windows and looked out at the sky. It was a clear night and thousands of stars shone through the darkness of night.

"I don't see anything written there."

"That doesn't mean it doesn't exist."

Yes it does. When an omnipotent, omniscient being tells you there's nothing there; there's really nothing there.

"Doesn't mean that it isn't a figment of someone's imagination either."

"Well, my birth was prophesied and the scar that I got from Voldemort was also prophesied, so I believe in destiny."

"Like I said earlier, I don't particularly care what you believe in."

"Well, you will care about one thing I believe in! I believe that Voldemort is evil and that he should be destroyed and sent to the deepest, darkest pits of hell! I believe in the light and that it can overcome darkness and I will do everything in my power to destroy that darkness."

"So get yourself a flashlight."

"Huh. . .wha. . .?" Harry, still red in the face with clenched fists and ragged breathing from his diatribe now looked at Q with a confused look on his face. He was so flabbergasted by Q's dismissal of what he had thought of as a sort of pledge that he didn't even pay attention that the supposed pureblood mentioned a muggle device.

Q rolled his eyes, now bored with the whole situation.

"You know what Harry? Why don't you do us all a favour and just go kill him already. Maybe then you'll actually have something interesting to say. Now if you'll excuse me, I came here to get some peace and quiet and since I'm obviously not going to get that here, I'll be leaving. Good night Harry."

With that, Q strode out the room. He walked three steps so that he was out of Harry's sight and then disappeared. Harry just watched him go in a daze.

Ten minutes later he put on his invisibility cloak and began the journey back to Gryffindor Tower. He would talk to Ron and Hermoine in the morning and maybe together they could make sense of this strange encounter. He was certainly confused.

Q, on the other hand, didn't get back to the Slytherin dungeons until after three in the morning. Once there, he was intrigued by the fact that a large number of mostly upper year students was gathered in the common room. He leaned against the doorway and watched.

They were saying something about passwords and a few were getting last-minute pointers on some complicated charms. Then, after agreeing to be back in an hour the students divided into three groups and quietly sneaked out into the hall, one group at a time.

Draco, Pansy, Blaise and Millicent were among the students. Blaise was the first to notice Q and altered the other three. Draco smirked and waved at Q. Pansy winked mischievously.

Q waved back. He couldn't wait to find out what was going on.

* * *

Well hope you enjoyed that, now review. Please. Reviews inspire me to write more and write faster. And you want more chapters right?


	18. Fire!

**Hey guys!** I finally needed a break from schoolwork, so I sat down and wrote this. Hope you like. And thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter:

**Gymnast204** - wow, I'm happy you thought that was the best chapter yet. I honestly hadn't thought it was that good. I thought some of the other ones were better. But hey, whatever works! There will be more actual character interaction in some of the upcoming chapters.

**Ana** - OMIGOD!! I think that was by far the best review I've ever received! Thank you so much. I'm glad you like my Q and my Slytherins. And although I must admit this chapter's not very Q-centric, the next ones will be. Oh, and now that the Slytherins are loosening up a bit, there will most definitely be more Voldy-bashing too.

**Cassie-bear01** - glad you liked.

**Eratosthenese** - Crap, you noticedHarry was a bit out of character!I was afraid of that. I tried to give the impression he was acting a bitstrange because he was "emotionally distressed." Mostly it was because there were a few things I really wanted Q to say and so Harry had to act that way. Don't worry though, there will be more ofnormal-acting Harry in future chapters.

**Alynna Lis Eachann** - I'm glad you liked the omipotent/omniscient quote. I had a lot of fun writing that. Actually I had a lot of fun writing the whole thing. lol

**Ariadne Walker** - You hate Neelix? Hmmm. . .I could work in some anti-Neelix jibes in. . . Glad you liked the Harry/Q conversation though. I had fun writing it. Actually I was originally going to put it in later in the story, but I had no ideas for this chapter, so it got pushed ahead.

I don't own this. Enjoy!!

Oh, and this chapter is dedicated to Eratosthenese, who recognized the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galexy quote in the last chapter!

* * *

**Chapter 18 **- Fire!

Q heard the Slytherins slink back into the common room one group at a time. The last ones arrived ten minutes late and complained loudly about overeager Ravenclaws who stay up so late studying that they end up falling asleep on their common room couches.

"Well, they're certainly in for one hell of a surprise when they wake up," announced Millicent vindictively and everyone else snickered. Then they all made their way back to their dorms.

At exactly 5:30 am the Hogwarts fire alarm system went off. It was a loud mess of noise that sounded like a large group of people banging on everything and anything they could find.

Q looked up from the book he was reading and frowned. He knew for a fact that the castle was completely fire-free. He also noticed that unlike the rest of the Hogwarts population, the Slytherin students weren't particularly rushed in their efforts to get up.

I think I might want to find out what's going on. It may just prove to be interesting.

Q lazily got off his bed and walked out to the common room. There, a bunch of Slytherins lay haphazardly on chairs, couches and more were joining them by the minute. A couple of fifth years sauntered in dragging their blankets behind them. They found a space on the floor and promptly proceeded to fall asleep again.

A few minutes later a small wooden rowboat floated into the room followed by Serra, a seventh year prefect. No one seemed surprised by the boat.

At exactly 5:37 am, an extremely dishevelled Professor Snape flew through the Common Room doors looking as if he'd taken one too many caffeine injections.

"10 points from Slytherin," he growled when he saw his students lounging around the room. "Why aren't you ready? You should all know the fire emergency protocol by now and should be ready for me to escort you out of the castle."

He waited. None of the students seemed inclined to move however, not even under his most intense glare.

"Well?! What are you waiting for? A personal invitation to be barbequed?"

Then he finally realized that the large object sitting next to the coffee table was a boat. He blinked a few times. Then he shifted his eyes from one side of the room to the other, taking in the barely concealed grins of his charges. He looked back to the boat.

"Explain."

And they did.

Ten minutes later he left with the sixth and seventh year Slytherin prefects and Q in tow. They went up to the Great Hall, assuming that was where everyone else would be as well.

Heads turned when they walked in, except for Professor Janeway. Just like Slytherin, most of the students from the other houses weren't there. Unlike Slytherin House however, all their prefects were present.

And most of them were dripping wet.

"It was a prank," Professor Snape stated after he came to stand next to Professor McGonagall.

"Thank you very much Severus for stating the obvious," the Transfiguration's teacher replied impatiently, "next you'll no doubt be telling us that our mysterious pranksters are to blame. Or that the sky is blue perhaps?"

Snape's retort was never delivered as Professor Dumbledore chose that moment to make his entry into the Great Hall. As the school's Headmaster he had ways of pin-pointing the exact location of a fire. It had taken him about 15 minutes of searching to realize that there wasn't actually any fire and drawing the conclusion that it must be the long-awaited prank from the school's anonymous trouble-makers.

After all, the last prank, though amusing, was a bit of a let down after the one that came before it. In retrospect, the aging Headmaster had decided that the Dark Mark had been rather funny. And definitely creative.

"Good morning everyone," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye, "now could someone please tell me what happened." He looked to the students. "And why you are all so wet."

Professor McGonagall gladly took the initiative and began to explain to the Headmaster what had happened after the alarm sounded at the ungodly hour of 5:30 am.

* * *

At 5:29 am Gryffindor House was completely silent. Some snores were heard and the rustling of sheets and creaking of bed frames as someone shifted in their sleep. Occasionally the wind shook the window panes, trying to get in, but unable.

Suddenly noise erupted throughout the castle and the sleeping forms on the bed shot up as if on command. In the sixth year boys dormitories, green eyes looked around wildly before the disorientation caused by the overly rude awakening subsided.

"Wh wh wh what's that?" cried Nevil with wide eyes.

"I think it's the fire alarm," Ron answered absent-mindedly, nowhere near awake enough to remember what he was supposed to do now that the awful noise had woken him up.

"So there's a fire?" Harry yelled over the noise, also not awake enough to comprehend what was happening.

"Either that or Hogwarts is under attack," exclaimed Seamus enthusiastically. He didn't look tired at all and instead looked downright energetic.

Harry's eyes widened. He suddenly remembered the conversation he had had with Picard only hours before.

"Just my luck he really is a spy and right now he's helping an army of death eaters take over the castle," he mumbled under his breath.

All of a sudden the boys heard a decidedly feminine shriek over the noise of the alarms. They were out the door without a second thought.

They charged down the stairs, all thoughts on everything that could possibly have happened to the girl they heard.

They were at the bottom of the stairs when they collectively tripped over something invisible and fell as a mass of flailing limbs onto the common room floor.

With a splash.

The shock of encountering water where they knew it shouldn't be resulted in the five boys completely losing all hope of rational thought as their minds switched to panic mode. All they managed to do as they tried to untangle themselves and stand up was to splash water everywhere.

Harry finally managed to get his head and shoulders above water and was climbing up onto his knees when Seamus, whose hair was plastered over his eyes, used Harry's back for a support to help him stand. That sent Harry back underwater. A second later Neville tripped over the cloak he had managed to put on before racing downstairs and knocked Seamus down completely. He in turn fell backwards into the water and onto Ron. Dean was pulled down on top of the two as Ron made a mad grab to keep from falling and latched on to his nightgown.

By the time they finally calmed down enough to methodically get up one at a time, their ears registered the hysterical laughter coming from all around them. For the first time they actually looked at their surroundings.

The usually cozy Gryffindor common room now contained a good 20 inches of water in it. Books, quills and partchment floated on the surface of the new Lake Gryffindor along with a coffee table that remarkably still had several empty glasses and an unfinished game of chess balancing on top.

By the entrance to the girl's dormitories a soaking wet Ginny, Lavender and Hermoine sat in the water. They were grabbing their stomachs as tears streaked down their faces because of how hard they were laughing.

Ron growled when he realized that most of Gryffindor House was now in the common room, showing various states of amusement from wide grins to having all out laughing fits like the girls. It was easy to tell who had arrived first: they were the ones who were soaked. Others were merely wading in the water because they couldn't all fit into the door ways.

"Well, I think it's safe to assume that there's no fire," Seamus commented dryly.

"Yup, looks that way mate," Dean agreed.

McGonagall chose that moment to come running through the portrait. And then lose her footing and fall backwards onto her bottom.

That just sent the already hysterical students into new fits of laughter and caused everyone else to hide their giggles behind their hands.

It took the Head of Gryffindor House a few moments to figure out how she had gotten from her previous standing postion to her new postion of sitting down surrounded by a lot of water.

Her eyes narrowed and she glared at the new lake that had been created in her common room. Slowly she got up and took her wand out to mutter a drying charm. However, it had absolutely no effect.

"We already tried professor," chirped a laughing Hermoine from her seat in Lake Gryffindor. "The water's somehow been charmed to be unaffected by drying charms and water repelling charms."

"I see." Professor McGonagall looked around the room, glaring at anyone who laughed.

"Judging by what I see, I think it's safe to say there is no fire in Hogwarts, so I won't be bothering with protocol. Prefects with me, everyone else go put something dry on."

With that she turned on her heal and walked out the portrait into the hall to wait for the prefects to join her.

* * *

The other Heads of Housesagreed with McGonagall's story, saying their houses had met the same fate. Except that neither Sprout nor Flitzwick had actually fallen into the water, just waded into it, so they were considerably drier than the Gryffindor Head.

Professor Dumbledore chuckled quietly.

"Well, that certainly explains why you are all so wet," he began and then turned to Professor Snape and the Slytherin prefects, "however it does not explain why your house doesn't seem to be effected Severus."

"Oh, but it is professor," Snape said, "in fact that is where most of my prefects are: trying to figure out how to get rid of the water."

"But how did you manage to get across your common room without getting wet?" Hermoine asked, suspicion clear on her face, ready to accuse the Slytherins of masterminding the whole thing. Which they did, but she didn't know that.

"We're wizards Granger," Draco drawled. "After the first people fell in, we transfigured our desk chairs into boats and rowed across the common room."

A chorus of groans was heard as everyone else realized just how obvious that solution was.

"Well, I think that's 10 points to Slytherin for keeping a cool head and finding the simplest solution to a problem," announced Dumbledore.

Draco and the other Slytherin prefects beamed.

Now that's the way my pranks should go: pull something and then get praised for figuring out to undo it. No doubt they'll be the first house to figure out how to get rid of the 'lake' in their common room. I think I'm rubbing off on them. Oh goody. . . Maybe I'll keep them after this is all over and introduce them to the Enterprise crew. God knows they could use the lightening up. And I think the brigde would look nice as a lake.

Shortly after the Headmaster dismissed them, the Slytherins were back in their common room laughing hysterically at the image of Professor McGonagall falling down into the water.

Not even Professor Snape could fully surpress his grin. He had joined them under the pretext that he was supposed to be helping them get rid of Lake Slytherin so everyone would expect him to be in Slytherin House. Really, he was just curious as to how his students had managed to pull the prank off.

Since there was absolutely no point in going back to bed, they all stayed in the common room laughing and joking until it was time to go to breakfast.

* * *

Well, I hope you liked that. Again, I'm in the middle of writing papers and exams so I don't know when I'll be able to update next. Hopefully sometime next week, because I have a huge break between exams.

Please review!!


	19. Slythern vs Gryffindor

**OMIGOD!!!** Wow, you guys sent me such wonderful review, I just couldn't resist writing another chapter as quickly as I could! By that I mean in between working on assignments and studying for exams. I'm so glad you liked my last chapter: the prank was actually inspired by a MASH episode ("Dear Sigmund" I think it's called). I was going to put review responses at the end of the chapter, because I have a lot to write to some of them. Then I realized that anyone who doesn't want to read them can just scroll down.

**Ana** - Wow, again, thanks for the amazing review. I'd never thought of Q as bringing out a different side of people, but you're right. I mean just look at how Ginnan reacts whenever he's around. Oh, and I think he can actually change people's personalities, or at least the way they act to some extent. There's a TNG episode where the child of two members of the Q Continum comes to the Enterprise and Qteaches her about her powers. There's a scene where she literaly snaps her fingers and makes Rikerfall in love with her. And thanks for your support about the way I'm writingthis. Though I will try to maybeshow Hermoine in a better light and show a bit more of the Slytherin's cruelty. As for the Slytherins coming to the Enterprise. . . let's just say I have a few ideas for a sequel.

**Cassie-bear01** - I thank you for the applause and curtsie. I'm glad I made you laugh. That was the intention. I don't think this chapter's anywhere near that funny, but I have some ideas for future chapters.

**Lady Sunflower** - Thanks for giving me a go even though you don't like Star Trek. Oh and thanks for the constructive critisism, I really do appreciate it. It made me think about what I'm writing. Let's see, where should I start. . . oh right, Quidditch. Umm. . .it's not so much that I forgot about it, but that I didn't know where to stick it in. Also I couldn't think ofwhat to do with it. But, yeah, I suppose I can't completely ignore such a huge part of Hogwarts life, so here's a Quidditch chapter just for you. As far as my Slytherins being too nice. . .I sort of imagined that amounst themselves they would be like that. I mean if you think about it, they're basicallyhated by most of the other houses, so it makes sense that they'd form tight bonds between themselves. And as I think back on it, there's been a lot of them interacting amongst themselves, but not really that much withstudents with other houses. Maybe I should rectify that. Which brings me to Hermoine. Up 'till now she's been the smartest girl in the class and on some level she takes pride in that. Now all of a sudden thisstrange guy shows up and seems towant to take away her spot light. I think she would act a bit smugly if she got something before he did. I will try to be nicer to her though. I think I wasin a very anti-Hermoine mood when I wrote those chapters anyway. Glad you like the pranks. I have a lot of fun coming up with them. Hope you stick around despite the Star Trek influences of this story (in otherwords, Q)!

**gaul1** - thanks.

**Rogue1615** - Yay, I'm original!!!Oooh and hillarious!!As far as the Slytherins going to the Enterprise. . . well it won't be before they find who Q is that's for sure.But I do have a few ideas for a sequel. Oh and your prank idea sounds great! I'm not writing what it is here, because I truly am intrigued. As far as how it would be possible. . . that's the wonderful thing about Q: anything's possible! Hope you enjoy this chapter even though it's not as funny as thelast one!

**Jordan** - when you make it this far, I hope you still like or like it even more! Chapter 6? He he, you haven't made it to my favourite ones yet!

**Ariadne Walker** - Lol, hope you got your chai-freeze off your computer screen. Here's some anti-Neelix comments just for you! They aren't that great, but they're the best I could think of. Will try to think of something better in the future.

**Eratosthenese** - Glad you liked the chapter. And that you laughed. Laughter is good when you're trying to be funny.

**Urgo, the Observer** - I like Lake Ten Forward! I can just imagine the look on Captain Picard's face when he walks in. He'll wait about ten seconds and then yell: "Q!" Lol! As for the Slytherins on the Enterprise. . . I'll say one word: sequel.

**Lunatic Pandora1** - What do you mean the prank was pointless? All they're pranks were pointless! Can you think of any logical reason for turning Snape's robes pumpkin orange? As for Q. . .well. . . he doesn't cook up anything this chapter. You'll have to wait for the next one.

**Alynna Lis Eachann** -Why do I get the feeling that if something was that easy in real life that I'd be wanting to be very, very far away from you? Glad you liked the prank though. I had a lot of fun writing it. Especially the part in Gryffindor. For obvious reasons.

Well, that's the end of the review. Oh and did I mention I got a record number this time? It made me sooo excited! Anyway, for the record, I don't own this.

'. . ' - means telepathic comunication

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**Chapter 19** - Slytherin vs. Gryffindor

The next Saturday took forever to arrive in Q's opinion. All anyone was willing to talk about was the Slytherin-Gryffindor Quidditch match.

It's like Neelix going on about his cooking. Did he actually think anyone wanted to know what was in the stuff they were eating? Or care just how much of that orange weed he put in it? It was bad enough they had to eat it! Honestly, some people just don't know when to shut up!

The tension between Gryffindor and Slytherin was practically a tangible entity on its own, ready to give off sparks whenever their students crossed paths. The Gryffindor students glared extra hard at the Slytherin students, who sneered back even harder.

Q couldn't wait for the match to be over. He didn't care who won, but the childish behaviour exhibited by both houses was getting incredibly annoying. Though some of the hexing matches were quite amusing.

Especially when Draco had taken on Ron and Harry after DADA class on Tuesday. He managed to turn Ron's skin purple before Harry knocked his wand out and threw a curse at him that caused the Slytherin Prince to throw up slugs for the next several hours.

Q imagined that would be quite a disgusting thing to experience. Though thoroughly amusing for everyone else to watch.

Unfortunately, Q then had to sit through Draco's long "I will kill that bloody Scarface" rant that followed. Everybody else had wisely decided to make themselves scarce. They were afraid of the famous Malfoy wrath.

Q didn't really pay attention to him anyway. He just let him ramble on until Draco finally stomped off and slammed the door to his room.

Q rolled his eyes.

Maybe that's why I like him. He sometimes has this annoying ability to remind me of q. Especially when he throws a temper tantrum like that. Ok, so that was only the second one I've seen, but still. Except that q doesn't slam doors. He creates temporal instabilities in the fabric of time and space. Funny how the two things can be equally irritating.

He then felt Draco about to come out of his room for another ranting session, so quickly slipped out of Slytherin House and decided to go find some peace and quiet in the library.

He was perusing the Transfigurations section when the Golden Trio walked in and took a table at the back. They were deep in discussion. Q had nothing better to do, so he decided to listen in. After all, even if they had noticed him when they walked in, he was on the other side of the room, so they would never suspect that he could actually hear them.

"What are you saying exactly?" Ron demanded of Hermoine.

"What I'm saying, Ronald, is that maybe Picard isn't really a spy for Voldemort," Hermoine explained patiently.

"You didn't see him 'Moine," Harry said, "all smug and arrogant, as if he knew more than everyone else."

I do know more than anyone else, especially you.

"Harry, that just means he's a prat."

I'm hurt.

"Oh come on 'Moine," Ron almost whined, "you said so yourself, he's from a family brimming with Dark Arts users and the first friend he made was Malfoy, the son of a top death eater."

"Besides, weren't you the one who said we should trust Professor Dumbledore's judgement?" Harry mocked.

"Yes, but Professor Dumbledore doesn't have all the answers; he said so himself that he's having a hard time finding information on him apart from legal documents that don't really say much."

Really? Hmmm . . . must've forgotten to check the Immortal Omnipotent Entity Registry. I'm sure I'm in there somewhere. Or I will be as soon as I create it, anyway.

"How much more do you need to know?!" Ron cried out, earning himself a glare from the librarian.

"I don't know, something, anything, it just all seems too obvious."

"Funny you should mention that. . ." Harry began thoughtfully, "he did say something about what a miserable spy he'd make if he was that obvious. . ."

"I can't believe I'm agreeing with him, but he's right. You-Know- I mean Voldemort may be mad, but he's not altogether stupid. Why would he send a spy who was that obvious, when there are already children from loyal death eater families right here at the school? I'm sure he could easily get one of them to spy on us."

"They're probably all spies too," mumbled Ron.

Yes, of course they are. The evil genius has decided he needs an army of spies, because he's already found out first-hand how dangerous small children can be and decided to utilize that knowledge. Hogwarts is doomed. I suppose I should laugh evilly now.

Hermoine ignored Ron's comment and continued:

"Besides, why would an American be involved in the first place? Voldemort was never interested in America, because it had nothing to do with either side of the First War. So where would he get an American spy?"

"He could be using polyjuice," Ron pointed out.

"No, Dumbledore checked for that remember," Harry said gloomily. Clearly he was not happy that Hermoine was making sense. Suddenly he perked up.

"Wait, I know what he's doing!"

This should be good.

"What?" his companions said in unison.

"He's using a double bluff." Harry looked at the others proudly. Hermoine looked at him sceptically, but seemed to be considering his idea.

"Yes! That's exactly what he's doing!" Ron exclaimed excitedly. Then stopped. "What kind of curse is that exactly?"

Hermoine rolled her eyes.

"It's not a curse Ron, it's a term used in detective novels. It means to deceive someone by becoming the obvious suspect."

Ron just looked confused.

"How exactly are you deceiving someone by doing something when it's obvious you did it. Wouldn't that just mean that you'd get caught quicker?"

"Yes and no. It's sort of a paradox I guess. Ok, say for instance you were planning to murder someone, say. . . Malfoy." Ron's eyes lit up at the idea and he nodded enthusiastically.

"Well, because of the rivalry between your families, and because everyone knows you hate him, you would be an obvious suspect, right? And just to add to it, Mayfoy was found strangled with your scarf."

"'Moine, do you honestly think I'd be stupid enough to murder Malfoy and then leave my scarf there?"

One never knows. . .

"Exactly!"

"Huh?" Ron looked to Harry for help.

"What Hermoine's saying is that that's what people would think: that no one would be stupid enough to be that obvious, it must be someone making it look like you did it."

"Oh, so you're saying that Picard's acting like a spy for You-Know-Who so that we'd think that he couldn't possibly be one because he's too obvious, when really he is a spy."

"You've got it mate!" Harry grinned at the still confused red-head. Then he turned to Hermoine. "So, what do you think?"

I think you should lay off the Agatha Christie novels.

"Well, I suppose it could work as a theory. . ." Hermoine began sceptically, "but I don't know. . . there's just too many things that don't add up."

"What now?" Ron demanded frustrated and Harry just groaned, feeling an argument coming on. However, Hermoine seemed to be satisfied with only glaring at Ron.

"Well, I don't know, how about the fact that he's very noticeable. I mean, he's obviously smart, talented and a complete enigma. Why would Voldemort send someone like that to spy on a few students? I'm sure he has better uses for someone like that."

Harry opened his mouth to say something, when Hermoine's eyes suddenly lit up like two little light bulbs from a cartoon.

"Unless. . ." she started thinking her idea over before actually putting to words.

"Unless what?" the boys asked in unison.

"Unless he's not really the spy, but just a decoy. You know, someone to grab our attention away from the real threat."

And you were doing so well. Wait. . . Did she just imply that I'm not a threat?! Stupid human. I'm sure I can think of quite a few people who would argue with that. I know! I'll transport her onto a Borg Cube and then we'll see just how harmless she thinks I am. Too bad it would completely blow my cover.

"You know, that makes sense," Harry said, mulling her suggestion over, "I mean, we have been spending a lot of time watching and researching him. . ."

Q rolled his eyes as the trio continued to discuss him. Not that he really minded. He liked being the centre of attention after all.

Suddenly he felt a familiar tingle in the back of his mind.

Hello Fawkes.

'Greetings Eternal One.'

Decided to communicate with someone intelligent for a change?

'The Headmaster is a highly intelligent man. He merely does not know how to look at the world and distinguish its parts from one another and so sometimes misses what is right in front of him.'

In other words, he's human. In my experience, humans tend to either try to grasp the big picture and end up ignoring the crucial details, or get so caught up in the details that they miss the big picture. Not that they could ever completely understand the universe anyway. . .

Musical laughter filled his head.

'I must agree that is quite accurate.'

Of course it is.

'Indeed. Well, I do believe that you will enjoy what the Headmaster announced at the staff meeting. Your son does not appreciate it at all.'

Really? Do tell. Is that the staff meeting going on right now?

'Yes, I did not know whether you were paying attention to it.'

I'm not. So, what is this rule that my son hates?

'All staff must remain at the school over the Winter Break. Those with families may bring them here, but no one can leave.'

You're kidding? Ha! That's wonderful! I can't wait to go away for winter break while q has to stay here. I'll have to make certain to pop in all the time, just to remind him that I'm not stuck here and he is.

'Q? I thought you said that was your name?'

It is. We're both Q.

'Aha, I see. You are truly strange beings.'

I'm sure you're not the only one who thinks that. Though really, we're just much, much more advanced and more intelligent than you. Now do tell, just how angry is that brat of mine?

'He seems truly furious and does not hide it well. Your son does not have much experience in hiding his emotions, does he?

Of course not, he never needs to. If someone has a problem with what one of us is feeling or how we're acting then we have a simple solution: do it with even more flair and enthusiasm than before until he finally snaps. You should see Jean Luc go from "Hello-Admiral-How-Nice-To-See-You" to "Q-Get-The-Hell-Off-My-Ship!!" It's a lot of fun.

'You certainly do not appear to believe in boredom. I can only imagine what it is like when you have full use of your powers: not dull for sure.'

I can't stand dull. Insanely chaotic is more my style.

'Very well. Incidentally, the meeting is now over. Oh, and the Headmaster means to activate more wards to catch the school's pranksters.'

Can't stand the suspense, huh? Oh well, it's not like he's actually going to succeed. Though I do believe we've left him alone for far too long.

'I shall look forward to seeing what you come up with. Farewell, Eternal One.'_Bye Fawkes._

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Saturday finally did come however and Q somehow found himself getting dragged to the Quidditch game against his will.

I must really be getting soft in my incredibly old age. And what part of 'no' do these brats not understand? I just hope it's a short game. By short I mean about five minutes. Though I suppose I could always conjure up a really, really bad lightning storm. Did I just say 'conjure'? Arrgg. . .I've been around wizards for too long!

Q scowled as he sat between Blaise and Pansy. He noticed that Professor Snape did not sit with the rest of the professors, but had instead decided to show house solidarity and sit in the Slytherin stands.

He looks about as happy to be here as I am. Mind you, he always looks as if he's being forced to eat something Neelix made. Or sit through one of the Doctor's opera sessions.

Then he looked to the Gryffindor stands in time to see Hermoine quickly look away. Q smirked, wondering just how subtle she thought she was being.

Suddenly the teams were announced by the Hufflepuff game announcer and two groups of people walked onto the field. At the head of the Slytherin team was Draco. Harry led the Gryffindors.

They met in front of Professor Hooch at the centre of the field. The two captains glared daggers at each other and shook hands with intent to cause as much harm as possible. Neither one of them winced at the rough contact.

Then the Bludgers and the snitch were released and the Quaffle thrown in the air. In streaks of red and green, the players zoomed into the air, with Gryffindor gaining first possession of the Quaffle.

At first Q watched the game with interest as players darted here and there. That lasted about 10 minutes.

Five hours later Q was beginning to think that going to a funeral full of Vulcans would be more exciting than sitting and watching a Quidditch game. Gryffindor was in the lead by 50 points. It was all clear to him what the teams needed to be do to beat each other.

The Slytherins were relying on their brute strength and were forgetting to think and analyze what the other team was doing. The Gryffindors on the other hand were falling back on the plays they had obviously been practicing and were paying attention to their opponent, but were unable to successfully combat the aggressiveness of the Slytherin players.

Q cursed the stupidity of humans for the sixty thousandth time in five hours.

Will someone just catch the snitch already! I mean all you have to do to end my misery is find a ball with wings on it: how hard can that be? It's not as if there are a million of them out there and you have to pick the right one! It's not even hiding, it's right there on the left! Come on Draco, look over there and grab the damn thing!

Up in the air, Draco was scanning the field. He desperately wanted to be the first to catch the snitch, to best Potter. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Harry go into a dive. He swore under his breath and squeezed his broom.

As he was about to shoot after the Gryffindor seeker, something strange happened. His broom wouldn't move. Then it felt as if someone invisible was turning his head to the left. He was so surprised that he didn't struggle. He just let the force guide his head and looked in the direction it wanted him to.

Then he saw it: the snitch.

The rest was automatic reflex as he snapped his broom around and pressed himself as close to it as he could to reduce wind resistance. His entire concentration was on the spot where the snitch hovered in mid-air.

He didn't notice the audience's confusion when they realized the Slytherin seeker was shooting off in a different direction from Harry Potter. Harry meanwhile had realized that the thing that had caught his attention was a hummingbird, not the snitch and was climbing out of his dive.

He was surprised when he looked up and noticed that Malfoy wasn't behind him. Then he saw the Slytherin seeker speeding at something. Harry's eyes widened in dread and he willed his Firebolt to follow as fast as it could.

Draco's entire world at that moment consisted of a small golden ball with wings. It suddenly veered off to the right and Draco adjusted his course.

He didn't notice the bludger Ginny Weasely sent his way.

However just as it was about to hit, the snitch dipped down a bit lower and Draco followed it. He subconsciously registered the whoosh of a bludger passing just above his shoulders.

But then he was reaching one hand out, desperately willing his broom to go even faster. He felt something cold in his hand and couldn't see the snitch anymore.

He stopped his broom so abruptly that it did a 180 degree spin. Then he looked at his right hand, which was holding something. Something with wings. He opened his hand just a crack and looked at the snitch it was clutching. It was as if he was seeing it for the first time.

Suddenly he was filled with such an intense sense of happiness that he couldn't have stopped the goofy grin that spread across his features if he had wanted to. He didn't bother trying.

Then he looked up as he finally noticed how quiet the crowd was. He looked to his left and saw Potter zooming towards him. He tried to sneer, but couldn't. He was simply too happy.

In that moment there was absolutely nothing he couldn't do. With a yell of triumph that must've been heard in Hogsmead, he raised his hand in the air and flew off towards the Slytherin stands, to show them his prize.

The roar that followed from the Slytherin stands was truly deafening. They all knew that Draco had been trying for years to get the snitch before Harry. They were celebrating for him as much as they were for themselves.

I am so glad I'm not human right now, otherwise I'd have one hell of a headache. How can something so insignificant make such a significant amount of noise. Though I think I might be getting one anyway. That's the only thing I can think of to explain why I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy about Draco's expression. If I had known this is all it takes to make him this insanely happy I would've done this five hours ago. Would've saved myself a lot of boredom if nothing else.

He followed Blaise, Pansy and Millicent down to the Quidditch field, where Draco was being lifted over the heads of his team mates, who were just as exuberant as he was.

Even Professor Snape came down from the stands to congratulate his players on their victory. All the while he looked at Professor McGonagall with a very smug expression on his face.

That night the Slytherins put out the usual offerings for Mrs. Norris and celebrated well into the night. They blasted music as loud as they could and didn't even bother to disguise the alcohol by putting it in punch-form. They were too happy to care: they just wanted to move, to make noise, to use up as much energy as possible.

Professor Snape joined them at first, but wisely decided to leave after one blond seventh year holding a bottle began openly flirting with him. He didn't really think he wanted to know what the Slytherins did later on in the night. Especially since he had a pretty good idea that he as Head of House, he shouldn't be condoning any of it.

Q meanwhile took the opportunity to make a few additions to Professor Dumbledore's already cluttered office.

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Ok, I'm sitting here thinking that some parts of this truly were pathetic. My thanks go out to **Lady Sunflower** who inspired the Quidditch game. Hell, Q's interference in it was her idea.

Don't know when I'll be able to update next: my week's pretty much taken up by work and a 15-page paper I have to write. Doesn't that just sound exciting. Oh, and yes I do realize (again thanks to Lady Sunflower) that the Gryffindor-Slytherin quidditch match is early November and in my time-line we're already somewhere at the end of it. Please just ignore that.

As for the blond Slytherin who flirted with Snape. . . I intentionally didn't mention whether they were male or female. You can fill in the blank on your own. Please review! Remember what happens when you reiview: I update faster, even if that means spending less time studying.


	20. Tribblations

**I'm done exams! Yay!** Now I can finally concentrate on this without feeling guilty. Watch for several new chapters within the next two weeks. I plan to update as much as I can. I would kinda like to get to Christmas in thestorywhile it's actually Christmas in real life. Anyway, hope you enjoy this!

**AnotherChance andgaul1**- Thanks.

**Jenn** - Wow, you think I'm brilliant (or that my idea is brilliant anyway)! I'm flattered. Just for that I'll make sure to put in more Next Generation. Unfortunatley not in this chapter, just because some of the Voyager ones fit better. And yeah, personally I'm much more ofa Next Generation fan. I grew upwatching it.And Janeway annoys me too muchfor me to truly enjoyVoyager.

**Ariadne Walker** - Glad you got the chai off your screen. I'm also glad you liked the anti-Neelix stuff as well as Q's commentary. I have a lot of fun trying to think like an omnipotent entity. I wonder how one would go about becoming one. . .

**Lunatic Pandora1** - Yeah, I honestly don't think Q's above cheating, especially if it involves something as trivial as quidditch. As for the water, don't worry, there wasn't nearly enough of it there for anyone to drown in. I don't think even the Slytherins are that cruel and stupid.

**Urgo, the Observer** - SPHW? Lol! You know, I think that might work, except that I'm pretty sure thatVoyager is now a museum. Buteither way, I'm sure that the Doctor (do you know if he ever actually decides on a name?) and Hermoine would get along fabulously.And data too. Oh wait, he's dead. Dammit!

**Eratosthenese** - With Q on their side, could youactually see Slytherin lose?I think that any team with anomnipotent entity with the patience of an ADHD two-year-old on a sugar highrooting for them is natually destined to win. Hope you like this chapter and I solemly swear that the next one won't take so long to update.

**Gymnast204** - Glad you like the Fawkes conversations. I like Fawkes. I think I can see a lot more of him in the story in the near future. As for the Star Trek references, I try. I actually think it's scary just how many of them come naturally.

**Ana-Christina** - Have I been misspelling Hermione's name since the beginning of the fic!! Arg! At least I've finally got Gryffindor right. . . . I promise to spell it right from now on. **Eratosthenese**, don't you dare laugh!!! Anyway, I'm really happy that you like my Q and mostly his commentary. Trying to think like an omnipotent, omniscient entity is fun!! And I'm glad that you like my Ron. I decided early on that I didn't want to protray anyone as evil in the story and hopefully that comes across even when Q's talking about how stupid they are. Because that's just how Q is and how he thinks. And I don't think that Ron is stupid or evil, just like Hermione isn't really a genius and Draco isn't really evil. And I realize this chapter's kinda short, but the next ones should be longer. So please don't kill me Ms. Homicidal Maniac. I won't be able to update if you do. :)

**Lady Sunflower** - Ok, a few bad apples comming right up. Or well, they will be. Hmm. . . Hufflepuff Voldemort supporters. . . that has potential. Not sure if it fits in this story. I'm kinda trying to keep it away from the actual politics as much as I can, because quite frankly, I don't think Q would particularly care about them. Though maybe a few darker chapters are in order. . . I love your reviews, they make me think about the story. Speaking of which, glad you liked the quidditch game. And I will try very, very hard not to put on any rose-tinted glasses when writing Snape and Draco (I have absolutely no illusions that Lucius is a bastard - but not evil, because I hate that word too, actuallyQ outlined my opinion of the word quite nicely a couple of chapters ago). Btw, Draco and lace do NOT go together as far as I'm concerned. Though it would make a neat prank. Hope Draco doesn't do something stupid like insult Q. . . .

**Fuji the Hobbit** - You think I'm a great writer?!! I'm flattered! And guess what happens in this chapter? That's right: Dumbledore goes into his office. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. This. Story.

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**Chapter 20 **- Tribblations

The Sunday morning after the Slytherin victory over Gryffindor began quite normally for Headmaster Dumbledore. He got out of bed earlier than most of the birds in the Forbidden Forest, washed up, combed his extremely long beard, put on a set of light-blue robes with were adorned with gold stars and half-moons and then stepped into his office to check his morning mail.

If there was one thing he hated (other than the idiots that somehow managed to get the post of Minister of Magic) it was people who did not promptly respond to letters. He therefore made it a point to always answer his letters as soon as he received them.

Besides there was no better feeling than going to breakfast feeling like one had already accomplished something beforehand.

When he reached his office he immediately noticed that there were three letters waiting for him on his desk. He frowned slightly as he noticed that one of them was obviously from the Ministry.

It was then that he noticed something highly unusual in his office.

A soft trilling sound coming from one of his shelves. He went up to the shelf as something furry beside his muggle fairy tale collection caught his eye.

"Well, now what do we have here?" he asked softly so as not to upset the creature.

Carefully he picked it up and examined it. It appeared to be one of the creatures that Professor Janeway had had appearing in his classroom at the beginning of the year. Professor Dumbledore was surprised and curious as to how it had gotten into his office. After all, they had all disappeared without a trace.

He began to delicately stroke the small ball of fur and smiled as it began to purr. He racked his brain, trying to remember what the DADA professor had called it.

'Ahh yes. . . a Tribble,' he finally remembered.

Slowly, he set on his desk and sat down to take care of the letters he had received while asleep. The tribble meanwhile took to exploring its new environment.

Professor Dumbledore was so absorbed in glaring at the contents of the letter from the ministry that he didn't notice when it found the lemon drops on his desk.

It was a very ecstatic Headmaster that made his way down to breakfast that morning.

"Well you certainly look happy this morning," commented Professor McGonagall glumly. She obviously was still very unhappy about the Gryffindor loss. Especially since the Slytherins had all come to breakfast and were being very cheerful. Many were loudly replaying yesterdays match one play at a time. Especially the part where Draco caught the snitch.

Here it should probably be noted that the only reason Slytherin table looked alive, let alone cheerful was because of a cauldron of anti-hangover potion that had mysteriously appeared in the Common Room that morning.

The Slytherin Prince was sitting at the head of the table surveying his subjects. He made sure to look over at the Gryffindor table every once in a while and smirk triumphantly. The mood at said table was dismal.

The entire Gryffindor quidditch team wasn't eating, just pushing their food around their plates. It was almost eerily quiet.

Suddenly a lone eagle owl swept into the room. It flew straight at the Gryffindor table and dropped a letter into Harry's porridge. It was a howler.

The entire table stared at it silently. Harry picked it up with unsteady hands.

"It's addressed to the whole house," he said quietly, but somehow everyone heard him. He looked up to his housemates. Curious faces looked back.

"Well mate," Ron swallowed slowly, "you'd better open it before it explodes."

Harry looked down and realized for the first time that it wasn't his hands that were shaking, but the letter, which indeed seemed ready to burst.

Harry took a deep breath and ripped the letter open. Green and silver fairy dust sprung out of the envelope.

"Dear Gryffindor House," an all too familiar voice drawled, "why all the gloomy faces? Shouldn't you be celebrating? Oh no wait, silly me, that's right you can't . . . BECAUSE YOU LOST!!! Ha ha ha ha."

Laughter filled the ears of the Gryffindors as their expressions went from surprised to outraged to murderous. The quidditch team and their fans slowly got to their feet. They glared at where Draco Malfoy was sitting at the head of the Slytherin table elegantly holding a cup of tea and lazily leaning against the table. He calmly looked over to them with an expression that could not have possibly been smugger.

Q smacked himself in the forehead. He couldn't believe it.

Oh. Dear. Lord. When I said he reminded me of my son, I didn't mean he should actively do everything he could to imitate q. I mean, this letter? What is he? Five?!

"Congratulations Draco," he said out loud, "I think you're about to die a very slow and painful death. I'll try to make it to the funeral. No promises though."

Draco looked at Q and rolled his eyes. The others around him sniggered quietly.

Up at the Head Table McGonagall looked like she was about to burst a blood vessel, Dumbledore looked highly annoyed and Snape was glaring at the back of Draco's head.

The air in the Great Hall warmed several degrees in the next few minutes. The hall was so silent that you could hear the crackling of fire coming from the Gryffindor students' eyes, promising a slow and painful death to anyone associated to Draco Malfoy.

The murderous waves coming from Gryffindor were so intense that it seemed like nothing, not the professors, not the Headmaster, could avert the coming slaughter of the Slytherin Prince.

Professor Dumbledore desperately racked his brain for a way to diffuse the tension. Deep down he was fuming at Draco, but as Headmaster he couldn't very well sanction a lynching.

The answer to the problem presented itself rather surprisingly when the doors to the Great Hall opened and Professor Janeway waltzed in.

His robes were bright green, or rather they were covered in long, bright green fur. It made him look like a big green dog with a black curly head.

The tension in the room was gone faster than gold-pressed platinum placed in front of a Ferengi. Everyone was too busy gawking at q's newest set of bizarre robes to be angry or contemplate murder.

Now, I know that Qs aren't exactly renown for their fashion sense, but THAT is just horrendous. What is he trying to do, bring back the Cro-Magnon look?

Pansy had a thoughtful look on her face as she analyzed the robes.

"I wonder. . ."

"No."

Pansy's head snapped to Draco as he interrupted her.

"Huh?" she asked, confused. Draco's had a blank look on his face.

"If you so much as think about asking where he got those robes, I will hunt down the creature they came from and feed you to it."

The others smiled at the threat while Pansy pouted.

"You know," said Blaise after a while, "the truly scary thing is that somewhere there's actually a shop that sells robes like that."

No, the truly scary and slightly disturbing thing is that there probably isn't a shop that sells robes like that. Anywhere. He's most likely making them up as he goes along. And I really do hope his imagination runs out very, very soon. If it doesn't, maybe I'll just ship him off to his godmother Kathy's for a few decades. If nothing else, I'm sure it would make her retirement interesting.

The murderous mood broken, the rest of breakfast continued without incident, though more than a few Gryffindors kept sending glares at the Slytherin table.

Q paid no attention whatsoever to the glares; he was more keen on paying attention to the conversation at the Head Table. With the situation now under control, the Headmaster was back to his original bubbly good mood.

"What spectacularly interesting robes you have there Professor Janeway!" he exclaimed as q sat down in the empty chair next to him. "I wonder, where do you get these imaginative robes of yours? I must say I'd be rather interested to see the store."

Yes, because that's just what this school needs: two walking, talking, mostly insane fashion disasters. I thought they were supposed to be fighting an evil dark wizard, not Vogue.

Professor Janeway just raised his an eyebrow at Professor Dumbledore's comment. Clearly he was also questioning the old wizard's sanity.

"Well, you are in a rather good mood this morning Professor Dumbledore," he commented, intentionally not answering the question.

"Yes, I met a kindred spirit this morning, someone who enjoys lemon drops as much as I do."

"Oh really? Do tell."

"Actually, it's one of those adorable creatures that you had popping up in your classroom at the beginning of the year."

"You mean the ones I wanted to feed to Hagrid's pets?"

"Exactly. They're called tribbles right?"

"Yes."

"Ooh, did I just hear you correctly Albus?" Professor Sprout squealed, resembling one of her students who had just been told exams had been cancelled. "Do you have one of those enchanting little balls of fur in your office?"

"Yes indeed I do," Dumbledore said, turning to her, "it's sitting on my desk right now, eating lemon drops. It really does seem to like it."

Upon hearing that, q spit out the pumpkin juice he was drinking and looked incredulously at the Headmaster.

"You left it alone, unattended and with a generous food supply?" he said with wide eyes.

"Well, it doesn't seem particularly harmful. . ."

The DADA professor's expression was apparently unnerving the old wizard just a bit. Mostly because he was only now realizing that he really didn't know anything about the tribble except that it liked lemon drops, purred and looked cute, cuddly and absolutely harmless.

You know in some ways I'm very lucky Dumbledore is such a generous old man. Not everyone would just pick up a stray creature and feed it. Actually, most people know better than to ever feed a tribble, so maybe I should add stupid to that description as well.

"Oh, they're perfectly harmless, just. . . well. . . damn annoying."

Professors Dumbledore and Sprout brightened up at that and began an animated discussion about how to determine what else it likes.

"Why do I not see this ending well?" q muttered to himself and shot his father a death glare.

Q grinned back at his son. Then he grinned even wider as he felt Fawkes trying to get his attention.

Oh hello Fawkes, how are you this morning.

'Very well Eternal One. I'm assuming you have something to do with this mysterious creature that has taken residence in the Headmaster's lemon drop supply.'

How could you guess?

'It feels odd. Different from all other creatures I have come in contact with.'

That's probably because it's not native to this planet.

'It's from another planet? No wonder I am finding it hard to communicate with it.'

No, actually that's just probably because they have an intelligence factor of practically zero. They're cute, cuddly and utterly brainless. They basically live to eat and reproduce. Oh, and make lives difficult for choice humans.

'I see. That would explain why the one creature the Headmaster found this morning is now five creatures. All with a taste for lemon drops it seems.'

Actually, they'll eat anything, so it's not actually the lemon drops. They'd probably eat it even if Neelix had made it.

'Neelix? What is a Neelix?'

Not a what, a who. He's a Telaxian and was the cook and morale officer aboard Voyager.

'What is Voyager?'

A star ship.

'From where?'

Earth.

'What?! But I was under the impression that muggles are not able to get further than the moon.'

Well, obviously that's because Voyager won't be built for another 370 years or so.

'You can see the future?'

Actually I've been there. The Voyager's captain is my son's godmother.

'Interesting.'

Quite. I'm afraid breakfast is over though, so I'll be going. Perhaps one day I'll take you to meet Kathy. I'm sure she's never seen a Phoenix before. It might just give her a heart attack. You know, I'm liking this plan better all the time.

'I look forward to meeting the captain of a star ship.'

She's really not that exciting.

'For you, perhaps.'

Bye Fawkes.

'Good-bye Eternal One.'

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I said I'd bring the tribbles back, and here they are. The next chapter should be up in a few days. In the mean time, please read and review!


	21. The Letters

**Happy New Year everyone!** Sorry for taking so long to update this, but, well, I didn't really have much access to my computer over Christmas break. I'm glad you think the story's funny, but I should probably warn you that the end of this chapter's going to take a bit of a darker turn. That's all I'll say for now. And thanks for the review:

**Annikaya** - Yay! I'm funny, original and managing to keep Q in character! Thanks so much for reviewing!

**Sparkle Weaver** - Glad you like the fic. And yes, the Slytherin gang, and well, actually the rest of the school, will find out that Q's not human. I mean could you actually imagine Q having to spend an entire year around humans and then NOT come back to gloat and make fun of them?

**Urgo, the Observer** - Tribbles and the Jaws theme. . .hmmm. . .interesting idea. And oh, I spelt Talaxian wrong? Oops. Honestly, that wasn't one of the ones I even thought to check. As for the things I've got lined up. . .there are actually a few others from the very beginning such as a talking hat for Admiral Janeway. Just to let you know, not all of them will be turning up in the sequel (Christmas break is still coming up for the Hogwarts gang - hint, hint).

**Fuji the Hobbit** - Actaully, I think you'll kinda find that I chickened out a bit on the tribbles. Some of the other stuff in the chapter that wasn't supposed to be as big a thing just sort of mutated on me. Hopefully they haven't gotten lost altogether though.

**Ari** - Thanks, glad you liked it.

**Jenn** - I have fun making up weird robes for q to wear. It seemed like a neat idea at the beginning of the fic and I'm glad you're enjoying it.

**Gymnast204** - Yeah, I liked that line too. As for the side-dish plot thingy, we'll see. I'm not quite sure what I'm doing with Fawkes at the moment anyway. I just have fun writing their conversations. Btw, if you see my sister, please pester her about reading my fic. I'm trying, but it doesn't work so well over MSN.

**Eratosthenese** - Yes, you're right I think it is a real shame that Malfoy's a bitch. He's way too young for me anyway, but it's still a shame. As for him being nasty. . . well, let's just say. . .hope you like this chapter!

**Lunatic Pandora1** - Actually, I'd be more interested to see just how long it would take Q to convince Kathy that it actually is a Phoenix.

**Rogue1615** - Yup, the tribbles are back. Unfortunately, they don't really take up as much of this chapter as I originally thought they would, but hopefully they still fulfill their purpose. That's assuming they have a purpose, which I guess they don't really.

Anyway, I still don't own this. Hope you all enjoy the chapter!

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**Chapter 21 - **The Letters

The breakfast crisis having come to a somewhat peaceful ending, Professor Dumbledore relaxed and turned his thoughts to his new pet. He loved animals of all sorts. It was one of the reasons he loved Hagrid so much. The half-giant had a knack for discovering new and wonderful creatures. It was a shame, really, that so often they became too dangerous to keep.

Unfortunately, the Headmaster was unable to go and look in on his tribble before the morning Order meeting, but he trusted that Fawkes would make sure it didn't get into any mischief.

So, as soon as breakfast was over, he made his way to a secret room that was almost at the end of a rarely-used hallway to the left of the main one that led to his office. It was guarded by a suit of armour carrying a red banner with a strange gold symbol on it.

No one was quite sure what the symbol meant or even where it was from. However, because of the banner's colours, most people agreed that it was one of Godric Gryffindor's contributions to the school.

The most remarkable thing about the room was that it never moved. Unlike the rest of the castle which tended to occasionally rearrange itself, this room had stayed in the exact same spot since its discovery by a headmaster over 200 years ago.

The room was a secret passed on from headmaster to headmaster. At the moment only he, Minerva, Severus, Remus and Alastor Moody knew of its existence.

It was sparsely furnished with a table, two chairs and a book shelf on one end and a large fireplace on the other. At the moment its most important feature was the fireplace, which was connected to the Floo Network, though somewhat illegally. It only had two possible destinations: Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix and an old abandoned cottage in the middle of the Canadian Rockies.

In order to arrive at Order Headquarters a person had to say a password after they said the destination, otherwise they ended up in the cottage. There was a different password to get back into the room. The truly ingenious part of the set-up was that a person could say any destination at all when they stepped into the fireplace, because it all depended on whether or not they said the password.

Professor Dumbledore waited in the room for about ten minutes for Professor McGonagall to arrive. When she did arrive the two travelled to Order of the Phoenix Headquarters, which were no longer at Grimmauld Place.

Since the death of Sirius, the only person who could potentially inherit the property was Narcissa Malfoy and it was unanimously decided that they should clear out before anyone realized they were there in the first place. After all, if Voldemort could implant thoughts into Harry's mind he could also very easily read thoughts from it as well and they didn't want to take that chance.

Professor Snape met his colleagues at the new Headquarters. Despite knowing of the existence of the secret room, he never used the fireplace in it. Instead he preferred to walk out into the Forbidden Forest, past the Hogwarts wards and apparate from there.

Personally, Dumbledore thought his potions master was taking one lesson too many from Alastor Moody, but he figured that anything that helped put his spy's mind at ease was a good thing. Therefore, he never pressed the issue.

The Order meeting was long and didn't end until almost dinnertime. So the professors decided to go straight to dinner.

Or at least that was the plan until Professor Snape's Dark Mark began to burn. And so the two older professors watched with worried expressions as their colleague dashed down to the dungeons to get his death eater garb. Then they went into the Great Hall.

To say that the Headmaster was shocked to see Fawkes perched on the back of his chair was an understatement. Fawkes never came down to the Great Hall. He hated the noise.

Yet there he was, perched on the back of the largest chair at the Head Table, looking over the hall like a monarch surveying his dominion.

In reality, he was watching and waiting for Q to arrive so that he could glare at him for the entire meal.

"Why Fawkes, it certainly is nice to see you down here," Professor Dumbledore said, petting the phoenix gently before sitting down.

A few minutes later Q and his troupe arrived. Pansy, Blaise, Draco and Millicent were deep in discussion about their DADA readings on vampire social structures and hierarchies. Q followed looking absolutely bored out of his skull.

Who in whatever deity's name cares about what kind of social structure vampires have? Honestly, if the readings get any more ridiculous I will personally lead the mutiny against my own son. I mean, where does he come up with these topics? First dementor mating and now vampire social structures? Next he'll probably be teaching everything we never, ever, not in a million years, needed to know about the lifecycles of tribbles. And knowing him, he'd probably find a way to turn it into a two hour lecture!

Several Slytherin students had already began a count-down to Christmas Break. Though he'd never be childish enough to do it openly, Q was secretly also counting the days 'till he could leave Hogwarts and the humans behind and be himself for a change. Which mostly meant doing anything he wanted to.

As he sat down, he felt a glare being directed at him. He grinned, knowing who the glare belonged to and why they were aiming it at him.

His grin only expanded when he calmly met Fawkes' intense gaze. If Q had been anyone else, he probably would've frozen under the Phoenix's glare. Even Dumbledore was frightened of it and so made sure never to anger his pet too much.

Q, however, was not anyone else and so did not find the golden bird's anger at all intimidating.

Just to spite Fawkes even more, Q brightly turned back to his fellow Slytherins and joined their conversation. He still found it incredibly boring, but at least by participating in it he managed to annoy someone.

As Draco and the others got up to leave, Q noticed the Golden Trio and some of their friends doing the same. He got an idea and walked ahead of the others.

He reached the Great Hall doors at the same time as Harry and Ron.

"Out of the way Weasley," he said, roughly shoving past the redhead. He flung the door open for dramatic effect, which had the added bonus of hitting Harry.

"Hey!" yelled an outraged Weasley, whose ears began to take on a pink tinge.

"When will you learn Weasel, a peasant should always let others go by first," smirked Draco as he followed in Q's footsteps.

Ron's face turned bright red. Seeing the expression on her friend's face, Hermione reached out to grab his arm, but the redhead was too fast. He lunged at Malfoy, only to find himself bouncing headfirst into Goyle.

Humans are so predictable. They pride themselves on their individuality, but really, they're all the same.

Furious, Ron looked up into Goyle's scowling face. He suddenly realized, that he had never actually been in a fight with the Slytherin gorilla.

"Well at least Ron's not a coward, Malfoy!" Harry yelled at Draco.

Draco stopped in his tracks. His eyes narrowed as he turned around to face his rival.

"No, of course he's not," he began venomously, "hiding in the Golden Boy's shadow, basking in the glory of being his favourite little follower . . . Tell me Weasel, what's it like being known as the sidekick of the Boy-Who-Lived?"

"I am not a sidekick!"

Ron was furious, he was beyond caring that both Crabbe and Goyle were now standing beside him, watching his every move. His fists were clenched so hard, that his knuckles were completely white.

He really is much, much too easy to anger. I wonder why Draco enjoys it so much: probably because he's human. Though I wonder if I could ever manage to get Jean Luc to turn that colour. And if his bald spot would also change colour.

"Ron is not a follower or a sidekick, he's my best friend!" yelled Harry, his wand out and pointing at Draco, who had also taken his out.

"Harry, Ron, stop it right now before one of the teachers comes and you get in trouble!" Hermione yelled from behind them. There was a crowd of students now forming around them, most of whom clearly wanted nothing more than to see the Slytherin Prince bleed. A lot.

Hermione attempted to grab Harry in order to drag him away, but suddenly found she couldn't move as Seamus and Dean both grabbed her arms and held fast.

"Let go of me," she cried. The two boys didn't even look at her.

"Yes, do what the mudblood says," mocked Draco, "you wouldn't want the teachers to see you and ruin your position as Dumbledore's favourite pet, now would you?"

Harry's eyes narrowed and a dangerous glimmer appeared in them. He was shaking with fury. But Ron beat him to casting the first curse. Or rather he would have if he had been in a frame of mind to remember that he had a wand and could therefore use it.

Instead, with a "Don't call her that!" he charged at Draco. Unfortunately he only got about three steps before he froze on the spot.

The crowd gasped. It seemed that no one had noticed Crabbe take his wand out, let alone prepare to throw the hex. Also the fact that he had managed to do it successfully amazed quite a few people.

Well, what do you know, there is a reason they're kept around.

"You'll pay for that!" hollered Harry and threw a hex at Draco.

It missed completely, because his anger was interfering with his aim.

"Not like that you won't," Q said calmly, "you see Harry, in order to curse somebody you have to actually hit them first."

Sniggers were heard from the Slytherins, but everyone else went quiet. They were shocked by the American's careless attitude. Many of them had forgotten he was there at all.

"I'm sure you know all about curses," Harry said through gritted teeth. Q's eyebrow rose.

"Oh, and how do you figure that?"

"I'm sure you've had lots of practice. In fact, I'll bet you probably spend lots of time practicing dark curses in secret with your housemates." He practically spit out the word housemates as he aimed a particularly venomous look at the small gathering of Slytherins in the crowd.

"And I suppose that as Gryffindor's Golden Boy, you have evidence to support your claim?" said Draco, who had had a few moments to calm down a bit since Q took Harry's attention away from him.

"I don't need any: everyone knows you're all death eaters-in-training. I wouldn't at all be surprised if you already had the Dark Mark, Malfoy."

"That's not proof Potter," sneered Pansy as she stepped out of the crowd, "that's an assumption based on hearsay and even more assumptions."

Ah, the voice of reason. Too bad I get the feeling it's going to be short-lived. Speaking of which, what the heck happened to all the professors? Please don't tell me I actually need to make a huge flashing sign that says: There are Students Fighting outside the Great Hall!

Harry ignored Pansy, he was more concerned with Draco.

"I'd say that having a confirmed death eater for a father counts as proof." Draco's eyes narrowed.

The Slytherins in the crowd held their breath. They knew the fight was about to get ugly. Draco hated anyone mentioning his father. Especially Harry Potter. Harry, however did not leave it there and continued.

"All you have to do is make one wrong move and you'll be sitting next to your father in Azkaban, exactly where you belong!"

"Well, at least I have a father Potter!" the blond Slytherin shouted, his pale skin finally showing some colour.

Q rolled his eyes, considering whether or not he should step in. Because, quite honestly, the boys were getting terribly boring. It was always the same argument with them.

"I don't suppose you two could come up with something else to argue about other than your fathers?" he finally said, completely annoyed.

All heads turned his way. He vaguely noticed Hermione giving him a calculating look that seemed to hold a bit of admiration in it.

"Huh?" asked a confused Harry, who wasn't exactly sure who Q was insulting and how.

Draco scowled at Q but said nothing. He had known the American long enough to know that Q spoke his mind and probably wasn't going to let house loyalty get in the way of making Draco look like a fool.

If anyone was going to look like a fool, he preferred it be Potter. And sure enough, Harry didn't disappoint.

"Are you saying that my father's not worth defending?" he yelled, obviously deciding that since he was a Slytherin, Q must be insulting him and his father.

Hermione groaned. As much as she loved her friend, she hated it when he got into one of his moods.

"Well. . . he isn't, but that's not what I said," Q answered, rolling his eyes.

That's all it took for Harry to lose it completely. Being an omnipotent entity though, Q saw the Bat-Boogey Hex coming.

"Protego!" he shouted and watched the hex bounce off his shield charm.

"Expelliarmus!" he yelled not two seconds later.

Harry staggered back a few steps as his wand flew out of his hand. Q easily caught it and examined it for a while, pointedly ignoring Harry's glare. He then casually threw it over his shoulder as if was nothing of importance.

Q smiled inwardly at the gaping faces all around him. He had not only defeated The Harry Potter, but wasn't at all excited about it.

"So Q," drawled Draco, once he got over his initial shock, "what exactly should we do about this statue here?"

He pointed at the frozen Ron, who despite being frozen was still very much conscious and was currently trying to strangle Draco with his eyes.

"What do you suggest?" asked Q.

"Oh, I don't know, how about dress him up in a tu-tu or something?"

I like how this kid thinks: he definitely has potential.

Before Q could answer, another redhead pushed through the crowd and marched up to the Slytherin Prince.

"You leave my brother alone!" yelled Ginny Weasley.

"Oh look Weasel," Draco sneered, turning to Ron, "aren't you pathetic, being defended by a girl."

I wonder if he'd say the same thing if the girl was Klingon?

If it had been humanly possible, there would've been sparks flying out of Ginny's eyes at that comment.

"And won't it be even more pathetic when that same girl hexes you into the next century," she practically growled out.

Draco finally turned to look at Ginny. He cocked his head to one side and studied her with an amused look on his face.

"And what makes you think you could do that?" he mocked, "your little boyfriend over there is wandless and can't help you."

"I don't need his help, and he's not my boyfriend!"

"Oh, that's right. . . I'm sorry, you're going out with Dean Thomas aren't you? No, wait, I heard you broke up with him and were flirting with Randolf Hackleberry from Ravenclaw. . ."

Please tell me he is not about to do what I think he's about to do. Dear God, tell me he's not actually that stupid.

". . . and before that you were with some Hufflepuff and ah, yes, we mustn't forget Michael Corner. I do believe he's also from Ravenclaw. My, my, you do get around don't you Miss Weasley. You know, if my calculations are correct, the only place you haven't ventured into is Slytherin. If you ever need help with that, I'd be more than happy to oblige. . ."

All of a sudden a loud 'smack' was heard as Ginny's fist collided with Draco's right cheek.

Draco staggered back a bit out of shock, but recovered almost instantly. Quick as a flash, his left hand shot up and grabbed Ginny by the wrist.

The youngest Weasley stared at the red mark on the Slytherin's cheek, which was quickly turning dark purple. She was still very, very angry, but also a bit in wonder at what she had just done.

Then she looked higher, into Draco's eyes.

They were like two orbs of molten fury. The waves of pure anger were rolling off the boy were like the waves at sea during a particularly vicious storm. The very air around him seemed to darken with malice.

"If only you weren't a girl. . ." he hissed dangerously, sounding very much like the snake that adorned his robes.

For a split second it occurred to Ginny that the comment should have put her at ease. But it didn't and for the first time in her life, she actually felt afraid of the young Malfoy.

"What is the meaning of this! Mr. Malfoy unhand Miss Weasley immediately!"

Everyone attention flew to the doors to the Great Hall where a livid Professor McGonagall stood in the open doors. Beside her stood Professor Dumbledore, but the usual twinkle in his eye was gone. In fact only Professor Janeway looked amused.

Oh look, they showed up even without the sign.

Ten minutes later Q, Draco, Harry, Ginny and Ron (who was now unfrozen and trying to glare a hole into the back of Draco's head) were following the Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress up to Professor Dumbledore's office.

"Canary Creams," said Professor Dumbledore to the gargoyle and it slowly began to open.

And as it began to open, dozens of twittering fur ball began to spill out of the stairwell.

The entire group blinked several times in unison.

Ah perfect. . . I always prefer to have a crowd to witness my crowning moments.

"I thought you said that you found one of these things in your office this morning?" Professor McGonagall slowly asked Professor Dumbledore.

"Well. . .um. . .yes there was only one this morning. . ." the Headmaster answered, mostly still in shock as to where all the tribbles had come from.

"Well. . .at least they look harmless sir," began Harry.

"Actually, they're kinda cute," noted Ginny as she bent to pick one up.

"Don't touch it Ginny!" yelled Ron and he quickly pulled her back from the creatures. "They probably just look cute and cuddly, but are really vicious and have really big teeth. . . .Professor, should I go and get Hagrid, he's really good at taking care of dangerous creatures."

Ok, I think that's what they call an overactive imagination. Or possibly he's just really paranoid. It's like Jean Luc, whenever I show up, he's always so quick to assume that I'm up to something. He never gives me the benefit of the doubt, that you know maybe I just popped by for a nice chat over some earl gray tea. I mean, I usually am up to something, but still. . .

"No, Professor Janeway assured me that they're not in any way dangerous," Professor Dumbledore absently dismissed Ron's worries.

Ginny stuck her tongue out at her brother and proceeded to pick up one of the tribbles. It began to purr in her arms as she stroked it.

"Why don't I go get Professor Janeway then, since he seems to be the resident expert," said McGonagall and Dumbledore agreed.

When the Transfigurations professor left, Professor Dumbledore turned back to trying to figure out just how to get up the stairs into his office.

In the end, Professor Janeway arrived and after exclaiming "You didn't actually feed them did you?!" explained to his audience that tribbles were born pregnant and the more they ate, the more they bred. And they ate a lot.

"Sir," said Ginny looked at the Headmaster, after q had finished his tale.

"Yes Miss. Weasley?"

"I think you've just been pranked."

Professor Dumbledore looked down at her for a few moments and then the usual twinkle in his eye returned with a vengence.

"You know Miss Weasley, I think you're right."

Then, as the Headmaster mourned the loss of his lemon drops, chocolate and other sweet stashes, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Q and Draco served their detention by manually transporting all the tribbles out of the office and into a large cage that Hagrid pulled out of somewhere.

It took the students five hours to remove every single tribble and by the end of it they were all convinced that tribbles were not cute at all, but actually very, very evil.

Harry and Ron even came up with the idea that perhaps they should attach portkeys to all of them and send them to Voldemort as an early Christmas present. Maybe the tribbles would annoy him to death and their troubles would be over.

Except that creating portkeys and then attaching them to every single tribble would probably be very tiring and so they decided not to bring their idea up with Professor Dumbledore.

* * *

The Headmaster wasn't at breakfast the next morning. Most of the student body were too wrapped up in discussing the prank to notice the tension that surrounded the Head Table that morning.

Professor McGonagall didn't look quite as severe as usual, but instead looked strained, like someone expecting something absolutely dreadful to happen at any moment.

Most of the other professors simply looked gloomy and weren't really eating, but rather pushing the food around on their plates.

Professor Snape looked the worse, however. He held his mug with both hands and stared into space, remembering to sip occasionally at the hot liquid. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked exhausted.

Well no wonder, he came in from his death eater party at four in the morning looking like an ad for death.

Q had felt the spy arrive and had gone to see him (invisibly of course). The potions professor would probably never figure out how he managed to get to bed that night or wake up feeling like he had had a full eight hours of sleep instead of two and a half. Not that he wasn't still tired, but at least he didn't feel like he wanted nothing less than to go into early hibernation.

Luckily for Snape, Q had, in a fit of insanity (or so he would claim), made a temporal bubble around the professor's quarters. So in reality, the professor had slept a full eight hours, while only two and a half hours had passed in the rest of the castle.

He removed the bubble once the professor had woken up. And reset the clocks in the room.

Suddenly the doors to the Great Hall burst open and dozens of owls flew in. Faces lit up at the prospect of mail from home.

At the tail end of the flock were three large, plain brown owls.

"Ministry owls," several people pointed out.

The noise level went down considerably as students noticed the black envelopes they were carrying.

Two of them swooped down over the Hufflepuff table, carelessly depositing their letters in front of a second year boy and a fifth year blond girl. The third one crossed to the end of the Gryffindor table and delivered its letter to a seventh year brunette.

The hall was silent as everyone watched in shock as the three students stared at their letters.

At the Hufflepuff table, the blond girl picked up the letter with shaking hands. She turned it around, to check the address: what if they had gotten it wrong? Maybe it wasn't for her at all.

But it was.

She stared at the letter. She knew what it meant, but couldn't understand it. She didn't notice how silent the Great Hall had gotten, didn't see the pitying and sympathetic looks she was getting.

Her mind registered the hysterical cries coming from behind her. But she didn't turn around to watch as the Gryffindor girl was encircled by several pairs of arms. Her friends tried to comfort her with tears in their eyes.

It didn't seem real.

She finally took a deep breath and opened the letter. She didn't have to read it to know what it said. All she needed to know were the names. She read them five times, before she understood.

She would never see them again. Never.

Her chair scraped the floor as she stood up, but that was normal, it always did that. However, it didn't always sound so loud. She stood up and walked towards the doors, stopping by the chair of a dark-haired boy.

His hand was clutching the same letter she had and he was sobbing uncontrollably onto the shoulder of the girl sitting next to him. He must've felt her stare, because he looked up at her. There were tears streaming down his face.

The blonde Hufflepuff brought a hand to her face. It was wet. She hadn't realized she was crying.

She looked back to the boy and held out her hand to him. He hesitated, but then disentangled himself from the girl he had been holding on to and took the blonde's hand.

They didn't even know each other's name, but right now, it didn't matter. They walked out of the Great Hall together.

* * *

Ok, hopefully that ending wasn't too sappy. And I should add that there is a reason I turned from my usual funny stuff to writing a serious and sad scene in the fic. Next chapter we'll see the Slytherin reaction to what just happened.

Also, because I know someone will mention this: as far as I know for certain, Micheal Corner is the only actual boyfriend Ginny has had, except that I think she dumped him and was going out with someone else at the end of he fifth book. Randolf Hackleberry I made up entirely.

Hope you enjoyed this, now please review. Or even if you didn't enjoy this then review. Thanks!


	22. Reality Check

**Yay, I'm back!** I know, I know, it's about time. Well, hopefully it's worth the wait. The next chapter(s) may take a little longer, 'cause it'll finally be Christmas Break and, well, Q's going to have a lot of fun visiting his. . .um. . .friends outside of Hogwarts. Anyway, I don't know if that'll be one or two chapters yet. But either way it'll be long. Thanks to everyone who reviewed that last chapter, I'm glad no one hated that depressing turn I took at the end of it.

**Ari **- Sorry to hear about your ankle (about you spraining it, not the laughing part), but comming from Canada I can definitely say that not having to shovel snow because of it is a good thing. Hope this chapter makes you laugh without injury!

**PbookR** - Glad you think the story's funny! And I'm really glad you didn't think the end of the last chapter was funny, 'cause that would mean that I'm a terrible writer. Hope you enjoy this one too!

**Urgo, the Observer** - Ah yes, I do remember the "Joe" scene in the season finale. I wonder if the new future Doctor is just as unoriginal? Anyway, thanks for reminding me of that. And yes,I think it is indeed high time that the masses realized just how evil tribbles are. Except thatthen we mightsee a bunch oftribble-worshipping cultspop up and that would just be weird. Maybe I won't go shouting it out into the world just yet.

**Fuji the Hobbit** - You felt sympathetic when you normally laugh? I think that might just be the nicest review I've ever gotten. Thank you so much, it made me so happy when I read it. And yeah, the Harry-Draco fights tend to get really predicible, which is why I had Q point it out. AndI kinda had the idea of ending it not with the Golden Trio, but with Ginny instead. It actually took me a really long time to think of what would make Ginny so angry she'd slap/punch him. Hope you like this chapter!

**Gymnast204** - Thanks for pestering Vera. As you noticed I was home last weekend and so made sure she sat down and wrote it. I'm glad you liked the chapter despite the change. There was a reason I made it that will hopefully be made clear in this chapter. Enjoy!

**Eratosthenese** - Yay, you think the writing was brilliant! I can die happy now. Thank you. As for my apparent DG ship, well, I was hoping that wouldn't really come across in that chapter, but since you pointed it out. . . I do actually like that pairing, but as I've already said I don't want to turn this fic into any sort of romance. It's more of a possibility for the future. Anyway, Spock and Q, huh? Hmm. . .I somehow don't think Q would like Vulcans too much in general (no sense of humour). Though I could see him trying to fluster and break that emotionless Vulcanmask by pointing out holes in Spock's logic and playing the Devil's advocate. It could make for an interesting conversation come to think of it.

**Lunatic Pandora1** - I'm glad you liked Harry and Ron's diabolical plan for getting rid of Voldemort. I thought of it myself. And yeah, I guess Janeway might be fairly easy to convince that Fawkes is a phoenix. Tuvok might be a bit more problematic, but I could just delete him from the page if he becomes too problematic.

Thanks again for reviewing everyone. Hope you like this chapter! Oh, and in case you were wondering, I'm not J. K. Rowling or Gene Roddenberyand hence, don't own any of this.

* * *

**Chapter 22 - **Reality Check

The day's classes seemed to drag on impossibly long, as if they never wanted to end. The castle was missing its usual liveliness. Instead, a dark mood lurked over it, pressing down upon students and teachers alike.

Not even the stairs seemed to take the same malicious glee in moving at the exact moment when a student was rushing late to classes. They were sluggish and their movements automatic, out of habit more than anything else.

The energy was simply gone, soaked up by a huge sponge called reality. No longer could anyone hide behind the great stone walls of Hogwarts and ignore the war going on beyond.

Some of their own had felt its effects. And they all realized what that meant.

They could be next.

It still took several hours for the reality to truly sink in and it wasn't until after lunch that the students felt some of the other effects of the morning. The Gryffindors were the first to make what they thought to be the next logical connection: those who had caused the tragedy were probably from Slytherin House. Or at least their offspring were bound to be in that house.

Suddenly, Slytherin students found themselves at the receiving end of even more hateful glares than usual and the spiteful comments increased in volume and intensity.

The older students tried to take this all in stride, smirking and sneering as per usual. Amazingly enough, even Draco was perceptive enough to bite his tongue instead of responding to the baiting since it obviously would not have taken much to turn snide remarks into a bloodbath.

The younger Slytherins, however, were easily intimidated by glares sent their way from older Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. By the end of the day there were several in tears.

This, of course, only served to make potions even more of a Hell for anyone who wasn't in Slytherin. Professor Snape was in such a foul mood that he made Lieutenant Commander Worf look like a cute, cuddly kitten.

In total he took away over 200 points from the other three houses and gave out more than 40 detentions, mostly with Filch.

Q was used to people glaring at him as soon as he appeared and honestly couldn't care what the pathetic humans thought of him. He was actually having quite a bit of fun annoying students who, for some reason, seemed to think he should be affected by their attitudes towards him.

I randomly sent the Enterprise to nearly get destroyed by the Borg just to prove a point. Where did these idiotic brats get the idea that I should care if a few of them have suddenly become orphans? They're mortal, of course they can die. And those glares? Pathetic, really. Hang on, what's this?

As Q rounded the corner he saw a crowd of students gathering around a pair of second years. One of them was from Hufflepuff and the other was a Slytherin Q recognized as Edmund Tickletree. The crowd was made up of mostly Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, but there were quite a few Ravenclaws there as well.

Edmund appeared quite nervous as he looked around at the hostile faces in the crowd. It made him seem quite small, which was a feat since he was the tallest second year and towered over quite a few of the third years as well. It was common knowledge that he lived with his aunt and uncle because his parents were both in Azkaban, though no one was quite sure why.

Q was about to turn and take an alternate root to the library when he noticed the expression on Edmund's face. He looked like he was desperately trying to look brave and defiant, when all he really wanted to do was run away as fast as he could. Unfortunately, his way was blocked, so he couldn't.

Q suddenly saw q with the exact same expression on his face. He was only a couple of weeks old and was only beginning to learn what his powers could do. Q had taken him for a walk on a planet in the Gama Quadrant, which hadn't yet evolved to the point where it had one animal thinking it was better than the rest of the animals. He was teaching q how to take on corporeal form and how to interact with other corporeal things. His son had been fascinated by the colourful plants and how they could grow and flourish or shrivel up and die, so he had walked on ahead, leaving q to experiment on his own. Suddenly, he had heard a frightened yell and appeared by q, only to find him surrounded by several large beasts with orange fur and long, pointy teeth.

Dammit! Being a father has made me soft. This is absolutely unacceptable!

With a groan, Q turned back to the crowd to help his housemate. Then he got a better idea.

q was sitting at his desk drinking tea and grading papers. He hated grading papers. He didn't feel like he needed to know just how stupid the children he taught were. 

He picked up his green, cat-shaped mug (made with actual fur), but stopped just before he was about to put it to his lips. With a slightly surprised look on his face he pulled the mug away from his face and peered into it.

"Hello father," he said calmly.

"Hello q," Q's face grinned at his son from his tea, "there's a situation in the corridor by the library that I think as a professor you should come and handle."

"You do realize that there's quite a few corridors that lead to the library."

"Yes. I also realize that you're an omniscient entity and so figuring out which one I mean shouldn't prove to be any sort of problem. Right?"

The younger entity rolled his eyes.

"No, no problem. But if you're there then why don't you deal with it?"

"Because a) I'm just a student and you're a professor, b) if I were to deal with it then they'd all end up as cockroaches which I don't think Dumbledore would appreciate and c) because I'm you're father and I said so."

"That's nice, _father_, but still don't see how I come into this. After all, I'm in my office and hence have a perfectly valid excuse for not knowing about the fight in the first place."

Q sighed and gave his son a pained look.

"Fine, you leave me no choice. If you don't come down and break up the crowd before it gets violent then I'll just have to impersonate you and do it myself."

"Great idea, why don't you go do that."

"I'll wear a normal, sensible set of plain black robes."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"What do you mean I wouldn't dare?!"

"Argg. . . Alright, you win, I'm on my way!"

With a final groan, q put down his mug. . . And rounded the corner on the opposite end of the corridor from where Q was currently standing.

"Well, now what do we have here?" he asked brightly as he approached the crowd. His grin widened when the students jumped at the unexpected voice.

"Nothing professor," said a fourth year from Gryffindor who had moved to the front of the crowd at some point during the confrontation with the Slytherin, "we were just asking Tickletree here a few questions."

His voice was full of hatred and didn't even bother to cover it up. Professor Janeway raised an eyebrow.

I don't think they believe he will actually do something about this. Oh how wrong they are. After all, he may be a complete and utter brat, but he is my son.

"Well, Mr. Tickletree," Professor Janeway said as he walked through the students, who parted to let him pass, "I believe you are rather lucky; most lynch mobs don't ask questions first."

Quite a few students protested, but were ignored. Edmund's head snapped up to look in wonder at the DADA professor. q looked him in the eye and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, they're just showing how stupid and immature they are." He paused and looked off into the distance, as if pondering something very philosophical. Then he looked back to Edmund. "You know it's a pity that so many people never grow out of it."

Too true.

There were more protests and the angry glances were now aimed at q, who couldn't care less. Instead he looked straight ahead and caught his father's eye. For a moment his expression brightened at the look of approval he saw there. Then his eyes took on a mischievous glint.

"Ah, Picard," he grinned as Q frowned, "you wouldn't mind escorting Edmund here to wherever it is he was going, would you? Of course not."

Idiotic, inconsiderate brat! I hope he gets eaten by a gigantic tribble!

All eyes turned to Q, who merely nodded. Reluctantly, the students parted once more to let Edmund rush through to where Q was standing. When he reached his housemate he turned around once more to look at Professor Janeway, silently thanking him with all his heart.

I think he's just made himself a diehard fan. Which is great as long as his new fan club doesn't plan on imitating his fashion sense. Or should I say lack-there-of.

"Come on Edmund," Q said and started off down the corridor, the second year at his heels.

"Well, now that's all folks. . .run along now," he heard q say as he walked away, "unless of course you have nothing to do right now in which case I'll be more than happy to assign an extra essay or two. . ."

As annoyed as he was at his son at the moment, Q couldn't help the surge of pride he felt at how well he'd handled the situation.

When the day was finally over, the Slytherins gathered in their common room.

Q sat down in what was now his usual chair by the fireplace. Draco, Pansy, Millicent and Blaise all sat on the couch with Crabbe and Goyle leaning against the wall on either end of it.

Q noticed that Draco had chosen to sit with his friends instead of taking the other chair as he usually did. The blond seemed lost in thought, so he let it be.

"So," began a seventh year named Manfred Hunter, "did you all notice that the ones who received those letters were all mudbloods?"

There were sniggers from all over the common room. Q noticed that the group on the couch was among those who weren't laughing. So did Hunter.

"Hey Malfoy! Got something to add?" he asked.

"What?" Draco asked confused since he hadn't been paying attention.

"You know, about this morning, the mudbloods who got the letters?"

"Oh," Draco composed himself and his lips curled into a sneer, "they deserved it. My father's in Azkaban because of Potter and his Gryffindor friends: I hope they all suffer."

You know, just when I think that boy is going to say something intelligent he always manages to thwart my expectations.

There was a momentary silence in the room. Hunter seemed to like that answer.

"But she looked so sad," said Pansy absently, looking down at her hands.

"Of course she was sad Pansy, she just found out that someone in her family died," Blaise stated.

Pansy looked up at him. She had a neutral expression on her face, but Q noticed that her eyes were sad.

"Our parents did that," she whispered, "our parents caused her to be that sad."

"Yes they did," Hunter said triumphantly, "and soon everyone will feel the power of the Dark Lord. And we'll be able to take satisfaction out of knowing that our parents are helping spread his power and that one day, we will too."

Q rolled his eyes. And people said he was eccentric and did things over-the-top.

"I don't think that's quite what she meant Hunter," said Millicent in a voice lined with steel.

"Today it was a bunch of mudbloods who got letters," Pansy continued, "but this is a war." She looked around the common room. "Tomorrow we could be the ones getting letters saying that our parents or brothers or sisters have died."

"But we'll know that they died fighting. . ."

"Oh shut up Hunter!" Draco snapped. "I can tell you that knowing your father is gone because he served the Dark Lord is not at all helpful!"

"Hey Q, you've been awfully quiet," said another seventh year, probably as an attempt to avoid a fight. "What do you think about all this?"

"Who me?" Q smirked and shrugged, "I'm not even from this continent, I honestly couldn't care less who wins this stupid, pointless war of yours."

That was clearly not the answer anyone was expecting. Q mentally patted himself on the back for being able to shock the common room into silence.

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Well, I hope you liked that. Please review!

Next chapter I'm going to have lots of fun with, 'cause it's Christmas Break! Yay!


	23. In the Bedroom

**Hey there!** This was not a planned chapter, but quite a few of you seemed to think the end of the last chapter was supposed to be a cliffhanger. I thought about it and realized that it would be pretty irresponsible of me to just leave that last bit hanging and then I got the idea for this short scene. Since it's so short, I'm uncharacteristically going to stick my responses to reviews at the end of the chapter. My thanks to everyone who reviewed though.

Disclaimer: not mine, never will be. What a shame.

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**Chapter 23 -** In the Bedroom

Q plopped down onto his bed.

Those humans are honestly starting to get irritating. I mean I always knew they were stupid, but willingly wanting to become slaves to a raving lunatic? I think the entire planet needs to get its head examined!

Just then Q heard a knock at the door. It was Draco.

"Come in!" Q called out of morbid curiosity.

Draco slowly opened the door and walked in. He took his time closing the door, the frown on his face indicating that he was thinking about what he was going to say. Then after a pause, he turned to Q and crossed his arms.

"You know you've just angered about half the house," he finally said.

"It's what I do best."

"Obviously. You do however realize that I really shouldn't be talking to you right now."

"Then don't."

Draco rolled his eyes.

"Yes, but unfortunately there's a slight problem; for whatever inexplicable reason I seem to like you."

Q looked up. In all his long years, no one had ever just come out and said that to him.

"Really?"

"No, I've suddenly decided that I don't like being popular anymore and therefore should ally myself with the American who is quickly becoming the least popular person in Slytherin House."

Now it was Q's turn to roll his eyes. Then he smirked.

"You know, I could give you pointers. . ."

"No thanks, I think I can manage to make a few insulting comments about You-Know-Who all on my own."

"Draco. . .remember what I said about Voldemort? Specifically about his name?"

Draco winced when Q said Voldemort and Q just barely resisted the urge to scream as he sat up on the bed.

"Ok Draco," he said in a low, soothing voice he might use if he were talking to a child, "repeat after me: Vol - de - mort."

Draco glared at him. Q grinned, but was only partly joking.

"What do you think you're doing?" the blond Slytherin demanded.

"Trying to make you sound more intelligent than the average flobberworm."

"Are you saying that. . ."

"Yes I am. Do you have any idea how ridiculous it sounds when grown men and women walk around and insist on calling some repulsive half-reptile You-Know-Who?"

Draco opened his mouth to protest, but Q stood up and began pacing the room.

"Not to mention how pathetic it looks when they tremble in fear when someone so much as says said repulsive humanoid's name. I mean, come on, no one's that scary! Now I really don't care if you don't call him Voldemort, it's a long and pretentious name anyway: you can call him Mort for short, or maybe Voldy, or Voldylocks. I don't care! Just, for the love of God, don't call him You-Know-Who!"

Having finished his rant, Q stopped and turned back to the Slytherin Prince. His Royal Blondness was staring at him with a blank expression. Then the corners of his mouth began to twitch.

"Voldylocks?" he asked with raised eyebrows and what was now definitely turning into a smile.

Q shrugged.

"Heat of the moment," he said.

Draco threw his head back and laughed. It was that moment that the others decided to join them.

According to their surprised expressions, Q guessed they had been expecting to come in to break up a fight of some sort. Instead they stood there staring at the laughing Draco as if he was the zoo's newest exhibit.

"Oi, mate, what's up?" Blaise finally asked.

"What?" Draco turned to face his friends.

"As your friends, we think we're entitled to hear what the joke is," said Millicent with her hands on her hips.

"Oh, that. . ." Draco grinned, "Q and I have come to an agreement."

Draco paused, knowing that it would irritate them.

"Which is. . ." Millicent prompted, knowing very well what her friend was doing.

"That it is utterly childish to go around calling the Dark Lord You-Know-Who. Instead, he will from now on be known as Voldylocks."

Everyone gaped. Then Blaise's expression turned contemplative.

"You know, that would make an interesting story: _Voldylocks, the Dark Lord Who Couldn't Take Candy from a Baby_."

The Slytherins in the common room were surprised by the roar of laughter that came from Q's room.

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**Angel46** - I'm glad you like my story and characters. And that you decided to review! I definitely will continue.

**Lady Sunflower** - You only just started classes? What is this? Did everyone start classes after I did? My brother's classes didn't start 'till a week after mine too. Grrrr. . .oh well, I'm done several weeks before he is, so I'll be the one laughing then. Glad you liked the bad apples. Unfortunately I didn't quite know how to do it without making him sound like a complete drama queen. Oh well, no one complained, so I guess it's ok. Evil Hufflepuffs, eh?

**Eratosthenese** - Honestly, I hope Christmas becomes as good as I'm building it up to be. Hope I didn't disappoint you too much that this wasn't it. I really did think I kinda needed the closure after the common room scene. Now I can move forward without worry.

**Fuji the Hobbit** - Yay, you liked the robe joke! You know, I almost left out that entire part, but then I decided that the story needed some father-son interaction. I mean it's easy to forget that Q's a father, so I just kinda thought I needed to remind myself and everyone else of that. As for Pansy, that's actually one of the reasons that the letter scene was in thechapter before. I wanted everyone to see why Pansy might react the way she did. And I definitely believe that there's more to her than meets the eye. Not that I don't enjoy a nasty Pansy when she's well written. Hehe.

**Vera **-You thought that chapter was serious? Hmm. . .I guess it was a bit. I mean it was the first time that I've shown the Slytherins actually discussing politics like that. As for whether (not weather) I'm going to make Draco and co. good or bad. . . define good and bad. As someone pointed out before, Q has the potential to be a great catalyst for change because he doesn't have an agenda and speaks his mind. You'll just have to wait and see.

**Urgo, the Observer** - Yup, shocking common rooms into silence could definitely be classified as a hobby, though I don't actually think he does it deliberately. He just can't help it. Which doesn't mean he can't enjoy it. As for whether or not the continuum is a part of this universe. . . I've actually never given that much thought. I think it must be on some level, like another dimension, only different. No, maybe exactly like another dimension, one that humans can't readily access because they're corporeal.There was a TNG episode where the Enterprise was beingpulled into a two-dimensional dimension (through a singularity or something I think) and if they were pulled in they would've been destroyed because they were three-dimensional and thus couldn't function in it. Maybe the continuum is something like that, only thatit can be altered totake oncorporeal form. Or something like that. Did that even make sense? Anyway, there's my theory.

**Gymnast204** - Cliffe? He he, that wasn't actually intended to be a cliffe, but then I looked at it again and realized that I really couldn'tjust leave it like that. Hence this little chappie. Glad you liked it though.

**Ari** - Lol! You have guardrails around your chair? Because of me? I feel so special! :-) Glad you liked the chapter! Hope this one was just as good.

**Rogue15** - Ok, so you didn't get everyone's reaction to what Q said, but hopefully that will come in time. After all, with Q's big mouth I somehow don't think that was the last comment he'll make that the Slytherins might find offensive.

**Anonmus **- Thanks for the review! I know it was for thechapter before the last one, but unfortunately the last time I posted there was a bit of a delay on when it actually showed up on the website so I didn't get your review until after I'd already posted the last chapter. So you like the idea of sending the tribbles to Voldemort? Hmm. . .I could always do that as anepilogue . . .

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Anyway, thanks again to everyone who reviewed. Next time WILL be Christmas break. Promise.

Please review!


	24. Christmas á la Q 1

**Ok, I've come to a decision** - the next couple of chapters are going to be short, snappy (and hopefully funny) chapters. As you'll probably notice, this chapter's a bit cut off and seems rather random in this story. I'm already almost finished the next one and it has some explanations in it. It'll be posted either later tonight, or tomorrow. Thanks for everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I'm glad you liked it!

**lala-girl27** - Love the name sis! And I'm glad you liked the chapter: hope you like this one just as much!

**Ari,silentfire **- Thank you!

**Gymnast204** - Hehe, I'm happy that you liked the nicknames; they were actually motivation for writing the chapter. Well, one of them anyway. And don't worry, they won't just die off either. And that idea we discussed is definitely being taken under serious consideration.

**Fuji the Hobbit** - You giggled? Yay! I'm glad you liked the robe part! After I wrote it I was glad I had.And don't worry, Voldylocks, the Dark Lord that Couldn't Take Candy from a Baby will be making a comeback.

**Urgo, the Observer** - Yes, I thought Voldylocks was rather brilliant. I'm pretty sure it's one butchering of Voldemort's name that no one's actually used before (it's so hard to be original).

**Lady Sunflower** - That's true, everyone is probably in it for different reasons. I have a feeling that the most complicated reason would probably end up being Voldemort's. And yes, I actually have read some of that Arianism stuff from both Nazi Germany andCommunist Russia. It's really scary how much it makes sense. Especially since the philosopherwho theyused to justify what they did is one of my favourites (Hegel).

**Eratosthenese** - That was a very intelligent response: p.Since you liked that, I hope you'll like my short and sweet (and cute?) chapters to come. I think I'll have a lot of fun writing plotless fun stuff.

Disclaimer: do I still have to write this? I feellike the dog's not only been beated to death, but is also partially decomposing.

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**Chapter 24 - **Christmas á la Q

"Very well Admiral, I will advise my senior staff immediately," said Captain Jean Luc Picard to the elderly man on the screen in his Writing Room.

"Good, and keep me posted about the mission," the older man replied with a stern look on his face.

"Of course."

The Admiral's face brightened and he smiled warmly.

"Well good luck Jean Luc, it was certainly nice talking to you again."

"Thank you, you too Ben," Picard smiled back, "and give my greetings to Violet."

"I will. Jennings out."

The screen in front of Captain Picard flashed and Admiral Jennings' face was replaced with the symbol of the Federation of United Planets. Captain Picard frowned slightly and appeared to be considering something before hitting his communicator badge.

"All senior officers please report to the Observation Room, Picard out."

He was about to get up when a loud beep announced someone at the door.

"Enter," he called out and the door slid back to reveal a tall blond Lieutenant in a gold security uniform.

"I have the report you requested sir," the junior officer said as he strode into the office with quick precise steps that would've instantly given away his military status even without the uniform.

He was a newer addition to the Enterprise crew, but had already managed to gain the respect of his superiors. He was efficient and could be very intimidating when the situation called for it. Which is why Captain Picard was already considering him as Worf's replacement as Chief of Security when the Klingon took over as commander aboard the USS Trillian in one month's time.

"Yes thank you Lieutenant Malfoy," said Captain Picard as the lieutenant handed him the report, "that will be all."

"Yes sir."

Picard took a few moments to skim through the report as the doors hissed open and then shut. Then he put it down and began to make his way down to the Observation Room.

Meanwhile, the senior officers of the Enterprise E were trickling into said room. As each one entered, they noticed a plate of what looked like bright yellow custard creams in the middle of the long table.

"Well, this is certainly different," commented Dr. Beaverly Crusher.

"What is it?" asked Lt. Commander Worf, eyeing the bright candies warily.

"It would appear that the Captain has decided to share something he brought back from his last shore leave," answered Commander Tuvok (who had been assigned to the Enterprise five months ago when the previous commander had died in a transporter accident).

"Mmm. . .they smell good," said the Bajoran Counsellor, Brillana Kylan, as she lent over the plate.

"You know, they actually look good - despite the odd colour," said Dr. Crusher studying the creams as if they were a medical chart.

Counsellor Kylan shrugged.

"I'm all for trying new things." She paused and made a face. "As long as they're not moving."

The other officers (except Tuvok of course) chuckled as they remembered how Kylan had literally ran out of the room holding a hand in front of her mouth when the Enterprise had hosted a Klingon emissary last month. She apparently could barely stomach looking at Klingon food when it was on a plate, never mind watch people actually eat it.

Kylan flashed everyone a bright smile before she picked up one of the custard creams and took a careful bite.

"Mmmm. . ." she groaned and closed her eyes, looking and sounding blissful. Then she opened them again and animatedly gestured to the plate.

"Beaverly, you have to try these, they're delicious!"

Crusher laughed and took one as well. The rest of the senior officers followed her example. Except for Worf.

"Come on Worf, try one, you might just like it," Lt. Commander Geordi LeForge tried to tempt the Security Chief.

Worf crossed his arms and stared down at the Chief of Engineering. Not that it helped, LaForge had spent too much time around the Klingon to be intimidated by him.

"Klingons do not eat anything that bright in colour."

It was about at this point that Captain Picard got out of the lift and began to walk to the Observation Room.

Suddenly something hit him in the back of the head. Annoyed, he turned around. But there was no one there. He took a step forward and heard something crumple beneath his feet.

He looked down to see what he had just stepped on. It was a paper airplane.

He suddenly got a very, very bad feeling that something was about to happen that he wouldn't like one bit.

He picked up the airplane and unfolded it. There was a message written on it in what appeared to be blue ink. He read it.

****

Hello Jean Luc,

I sincerely hope your senior officers enjoyed the Canary Creams I sent them. They are truly a remarkable treat, as I'm sure you'll soon agree. Tasty as well. Oh and don't worry. They'll turn back to their original states. . . .eventually. Have a nice day!

Eternally yours,

Q.

P.S. Merry Christmas!

A look of horror flashed over the usually calm Captain's face and he ran the rest of the way to the Observation Room. The door slowly slid open and he stepped in.

And froze.

In the middle of the table was a half-empty plate of bright yellow custard creams that Picard guessed to be the Canary Creams Q mentioned in the letter. But his senior officers were missing.

Instead a number of bright yellow canaries were littered about the room.

"Q!!"

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Author's notes:

Canary Creams - I realize that in the books canary creams only turn a person into a canary for a couple of seconds and they're not bright yellow. But I kinda liked the idea of bright yellow pastries (they're pastries right?), so think of these as the canary creams of the future. And eight hours? Umm. . . well either the future thing or, "Q-improved".

Crew - Just in case anyone who's reading this hasn't seen _Star Trek: Nemisis_, Commander Riker finally received his own command as captain on the USS Titan. He married Counsellor Troi and she went with him. Counsellor Kylan is my own creation. Oh, and Data died at the end of the movie, hence why he's not here at all. I hope I haven't just ruined the movie for anyone - it is actually rather good (well I liked it anyway). Tuvok I added just 'cause I felt like it.

Observation Room - For the life of me I couldn't remember what they called the room where the senior officers meet and sometimes hold receptions for dignitaries and such. I know it's not called the Conference Room and I somehow remember it being called the Observation Room, but I'm not sure. Couldn't find it anywhere on the internet either. Anyway, I'm hoping I got it right, please let me know if I didn't.

Ok, hope you liked this chapter. Please review!


	25. Christmas á la Q 2

**Oh look,** I promised and I delivered. Here it is people: a brand new chapter. Crisp, clean and right off the presses!

There was a bit of confusion about Lt. Malfoy in the last chapter. Um. . .that would be because this note that I'm writing now was supposed to have gone in front of the last chapter. Sorry, I kinda forgot. Anyway, Lt. Malfoy isn't foreshadowing. Consider him more of a hint of things to come in the sequel, when the Hogwarts gang meets the 24th century. There's some more of it in this chapter, though the ones in here area bitmore random.

Again, thank's to all who reviewed!

**ZetsumeiX** - Thanks. I'll score for the Russian mafia any day, but I don't they'll be appearing in this fic anytime soon. Hmm. . . I wonder if the wizarding world has a mafia (Death Eaters don't count, 'cause their 'godfather' is insane and not related to any of them).

**Gymnast204** - I'm glad you didn't think that chapter was random. And ready room? Are you sure? Isn't that what the captain's room is called (though I always thought it was his writing room)?Thanks though.And I'll keep thephaser idea in mind, that sounds like fun.

**Eratosthenese** - Hopefully I've made the Malfoy thing a bit clearer in my author's notes above. Let me know if I didn't. And yeah, I'd just love to be an omnipotent omniscient being like Q. That would be soooo much fun! Glad you liked it!

Fuji the Hobbit - Glad you liked! I've had this idea in my head from the moment I knew I was going to be writing some Christmas chapters. Hope you like this one just as much. plays back evil jaws music

Disclaimer: don't own this so stop bugging me.

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**Chapter 25 - **Christmas á la Q 2

Not far from the Enterprise, Q sat on an asteroid and laughed.

The long-awaited Christmas break had arrived and Q had pretended to leave by floo powder like many of the other students. Of course, he never actually arrived in America and instead went directly to the Enterprise.

Ok, so petty practical jokes isn't exactly my style, but Jean Luc turned such a wonderful red colour. He he, I think I'll wait a few days before appearing personally. It'll annoy him even more, because he'll have no one to actually yell at.

Actually, Q was quite impressed how well his prank had turned out. The other officers had managed to get even Worf to try the Canary Creams.

"Aw, come on Worf," Dr. Crusher had teased, while holding the plate up in front of him, "don't tell me the big, bad Klingon is afraid of the little bright yellow custard creams."

Worf growled at that and reluctantly shoved one of them in his mouth. Just as he was beginning to admit to himself that they weren't all that bad, he heard a shriek.

Then he watched as Counsellor Kylan morphed into a small, yellow bird. Then one, by one the rest of the Enterprise's senior officers followed.

To say that he was confused would be an understatement. As Chief of Security he knew that he should be doing something, but he had no idea what. The Starfleet manual had never mentioned what to do in the eventuality that the senior staff turns into birds.

He didn't have to think about that for very long though as a very strange feeling came over him and he watched the room seem to grow around him.

Captain Picard had the pastries analyzed, but none of the tests showed any reason for the bright yellow sweets to turn people into canaries. Too bad everyone missed Lt. Malfoy's eyes widen when he first spotted them.

Several days later, Admiral Jennings sprayed coffee all over his desk when he read in Captain Picard's report that the Enterprise's mission had been delayed for nine hours due to the entire senior staff being turned into canaries.

That, however, was not by far the strangest report that Starfleet Command received during the next two weeks.

Several admirals suffered from chronic headaches during that time.

The next report came, amazingly enough from the station Deep Space Nine.

"Quark to Chief O'Brien."

Chief of Engineering Miles O'Brien groaned. He was in the middle of fixing a relay that had blown-up this morning. It was frustrating work, because it was almost completely fried and was probably going to need to be completely replaced.

In other words, he was in no mood to deal with the Ferrengi who ran the DS9 casino and bar. Putting down one of the tools he was holding, O'Brien tapped his communicator.

"O'Brien here, and I really don't have the time right now Quark," he said.

"Well, you're going to have to make the time, because the snow is driving away perfectly good customers."

The Engineering Chief opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it again. He frowned.

"Wait, did you just say snow?"

One hour and many diagnostics later, Chief O'Brien stood on the Promenade watching the mysterious snow accumulate. So far they had 10 cm of it and no one had any idea how to stop it. As far as the computer was concerned it was a nice sunny day on the Promenade.

And O'Brien couldn't find anything wrong with the computer.

He leaned his head back and sighed in frustration. Then something hit him between the shoulder blades.

"Hey!" he yelled as he swung around. And then rolled his eyes as he spotted Captain Benjamin Sisco trudging through the snow towards him with a big smile on his face.

"Nice to know I haven't lost my touch," he said. "Though I am a bit confused as to why I'm able to practice throwing snowballs at all."

"Yes, well, you're certainly not the only one," replied O'Brien.

"Oh?"

"The computer's not registering any snow, sir."

"I wish I could say the same thing," Sisco said as he looked around and grinned when he spotted Odo trying to break up a snowball fight between a group of children on their way from school.

"Believe me sir, so do I."

"Have you. . ."

"Yes. And as far as I can see there is absolutely nothing wrong with the computer. And I've triple-checked everything I could possibly think of. I'm completely stumped."

"Well, I must say, it's been a while since I've had snow for Christmas," came a voice from behind them. Chief O'Brien tensed.

"Captain Riker, hello," Sisco said as he turned to the captain of the USS Titan, "is there anything I can help you with?"

"No, no, I was just admiring your festive decorations."

"Festive decorations?" asked O'Brien, not at all liking the sound of that.

"Yes, the Christmas trees are beautiful."

"Huh?"

"Christmas trees? What Christmas trees?"

The two DS9 officers looked at each other. Neither one of them had any idea what Captain Riker was talking about.

"Those ones over there," Riker pointed to a corner behind them.

Sure enough, standing quietly in the corner were five brightly decorated Christmas trees.

"Umm. . . Captain?" Chief O'Brien asked uncertainly, "were those there a few minutes ago?"

"No, I don't think so. . ." Sisco answered, looking at the trees as if they were some sort of new alien species.

"Wait. . ." began Riker, "so you didn't put those there?"

The DS9 officers shook their heads, still staring at the trees.

Suddenly there was a bright flash and everyone blinked. Then blinked again as they noticed a few changes on the Promenade. 'A few' being a vast understatement.

The interior hull of the ship was now decorated in red and green stripes. Red, green and silver streamers criss-crossed as they fell from the centre of the Promenade to its sides. Holly and mistletoe hung from the walls and doors of the various shops that lined the heart of the space station. And there were more Christmas trees. Everywhere.

The Promenade was quite for a few moments before some of the non-humans began to discuss the odd decorations and wondering what they were for. A few of the human children squealed and ran to the nearest Christmas tree.

"Sir, I demand to know is the meaning of this!" a very irritated Chief of Security yelled as he marched over to Sisco, Riker and O'Brien.

"Odo, I'll be doing the same thing just as soon as I get over the shock," Sisco replied, his eyes scanning the new incarnation of the Promenade for the tenth time as he tried to figure out a way any of this could make sense.

Just as Odo was about to protest, a loud, booming voice interrupted him.

"Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas everybody!"

Everybody turned their heads in slow motion, not actually wanting to see what they thought they were going to see.

And sure enough, walking onto the Promenade was a fat man with a long white beard, bright red suit and a bright red had on his head.

"Just when I thought this day couldn't get any stranger," mumbled the Engineering Chief.

Captian Sisco was the first to snap out of his stupor. He walked up to Santa Claus, trying to avoid bumping into the children who were now crowding around him.

"Hello Santa Claus," he said with a smile that clearly stated 'I'll humour you, but don't mess with me', "what brings you all the way out here?"

"I'm not Santa Claus," the man-in-red replied with a twinkle in his eye.

Sisco's face blanched. Of all the weird and bizarre things he had been expecting the stranger to say, that was not one of them.

"Then who are you?"

"I'm Santa Q, of course!"

"Santa. . . Oh." Everything was suddenly making sense. Unfortunately it didn't make him feel any better.

O'Brien, Riker and Odo came up behind him and he turned to them.

"Well, gentlemen, it seems I've managed to solve the mystery of the snow and Christmas decorations," he said.

"Oh?"

"And. . "

"Allow me to introduce Santa Q."

There was a collective groan.

"Q, what do you think you're doing?!" Riker demanded, having seen enough of this entity in his lifetime to become annoyed on sight.

"Why, I'm just spreading a little Christmas cheer!" As he said that he raised his hands and fireworks shot out from his palms, exploding over the Promenade in a dazzling display of light.

"Well, I rather prefer to have my Promenade look the way it's supposed to look. . ."

"You know you're right," Q interrupted Sisco and put a hand to his face in a contemplative gesture, scanning the area with his eyes as he did so, "there is something missing."

Sisco opened his mouth to protest, but Q beat him to it.

"Aha! I know!" He snapped his fingers and nine reindeer appeared. One of them had a big, red, shiny nose.

"How did he do that without a wand?" Q heard one of the children beside him whisper. In a flash he was kneeling next to said child, or rather children since there were four of them. All wizards. All redheads.

"Because I don't use a wand, I'm an omnipotent entity, I don't need one," he said, looking straight at them.

One of them gasped. She looked about 14 and was tall, with wavy hair and some freckles on her cheeks.

"You're Q!" she exclaimed almost reverently. "I read about you in _Hogwarts: A History_!"

"I made it into the history books! I'm flattered, not that I deserve anything less of course. . "

The children giggled.

"So, what's your name child?"

"I'm Katherine Weasley and these are my brothers Tom and Bill and my sister Natalie."

"Gryffindor?" They all nodded enthusiastically.

"Pity, I was a Slytherin."

"You went to Hogwarts?" Tom Weasley asked in surprise.

"Yup, three hundred years ago. Now, what are you doing so far away from school?"

"We're here with our parents . . ." answered Tom.

"They're here with SPHW. . ." Bill added.

". . .that's the Society for Promotion of Hologramic Welfare," Natalie proudly announced.

Q rolled his eyes. Then he noticed that the Starfleet officers and Odo were staring at him as if he'd just spontaneously grown an extra set of heads. Though why they should find that unusual knowing full well who he was, was beyond him.

He turned back to the Weasleys and pulled something out of his pocket.

"Here, have some chocolate frogs," he said, smiling, "I'm sure you can't find them around here."

Especially not with super sugar content that these have. I don't think their parents will want to thank me later. More like decapitate me. . . Or in their case, hex me repeatedly.

The children thanked him and ran off to find their parents. Then Q stood up again and gestured for the rest of the crowd to back up a bit. Then did and Q pointed to a spot on the floor in front of him. In a flash a large green sac appeared.

"Well kiddies, here are some treats for everyone. Enjoy!"

Then Santa Q disappeared.

"'Don't you just love Christmas," he sighed dreamily as he reappeared sans Santa outfit right behind the group of officers who'd been talking to him earlier. He smirked as he startled them and they whirled around.

"Q!" yelled Captain Sisco, "this Christmas spirit whatever it is you've gotten into is really beginning to get annoying! I demand that you stop the snow. . ."

"You're right, I think there's enough of it here." Q waved his hand and it stopped snowing. Captains Riker and Sisco exchanged baffled looks. They were certainly not expecting it to be that easy.

Q surveyed his work one more time. Then he turned his attention once more to the officers in front of him.

"Well, I must be off now: so many people to annoy, so little time. . ."

"Not before you remove these ridiculous decorations you don't," Odo growled. Q raised an eyebrow.

"But I thought you said this was only beginning to get annoying," he said with a perfectly innocent expression, "I'll be back to remove it when it actually becomes annoying."

With a final mischievous grin, Q snapped his fingers and was gone.

The Christmas decorations and snow mysteriously disappeared three days later.

* * *

Author's notes:

Captain Sisco - I'll be the first one to say that I'm not really up on DS9. I do however remember something about Sisco becoming the Prophet (no, wait he was the prophet) and joining the beings in the wormhole in the series finale. Well, in this fic, he's back from the great beyond or whatever.

Well, hope you all liked that. And incase, you're wondering, the Weasley kids were stuck in there, just 'cause I wanted to. They serve absolutely no purpose to the plot (except to introduce SPHW).

Review!!


	26. Merry Qmas

**Sorry** this took so long to update. I've had it mostly done for over a week now, but then schoolwork caught up with me. And my internet explorer's been doing strange things as well. Sometimes, I really hate computers. Anyway, I promise not to take so long with the next chapter. As usual, thanks to all who reviewed:

**Eratosthenese -** Oh, I already know what the sequel's going to be about. It will actually have a plot to it. Possibly a better plot than this. And yes, I am most certainly having fun writing this.

lala-girl27 - Q doesn't pity the children for anything except perhaps that they're only stupid humans. Remember, he doesn't actually care about all that house loyalty crap. The only reason he thinks Slytherin is a better house is because he's in it. And don't worry, there will be more Enterprise.

alienyouthct - Umm. . . no, I actually didn't realize that having a chapter that's not a chapter could get my story deleted. I've seen others do it, so I figured it was ok (or rather I didn't think there was anything wrong with doing it). Thanks for pointing that out. I'll go back and fix it when I get some time.

Gymnast204 - Thanks. Hope you enjoy this chapter just as much!

Urgo, the Observer - Lol! I actually hadn't noticed that! Well then, here's Boxing Day! As for the conversation with the Weasleys, if you look at the conversation closely, then you'll realize that they never mention magic (except for the one liner that brings Q's attention to them, but Q's the only one who actually heard that). Names like Hogwarts, Slytherin and Gryffindor are mentioned, but don't forget, this is the 24th century. Those places could be colonies in some remote part of the galaxy for all Sisko knows. So no, muggles don't know about the wizarding world.

Fuji the Hobbit - I'm glad you like Q. I think I've finally gotten the hang of him (you should've seen the first versions of some of the first chapters)! Hope this update is just as good.

Disclaimer: still not mine.

**Important:** I realized as I wrote this chapter, that the first chapter of this story took place 20 years after Voyager returned to Earth. This part that you're reading now takes place much sooner: a little over 5 years after their return. So, not long after Nemisis. Just thought I'd clear that up in case anyone remembers back to the first chapter, because it might confuse you. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 26 - Merry Q-mas!

Admiral Kathryn Janeway had never considered herself a vain woman. Quite the opposite really. True, she enjoyed the occasional spa, the feel of satin next to her skin when she slept, the taste of strawberries mixed with champagne and the excitement of putting on her finest dress and jewellery for one of the few non-Starfleet parties she attended over the years.

After all, she may be an admiral, but she was still a woman.

She was not, however, one of those women who spent hours in front of the mirror every morning getting ready. Therefore, she would be the first to say, that she didn't really have that much experience with mirrors.

But she was pretty sure that having an argument with one was not at all normal.

And her day had started off so wonderfully too. She had given herself two extra hours to sleep in since it was a Saturday and she didn't need to be anywhere until noon. When her alarm went off she got out of bed and opened the blinds as she yawned and stretched out her sleep-ridden muscles. It was one of those beautiful mornings with lots of sun and very few clouds. The kind everyone wishes happened every morning.

Then she walked into her bathroom to shower before she had breakfast. She thought about her lunch appointment with Tom and B'Elanna and how much she was looking forward to seeing their little one as she took off her silver, satin nightshirt.

A wolf whistle interrupted her thoughts.

"Oi! What a body!"

Janeway spun around and held the nightshirt to her body. Frantically she searched the bathroom for signs of another person.

"Who's there?" she called, a slight edge of panic to her voice, because she couldn't see anyone.

"Oh, don't be frightened pumpkin," the same voice crooned, "and you certainly don't have to hide. Believe me, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of."

Now she was really starting to panic, because clearly she was not imagining things, but neither could she see anyone.

"Where are you?" she called.

"Where am I she asks? Where would you expect a mirror to be?"

"Mirror!"

Janeway cautiously looked to her large bathroom mirror and gasped. Her regular mirror was gone. In its place hung a beautiful large, rectangular-shaped mirror with a wide, richly decorated silver frame. The top centre of the mirror the frame had an elaborate arch that rose about ten inches above the rest of the frame.

The admiral stared at the mirror, admiring its beauty even as she tired to figure out how it had gotten there between the time she had gone to bed and the time she had walked into the bathroom this morning.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you it's impolite to stare?"

Admiral Janeway jumped and her eyes went almost impossibly wide when she looked up and noticed two silver and black eyes staring at her from the elaborate arch at the top of the mirror.

Now here she was, one hour later, with no answers as to why the mirror could talk or how it got into her bathroom, and no shower either.

The mirror simply refused to avert or close its eyes so that she could shower. It also categorically refused to shut up.

She wouldn't have minded it watching as much as she minded the commentary it made when she tried to discard her clothes and step into the shower. A simple "Oh la la," or possibly even a wolf whistle she could have lived with, but she did not need to hear a detailed analysis of every part of her body, nor did she need to know what the mirror would do if it had hands and a body of its own.

Finally, Janeway simply got fed up, picked up a towel and threw it over the mirror's eyes. She then spent several minutes wondering why she hadn't thought of that sooner.

After a quick shower (because although it was blind-folded, the mirror unfortunately still had a very vivid and very loud imagination), she pulled on a light flowered dress. As much as she enjoyed the dignity and order that a Starfleet uniform brought with it, she also loved the days where she could completely forget it and wear regular, civilian clothes.

Then she looked at the clock and cursed when she noticed she was running late. She ran her brush through her hair and pulled the sides back. She never wore a bun when in civilian clothes. It was strictly a part of her admiral self.

Then she went to meet Tom, B'Elanna and their daughter Miral.

They met in a café in downtown San Francisco. It was fairly large, but full of plants and pillars, which made it seem smaller. It was one of Janeway's favourite spots in San Francisco. Every time she walked in the door she remembered the hansom, charming second year cadet who had introduced it to her on their first date. Their relationship had only lasted a few months, but she continued to visit the café throughout her academy years and whenever she was on Earth afterwards. They had amazing coffee.

Now that she was stationed on Earth, she was there almost daily.

The Paris family was already waiting for her at a table when she arrived. It had been several months since she'd seen them. They'd been travelling quite a bit around the Alpha Quadrant promoting Tom's first holonovel.

"Hello, sorry to keep you waiting," she said, giving them all a bright smile, "I had a bit of mirror trouble."

"Oh, it's ok," Tom casually dismissed her apology, "we only just got here anyway."

"Wait, did you say mirror trouble?" B'Elanna asked, confused.

"Yes, when I woke up this morning, I found that someone had changed my mirror during the night."

"Oooh, is the new one pink with pretty butterflies and fairies?" Miral squealed.

The three adults at the table laughed. Miral was now five years old and had inherited her mother's looks and temper and her father's knack for getting into trouble. And from some unknown source she had acquired a passion for the colour pink. It was a mystery to everyone where that came from since B'Elanna couldn't stand the colour (though tolerated it valiantly for her daughter's sake).

"No, no," aunt Kathryn said, still laughing. Then she told them about her new mirror.

At first they had thought she was joking. Tom and B'Elanna settled down after Kathryn assured them she wasn't.

They sat back in silence as Dan, the owner of the café served them coffee and hot chocolate (for Miral).

"You don't suppose it's Q?" Tom asked thoughtfully.

"Could be," B'Elanna said, looking up at her husband.

"Q!"

"Yes." Tom looked at her and his eyes widened as if he had suddenly realized something. "Oh, you haven't heard the rumour yet."

"Rumour? What rumour?" Kathryn asked, instantly dreading it whatever it was. If it had anything to do with Q, it was rarely pleasant. Though, as long as it didn't directly involve her, she quickly realized it couldn't be all that bad.

"Yeah, we talked to a friend on the Enterprise yesterday," began B'Elanna, "and he said that their latest mission had to be postponed, because the entire senior staff, except for the captain got turned into canaries."

The admiral nearly sprayed the entire table with coffee. Miral giggled.

"Excuse me!"

"Yeah, apparently they all ate some sort of pastries and then turned into little yellow birds," Tom laughed. It was obvious he loved this story.

"I think I'd like being a canary," Miral said happily, "then I could fly way up high and steal cookies from the cupboard."

"Yes, you could dear," B'Elanna smiled at her daughter and lovingly brushed a strand of hair away from her face, "except that the cookies are in a container that a canary couldn't open."

This made the little girl frown a little and then her face scrunched up in an expression of intense concentration.

The adults laughed at her antics.

"Ok, not that that doesn't sound like Q, but how do they know it was him?" Kathryn asked, steering the conversation back on track.

"Well, that's the strange part," Tom answered, "no one on the ship seems to have seen him, but apparently Captain Picard seems positive he was behind it."

"Hmm. . ." Kathryn's mind went into admiral-mode as she tried to remember what the Enterprise's current mission was and how she could get a hold of the report from that mission.

"Did anyone take pictures?" she suddenly asked.

"Sadly, no." Tom grinned from ear to ear. "Though it certainly would've been funny to get a picture of Tuvok the untouchable, unemotional Vulcan as a cute yellow birdie."

"You know, I think I'd actually have that one framed," Kathryn added.

"Admiral?" came a quiet voice from behind her. She turned around to face Dan.

"Yes Dan," she smiled warmly, "what can I do for you."

"A gentleman just dropped this off and asked me to deliver it to you." The café owner passed her a package wrapped in bright red and green striped wrapping paper with a big gold bow on top. It was about the size of a shoebox.

"Oooh, a secret admirer," teased B'Elanna as Kathryn just looked at the package in shock.

"Yay! A present! What is it?" Miral asked excitedly as she bounced on her seat. "Open it aunt Kathy, open it!"

Kathryn smiled warmly at the child and winked mischievously. Then she carefully untied the bow and undid the wrapping.

"Thank God you weren't this gentle with the Borg!" Tom joked and all three adults chuckled.

"Oh look," exclaimed Kathryn as she took an item out of the box, "it's a Santa hat!"

She set the hat in the middle of the table so that it stood upright. It was made of bright red velvet and soft white fur with sparkles haphazardly sprinkled over it.

"It's very pretty," Miral whispered in awe. She carefully poked the hat to see if it would cave in. It didn't. She poked it again.

"Stop poking me you stupid brat!" snapped the hat.

Tom's sandwich hovered in mid-air in front of his open mouth for several seconds before he slowly lowered it. He mouth remained open though. He was too preoccupied with staring at the mouth that had appeared an inch above the fur lining. As was everyone else at the table.

"It can talk!" Miral exclaimed.

"Oooh, it can talk," the hat repeated sarcastically, "I can also sing, repeat messages, spread holiday cheer and dance. Well, maybe not dance exactly . . . but I can certainly do some funky pom-pom movements."

"How. . . how can you talk?" Kathryn demanded.

"I can talk, because I'm a talking hat."

Tom chuckled and Kathryn groaned.

"I don't care that it's probably next to impossible," she said calmly, "but some day, some how, I am going to tie Q to a cactus, stick an apple in his mouth and shove him into the nearest supernova."

"Did you say Q?" asked the hat, looking at her (or at least they all assumed it was looking at her). Kathryn nodded.

"Oh, in that case. . ." The hat took a deep breath and then began to sing:

"Q's a jolly good fellow,

Q's a jolly good fellow,

Q's a jolly good fellow,

That nobody can deny,

That nobody can deny. . ."

"I can," declared B'Elanna, "just watch me deny it."

By the time the hat began to sing "Q's the most wonderful guy in the world" to the tune of "It's the most wonderful day of the year," Janeway's headache had turned into a full blown migraine.

Q meanwhile laughed wherever he was. Then he began to make plans of who he would annoy next. An gleeful smile spread across his face when he realized that it was Christmas and that Christmas was really all about family.

Family really should be together for Christmas. Especially if it's to gloat about not getting stuck at Hogwarts during said holiday.

* * *

Author's notes:

**Miral** - on the series finale of Voyager, we meet Tom and B'Elanna's daughter and her name is Miral. I'm assuming in my fic that they're going to use the same name even though the future was changed.

**"It's the most wonderful day of the year"** - for the life of me I can't remember the name of that Christmas carol. In fact, all I can remember of it is that one line, but it keeps going around in my head (I think they used it in a commercial of some kind. . . ). Does anyone know the actual name of that song?

Anyway, hope you liked this. For all of you who aren't so crazy about the Star Trek portion of this story, the next chapter will take us back to Hogwarts for a bit. I'm thinking about two more chapters of Christmas break, before Q returns to classes.

Please review!


	27. Father and Son Time

I warn in advance that I have absolutely no idea where from my deranged mind this chapter came from!

I had fun writing it though. Sorry for the wait, stuff got in the way of me sitting down and writing. Being without a computer for a week didn't help much either. But I would like to get Christmas in Hogwarts time over with before Easter arrives here in the real world, so the next chapter should be up within a week or so (hopefully).

Thank you to everyone who reviewed. There were some questions about the rating. I changed the rating from G to PG because I occasionally some swear words (never anything worse than "Bloody Hell" I don't think) and I didn't want anyone getting offended. Call me paranoid, but I didn't want my fic deleted because of something silly like that. Also, in the next chapter will be a scene I've been planning for a while, but I was pretty sure couldn't get away with a G rating. And no, the rating won't be climbing any higher. I know I had originally said I'd be bumping it to PG-13, but then I realized that since most of the time I could probably get away with G, there'd be no point in raising it all the way to PG-13. Sorry for the confusion.

I got a record number of reviews this time, which made me very happy:

**Lunatic Pandora1**- hmm. . . I have one thing to say to your comment: see end of this chapter: )

Pyromagnet - I'm glad you like my story. Q's my favourite Star Trek character and he's so fun to play with, 'cause literally ANYTHING is possible. It's even more fun to write from the point of view of an omnipotent entity.

Cassie-bear01 - You think I'm talented! Yay! bows and then dances off happily

Red Eyed, Divine Dragoon77415 - Oh, I certainly haven't forgotten Q's wife, I just haven't come up with a good place to stick her in yet. I was thinking somewhere during the Christmas break, but now I don't think that'll work. She will be around though, promise.

furry6feline - Wow, I think you reviewed, like, 4 times! Thank you! Also thanks for the robe ideas. Also, if you want to know more about Q as a character, go to wwwDOTstartrekDOTcom. There's a pretty good description of him there (and a bit about his son) as well as a picture.

Ari - You're reviews crack me up! You always have a story about reading my story. I'm thinking I might want to warn you that this is possibly the zaniest chapter in this story so far. Namely the part at the Christmas feast. So beware. I really don't want you to get hurt because of my story.

Fuji the Hobbit - Holy crap, Valentine's Day? Am I really that late in updating! I hate exams. Thanks and I hope you had a good Valentine's Day in any case. And if you thought that last chapter was great. . . I think this one's waaaay better! Hope you do too.

Urgo, the Observer - Borg cube, eh? Hey, it could be a green Borg cube with a huge red bow on top, lol! I've actually already had a request for a Borg, but your idea's funnier. And as for what's next. . . you'll just have to read to find out!

Also thanks to **P2K Bunny, Phoenix Lumen, Gymnast204 **and** im-obsessed-with-fire.**

Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of this. I mean it, nothing in this chapter is mine. Well, maybe the carrot.

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Chapter 27 - Father and Son Time

q knew he was there before he turned around.

"Hello father," he said to the now adult looking Q leaning his hip on the side of the desk in the DADA classroom.

"Hello son," Q smiled happily. q scowled.

"Come to gloat have you?"

"Now, q, do I really need a reason to come visit my son over Christmas time?" Said son gave him a very pointed look. "Oh, alright, so I came to gloat."

q rolled his eyes. He would never admit, but he was secretly happy that his father had come to see him.

"So, I'm assuming that Starfleet is now a few sane officers less?" he asked.

Q smirked and told his son about the Canary Creams, DS9's new Christmas decorations and Kathy's presents. By the end of it, both father and son were roaring with laughter.

"I'm not sure who I want to see first: aunt Kathy's face when she discovered that mirror or uncle Jean Luc when he saw his senior staff!" There were tears in q's eyes from laughing.

By now the two Qs had cleared everything off q's desk and were sitting on top of it.

"So. . . what did you do for Christmas then?" Q asked, knowing that his son never spent a boring holiday. Ever. Not that Qs actually celebrated holidays, but if they did he was sure his son would never have a boring one.

"Well. . . the most peculiar thing happened at the Christmas feast. . ." q smirked and Q raised an eyebrow.

* * *

The Great Hall was decked out in red and green for the Christmas Day feast. In each corner stood a pine tree that seemed to reach the ceiling. They were decorated with bulbs, garlands and wooden decorations made of every shape, size and colour imaginable. Tiny candles balanced precariously on their branches, giving the trees a warm glow. On the top of every tree was a star with an animal resting on it. There was a griffin curled up around the tip of one star, a badger on another, an eagle perched on the tip of the third and a snake wound around the fourth.

Instead of several tables, there was only one big table in the centre of the room. Headmaster Dumbledore sat in the middle with the teaching staff spread out evenly on either end of him. The two dozen students staying at Hogwarts for the Christmas break filled out the rest of the seats.

The steady clinking of cutlery against plates accompanied by laughter and excited voices echoed in the Great Hall. The house elves had once again outdone themselves and prepared a spectacular feast.

The war was momentarily forgotten.

They were all so busy having fun that at first no one noticed the figure slip in through the massive doors.

Suzy Mathews, a third-year Ravenclaw, was helping herself to a second helping of mashed potatoes when she looked up and gasped. Her hand remained where it was, stretched out to grab the serving spoon.

"What is it?" asked the boy who sat beside her. He noticed that her gaze was directed at something and he followed it. His eyes went wide as he followed Suzy's example and sat gaping.

One by one, students and teachers alike noticed the strange figure that casually sauntered across the hall towards them. He was about half the size of a full-grown man and had a Santa hat sitting lopsidedly on his head. There were slits on either side of it, out of which stuck a pair of long, gray ears. He held a large carrot in one hand and was humming _Jingle Bells_.

"Umm. . . why is there a rabbit in the Great Hall?" Ron whispered to Hermione, somehow expecting that his friend would have the answer to that particular question.

"Ron," the girl said slowly back, "that's not just a rabbit."

"Huh?"

The rabbit was completely unaffected by the stares it was getting. By the time it rounded the table and stopped between Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall some of the stares had become excited.

"Eeh, what's up doc?" the rabbit drawled, using one hand to lean against the table as he took a large bite out of his carrot.

Several muggleborn students squealed in delight and were promptly glared at by Professor Snape.

"Is Daffy with you?" asked Suzy as she craned her neck to get a better view of her favourite cartoon character.

Bugs looked at the girl with a raised eyebrow.

"Daffy?" he looked around the room. "He was right behind . . ."

Just then the Great Hall doors burst open. A small black figure stood in the middle of them panting.

"There he is," said Bugs, taking another bit of his carrot. He paid no attention to the several professors who had taken their wands out and aimed them at the intruder.

"Of course I'm here you long-eared, carrot-munching wonder," spat Daffy, "you didn't actually think you could come all the way out here without me did you?"

That said, Daffy pulled himself up proudly to his full height of three feet and strode towards the table.

"Hermione?"

"Yes Ron?"

"You don't suppose this is a trick of You-Know-Who to catch us off guard?" Normally, Hermione would've rolled her eyes at the question, but at the moment she was too preoccupied to be bothered.

"No Ron," she said, "I somehow don't think that Voldemort spends his time recreating Looney Toons characters." She paused. "Unless of course he's gone senile, in which case I think the war may be extremely short."

"What are looneytins. . . and what do they have to do with winning the war?"

"Looney Toons and . . . oh never mind, I'll explain later."

By this time Daffy had reached the table and was eyeing the feast hungrily.

"Oooh, what have we here?" he crooned as his mouth began to visibly water.

"It's the Christmas feast," Suzy said, "do you want to join us?"

"Don't mind if I do," Daffy answered, his eyes never leaving the food on the table even as he absently hopped into an astonished Harry Potter's lap. From some invisible pocket, he took out a napkin the size of a small tablecloth and expertly tied it around his neck. Then he picked up a large knife and fork and held them like two battle implements.

Harry looked to Hermione for help. He had never had to deal with a hyper cartoon duck before and hence didn't know what to do. She was absolutely no help as her attention was on said duck and not on her friend-in-need.

Professor Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"Well, I must say this is unexpected," he smiled, his eyes twinkling like mad now that he had realized the rabblit and duck were no threat, "I am Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of this school. Who exactly might you be?"

"Well, I might be either a rabbit or a carrot-eater. And he might be a duck or. . . eh. . . well, a duck. I also do a pretty good lady rabbit, have the whole screaming bit down really well. . ." Bugs mused.

"What are you talking about?" Daffy interrupted, "You make an ugly lady. All you can do is scream!"

"Well, Elmer Fudge falls for it every time!"

"Elmer Fudge can't even remember what time of year it is!"

Dumbledore cleared his throat again.

"Yes, that is. . . helpful, but who are you? What are your names?"

Daffy froze with his mouth open over a turkey drumstick. The bottom part of his beak hit the table. A few seconds later he used his left hand to close it with a snap. Then there was a swish as he leaped onto the table in front of the Headmaster, leaving his napkin suspended in mid-air for a moment before it plopped into Harry's lap as the drumstick fell onto a plate and splattered Harry's face with gravy.

Meanwhile, Bugs stared incredulously at Dumbledore, but his bulging eyes were lost on the old wizard who was currently observing the duck's antics.

Said duck was at the moment standing directing glowering down at him with its hands on its hips.

"What do you mean you don't know who we are?" Daffy demanded. Then he straightened with an air of dignity, raising one hand as if he were about to recite a poem or deliver a very moving speech.

"Just about every man, woman, child, duck, rabbit and Martian on the planet. . ."

"Except for the abominable snow people," inserted Bugs.

". . . except for the abominable snow people. . . wait, what abominable snow people?" Daffy's hand came down as he looked down at his big-eared companion with a confused expression.

"Why the ones that live up north of course."

"Right. . . well, it's really cold up there, so they're allowed to be strange. . . Now where was I? Ahhh, yes." Daffy regained his dignified posture. "Everyone from the planet Earth. . ."

"What about the Martian? He's not from Earth?"

"Will you stop interrupting me!" Daffy glared at Bugs amongst giggles from students. Then he threw his arms up.

"Basically, everyone has, at some point in their life, laughed at us arguing about whether it's duck season or rabbit season!"

"Well, apparently some people have better things to do," Professor McGonagall huffed. Daffy glared at her.

"What my friend here is trying to say," Bugs drawled finishing his carrot and picking up another from the table (amazingly enough, no one had noticed the plate of carrots there before), "is that we're kinda famous and you'd have to have grown up during the crusades in order to not have heard of us."

"Well then," Professor Dumbledore said calmly, "let's pretend that we were all born during the crusades. Please, do introduce yourselves."

"Well . . . I suppose you do look old enough to have possibly been born during the crusades. . ." Bugs said thoughtfully, "All right, we'll do it!"

That said, he deftly jumped onto the table beside his feathered friend. Both puffed their chests out in pride as they each introduced themselves.

"I am Bugs Bunny."

"And I am Daffy Duck."

They both took a bow.

"Hey, I wonder if they would want to stay and help fight You-Know-Who?" a first year Ravenclaw whispered to his fair-haired housemate. The blond boy thought about that and then turned to his friend with a serious face.

"The Dark Lord wouldn't stand a chance!" They both sniggered at the thought.

"The Dark Lord would make stew out of them!" a Slytherin fourth year hissed menacingly at the pair.

"Stew!" Bugs and Daffy exclaimed.

"Who's going to make stew out of us!" Bugs asked, horrified.

"Let me at him," Daffy growled, jumping up in down in what he probably thought was a proper boxing stance, "I'll show him, try to make a stew out of me. . . he won't know what hit him!"

"They're talking about You-Know-Who," Suzy told Bugs, trying to be helpful.

"So You-Know-Who thinks he can take us on, does he?" cried Daffy and started pacing the width of the table while grinding his right fist into the palm of his left hand. "Well, he doesn't stand a chance! I mash him, I'll smash him, I'll cut him up into itty bitty little pieces, pour caramel over them and feed the to the Tasmanian Devil. No wait, first I'll drop an anvil on him, then feed him to the Tasmanian Devil. . . maybe I'll borrow an Acme bomb or two from Wildly Coyote too. Nah, he's still probably used them all on Roadrunner. . ."

"Eh, Daffy. . ." Bugs tapped the irritated duck on the shoulder to get his attention. He was ignored.

". . .He might let me borrow his Acme Artillery Catalogue though. I could also con Elmer Fudge out of his rifle. . . heck I might even be able to convince Elmer this You-Know-Who fellow's a duck. . ."

"Daffy. . .?"

". . . Or I could get You-Know-Who a pair of large pink bunny ears and convince Elmer he's a rabbit. That would also mean convincing him it's Rabbit Season . . . but that shouldn't be too much of a problem. . . he's not exactly the brightest tool in the shed on his good days. . ."

Bugs sighed and pointed his half-eaten carrot at Daffy.

"Aveda Kedevra," he said casually.

A bright green ray shot out from the carrot, engulfing Daffy in a sizzling green electric light. There were several flashes from within which revealed glimpses of Daffy's skeleton as he hovered several inches above the table top. Then the green light vanished, leaving Daffy suspended above the table before he slowly trickled down in the form of a fine black powder. Two eyeballs and a beak fell on top of the pile of powder.

"Are you sure their not agents of You-Know-Who?" a horrified Ron whispered to Hermione in the stunned silence that followed.

The Slytherins were looking at Bugs with a new-found respect. Everyone else was simply bewildered.

Just then the doors to the Great Hall banged open and a small, black blur stomped up to the feast table. Without pausing, Daffy walked up the sixth-year Hufflepuff who was sitting in front of Bugs as if he was just a bump in the road. He then hoped onto the table and poked his rabbit friend in the middle of his furry chest.

"What's the big deal, long-ears!" he demanded. The few people at the table who were not gaping and shifting their gaze from where there used to be a pile of ashes, two eyeballs and a beak to the extremely angry duck, cringed.

Bugs Bunny, however, wasn't at all phased by Daffy and instead took a bite of his carrot as Daffy began to yell at him about the improper use of carrots as death instruments.

"Wow, he survived the killing curse," gasped Suzy.

"Hey Potter," yelled the oldest of the Slytherins, "looks like you've got competition! You'd better be careful or you'll be replaced by the Duck-Who-Lived!"

Harry rolled his eyes at the jibe as students and teachers alike laughed, giggled, chuckled, sniggered or sneered (depending on their own philosophical choice of just how much to appear amused by the comment).

"Daffy's amazing, he can do anything!" a Gryffindor first-year yelled over the laughter.

"Yeah, he probably could defeat You-Know-Who!" added Suzy, gazing at Daffy in pure adoration.

"Of course I can defeat You-Know-Who!" Daffy huffed, finally stopping his rant.

"Daffy, who's You-Know-Who?" Bugs asked.

"Why, You-Know-Who is. . . er. . . that is to say he's. . ." Daffy thought for a moment. "You know, that's a very good question. Who is You-Know-Who?" He looked to the nearest student for an answer.

"He's the Dark Lord, the most evil wizard to ever live," the student answered darkly, fear fluttering in his eyes.

"They're talking about Lord Voldemort," Harry called from his seat.

"Don't say his name!" yelled one of the Slytherins.

"Why shouldn't he say his name kid?" Bugs asked confused.

"He is so evil and so powerful that we do not say his name," stated the sixth-year Hufflepuff, over whom Daffy had walked over earlier.

"Oooh," Daffy's eyes took on a mad glint as he rubbed his hands together in glee, "I could defeat him for you!"

"Oh boy," Bugs rolled his eyes, "there he goes again."

"I will become a hero," Daffy gestured dramatically and leapt onto Professor Hooch's head, where he balanced precariously as she tried to unsuccessfully shoo him off, "and all everyone will worship me! They'll name schools, airports, streets, heck maybe even a chocolate bar, after me! I shall be loved by one and all, because I, Daffy Duck the Magnificent, will have not only defeated the Dark Lord Volde-What's-His-Face, but replaced him!"

Now Daffy jumped off Hooch's head and back onto the table with a slight twirl. Everyone gasped. Daffy was suddenly wearing a long, black cape and his eyes were glowing red. He held one end of the cape so that it covered the lower half of his face like a vampire from a very old and very bad movie.

"I will be the new Dark Lord and all will tremble before my might! Mwahahaha!"

Daffy swooped across the table, eyeing everyone evilly until he stopped in front of Professor Snape, where he spread his arms out wide.

"Look upon me and despair!" he cried ecstatically, turning around in a slow circle.

His eyes met Professor Snape's absolutely unamused glare and his arms slowly went down. Daffy swallowed once, his eyes widening. Then he fell to pieces. Literally. In a matter of seconds he was a pile of limbs, cape and feathers. On top of the pile was a beak.

"Right," it said, "no sense of humour. Check."

The younger students looked at their potions professor in horror. If he could do that to the Duck-Who-Lived, who knew what he could do to them.

"Hey Daffy," said Bugs, finishing his last carrot, "I think we have to go. Big celebrity banquet, remember?"

"Of course I remember," said Daffy, popping up beside him to the surprise of everyone except the rabbit.

"Well then, I guess I should say good-bye."

That said, Bugs strode over to Professor Dumbledore and spun around very fast. When he stopped he was wearing a short red and green check dress, had a big red bow in his blond curly hair and was wearing a very generous amount of lipstick.

He observed the shocked headmaster for a moment before grabbing the old wizard's head with both hands and giving him a big, noisy kiss right on the mouth. He ended it with a big smack and then walked over and did the same to Snape.

"Merry Christmas!" he yelled as he jumped off the table and ran out the Great Hall doors.

"See yah later pops!" Daffy yelled and followed his friend.

For the next several minutes, the only sound in the entire hall was from the doors swinging back and forth. Several people wondered why they had never done that before.

"Well. . .the was interesting. . ." said Dumbledore as he wiped off the bright red lipstick from his lips.

"Hey, that shouldn't have worked!" Hermione suddenly exclaimed and everyone turned to stare at her with the word "huh?" practically written on their faces.

The bushy-haired girl looked like a deer caught in a headlight. She obviously hadn't intended to say that out loud. She smiled sheepishly.

"The . . uh. . killing curse, he. . . um. . . pronounced it wrong. . . it shouldn't've worked."

Everyone blinked. Hermione cringed at just how stupid she sounded and silently wished she had run away with Daffy and Bugs.

"Miss. Granger," Professor Snape said coldly, "as an expert in the field of Dark Arts, I will admit that pronunciation is key to a successful curse. However, I do not believe it is really an issue in a scenario where a rabbit throws a killing curse at a duck with a half-eaten carrot!"

The table erupted into laughter. Hermione's face was by now beat red and she had slid down her seat as if trying to disappear under the table. Her discomfort didn't last very long though, since everyone at the table was soon busy talking to each other excitedly about writing home and to their friends and telling them what they had missed.

Only Harry and Ron insisted on teasing her about it until she turned their hair a wonderful Slytherin green much to the delight of the Slytherin students at the other end of the table.

* * *

By the end of q's tale, Q had fallen onto the ground where he was holding his middle with one hand and wiping the tears from his eyes with the other.

"Wait, wait," he said, trying to stop laughing and only marginally succeeding, "I had nothing to do with that prank and none of the brats in Slytherin know what a television is, let alone what the Looney Toons are, so who. . ."

"I suppose you think you're the only one allowed to pull pranks at this school?" q demanded with his hands on his hips.

Q looked at his son in surprise, which quickly turned into something else. He stood up and clasped his son's shoulder.

"Son," he said, "I'm proud of you."

Then he got an idea. First though he searched the school to find out where the Headmaster was.

Wonderful, he's at an Order of the Phoenix meeting. You know, I sometimes wonder why they bother to call it a secret order if everyone knows it exists.

"Come on, there's someone I want you to meet," Q said and disappeared. q merely shrugged his shoulders and followed him.

When he reappeared he was in the Headmaster's office and his father was standing in front of a large, gold bird.

"Ah, there you are. . ." Q said, turning slightly to look at his son, "this is Fawkes, the school Phoenix and possibly the most intelligent life form in the castle." He then looked back to Fawkes as if listening and chuckled.

"Are you actually communicating with it!" q asked.

"Obviously. He's actually very intelligent and quite the conversationalist."

"I'm sure he is. . . wait that means he knows what you are! So you've lost! Ha!"

Q rolled his eyes and then watched as his son did a little happy dance around the headmaster's desk. When q noticed his father's amused expression he stopped, wondering why his father wasn't upset at having lost to him yet again.

"Well. . . no one was supposed to figure out what you were," q began slowly, "Fawkes here clearly knows you're a Q, hence you've lost."

"Actually, the rule was that none of the humans can know what I am. You never mentioned anything about magical creatures."

q gaped and mentally reviewed the rules he had established at the beginning of the school year.

"Drats!"

Q smirked. Fawkes let out a string of notes that sounded suspiciously like laughter.

Well, now that you've finally met my son, how would you like to go on a little trip?

'Where would we go?'

Oh just to visit a few old friends. Didn't you say you wanted to visit a star ship?

'Yes, yes I would. Will you take me to Voyager then?'

Umm. . . actually, at the time I was planning to take you to, Voyager's in the middle of being turned into a museum. I was thinking the Enterprise, the Federation's Flag Ship. I turned Picard's senior officers into canaries a couple of days ago and I'm pretty sure he's just dieing to see me.

'Did you turn them back?'

Did I. . . hey I like the way you think. Unfortunately I went for a fairly low-key prank and only used a slightly modified, longer-lasting version of Canary Creams.

Fawkes laughed again and Q turned to q.

"We're off to annoy a few Star Fleet officers, coming?"

"What a stupid question, of course I'm coming! This place is driving me insane!"

With that there were three flashes of light in Dumbledore's office.

And, 300 years in the future, there were three identical flashes on the bridge of the USS Enterprise.

* * *

Well, I hope you all enjoyed that. Now please let me know what you think of my complete randomness (that mostly being Bugs and Daffy - honestly don't know how they managed to squeeze themselves into the story, but once they appearedinmy head I simply couldn't get rid of them).


	28. Pheonix in a Pear Tree

**I am so incredibly sorry** it took me so long to update. I had exams and essays and such to write and then I went on a Carribean cruise where it cost $0.50 US/minute to use the internet. In other words, I had no computer time for a while. Hope you're all still with me and that you enjoy this chapter. The next one should be faster since I'm now done exams and school and everything else.

Oh, and I have no idea what's up with the bold lettering, I tried to fix it, but it screwed up the entire layout, so I've left it. Oh well, what can you do?

**Ari - **You superglued yourself to the chair? I sincerely hope you managed to unglue yourself too!

Argerusia - Yes, the Duck-Who-Lived shall indeed replace the Boy-Who-Lived. . . it's all a part of my dastardly plan to take over the HP universe and replace Voldemort with Marvin the Martian, Mwahahahaha! As to where I came up with this? I honestly have no idea. I knew I wanted something to happen during the Christmas Feast and suddenly I got this image of Bugs Bunny waltzing into the Great Hall, which wouldn't leave me alone, so I decided to run with it. Glad you liked it! Oh, and thanks for the robe idea.

Lunatic Pandora1 - Glad you liked the killing curse. Daffy's lots of fun to play around with: he's so flexible and blow-upable! And yeah, I was originally going to include the Enterprise in this chapter, but then I noticed how long it was already! Hope this makes up for the wait.

Moonjava - So, you think I've got the humour genre, eh? You have no idea just how happy that makes me. I don't usually write humour and I think this is actually my first real attempt at it. I like to add in comic relief, but I don't think I've ever written a strait-out humour piece before. So, yeah, I'm flattered! Thanks!

Fuji the Hobbit - Mental powers huh? Not that I know of. . . but I can pretend if you'd like. I'm glad you thought the chapter was awesome; I think it was the most fun I've ever had writing a chapter. I think it's the Looney Toons.

Gymnast204 - Glad you liked the Looney Toons: they were lots of fun to play with.

Urgo, the Observer - The end of the world? I can work with that. Glad you thought it was funny. I don't think it's actually possible to write anything with Looney Toons that isn't funny.

Elsa2 - I'm glad you like the story. And to answer your question, I have seen a few HP/ST crossovers, but usually they're like: Captain Harry Potter intercepts a Romulan Bird of Prey captained by Draco Malfoy. . . That's an example I just made up by the way. I haven't actually read any of them, it's not my thing. And yeah I couldn't imagine Q in any other house than Slytherin.

Benoni - Thanks for reviewing and yeah, you're right, Q does always seem to have some sort of agenda behind his appearances. But I think that sometimes it's just 'cause he's bored so he pops in and finds a reason. And I mean there really is a valid reason he's at Hogwarts and the other stuff is just wasting time. Also in the episode where Q gets turned into a human by the Continuum, the other Q mentions other planets where Q's caused mayhem. They never did mention what he does on those other planets, only that it annoys the inhabitants. So maybe this is a glimpse of what he did before. Also, glad you liked the Duck-Who-Lived and maybe I will rework that into a one-shot. Eventually.

Eratosthenese - Yay, you're back! Thanks for the review, I'm glad you thought the chapter was interesting. Now, to Hermione's last comment: the killing curse is "Avada Kedavra," but Bugs pronounced it: "Aveda Kedevra" (if you can picture it in a nice Bugs Bunny accent is becomes even clearer), hence he pronounced it wrong, as Hermione pointed out. Therefore, it theoretically shouldn't've worked. Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope Fawkes isn't much of a disappointment. He's not really much of a comical character.

Also thanks to **Pleione, Pyromagnet **and **furry6feline**.

Disclaimer: If I owned this I'd still be at the Carribean.

* * *

Chapter 28 - A Phoenix in a Pear Tree

Captain Jean-Luc Picard sat in his chair on the bridge studying the scans from the asteroid belt they were searching for mineral samples. As much as he understood how important the study they were conducting was, he found himself almost wishing that a war would suddenly break out somewhere so that he could go handle the peace talks.

Of course he would never say that out loud. He hated the senseless death and destruction of war. So really, he didn't want to see another war ever again. Even if it would break up the monotony of yet another geological survey.

It didn't help much that thanks to Q's idea of a practical joke, they were a day behind as it was.

And so Captain Picard took a final look at the scans in front of him and decided that he really couldn't care less what they said and since they were no doubt accurate, he didn't need to be bothered with reading them until he had to write up the mission report.

"Helmsman," he said, "move on to the next section of the grid."

"Aye, sir," Ensign Nog answered, trying not to sound bored out of his mind.

Slowly the view on the screen changed from the asteroid that had been there for the past hour to. . . another, albeit slightly differently shaped, asteroid.

"Great, another rock," Picard heard someone behind him mutter. Normally he might have berated the individual for complaining, but he was thinking exactly the same thing, so he simply pretended he hadn't heard.

Suddenly, he found himself blinded by a huge flash of light. Instinctively his arm came up in front of his face to shield his eyes.

The light disappeared and accordion music filled the bridge.

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree. . ."

Captain Picard put his arm down and leaned forward in his chair. The first emotion that flashed through his head was joy at the distraction from watching "rocks" on the ship's main screen. Then he froze as he realized that he had actually just thought that. He looked to Counsellor Kylan from the corner of his eyes and decided that perhaps it was time for another appointment with her.

Suddenly a large brown chicken appeared in his lap.

"On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree! On the fifth day. . ."

Picard frowned and unceremoniously shoved the hen off his lap, ignoring its indignant squawk. He shot to his feet and glared into the left corner of the Enterprise bridge, where two very familiar figures were singing under a pear tree. Q was dressed in a green and silver elf outfit, complete with jingle bells on the tips of his shoes. He was the one playing the accordion. Next to him, q was wearing a similar elf costume, only in red and gold colours. He was swaying to the music while holding a hen in his arms.

"Q!" Picard yelled, "I demand you stop this instant!"

With a flash q disappeared, leaving a slightly confused chicken standing in his place.

"Yes, godfather?" the sudden question in his ear made the captain jump. He whirled around and came face to face with a widely grinning q.

"Six geese-a-laying. . ."

"I meant both of you," Picard said, glaring at his godson.

"Oh, really?"

Suddenly Captain Picard felt something nip his ear. Hard. However, he was too preoccupied with glaring at his godson to realize that there shouldn't be anything on the bridge that would be able to nip him in the ear. Absently, he brought his right hand up to his ear in order to wave away the nuisance. In so doing he managed to smack something.

Something that then retaliated by honking loudly into his ear.

For the second time in under a minute, Picard jumped and whirled his head around. This time however, he found himself staring into the dark, beady eyes of a very irritated goose. It was standing inside a large nest which housed three large eggs. The photon torpedo controls were approximately two inches to the left.

For the first time, the captain of the Enterprise looked around his bridge, just in time to watch a dove fly by and land on top of Commander Tuvok's head. The Vulcan shook his head and it flew off again. Several birds that Picard could only guess were calling birds promenaded themselves on top of the science consoles at the back of the bridge.

There was another flash of light on Picard's left and suddenly the sound of bagpipes mingled with Q's accordion. At first, the captain could only stare at the seven pipers. Then he mentally went over "The Twelve Days of Christmas".

His eyes widened.

"Q!" he stormed up to the accordion-playing entity. "Stop this madness at once!"

The music stopped and Picard breathed a sign of relief. He hated cows.

"Oh, but Jean-Luc I was only spreading a bit of the Christmas spirit!" Q said with feigned innocence.

"With birds!"

"Well, don't look at me: I didn't write the song! I have no idea what's with this human obsession with birds."

"Speaking of birds," Counsellor Kylan interrupted, "isn't the first day's gift a partridge in a pear tree?"

"Yes," Captain Picard said slowly, not really sure if he wanted to know where his ship's counsellor was headed with the question.

"I may not be human, but I have spent more than a few years on Earth. And I am pretty sure that" she pointed at something in the pear tree "is not partridge."

Everyone on the bridge looked at the spot where Kylan pointed. There were several gasps.

"Correct, Counsellor," said Q smugly, "I couldn't find a partridge, so I brought Fawkes here along instead. He's a phoenix, by the way."

Captain Picard gaped. He couldn't help himself.

"You couldn't find an ordinary partridge," he said incredulously, "so you brought along a mythical creature!"

Q just grinned and nodded.

Just then the turbolift slid open and Lieutenant Malfoy strode out. . . and stumbled over the chicken that had decided to take a stroll in front of the turbolift doors. He cursed under his breath as he somehow regained his balance and straightened up. Then his eyes widened as he realized he'd just tripped over a chicken. His head darted up and he quickly scanned the bridge to make sure all personnel were accounted for.

Counsellor Kylan giggled and Maylfoy frowned at her. And then at the bright blue bird that flew past him.

"I was under the impression that our mission is a geological not a zoological survey," he commented dryly.

Fawkes stared at the blond.

'Eternal One?'

Yes Fawkes?

'Is that. . .?'

Yep, sure is. That is Lieutenant Philip Malfoy, in theory the heir to the Malfoy Estate.

'The Malfoy heir, serving on a muggle ship. . . is this normal? Has the Wizarding World fallen at last?'

No, it most certainly is not normal, especially for a pureblood from an old family like Malfoy. Wizards tend to stay even closer to home these days than they do in your time.

'Really? I do not understand then. What is Malfoy doing here?

Well, he left the Wizarding World 18 years ago. Didn't even graduate from Hogwarts. He is the eldest son of the family, hence the heir, but he's estranged. Hasn't had any contact with anyone in the family or the Wizarding World since he left. So, his sister inherited by default.

'Why did he leave?'

No idea. _I can't actually read people's minds, you know._

'A shame.'

Yes, well, most of the time I'm pretty much convinced I don't want to know what lesser beings are thinking anyway.

"You know, this place is starting to get boring," said q, who had walked over from where he used to be standing. Q rolled his eyes.

"Well, you're a Q, so make it interesting!"

q gave his father an amused look. Then he looked over the chaos on the Enterprise bridge and smiled evilly.

The door to the captain's Writing Room slid open and a purple blur whizzed past the bewildered occupants of the bridge. It circled the room twice before coming to an abrupt stop directly in front of Picard.

"Meep meep!" It was a large purple bird with a long neck and long legs.

The Starfleet officers were all staring at the new addition to the Enterprise's unwanted wildlife collection, so they didn't notice the annoyed expression Q had when he looked at his son.

"Roadrunner?" he asked.

"Hey, I'm improvising here," q shrugged.

"You know, the first time you used Looney Toons, it was funny, now it's just disturbing."

"Whatever."

The Writing Room doors opened a second time and something brown and black raced out.

"This had better not be another bird," Picard muttered, feeling a headache coming on.

It wasn't. When the creature finally stopped directly beside the pilot's consol with its back to the main viewer, the Enterprise crew saw that it was a scruffy brown canine. Some people guessed it was a dog, others a wolf, but amazingly enough only Tuvok guessed correctly that it was a coyote. This was due mostly to seven years of being exposed to Tom Paris's passion: twentieth century cartoons. He even remembered the former Voyager pilot saying at a party that if his second child was a boy he'd name him Jerry so they could be "Tom and Jerry." Although the Vulcan had his doubts about how healthy it would be for the child to eat nothing but cheese. . .

However, most of the crew didn't really dwell on whether the creature was a dog, a wolf, a coyote or a malformed cat. Their attention was instead fixed on the rather intimidating looking, black rocket-launcher it had slung over its shoulder. It was twice the coyote's size and had ACME written on it in big, red letters.

"Meep meep," the roadrunner honked and hopped happily up and down two feet in front of the weapon.

The coyote's bright yellow eyes narrowed in concentration as he took aim. No one moved. They all watched him carefully squeeze the trigger. In a flash, everyone jumped for cover.

Nothing happened.

Slowly, heads turned to look curiously at the coyote to see what was going on. The coyote was staring straight ahead with a dejected look on his face. Its ears and tail were drooping. As everyone looked on it put one hand behind its back and pulled a sign out of nowhere.

There was one word written on it: 'Damn.'

Suddenly the rocket launcher began to shake furiously. The coyote's expression became even more downcast. Seconds later an explosion shook the Enterprise bridge and the officers on it grabbed on to the nearest solid surface. They watched with shocked expressions as the coyote and what remained of his rocket launcher flew backwards into the main viewer and then continued to zoom straight into the asteroid on the screen. Eventually they saw a small cloud of dust from an impact appear on the surface of the asteroid.

From the corner of his eye, Captain Picard saw the ensign at the science console open her mouth as if to say something. However, she seemed to rethink it and didn't make whatever comment she was going to make. Instead she merely shook her head.

"Meep meep!"

The roadrunner raced around the bridge one more time and then stopped in front of the lift doors. It waited for them to slide open and then hopped in.

'Eternal One, will this creature be visiting Hogwarts?'

Absolutely, definitely, under no circumstances whatsoever, not even if it were the last remotely humorous thing in existence or even if the future of the universe depended on its arrival will it EVER be coming to Hogwarts!

q chuckled and was about to suggest they perhaps turn the headmaster into a roadrunner instead, but Q decided to end the conversation before it had the chance to begin.

"Well Jean-Luc, I must say it has been a pleasure," Q exclaimed, "however, we really must be off."

If Jean-Luc Picard had been a horse, his ears would've turned a full 180 degrees at those words. Q leaving was always a good thing. Well, usually. Unless he was leaving them in the middle of something he'd caused or created. Like the middle of Borg space, for instance. Or Sherwood Forest.

The Captain of the USS Enterprise turned around to look at the oldest of the omnipotent entities on his bridge. He froze at the evil-looking grin that was on Q's face.

He didn't even have enough time to think: "Oh no, not again," before the world around him spun and flashed. It only lasted a moment and then it stopped.

A bit dazed, Captain Picard surveyed his new surroundings. Everything, everywhere, was white. It wasn't the dull white of nothingness, or the starched, neutral white of hospitals, but a vibrant, sparkling white that almost seemed to reflect other colours if one looked hard enough.

It was snow, Picard realized as he took a step and heard it crunch beneath his feet. He turned around in a circle and almost didn't see the mounds of white in the distance.

"Over there," he pointed out to the rest of the bridge crew and then headed off in the direction of the shapes, knowing they would follow.

Eventually it became clear that those weren't mounds, but igloos. Very large igloos. In fact it was an entire town of igloos, with a town square, a church, a schoolhouse and a general store. There were even snowmen standing in the streets. They weren't moving, of course, but there were snowwomen pushing snowbaby carriages, snowmen walking their snowdogs, snowchildren playing with snowballs and even a snowband playing on instruments made of ice. Everything was completely silent.

"What is this, Frostyville?" one of the ensigns in the back whispered to no one in particular.

"I just hope they don't start coming to life," Picard answered quietly.

"What do you mean come to life? Who's to say we aren't alive?" a voice beside him demanded loudly.

Picard jumped and whirled to stare at the rather large, burly snowman wielding an axe that previously been motionlessly chopping wood.

"Well. . . well, you see, you . . . er. . . you weren't moving so we assumed that. . ."

The snowman huffed and returned to his woodpile and froze in place just as before.

"I just hope there isn't a wonderful French bakery somewhere around here," Counsellor Kylan announced loudly. Everyone turned to look at her and give her strange looks.

"Well, it was worth a try," she shrugged and a few people chuckled.

* * *

Meanwhile back on the bridge of the Enterprise, father, son and phoenix added some finishing touches to the bridge. 

"Well, I think that does it. . . and oh look, our dear friend Dr. Beverly is already on her way," Q said happily.

"Oh this should be interesting," q agreed and added captain insignia to the right shoulder of the brown cow standing on the lower half of the bridge. On its left shoulder was a Starfleet communicator. Scattered around the rest of the bridge were several chickens, geese and other birds. They were all wearing Starfleet communicators.

"Now, I wonder how long it's going to take them to figure out they're on the Holodeck?"

* * *

Yes, yes, I know I promised you all Voyager in this chapter as well, but I simply couldn't resist ending it with that last line. Besides, if I'd put Voyager into this chapter, then you'd have to wait another couple of days or so to get an update. I will try to get Voyager up by the weekend, but I'm going to be moving into my new apartment, so I don't know how that'll work out.

Please review!


	29. We Wish You a Merry Pheonix!

**I am soooo incredibly soory** it took me this long to update. I went on a cruise with my mom to the Carribean and when I got back I moved into a new apartment. However, due to problems with getting access to the electrical stuff, I didn't get my phone or internet connected until today. So I'm udating as soon as I can. The next chapter's almost done though (it's been two and a half **long** weeks with nothing to do besides my job, so I've gotten quite a bit fan fiction written, however it's not all for this story).

This chapter's a bit short, 'cause, quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of Christmas and want to get on with the story! So the next chapter will see Q back in the HP world and then the one after that he will arrive back at Hogwarts.

My thanks go out to everyone who reviewed:

**Psychomek** - Thank you for the wonderful review! I'm glad you like my twisted mind and that I made you laugh and cry. And honestly, I'd just love to see the look on Picard's face when he finds out he's spent the last x number of hours on his own holodeck!

Sparkle Weaver - Oh, no one's finding out about Q until the very end. . . he's not loosing this bet I'll give away that much. How long 'till the end of the story I'm honestly not sure, depends on how long I can keep this randomness up. Glad you liked the Looney Toons!

Ari - You really need to find something safer to sit on than chairs. Glad you liked the last chapter though, and I really hope you enjoy the next one!

Fuji the Hobbit - Normalcy is highly overrated. Oh, and good fan fics make me giddy too, especially when I see author alerts of some of my favourites. And if you've got me on your author alert (I'm flattered, btw) then you'll probably notice the new fics I'm going to be posting tonight or possibly tomorrow morning. If you like the fandoms, please do check them out. Neither one of them is a comedy, but I think there should be a dose of humour in any good fic. And I hope you like this chapter as well!

Alynna Lis Eachann - Thanks and glad you liked the last line; it's definitely my favourite!

Lunatic Pandora1 - Yeah. . . when it came down to it, I honestly couldn't think of anything for Fawkes to do really. I mean in the books all he really does is sit on his perch in Dumbledore's office (except for the end of the second book, but the Enterprise wasn't under attack or anything, so he couldn't heal anyone or anything). Unless he's burning up, but that's only on certain days. If you think of something, please let me know. Just because Q's stuck at Hogwarts pretending to be a student doesn't mean he isn't still an entity and can therefore make midnight trips to the Enterprise or anything.

Urgo, the Observer - The Karoling Kazon? Neat idea, but nope, nothing like that. I think I got a bit sick of Christmas for this chapter, especially since I wrote most of it after I got back from a week at the Carribean. Hope you like it anyway though

PlatoDan - Nog was promoted to lieutenant? Oops. I actually missed seeing the last two seasons or so of DS9, so I didn't know that. I did notice that there was a Ferengi at the helm of the Enterprise E in the last movie, so I kinda assumed it could be Nog. Glad I made you laugh though!

Pleione - Thanks. Hope you enjoy this one too!

Disclaimer: I don't own this.

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Chapter 29 - We Wish You a Merry Phoenix

A turbolift door opened and two people stepped out. One was holding a console (?) and urgently pointing to something written on it. The other was patiently listening and trying to understand what was so important about the data they were being shown. Together, they turned and headed east through the corridors of Starfleet Command.

A communicator beeped and the one holding the console tapped it.

"Barclay here," he said.

"Central Command here," a deep female voice said, "we've just received a communication from the Enterprise. It seems their mission was interrupted yet again by the entity named Q. The report is on your desk, sir."

"Yes, thank you, I'll read it when I get a chance. Barclay out."

"I swear that entity has Attention Deficit Disorder," muttered his companion, Admiral Kathryn Janeway.

"Speaking of which, did you finally manage to get rid of that mirror?" Admiral Barclay asked.

"Yes, I found a man who owned a quaint little antique shop down by the waterfront. He said he'd encountered something similar before."

"Really? I've never heard of anyone making talking mirrors. Must've been a brief craze way back when."

"Well, if all of them were like my mirror I can see why it was only brief. Odd thing though, for some reason, the man asked me if I was a squid. And I have absolutely no idea why he'd ask me that. I mean, a squid is a fish, right?"

"Well, it lives in the ocean. . . but no, I can't see any way in which that would make any sense whatsoever. Or have anything to do with mirrors."

The two admirals approached the doors to the Officer's Club and the doors smoothly slid apart. They stepped in and straight away, three things happened.

First, Kathryn Janeway nearly missed the step down into the room. Second she realized there wasn't supposed to be a step there. Third, her feet felt wet, so she looked down and saw that she was standing in a huge puddle. She looked around the room. The puddle covered the entire club and seemed to be about 20 cm deep.

Something flew past her. Beside her, Admiral Barclay gasped. She scanned the room again to try and identify the unknown flying object. Then she noticed a large, golden bird perching on the back of one of the chairs at the chess table. It was examining the 3-D chess.

"Well, at least it's not a canary," Janeway said, not at all liking what this probably meant.

"What! Fawkes a canary! Not in this or any other lifetime!" came a familiar voice from over by the bar.

Admiral Janeway looked to the bar and sure enough, there was q, sitting atop a bar stool, one leg crossed over the other as he casually leaned against the counter. He flashed his godmother a brilliant smile.

"Merry Christmas, godmother! Oh, please don't frown, 'tis the season to be jolly after all!"

"Then leave and I will be jolly," she retorted.

"Who's Fawkes?" Admiral Barclay asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, where are my manners?" q said and pointed to Fawkes. "This is Fawkes. He's a phoenix. Fawkes, these are admirals Barclay and Janeway. They are most obviously human."

Fawkes sang a few musical notes in greeting at the shocked Starfleet officers.

"D. . .did you say phoenix?" Barclay finally managed to get out.

"Is it just me, or do humans actually manage to get progressively stupider by the decade?" a new voice asked.

Janeway groaned and turned her head to where Q was lounging on an inflatable raft. He was wearing Hawaiian print swimming trunks, dark sunglasses and had some sort of fruity drink in his left hand with a little blue paper umbrella in it.

"Hello Q, I was wondering when you were going to make an appearance to gloat about your Christmas present," she said.

"Me, gloat? How plebian."

"You'll never actually get him to acknowledge that he is in fact gloating," q added, earning himself a glare from his father.

"Not that I actually care, but why exactly are you two, I mean three, here?"

"Well, I was hanging out back in the twentieth century when I met Fawkes here and told him about you. He expressed an interest in meeting you, so here we are!"

"The twentieth century!"

"Well yes, you see there aren't that many of them around anymore," q pointed out.

"But that's against the Temporal Prime Directive!"

There was a slight pause and the two entities shared a look before Q pushed his glasses down his nose so that Admiral Janeway could see his eyes.

"Do we actually look like we could possibly give a damn about what some silly human directive says? We barely listen to the laws of physics, let alone the laws of humans!"

"Honestly, aunt Kathy, I thought you knew us at least that well by now."

"Um. . . not to interrupt, but where is everyone?" Admiral Barclay asked, looking around with a puzzled expression on his face.

"What do you mean?" Janeway asked him.

"Well, there usually tend to be at least a few people in the Officer's Club at all times, not to mention the bar staff. . . so where are they?"

"Q. . .?" Janeway gave said entity a pointed look.

"What? They were in the way: I couldn't have them going and spoiling the surprise."

"Bring them back."

"Oh all right," Q pouted and snapped his fingers. With a flash of light about a dozen bewildered people appeared in random places all over the room. It didn't take them long to figure out that the room was flooded.

Suddenly someone shrieked.

"Oh my God, something just brushed against my leg!"

"Don't worry, it's probably just a piranha," q called to the dark-haired captain. Her head snapped to his and eyes opened impossibly wide.

"He's only kidding," Barclay called to calm he and everyone else down before turning to q. "Right?"

q rolled his eyes.

"Of course I'm kidding," he said loudly, and then more quietly added: "they'd eat the sharks."

"Well, I have a feeling we have, once again, outstayed our welcome," Q interrupted before anyone could comment.

q looked at his father, apparently he thought differently. His father did what any good parent would do. He ignored him.

"It's been a pleasure, as always," he continued instead. "Fawkes would like me to tell you that it was nice to meet you and he would like to one day return and challenge you to that interesting version of chess."

"Yes, yes of course, I would also very much like to match my wits with a phoenix," Admiral Barclay said. He seemed genuinely fascinated by the prospect of playing chess with a mythical creature.

"Done! In two weeks on Thrusday. . . get ready to loose admiral," Q smirked. Barclay just nodded, not quite sure whether he should be taking the offer seriously.

"Wait, why are we coming back?" q asked. Q ignored him again.

"Good-bye Kathy. . . oh and please don't feed the animals."

Q snapped his fingers and with a flash the Officer's Club was once again Q-less and phoenix-less. It was still very wet however.

"Animals. . .?" Barclay and Janeway looked at each other.

Someone screamed as a giant tentacle emerged from behind the bar.

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Ok, hope you enjoyed that. And I just realized that I had meant to look up Barclay's name and never did. Oh well, it's not that important to the story. I think it's Reginald anyway. Please review! The next chapter should be up within a day or two.


	30. A Slight Detour

**Hey, I'm back!** Sorry for taking so long. The last bit took me over a week to write, 'cause I couldn't seem to figure out how to do it. It was quite frustrating. However, it is a long chapter, so hopefully that makes up for it. Thank you very much for reviewing:

**Ari **- A pogo stick! Now, why do I see that ending badly. . .? I'm glad I made you laugh though.

Fuji the Hobbit - Next chapter they'll be on the Hogwarts Express and then it's back to school for our favourite entity! And actually it hadn't occurred to me to use the squid from the Hogwarts lake. But no, I don't think Q would just leave it there if it was; he just created his own, unique giant squid.

Urgo, the Observer - Oops. I knew there was something I had meant to look up after I got my internet hooked up and before I posted that last chapter. So they're called PADDs: got it. Thanks a bunch. Oh and I am definitely going back to that chess game (hint: possibly in the sequel).

Lunatic Pandora1 - Yes, you're right, that could work very well. I'll try and get it in at some point in time. Thanks.

Pleione - I'm definitely going to get back to that chess game, though it might not be 'till the sequel. You know it's kinda ironic, but I think I've got the sequel planned out better than the rest of this story. Aaanyway, hope you like this chapter too!

Also thanks to: **blackmamuth, Nessa **and **Moonjava**.

Disclaimer: Still don't own any of this, but tune in next week when . . . oh who am I kidding?

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Chapter 30 - A Slight Detour

If asked, Q would probably say that of all his abilities his favourite was able to observe invisibly without anyone being able to detect his presence. With the possible exception of Guinan's (?) people, there wasn't a technology or species in the universe capable of sensing him, even if he was standing right next to them. Fawkes recognized Q only because he wasn't hiding at the time and even Guinan couldn't sense him if Q really didn't want her to.

This power enabled Q to make the big, dramatic entrances he adored so much. Or simply to observe whoever he wanted to, whenever he wanted to.

After leaving Kathryn to deal with the giant squid, Q decided he was about ready to return to Hogwarts and finish the year at that stupid school. Theoretically he could take a million year long vacation and none would be the wiser as long as he eventually came back to the exact point in time when the school year began. Well, his son might notice. What it came down to it though, the sooner he got the rest of the school year over with, the sooner he'd never have to see it again. Unless he decided to come back and turn Professor Snape's office into a puffy, pink wonderland.

But before he actually returned to Hogwarts he decided to take a peak at what the other members of his Slytherin "group" were doing. He left q and Fawkes to return on their own to Hogwarts and headed off to the Zabini Manor, where he was currently watching Blaise sitting on his bed, smiling at whatever it was he was drawing.

The Zabini Manor was a huge house that only just came short of being a castle because it, first of all, wasn't built like a fortress and secondly, wasn't quite big enough. That did not, however, stop it from looming over the countryside. It was also surrounded by a vast expanse of gardens, which were said to be one of most beautiful in Europe.

Its second most impressive feature was the large array of statues, which covered the grounds. Every one of them depicted a historical figure. Each of Hogwart's four founders had a statue in the garden, as did Merlin, Grindiwald and Mildred the Wildspeaker, a legendary wandless witch, who could apparently speak to animals and trees and was even said to have become the only witch in history to speak the language of the centaurs. However, humans weren't the only magical beings to have statues in the Zabini Gardens. At the centre of the eastern part stood the tall and proud statue of a centaur known as Gibrel. One hundred years before Hogwarts was founded he was an ambassador between wizards and centaurs. It was thanks to his efforts, and the pacts between the two species that came as a result of them, that had enabled wizards and centaurs (along with most other magical creatures, although wizards refused to acknowledge that) to live together in peace thus far.

Q seriously doubted that the inhabitants of Zabini Manor even knew the identities of some of the individuals depicted in the gardens. In the western part of the gardens, surrounded by a hedge of beautiful black roses, was a statue of a werewolf. It was placed so that its angry eyes threatened anyone who walked up the path. Not far from it, under an ancient oak, stood a beautiful woman. Only when someone came closer to her did they realize she was a vampire. Staring directly into her face was a terrifying experience; she seemed to both entice and repulse the observer.

Both were once members of the Zabini family and the statues had been put up by their loved ones in memory of them. But they had lived, and died, a long time ago so it was more than possible that the later generations had chosen to forget that part of their family history. But no one ever removed statues from the gardens and so they stayed there.

Compared to the extravagance of the gardens, the inside of Zabini Manor was simple and elegant. The walls were laid with dark mahogany and thick carpets covered the floors.

As was custom in large, old manors, Blaise did not have a room, but a set of rooms: namely a bedroom, a bathroom and a sitting room. However, his sitting room looked neat and tidy, as if it were almost never used. One look into his bedroom and the state it was in and it was clear that this was the room he used most often. It was a mess.

There were textbooks and some novels (mostly historical, Q noted) strewn haphazardly all over the floor, bed and dresser. Ironically, the large oak desk didn't have a single book laying on it, but was instead full of random papers, some school robes and the remains of a sandwich. There was a pile of clothes in front on the closet, where Blaise had been too lazy to actually go and hang them up. At the corner of his large, oak canopy bed, almost hidden underneath a brown and purple duvet peeked a large, stuffed rabbit that had clearly been around for quite some time judging by the ear that looked as if someone had tried to bite it off at one point in time.

Blaise's head shot up as he heard the door to his sitting room open. He quickly stuffed the drawing he was working on underneath his pillow and picked up the textbook that had lain open beside him on the bed. There were two swift knocks at the door before it opened and a petite woman with long, dark hair entered.

"Blaise, what are you doing?" she asked.

"Just studying mum," Blaise answered. His mother looked at him with a worried expression on her face.

"Are you ok dear? I mean you do realize it's the Yule Break, don't you? And I know you did your homework during the first few days of it, because I'm the one who made you do it!"

Blaise chuckled.

"Just want to shock Professor McGonagall with my transfigurations knowledge when I get back. Old bat won't know what hit her."

His mother rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Well, your brother's about to leave to go back to Russia. I thought you might want to come say good-bye."

"Yeah, I do. I'll be down in a minute."

Blaise's mother nodded and left the room Blaise waited for a while, listening to her footsteps as she crossed his sitting room. Once he was satisfied she wasn't about to come back, he retrieved the drawing he'd been working on and jumped off the bed. Then he took out his wand and opened the trunk that was sitting on the floor next to it and slipped the drawing into a side pocket. He closed the trunk and locked it again. But not before Q managed to get a good look at the picture.

Q grinned before he left. He felt an odd sense of pride, knowing he'd been instrumental in its creation.

Q didn't even bother going to either Crabbe or Goyle's houses. Instead he went straight to the Parkinson Manor, where he knew he'd find Millicent as well.

Now the Parkinson Manor was really more of a house. It had been at the turn of the century when the Parkinson family had decided to give up their huge, drafty castle in favour of a house, closer to London. It was still the biggest house in the neighbourhood by far, having six stories, plus a basement, attic and 5 acres of land surrounding it. It also got remodelled quite frequently in accordance to the latest trends. At the moment the grounds were done quite simply, with a fountain and some flower beds at the front of the house and a small pond in the back with a willow tree hanging over it and some benches in the tree's shade.

As an only child, Pansy had an entire floor of the house to herself. The decor was done in mostly white with pale blues and pinks to brighten it up. The largest and most elaborate room was the sitting room, where Pansy was currently hosting a tea party.

Pansy was lounging on a pink leather couch in her sitting room sipping tea and surrounded by a gaggle of girls, all seated randomly around the room. Surprisingly enough, Q recognized girls from not only Slytherin, but Ravenclaw and Gryffindor as well. He also noticed they were all purebloods.

"You know, I really wish we could do this at Hogwarts," Padma Patil commented, "you know, get together for tea like this and trade gossip."

"Well, we could," Cho Chang answered her, "but then we'd be called snobby, elitist bitches."

"Well, those of us in Slytherin already are, so that's not a problem for me," Pansy noted and the others chuckled.

"Well, those of us in Gryffindor have reputations to maintain," Pavrati Patil said, smiling.

"It's a shame really, but there are simply some things that mudbloods - sorry, _muggleborns_ - will never understand," Millicent said thoughtfully.

"Indeed, did you hear about Granger's campaign to liberate house elves?" Andrea Treeless, a seventh year Gryffindor asked. Everyone's attention turned to her.

"What!" cried Cho.

"Liberate house elves!" added Millicent. "Why would she want to liberate house elves?"

"Apparently she believes that they want to be free," Pavrati answered. Pansy rolled her eyes and addressed the elf who had just popped into the room with a fresh pot of tea.

"Pippy, do you want to be free?"

Oh yes, that's smart, ask your personal slave whom you could beat to death if you wanted to.

The elf's head shot up at her mistress and her ears went flat against her head.

"Has Pippy done something wrong?" it asked, on the verge of tears.

"No, no, not at all. . . it's just a theoretical question: if you had the choice would you rather be free or remain here and serve me?"

"Mistress is very good to Pippy. Pippy does not want to be free, Pippy is happy here."

"Thank you Pippy, I was just curious. I think you're a very good house elf and I would be very sad to loose you."

The transformation the elf went through was almost miraculous. Within two seconds its ears were sticking straight out from its head and there was a large, beaming smile on its face.

"Oh thank you mistress, mistress is too kind!"

Ok, I take that back. . . and I thought humans were pathetic!

Pansy gave it a small smile and waved it off. Pippy disappeared with a small 'pop.'

"You don't have to be nice to them you know," Padma said, rolling her eyes.

"They cook and clean for me, why shouldn't I be nice to them?"

"Whatever, I prefer to be nice to attractive blokes."

"Speaking of attractive blokes," Pavrati Patil said, "what about that new one in Slytherin. You know, the American."

"Who, Q?" Millicent asked.

How many new American students does Slytherin have? My God humans can be thick sometimes.

"Q? That's his name!" said Cho Chang.

"Well no, it's actually Quincey, but he says he hates that name and has everyone call him Q," Millicent answered her.

"He's even got Snape calling him that," Pansy added.

"Snape!" Cho looked stunned. "As in grouchy potions master extraordinaire Snape is calling a student by a nickname?"

"Yeah," Millicent giggled.

"Well," Pavrati began in a conspiring tone, "word in Gryffindor has it that he's a spy for You-Know-Who."

Do those Gryffindors ever think of anything else? Or has the Paranoid Trio rubbed off on the rest of the house? It's probably one big Conspiracy Theory Club over there.

Pansy gave a very un-ladylike snort.

"Q, a spy? If anything he's Dumbledore's spy," she said, "he thinks the Dark Lord's a joke."

Which he is. A very funny one too.

"A joke!" Cho yelled. Her posture straightened and her grip on the armchair tightened. "There are people dying out there and he thinks it's a joke!"

Groans resounded around the room.

"Cho, this isn't his country," Millicent began, "it gives him a whole different perspective on things. Besides, I honestly get the impression he thinks the whole war is stupid."

Obviously. Do these girls ever do anything interesting? I'm not learning anything new and interesting here.

"Well, I think that anybody who thinks that should be thrown into Azkaban with all the death eaters. Then we'll see how much of a joke they think this all is!"

I'm trembling.

"Oh Cho darling," Pansy said sweetly, "haven't you been reading the _Prophet_? All the Death Eaters caught in the Ministry of Magic escaped two weeks ago."

Cho's face blanched. And judging by a few other pale faces Cho wasn't the only one who hadn't been paying attention to the _Daily Prophet_.

"Merlin!" exclaimed Andrea. "You mean they could be out there at this very moment killing and raping innocent people! What if they attack Hogwarts? What will we do then? What if. . ."

Ok, that's it, I'm leaving. There has to be something, somewhere in the galaxy, more interesting to do than this.

As his last stop before he boarded the Hogwarts Express, Q decided to visit Malfoy Manor.

Malfoy Manor used to be called Malfoy Castle, or le Chateau du Malfoi, until the turn of the century when the power of the English aristocracy began to dwindle. It also became more fashionable to own a manor rather than a castle and the Malfoys were always at the height of fashion. However, they refused to move from their ancestral home, so they merely renamed it.

The manor stood proud on top of a hill overlooking the land, all of which once belonged to the family. Much of it still did, such as the forests in the east and west and the large lake at the foot of the northern part of the hill. Some of it had however either been donated by the family in acts of "good will."

The building itself was bigger and more massive than Hogwarts. It was a fortress, pure and simple. It was made of a polished black stone whose origin no one was really quite sure of. Some guessed it was some sort of volcanic rock, others said the castle was really made of regular stone that was charmed to look that way and there were even people who would swear it was onyx. Either way, the stone glistened in the sun and made the castle look almost invisible at night. Gargoyles lined the battlements, staring maliciously down at passerbys. In the middle of the courtyard stood a unicorn fountain made of the same black rock as the rest of the castle.

Three words that would best describe Malfoy Manor are: dark, mysterious and beautiful. Like Hogwarts it was also unplottable and had anti-apparition wards around it as well as ones to keep muggles out. However, unlike Hogwarts, it was invisible to both muggles and wizards unless they stood on one of several entry points and spoke the password. Then the castle would appear to them and they could enter. The passwords changed periodically, but had to be registered with the Ministry of Magic.

The inside of the castle was lavishly decorated with the finest materials and furnishings money could buy. The floors were covered in thick, Persian rugs, the chairs were of either soft leather or fine silk and each banister ended with an ornamental snake head of pure gold. On the walls hung several centuries of Malfoy family members and the ceilings were charmed to depict images of Malfoy pride: battles fought and honours won. Almost everything in the castle had a story behind it, even the cracked blue vase that sat empty in the corner of the sitting room.

When Q arrived, the family was sitting down to tea in the sunroom. The room was bright and full of greenery, some native to England, some not. A huge aloe vera took up one corner of the room and orchids, lilies and roses bloomed everywhere else. The furniture was dark wicker with forest green, silk cushions.

It was Narcissa Malfoy's favourite room in the castle: unlike the rest of her home, it never seemed cold in here, not even at night. Today she sat serenely sipping her green tea as she watched her husband and son, happy to have the family together once again. Lucius had been home for over a week and now looked much more like his usual self than when he had arrived. However, there was still a sort of haunted look in his eyes. Draco just seemed happy to have his father home once more.

"You should have seen it father," he was going on excitedly, "the look on Potter's face when he realized I had the snitch and that he'd lost was absolutely brilliant!"

"I'm so proud of you Draco," Narcissa smiled.

Proud? If it hadn't been for me he would've missed the stupid thing. He's as blind as a bat. . . maybe he's the one who needs glasses. Although, to be fair it's not like Superpotter noticed it either.

"Yes, yes, well done," Lucius nodded distractedly. Draco's face fell just a bit, but he quickly put on a neutral expression and took a sip of tea.

"I hear there is a new student in Slytherin," Lucius said.

Oh look, everyone seems to be talking about me even when I'm not there. Or at least when they think I'm not there anyway. How wonderful!

"Oh, well, yes there is," Draco answered, "he's from America. His name's Q - I mean Quincey. Quincey Picard."

"Q?" Narcissa asked gently. Draco's cheeks turned pink.

"That's his nickname. He hates his real name, so we all just call him Q. He's a pureblood though."

"Obviously," drawled Lucius, "he wouldn't be in Slytherin if he wasn't."

"Of course."

"So, what is his opinion on muggles?"

"Well, he seems to know a lot about them, but says there are only few things that they've created that are worth anything."

"Such as?" Narcissa prodded, genuinely curious. Most purebloods knew next to nothing about muggles and the non-magical world and those who did always seemed fascinated by it.

"Well. . . there's this playwright named Shakespeare and music by some named Beethoven and Mozart and Bach and . . ."

Wow, he remembered all those names. I'm impressed.

"Nothing muggles have ever created is worthwhile," Lucius stated.

"Oh I don't know. . . he played us some music on the violin and I thought it was actually quite beautiful. . . considering it was composed by a muggle that is."

"Then perhaps you have not heard any good wizarding music. Muggles could never create anything better than we can with magic." Lucius sent his son a piercing glare. Draco lowered his eyes.

"Yes father."

"Is he powerful?"

Beyond your wildest imagination.

"I. . . I think so."

"What do you mean you think so? You have shared a common room with him for the past term and I have heard from a very reliable source that you have spent quite a lot of time with him, that you have in fact befriended him."

"Yes, I have spent a lot of time with him and he's definitely powerful. I just don't know how powerful. I mean, I have yet to see him fail at anything, but at the same time I haven't truly seen him meet a challenge, so I honestly don't know how powerful he is. I haven't found his weakness or limits yet."

Hmmm. . . I might just have to watch out for this one. He's paying closer attention that I thought. Not that he's ever going to guess the truth unless I actually do something really spectacular like move the planets or anything, but still.

Draco's father seemed satisfied with his son's answer. He looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing in the interrogation.

"Is he a spy for Dumbledore?"

What is it with everyone's apparent obsession with me being a spy? I don't even like martinis!

"Umm. . . no, I don't think so."

Lucius motioned for his son to continue.

"Well, first of all, he's too obvious. Secondly, Dumbledore's probably got all the castle bricks spying for him; I seriously doubt he needs Q - I mean Picard - to spy for him. It's not like we'd just blindly trust a new Slytherin student anyway. Besides, I've noticed Potter and his sidekicks spying on him. They obviously don't trust him and the Gryffindor rumour mill has it that he's a spy for the Dark Lord. Therefore, no, I don't think he's a spy for Dumbledore." Draco finished with a triumphant expression on his face.

_I'm sure dear old Hermione would be absolutely thrilled to know that they were so covert with their spying that even Draco noticed it._

"I'm glad to hear that you've given this idea some thought," Lucius stated, "and didn't merely blindly decide to befriend him."

"But, how do you know that I befriended him?"

"I know a lot more than you think I do. And I happen to know that almost from the moment since he stepped foot into Hogwarts he has become an inseparable part of your little group of friends."

Hey, I resent the implication that I am unable to separate myself from a group of human teenagers .

"That doesn't mean we trusted him right away."

"Perhaps. Are you done yet?"

"Yes, father."

"Good, come with me into the study," Lucius stood up and kissed his wife on the cheek before leaving the room, not stopping to see if his son was following him.

"I will see you later mother," Draco said after he also kissed her on the cheek. Then he quickly hurried to follow his father to the study.

Q followed them.

The study was almost the exact opposite of the sunroom. It was decorated in dark shades and only had one, lone window. It was a large window, but directly underneath a balcony and so did not provide the room with much light. There was a fireplace to the side with two chocolate brown leather armchairs in front of it. The opposite wall was lined with bookcases containing very old, leather-bound volumes. However, the crown jewel of the room was the large, mahogany desk that sat before the window. Its surface was so smooth that it shined in the light and its legs were beautifully carved to look like a dragon's legs.

When Draco entered the study his father was standing with his back to the door, looking out the window with his hands behind his back.

"Close the door behind you," he said when Draco entered the room. Draco quietly did as he was told and moved to stand in front of the desk. His eyes scanned every inch of the room, even though he knew it hadn't changed at all since he'd last been in it.

"You are a year and a half from graduating," Lucius began and Draco's head immediately snapped to focus on the back of his father's head, "it is high time you began to think about your future. You are a Malfoy, a member of the highest circle of pureblood aristocracy. And one day you will take your place at the head of society's finest. Even before that though, you will take your place within the Dark Lord's inner circle. . ."

Draco, welcome to your future: a voluntary slave to some ridiculous, psychopathic, insane dark wizard with a snake fetish who's in dire need of some red eye reduction. What an honour! Hmmm. . . I really think that much sarcasm should be illegal.

". . . You have a grand purpose in life, Draco, always remember that."

By now Draco's expression was one of bored irritation. It essentially read: "Will you please get on with it already!" He'd had to listen to similar versions of this speech ever since he could walk, after all. However, the moment his father turned around, Draco became very attentive and tried very hard to look like what his father had just said was the most fascinating thing in the world.

"I will, father," he said, "I will always do what is best for the Malfoy name."

"Good," Lucius's expression was grave. "Now, as may or may not have heard, the Dark Lord has been spending a lot of time and energy gathering new recruits. It would look very good for you were you to bring him one."

Why do I think I know where this is heading? Oh, wait, that's right: I'm omniscient. . .silly me.

"Oh, really. . ." Draco gave his father a calculating expression.

"Such as someone who could be a valuable contact with wizards from other countries. . ."

"And did you have someone in mind father?" 

"Yes, actually I did. What do think of Quincey Picard?"

"No. I don't think so. I'm afraid that's out of the question." Draco looked a bit nervous now and seemed to be restraining himself from fidgeting.

"Why?"

_So many ways to answer that question, so little time._

"Well, he. . .um. . . that is to say. . ."

"Spit it out boy!"

"Sorry sir. He just doesn't seem to like the Dark Lord very much."

"Oh?"

"I mean, it's not that he hates him, it's just that he thinks the Dark Lord will never succeed in his plans and that he's not really all that frightening to begin with. He's from America after all and so he hasn't grown up with the stories from the First War and therefore doesn't understand how powerful the Dark Lord is and, well . . ."

"Have you tried to explain how powerful the Dark Lord is to him?"

"Yes, yes we have."

_It went very well as I recall._

"And? Why is he still not convinced then?"

"Well, he made some very good counter-arguments and they sounded very logical and. . . well. . . we couldn't convince him to see things our way."

"His counter-arguments sounded logical did they?"

"Yes, umm. . . well, it didn't help that the Dark Lord was defeated by Potter when he was only a baby!"

Draco's eyes were looking from left to right, as if searching for help from the otherwise empty room. He suddenly stopped when he realized what he had just said and looked to his father with wide eyes.

Lucius's eyes were focused on his son with an intensity usually reserved only for his victims.

"And you think that makes the Dark Lord weak?" he asked in a low voice.

"N-no, of course not. All I'm saying is that it. . . well. . . it didn't help our arguments any."Ok, now I think this is the point at which you are supposed to try and get out of the conversation.

"I see. So his arguments were better than yours. And you still don't think that he is Dumbledore's spy? Because he certainly seems to have been able to convince you that Dumbledore's side is stronger."

"No, of course not, besides, he never said anything like that! He doesn't like Dumbledore any more than he likes Voldemor - I mean the Dark Lord!"

Dead silence followed.

_Well, at least he didn't call him Voldylocks._

"Did you just utter the Dark Lord's name?" Lucius finally broke the silence with a whisper so low it was barely audible.

"I. . . I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. . . it just. . " Draco was visibly afraid now.

"It just what? Slipped?"

Draco took a step back.

"Do you know why muggles and muggle-lovers do not say the Dark Lord's name?"

"Fear?" Draco said in a small voice.

"Yes, fear. Do you know why we do not say his name?"

"Umm. . .fear?"

"Respect!" Lucius shouted and crossing the distance between him and his son in three large steps and grabbed the front of his robes. "The Dark Lord is our great leader, our champion and our master! He stands for all true pureblood wizards hold dear and fights for all we believe in."

"But, he's a half-blood."

_Oh brilliant move! Irritate the mad bull even more. I don't suppose you have any flashing red lights around there anywhere that you're about to pull out of your pocket. Actually, I think I'm thinking of the wrong son here. That's definitely something q would do._

Lucius's eyes narrowed. The cold fury they held was so intense that Draco had to look away.

"How dare you insult the Dark Lord!"You call that an insult?

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to sound insulting, honest."

"So not only do you associate with someone who is probably a spy for the other side and form a close friendship with him despite the fact that he clearly opposes the Dark Lord, but you also allow him to contaminate you with the ignorant opinions of those pathetic muggle-lovers like him!"

"No! I've done no such thing! And he's not a muggle-lover. . ."

Draco was interrupted as his father shoved him violently away from him.

_This is not good. And I can't interfere, damn it! Or at least not in person. . . where is. . ahh, there she is._

Narcissa Malfoy was just leaving the sunroom, when a sudden feeling of dread swept over her. She paused and then turned towards the east wing of the manor. It was as if her feet were moving of their own accord and Narcissa was a bit confused as to why she suddenly felt like she should go look in on her husband and son. However, she was a woman and therefore trusted her instincts.

The heavy oak doors to the study were closed. Narcissa hesitated with her hand hovering a few inches away from the polished, brass doorknob. What if they were having a private "man to man" conversation? Lucius might not want her interrupting.

But the feeling of dread wouldn't leave her alone.

Carefully, she gripped the doorknob and pressed her ear to the door. She listened. She frowned when she heard shouting in the room. After a few moments she recognized it as Lucius's voice doing the shouting and then identified Draco's voice as he answered back. They were arguing.

Narcissa clenched her fist; she hated the thought of discord in the family, especially between the two people who meant the most to her. She sighed and turned slightly so that her forehead was resting against the door. Draco was 16, she realized, so it was inevitable that father and son wouldn't always see eye to eye. She abruptly pushed herself away from the door and began to walk away from the study.

She hadn't even taken five steps when a scream pierced through the stillness of the hallway. Not even the thick study doors could keep it contained within the room. Narcissa froze. Seconds later she was flinging open the doors to the study and watching her husband pointing his wand at her son, who was withering on the floor, screaming in pain.

Q was flabbergasted. After giving Narcissa Malfoy a little nudge in the right direction he watched the scene in the study unfold. Lucius got angrier by the minute, which made Draco more frightened and nervous by the minute, which resulted in Draco slipping up again and essentially admitting that he had thought about what Q had said and could see the logic in it (except not in such a coherent sentence).

When Narcissa finally made it to the study, Q was relieved. He watched her listening through the door. Then, however, she began to leave.

_Hey, wait a minute, where do you think you're going? Hello, you're husband is doing a very impressive angry Klingon impersonation which I don't think Draco is at all appreciating and you're leaving!_

All of a sudden, the study went silent. Q turned his attention to Lucius, only to notice that his wand was out and it was pointing at Draco, who was staring at it with wide eyes. Lucius was trembling with rage.

"Crucio."

_Did he just. . . to his own. . .?_

Draco fell to the floor screaming in agony. His body twisted involuntarily, as if trying to escape the pain. There was a mad gleam in his father's eyes that only seemed to be intensifying with each second he watched his son screaming under the curse.

Q was the only one in the room, who noticed the doors burst open.

"**Expelliarmus!**"

The look of shock on Lucius Malfoy's face as he did a messy backflip over the study desk before toppling over the chair made Q chuckle.I think I like Draco's mom already. Reminds me a bit of my mate.

The patriarch of the Malfoy family looked a bit dishevelled when he finally managed to disentangle himself from the chair and use the desk to pull himself up to stand. He brushed some hair out of his face and looked around the room. His eyes narrowed when he saw his wife holding two wands in her hand and leaning over their son while whispering soothing words to him.

"Narcissa. . ." he began menacingly. Narcissa stilled. She looked up at him and suddenly all the gentleness she had been displaying was gone.

"Lucius Caspian Malfoy," she said in a voice that could cut steel while she stood up to face him, "what the hell did you think you were doing?"

Lucius opened his mouth to respond, but his wife raised her hand and cut him off.

"No, you know what? I honestly don't give a damn as to what you thought. Now get out."

"This is my study woman and . . ."

"Get out!"

Lucius wisely decided not to anger his wife any more and slowly began to walk around her to the door.

"Oh, and Lucius?" He stopped and turned his head slightly. She was kneeling down beside Draco again. "If you ever harm my son again, I will personally deliver your head to the Ministry on a silver platter."

After her husband left the room, Narcissa took Draco into her arms. He was shivering and his breath was coming in gasps. He looked up at her, pain and betrayal shone in his eyes which were already turning red from tears he couldn't hold back.

"Sshh, darling," she hugged him to her chest, "I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner. I had no idea he would ever. . ."

She stopped as Draco's arms circled round her and held on desperately. Tears fell down her cheeks as she held her son and listened to him sob for the first time since he was nine years old.

Q was watching on, munching on the popcorn he had conjured up at some point in time.

_Well, that was exciting. A little drama, a little action and an incredibly sappy ending. What more could I possibly want? Besides not having to go back to Hogwarts. Speaking of which. . .I guess I should be heading back now._

And just like that Q found himself standing in an aisle on the Hogwarts Express.

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Hope you all enjoyed that! Please review!

**Author's note:** Just because I know someone is going to mention this: no, Draco has not been abused at home as a child. I'm hoping I did a good job at giving a clear impression that this is the first time anything like this has happened, but in case I haven't then I'm saying it now. Lucius has just spent several months in Azkaban and his sanityis a bit questionable at the moment. He lost it, plain and simple.


	31. The Journey Back

**Well,** this chapter's mostly a filler, but hopefully it's at least a bit amusing. I'm glad to see that the dark ending of the last one didn't stop anyone from reading. Or, well, I'm hoping it didn't. And for the record: there was a purpose behind that part, you might even be able to tell what it is from this chapter. Maybe. Anyway, as always, thank you for reviewing:

**Lunatic Pandora1 **- Domestic violence is always disturbing, so I'll take your reaction to mean I did a good job in describing it. As for interfering and erasing their memories: he can't, remember, it's against the rules q gave him at the beginning of the story. Even though he's not at Hogwarts at the moment, Draco is a student there so the same rules apply. And he actually did interfere: he pushed Narcissa to go to the study (like in the quidditch game when he showed Draco the snitch). If Narcissa hadn't shown up it probably would've been much worse.

**Pleione -** Thanks, I'm glad I'm doing a good job of describing what's happening. Sometimes I find it hard to describe things while keeping the action flowing naturally.

**Urgo, the Observer -** Lol, glad you liked that line. The moment I thought of it I knew it was a keeper. As for Q and q doing something nasty to Voldemort and then remembering the prophesy. . . Q's already told Harry that he doesn't believe in fortune-telling (well not in so many words, but he doesn't). It is a neat idea though, I will keep it in mind. Thanks.

**Pyromagnet -** Yeah, I hate clichés, so I figured that just because Lucius Malfoy treats his house elves like crap doesn't mean all Slytherins do. Of all the others there, Cho seemed to be the character we really knew the least about, so I figures why not use her? Glad you liked that scene. I was afraid it might be a bit boring.

**Fuji the Hobbit -** Q's mate was only in one episode (actually, it was a two-parter I think). Incidentally, I totally agree with you and your friend: Q is definitely the best character on the show. Glad you liked Narcissa; I sort of picture her as a cold snake that turns into a lioness if you dare harm anyone she cares for.

**furry6feline -** That was the reaction I was going for!

Also thanks to: Moonjava, Blackmamuth and radarPLO.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own Star Trek. I do not own Harry Potter. I do not. . . .

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Chapter 31 - The Journey Back

There was no one else in sight when Q appeared in an aisle on the Hogwarts Express. He was early. However, he wasn't the first one on the train. He snapped his fingers and with a flash of light there was suddenly a trunk behind him, hovering about two feet off the ground.

He walked up to the next compartment and slid open the door. Draco turned when Q entered and nodded in greeting. Then the blond Slytherin resumed his previous position of staring out the window.

Q raised an eyebrow at this.

Wow, that thing with his father must've really effected him. Right now, I'm sure Kathy and Jean Luc would have a wonderful lecture prepared for me on how of course he's like that, it's absolutely normal and human. See, I don't even need them to be here.

He sat down opposite Draco and watched his human friend (although he'd never actually admit to being friends with a lowly human) stare into thin air. Draco didn't even notice Pansy waving to him from the platform and then frown when he didn't wave back.

"So, how was your Christmas Break?" Q asked. Draco started a little at the unexpected break in silence. He looked at Q and shrugged.

"It was ok," he said.

"Oh, really?"

Draco gave him a look that clearly stated: 'leave it,' but Q ignored him. He was determined to get Draco to admit to what had happened. There was absolutely no way he was going through the rest of the year pretending he didn't know.

"I heard about the Azkaban break-out. It must've been nice to have your father home for the holidays," he said.

"I suppose," Draco said quietly and went back to staring out the window.

Oh yeah, be difficult why don't you?

"Well, you certainly seem to be containing your excitement well. Afraid there might be someone out there who hasn't read _The Daily Prophet _yet and might be shocked if they see you all bright and cheerful?"

Draco glared furiously at Q, but said nothing. Q pretended he see the glare and continued.

"I mean, he did make it home in time for Christmas, didn't he?"

"He did."

"Well then, what's the problem? I imagine you must've had fun catching up with what you've been doing in school and. . . oh, did you mention you beat Potter in quidditch: that must've made him very happy. . ."

Draco frowned a bit at the mention of the quidditch match.

"He asked about you," the blond said.

"Really? Why would he do that?"

"He thinks you'd make a great death eater."

"And I think he'd make a lousy comedian, that's really not very funny."

Draco smiled briefly and finally turned to look at Q.

"I told him it was impossible," he said and then his expression darkened, "and he said that I've allowed myself to be influenced by a muggle-lover. He thinks you're Dumbledore's spy."

"What is it with everyone thinking I'm a spy? The Terrible Trio thinks I'm a spy for Voldemort and your father thinks I'm a spy for Dumbledore! Maybe I'll just offer my services to the CIA and be done with it!"

"The what?"

"American muggle spy agency."

"Oh."

"Anyway, I hope you made it quite clear that I am not a spy. Or a muggle-lover for that matter. Or a Dark-Lord lover."

"Yes, of course I did."

"Good. Not that I actually care what he thinks, but I do hate it when people get the wrong impression about me."

"Q, why do you know so much about muggles if you say you hate them?"

"I never said I hated them. I just don't love them. And why do I know so much? Well, as they say, knowledge is power."

Oh no, I'm loosing my touch! I just had to resort to a cliché! And a horrible human cliché at that!

"Oh. . . well, I guess that makes sense."

It does?

"So, was daddy dearest really upset not to be able to count me into his ranks?"

"Well, yes he was, but I he was more upset that I was friends with you despite your opinions about the Dark Lord." Q mentally patted himself on the back at the bitterness he heard in Draco's voice.

"He wants you to choose your friends based on their political preferences?"

"Well, he's never actually said that. . . I think he's more interested in my political beliefs."

"Ok, so he realized that his son is not necessarily some mindless drone. . . then what did he do?"

Draco didn't answer. Q leaned in closer to get a better look at the expression on his face.

"Draco?" he asked gently.

"He. . .he cast the Crutatious Curse on me," Draco said in a quiet voice.

"He what!" cried a voice from the doorway of the cabin. Both of its occupants turned to see Pansy standing in it, staring incredulously at Draco.

"Hello Pans - oof." Draco suddenly found himself feeling like a big, blond Teddy Bear due to the fact that Pansy had practically launched herself at him and was currently trying to squeeze the stuffing out of him. Slowly he put his arms around her and gingerly patted her back.

Q laughed at him silently. Draco noticed and shot him a glare.

"Oh, Draco, that's just so terrible," Pansy said, "I can't believe your father. . . I mean everyone knows that Lucius isn't exactly the most warm and loveable of people, but still. . . that's so horrible."

"What's so horrible?" Millicent asked, walking into the compartment.

"Pansy, are you cheating on me?" Blaise asked as he came in next. Pansy ended the one-sided hug and huffed as she sat down next to Draco.

"Blaise, you only wish I was cheating on you, because then you could claim I was with you."

"Actually, if you were cheating on me, I'd have a reason to break up with you."

"That's probably why I'd be cheating on you, you insensitive bastard!"

"Insensitive I may be, but. . ."

"Children, please!" snapped Q. Pansy and Blaise both froze and noticed the frowns on the other three faces in the compartment.

"Sorry," they both said with apologetic smiles.

"Now that your little immature episode is over," Millicent said, shooting her housemates a glare, "could we please get to my original question? What is so horrible?"

"Oh, right," said Blaise thoughtfully.

"Draco's father caught a case of momentary insanity and blasted him with a Crutatious Curse," Q stated. Draco glared angrily at him.

There was a momentary silence in the cabin as Millicent and Blaise both stared at Q as if he had grown an extra three heads. Then as one they turned their heads to Draco, who was once again staring out of the window, pretending to be interested in watching the last-minute arrivals hurry towards the train. Or puff towards it, as was Crabbe's case.

"Merlin, Draco, that, that's just. . ." Blaise began but Millicent beat him to it.

"How could he! Harming his own child: that, that. . . that's just evil!"

"Well, he is a death eater," said Draco, not moving to look at the others.

"That doesn't make him evil," said Q, "just stupid."

The corner of Draco's mouth twitched into an almost half-smile that disappeared instantly.

The train lurched forward at the same instant as Crabbe crashed the compartment door open. The large Slytherin nearly knocked Blaise and Millicent, who were still standing, as he lost his balance when the train moved.

"Hello Crabbe," said Millicent, "please do sit down."

"Sorry, I didn't realize the train was beginning to move," Crabbe said.

"Yeah, it is moving," said Draco slowly with a puzzled expression on his face, "so where is Goyle?"

Pansy, Millicent and Blaise all looked around the cabin, bewildered.

Oh come on, the boy is huge, he sticks out like a Klingon drinking blood wine at a preschool tea party. What do you think, he's hiding under the cushions?

"Haven't you heard?" Crabbe asked carefully. Everyone else shook their heads. For a while he just sat there, looking amazed that he actually knew something the others did not.

"Crabbe," Draco growled a warning.

"Oh, um, well, Goyle's father was one of the death eaters killed in the Azkaban break-out. The Ministry didn't give the family back the body for funeral until two days ago. He's not coming back until after the funeral."

Pansy gasped. The others just looked shocked. Well, other than Q that is: nothing ever surprised him (Commander Sisco beating him in a boxing match didn't count in his opinion, because boxing was just a vulgar human past-time). He could've known what had happened to Goyle senior, had he bothered to find out.

"Oh my," Millicent finally said, "I mean, I knew the prophet said that several of the prisoners were killed, but they never published any names. I had no idea. . ."

"Neither did I. . ." whispered Blaise. Draco just nodded.

"Do you think we should maybe send him flowers or something?" asked Pansy. "You know, to show him that we're here for him and all if he needs us or anything. . ." she added after everyone gave her odd looks.

"Pansy, you're supposed to be expressing your condolences for his loss, not propositioning him," Q said with a raised eyebrow.

"Exactly, that's what sympathy cards are for," Blaise stated. He paused for a moment, before adding: "The expressing of condolences, not the propositioning. Although in your case we could make an exception."

Pansy narrowed her eyes at him and opened her mouth to say something. However, Millicent cut her off before she and Blaise could pick up their previous argument again.

"So, did everyone else have a good break?" she asked.

Q grinned.

Yes, seeing Jean Luc's flabbergasted expression that hovered between annoyance and anger as an arch suddenly materialized in front of an igloo coffee shop and the Enterprise's preschool filed in through it, was absolutely priceless. Completely worth the effort. Especially since the small human children seemed to enjoy the joke just as much as I did. Human children actually aren't as bad as I first thought they would be. The problem is that they then grow up into adult humans. You know, I think Peter Pan had the right idea.

"It was ok," said Crabbe, "we went to watch the Canterbury Ghostly Choir. Wasn't too bad."

"Oooh, speaking of break," Blaise suddenly exclaimed and jumped to his feet. He reached up and moved his trunk down onto his seat. Opening up a hidden pocket on the side of it, he took out a piece of parchment. "I got a bit bored and this is the result!"

With a flourish, Blaise proudly spun around to face his friends and displayed the drawing Q had seen him working on in his room. There were a few gasps.

"Merlin Blaise, that's just. . . I mean. . . oh my," Millicent managed before she burst out laughing. She was soon joined by Pansy and Crabbe.

Draco looked unsure for a moment as to whether he wanted to say something about how inappropriate the drawing was or laugh hysterically. In the end he settled for a sincere chuckle.

Meanwhile, Q was feeling very proud indeed as he observed his human companions laughing at the cartoon of a man with bright red eyes, greenish skin, no hair and a forked tongue pointing a slightly oversized wand at a white cradle with a baby in it that was holding a lollipop in one hand. The baby had a bright red, lighting-bolt shaped scar on its forehead.

The menacing effect of the decidedly evil-looking snakeman was slightly overshadowed by the white and blue check dress he was wearing, along with the baby pink sash tied around his middle and the basket of candy in his non-wand hand. The bold caption above the picture read: "Voldylocks: Stealer of Candy from Babies."

It wasn't signed. Which was a good thing, because when copies of it mysteriously found their way onto the bulletin boards of each house, no one had any idea who had drawn it.

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Hope you liked that chapter! Now please review! 


	32. Hello Honey

**I am soooo unbelievably sorry** it took me this long to update. I promise not to make you wait this long for the next chapter. I guess juggling two stories is harder than I thought. Plus, well, I haven't had a whole lot of time to write. And then we got our first summer days of the year! Yes I know, it's almost July here, but the temperature finally hit the above 30 degree celesius mark, so naturally I just had to go to the beach. But anyway, thank you very much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter:

**lala-girl27 **- Ok, first of all, there won't be a summer break in this story, since Q only has to go to Hogwarts for the school year and then never has to come back again. Ever. Secondly, because Hogwarts is a private school, their Christmas break is longer than what a regular school would have. I think they get about a month or so off, so really, the Christmas part was proportionate to that.

inuyashas hun - Wow, does this story really take 5 hours to read? I'm thrilled that you liked it enough to read it then! Hope this chapter's up to par then.

Silver Mayflower - Lol, I hope you didn't hurt yourself falling off the chair. I'm flattered that you added me to your fave authors list. Glad you like this!

Urgo, the Observer - Oh yes, Voldilocks has indeed come back to haunt us; I'm not about to let him go, he's too much fun! And yes, please do try not to traumatise my readers too much. I do rather like them you know. LOL!

Lunatic Pandora1 - Yeah, I know that portraying Lucius as an evil guy is a bit cliche, but that's the way he's described in the books. Besides, I've also portrayed Crabbe and Goyle as two huge lumps of brainless matter. If anything, THAT has to be even more of a cliche. Glad you liked Voldilocks. He's not going anywhere fast.

Fuji the Hobbit - Glad I made your day. And I actually already have plans for that picture, but I do like your idea. I don't really see Ron as that sort of person though. Besides, his friends would probably know if he had any artistic talent. If anything, Hermione would never let him get away with taking credit for something he didn't do.

**prurientmind** - Thanks for the review. And for the head's up on the Tasmanian Devil thing. Actually I copy and pasted the information from a nature website and that's the way they worded it. I have gone back and changed it though to make it clearer.

Also thanks to: furry6feline, Pleione, Blackmamuth and Moonjava.

Disclaimer: Don't own any of this.

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I'd also like to give my thanks to furry6feline, who gave me the idea for q's first set of robes. And to Argerusia, who's suggestion inspired his second set in this chapter. Thanks guys.

Anyone else have any suggestions for q's robes, let me know!

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A Year with Q

Chapter 32 - Hello Honey

"All right, that's it," Pansy exclaimed as she stalked into the Slytherin Common Room on Thursday afternoon, "Draco Malfoy, I am cheering you up if it's the last thing I ever do!"

Draco's head shot up from his book and looked at the seething determination on his friend's face. It was true, he had been in a terrible mood since getting back to Hogwarts. His friends would make him laugh for a while, but then he'd always go back to his broody, pigheaded attitude, during which he would bite heads off like they were make of chocolate. Normally, all the Slytherins wore masks when outside of their own little circle, to make them appear mean and nasty. But since coming back a week ago, Draco's nastiness was genuine. Students in his own house were starting to avoid him.

"I mean, who does that bloody Granger think she is!" Q lowered the large tome he was reading from and glanced at Pansy as she paced about the room gestured wildly as she ranted.

"The nerve of that bushy-haired freak is absolutely astounding! What does she think . . that just because I'm a Slytherin that I'm not capable of being a good friend? She may be called the most cleverest witch at Hogwarts, but that doesn't mean that everyone else is blind! That, good-for-nothing mudblood know-it-all is. . . "

"Ok, Pansy, calm down, we get the picture!" Millicent interrupted her.

"So, what did the mudblood do to get you so riled up?" Draco asked, flinching slightly at the glare Pansy sent him.

"She came up to me in the hallway, all quiet and sombre-looking and pulled me aside. Then she had the gall to ask me if I'd noticed how strangely you were acting and if there was anything wrong! As if I, one of your best friends, could not possibly notice there was something wrong on my own! And even if I had less intelligence than a beetle, it's not like I'd talk to her about it anyway!"

Q chuckled.

"So what did you tell her?" he asked.

"I told her to take her nose and stick it into something that _was_ her business!" Pansy plopped down on the couch next to Millicent in a huff.

"You know," Q said thoughtfully, putting his book down, "now that I think of it, I do remember overhearing the Terrible Trio talking about how Draco's been acting strangely ever since the break and isn't even bothering to insult them anymore." He looked Draco in the eye and deadpanned: "I think they're seriously worried about you."

"They _want_ me to insult them?" Draco asked with raised eyebrows.

"You mean Harry Potter is actually worried about Draco Malfoy?" Blaise asked from the Common Room entrance attached to the dorms.

"Apparently," Q shrugged. Then smirked. "Maybe he's secretly in love with you."

The Slytherins chuckled. Draco just shot Q a 'you've got to be kidding' glare.

"Well, you know there's only one way to fix this," Blaise said, making his way over to the couch and plopping down on the other side of Millicent.

"Oh, and how's that?" Millicent asked him.

"Why, throw a party of course!"

All commotion in the Slytherin Common Room ceased within seconds of the words leaving his lips. Blaise looked around the room at the expectant faces and chuckled.

"So, what does everyone think? Belated New Year's Eve party?"

There was no deliberation and the verdict was unanimous in favour of a Saturday night party. It was a Hogmeade weekend after all.

"Well, if that's settled, then I have to get to my Prefect's rounds," Pansy announced and got up to leave, straightening her badge as she did so.

"Would you mind if I accompanied you?" Blaise asked nonchalantly. Pansy eyed him suspiciously for a moment before nodding.

"As long as you promise to behave."

"Of course."

They arrived several hours later with identical grins on their faces.

* * *

When Q walked into the Common Room the next morning there was a gaggle of students surrounding the bulletin board. The looks on their faces arrayed from visibly amused to completely outraged.

Ok, what the heck is it this time? Dumbledore proclaim that he's really a female go-go dancer?

Q slipped through the crowd and grinned widely at what he saw.

Oh forget the go-go dancer, this is much, much better. Dear God, I think I actually feel like a proud father. Although there is absolutely no way I'm adopting. Ever. One brat is enough to last me for eternity. . . and then some.

He shook his head and disentangled himself from the crowd again. Once out, he ran into Draco.

"What's going on?" Draco asked.

"Blaise's newest creation."

"Aaah, so that's why he spent so much time in his room the last few days."

Then the Prince of Slytherin brushed past Q, who watched in amusement as the crowd parted to let him get through to take a look at the newest addition to the Slytherin House bulletin board.

The caption above the drawing read **Voldilocks: Catburgler Extraordinaire**. The cartoon itself once again featured Voldilocks, only this time he was attempting to hide behind a statue of a very skinny witch that almost could've been McGonagall if her nose had been a bit longer. He appeared to be looking on in dismay as a huge snake made silly faces at a cat so ugly it simply had to be Mrs. Norris. Mrs. Norris, in the meantime, was writing her will, looking extremely annoyed at the whole situation. In the distance, a laughing Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were rounding the corner.

Draco chuckled quietly before turning around and heading out towards Q, who had moved to the doorway.

"How do you do it?" Q asked Draco as the two exited. Draco shrugged.

"I honestly don't know," he said. He paused to think. "It's been like that since my first year. Even the seventh years just sort of did stuff for me. Probably it was because of my father. . . I think some of the older students knew the Dark Lord was coming back and so wanted to get on my good side and therefore get on my father's good side. And now. . . now it's just habit I guess."

"And that doesn't bother you? That you have all this status and respect because of your father and not because of something you did?"

"Why should it? It works to my advantage, doesn't it?" Draco smirked. "Well for the most part it does." His expression darkened. "Unfortunately not all the Gryffindors adhere to the system. Speaking of which, I still have to pay the Weaslette back for punching me in public."

"Oh, will you leave that alone already! Honestly, if you hadn't seen that coming from a light year away, then you're blinder than a sonar-deficient bat!"

"A what deficient-?"

"Nevermind, the point is that you should've seen it coming."

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you're blind and stupid!"

Sometimes this kid can just be so. . . well, blond!

Draco threw his head back and laughed.

"And to think my father thought you'd make a good death eater!" He paused for a moment and then smirked. "You know, I almost wish he'd try just so that I could watch."

Q smirked.

"He wouldn't know what hit him!"

Speaking of little Ginny Weasley. . .I wonder if she honestly thinks I didn't notice her hiding in that alcove we just passed. Well, I certainly hope she runs off to tell the wonderful Golden Trio what she just heard. That should add a bit of confusion to their conspiracy theory club.

Millicent was already sitting in the Great Hall, eating eggs and bacon when Q and Draco joined her. She smiled brightly at them and they frowned. It was a part of their daily routine.

"So, have you seen the newest artwork?" she asked.

"Oh yes," Q answered.

"Blaise had better be careful though, before the rest of the house catches on," Draco said in a low voice.

"Doesn't the rest of the house already know?" Q asked incredulously.

"No, or Blaise would be up for a rude awakening. . .oh hello Pansy!" Millicent smiled as her friend took the seat next to her.

"Good morning," Pansy answered, although she clearly didn't believe a word of what she'd just said.

"Frankly, I'd be more interested to know how he managed to get the pictures into all the Common Rooms again," Millicent continued, "the entire school's talking about his newest creation, so I imagine he must've somehow sneaked them in. But I haven't a clue as to how."

"Hmm. . .short of stealing all the passwords and sneaking in in the middle of the night, I have no idea," Draco mused, "but the chances of him managing to do that twice within less than two weeks without getting caught are astronomical."

"Unless he had an invisibility cloak," Q commented. Draco frowned.

"Yes well, Blaise isn't Harry Potter and therefore the rules don't allow him to have one," he spat bitterly.

"You know, house elves really are such wonderful creatures," Pansy suddenly interrupted without even bothering to look up from the piece of toast she was lathering with strawberry jam, "did you know that they cook and clean for the entire school? I mean, they can get anywhere and can be virtually invisible when they want to be."

Everyone stared at her with open mouths. Including Q.

Wow, I can't believe the boy actually has some brains mixed in with those teenage hormones of his. Clever. There's hope for him yet.

Pansy looked up and smirked at the group before taking a small sip of her tea.

Just then Crabbe and Goyle entered, both laughing over something.

Must've taken them the entire trip from the dungeons to understand the comic. Which only proves they are more adept at it than Data. It took him eleven years to get the punch-line to the Ferrengi joke, after all.

"So, do tell, what's so funny?" Q asked them before they had a chance to grab the rest of the bacon (everyone in Slytherin knew that if they wanted any bacon, they had to get to breakfast before Crabbe and Goyle did).

Goyle just snickered.

"Oh, we just passed McGonagall ranting at Snape," Crabbe answered, "she was going on about how bad Hogwarts security must be if someone can just get into any of the houses whenever they want to." The gorilla paused thoughtfully, amazing Q by his ability to look thoughful. "How did he do it anyway?"

"Oh now that's the beauty of it," Pansy giggled, "he didn't really."

Crabbe and Goyle looked at her in confusion. Q tuned out the explanation he'd already heard in favour of listening in on the Gryffindors.

"Harry, I can't believe you're taking this so casually!" Ron was saying as the Golden Trio walked in with a few of their housemates.

"Oh come on Ron, why shouldn't I laugh?" Harry answered with amusement. "I mean the pictures were funny, after all."

"Yeah, but they make it seem like everything you did was no big deal!"

"Which is what I wish everyone else would act like!"

Hermione was walking a little ahead of the two boys, her nose in a book as she pointedly ignored her friends. Apparently this wasn't a new argument.

"Harry, you saved my sister, remember?" Ron tried again. "Remember Ginny? She'd be dead right now if it wasn't for you! You fought that basilisk in order to save her and I am not going to allow anyone to make fun of that!"

"You know, I wish the real one had been as adorable as the one in the picture. . ."

"Harry!"

"Ron, stop pestering Harry," Hermione stated, "and Harry, stop irritating Ron."

"But Hermione . . .!"

"I don't care! Look if either of you had bothered to look past the fact that you're in the picture, you would've noticed that Harry here isn't who's being made fun of and, in fact, neither one of the comics is about him at all!"

"Oh," Ron thought about that for a moment, "yeah, I suppose you're right." He ignored Hermione's mumbled "Of course I'm right." "I guess Harry wasn't really mentioned in either of the comics. . . they're really about You-Know-Who, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are," Harry agreed. "Er, well actually.. . they're about Voldilocks."

"You know, I'd love to know who made up that name," Hermione interrupted as the trio sat down, "not to mention how they managed to get the pictures into all the common rooms."

"Yeah, McGonagall's been going ballistic over house security," Seamus told her.

Before they could continue in the discussion, Ginny raced over to the table and practically threw herself into the chair next to Hermione.

Well, it's about time she showed up.

"You won't believe what I overheard this morning in the dungeons!" she said excitedly.

"Ginny what were doing in the dungeons?" Ron asked with slightly narrowed eyes.

"Meeting someone who didn't show up," she dismissed her brother with a wave, "but I just missed running into Malfoy and Picard as they were walking to breakfast. . ."

Q stopped listening as his son decided to make his grand entrance at that moment, sporting lavender robes with white poodles in frock coats and top hats dancing on their hind legs while twirling canes in their paws. Q rolled his eyes.

"He really does have a thing for fluffy white animals, doesn't he?" Draco asked no one in particular.

"Apparently," Q agreed, debating with himself whether or not he should sabotage his son's wardrobe in time for the trip to Hogsmeade the next day.

In the end, he simply couldn't resist.

* * *

"Ok, I think it's safe to say that I have never seen a scarier piece of clothing in my entire life," Draco said the next day as the Slytherin group eyed Professor Janeway curiously.

They were waiting in the front entrance hall of Hogwarts for all the professors to arrive, so that they could leave for Hogsmeade.

"Actually," Blaise commented, "the really scary thing is that someone would actually wear that. . . that whatever it is."

Well, not voluntarily they wouldn't.

As usual, q's "Robes of the Day" were the centre of attention. Only this time, their owner was looking decidedly unhappy about being stared at. Q guessed that his son's dour expression probably had a lot to do with the fact that no matter what he changed his robes to look like, within seconds they reverted back to the green monstrosity he was currently wearing.

"He looks like a giant tribble hive . . ." observed Pansy.

". . .if it crossbred with a porcupine . . ." added Blaise.

". . .and caught a serious bought of stomach flu," finished Millicent.

Q chuckled at their description of his creation. He was really quite proud of it. The robes looked like they were made by sewing together hundreds of large, green and very furry pom-poms. A wad of long, thin, black needles protruded out of each fur ball. They ended with what appeared to be bright green tinsel.

Professor Snape actually doubled back to get a better glimpse at the robes. Then he blinked twice, rolled his eyes and continued on in his previous path.

Finally the last of the professors arrived and the castle emptied.

Their first stop, along with half the student population it seemed, was Honeydukes. Q was out of that store within about ten minutes, having decided that if one more person elbowed him that day, he would have to turn them all into frogs and donate them to the first French restaurant he came across. Unfortunately, if he did that, he'd break several of q's rules, so he left before temptation got the better of him.

Once outside, he breathed in the fresh air and decided that humans were indeed insane if they would rather be packed like overstuffed sardines in a dwarf's thimble inside a store instead of outside, where they could breath properly.

Knowing the Slytherins could find their way to the Three Broomsticks on their own, Q slowly turned and headed in that direction. The bar would be almost empty at this time of day since everyone was probably running around finding meaningless little trinkets to buy.

At the Three Broomsticks, Q picked an empty booth in the corner and ordered a butterbeer. Then he let his consciousness spread until it filled all of Hogsmeade and he could hear and see everything that was going on. The swarm inside Honeydukes had lessened and moved to stand in front of the Quidditch supply store, where the front page of _Quidditch Weekly_ featured the smiling inventor of the newest racing broom that was scheduled to begin production sometime in the fall, called the Spitfire. A group of girls were standing several metres away studying _Witch Weekly's_ post-mortem on fashion worn by celebrities at all the big New Year's Eve parties.

His thoughts were interrupted an hour later when someone sat down across from him.

"Hello honey, I hope you don't mind if I sit here?" a familiar voice said.

Q's head shot up.

"Why hello dear, come to rescue me from this ridiculous charade?" he asked the brunette who was smiling brightly at him. She appeared to be an average sixteen-year-old human girl with long hair, bright green eyes and full, red lips.

In reality she was an almost five billion-year-old omnipotent, omniscient entity. She quirked an eyebrow at her mate.

"Rescue you? Don't be ridiculous; I'm having too much fun watching you making friends with these lowly creatures, while trying to deny it's happening. Not to mention all these silly pranks. Really, aren't they just a bit beneath you?"

"Hence, why I would love it if you were to blow my cover, so that I could honestly say it wasn't my fault. Then I wouldn't have to find such degrading ways of amusing myself."

"Q, don't lie to me! I've been your mate for four billion years: you're enjoying yourself!"

"Making inferior beings look like the utterly stupid things they are is something I've always found enjoyable."

"Yes, but not like this. I think being a father has changed you more than I realized until now. You've actually helped a few of them and I know you've genuinely become attached to some of the children that inhabit this castle."

Q opened his mouth to protest, but Mrs. Q held her hand up to silence him.

"I'm omnipotent, remember? I know you helped Draco when he was at home when it would've been just as easy for you to leave: he still doesn't know you were there."

"And he never will."

"Perhaps."

"Oh whatever, did you actually have a reason for coming here?"

"No."

"I see. So you basically just popped by to torment me?"

"I'm you're mate, therefore I am fully entitled to do that."

"Says who?"

"Me." She paused for a second. "And every other female in the universe."

"I'll bet the Klingon females don't."

Mrs. Q raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Would you prefer I was a Klingon? Because you know, I'm not particularly fond of this human female form. So fragile . . . the slightest pressure and it bleeds, a bit of unknown bacteria and it falls ill, one wrong step, a bad fall and it breaks. Disgusting. Why of all creatures in the universe you are fascinated by humans I will never understand."

"I am not fascinated by humans! I find it somewhat amusing to mess with their heads and to test the limits of their pitiful excuse for intelligence, that is all!"

"Of course darling."

"And what exactly does that mean!"

"Oh look, your friends - no I'm sorry, your _housemates_ are on their way over here. I guess that means I'd better go. Wouldn't want to give the game away before it's done now, would I?"

"Of course not," Q grumbled.

Mrs. Q got up to leave. As she was about to move away from the table, she hesitated and turned to her mate one last time.

"You know, there was actually something I wanted to tell you."

"Oh. . .?"

"Remember how I mentioned that you've changed? Well, I just wanted to say that the changes are good and I like them. It's nice to see that after five billion years you've finally decided to, as they say on Earth, 'grow up.'"

With that she left, leaving Q staring at the door to the Three Broomsticks as it closed shut behind her.

* * *

Well, there you have it, another chapter done! Hope you enjoyed that. Now please review: I love to hear your comments, good and bad.

Author's Note:

**Mrs. Q** - Didn't put this at the beginning because it would've spoiled the surprise (I think the title did a good enough job of that). Technically, all the members of the Q Continuum are named Q, therefore Q's mate is also named Q.However, in order to make things less confusing for everyone, I've referred to her in this chapter as Mrs. Q. Just wanted to clear that up.


	33. Sneaky Gryffindors

**I have one favour to ask all of you:** I will not be getting my hands on a copy of The Half Blood Prince for about another two weeks or so, so could you please, please not mention it in your review. This hasn't been an issue with this story, but with my other story several people have reviewed and mentioned the ending in their review. I feel like screaming; I really don't need to know how pissed off/disappointed/whatever you are about the ending of the book! I'll let you all know when I've finished reading it, then you can comment on it all you want.

I will not be getting my hands on a copy of for about another two weeks or so, so could you please, please not mention it in your review. This hasn't been an issue with this story, but with my other story several people have reviewed and mentioned the ending in their review. I feel like screaming; I really don't need to know how pissed off/disappointed/whatever you are about the ending of the book! I'll let you all know when I've finished reading it, then you can comment on it all you want. 

By the way, just thought I should also mention that nothing in HBP will change what's going on in this fic. I think that since both the book and my fic take place in 6th year, my fic's pretty much AU at this point anyway. That, plus, hey, I'll betcha the book doesn't have Q in it! So yeah, HBP isn't effecting this fic in any way shape or form. Just think of it as one of those alternate realities that Picard and his crew stumble upon every once in a while.

Ok, so with the last chapter I was like: dude, where'd all my reviewers go? Then I realized that 'cause of the two chapters (well chapter and author's notes) that I had combined, the system probably just looked at the chapter I posted as another chapter 32 instead of a brand new one. This has happened to me before when I was reviewing a fic and I got a little window telling me I had already reviewed the chapter. Well, I hope that's what happened with you guys and that you didn't just abandon me.

Anyway, for those of you who could review, thanks for reviewing! It's always a pleasure to see a few new names pop out of the ether that is cyberspace:

**GoldenRat** - Hey thanks! I'm glad you think the storyline makes sense. One of my pet peeves in other people's fics, especially in crossovers, is when the reason stuff happens makes no sense.

**Elsa2 **- I'm glad you like my Crabbe and Goyle. I was worried that writing them as essentially two stupid lumps of flesh was a bit cliche. But hey, just 'cause they're stupid, doesn't mean they're tone-deaf too, right? Lol. As for Blaise and potion's class. . . now that you're reminded me of that, I may just return to it at some point. . . I'm also glad you liked the animagus forms. I loved dinosaurs as a kid, so I just couldn't resist sticking one into this story. I mean, who wouldn't want to be a raptor?

**Shavaineth** - Well. . . I think eventually Jean Luc will find out about Q borrowing his name. But probably not 'till the sequel, when the wizards actually meet him (no, I haven't given up on the sequel idea. . . I actually think I have it better planned out than I have this story planned out). Oh, and Lieutenant Malfoy will be a semi-key character in the sequel as well, so he's not completely random. And I'm also more of the Next Gen fan. I grew up watching that show and although I've seen most of Voyager, it just doesn't appeal as much to me as Next Gen. Mostly I think because I don't like Janeway very much. By the way, have you figured out whether my screwing your world up is a good thing or a bad thing yet?

**Blackmamuth** - Q finding a boggart? Now there's an idea. . . unless it was in class though, he'd probably transport it to the other side of the galexy. Or possibly Jean Luc's closet . . .

**k8 **- By Jeeves, I'm assuming you mean Peeves, Hogwart's resident poltergeist. And actually, I hadn't thought of him 'till now. . . but now I have an actual idea for him. Possibly in the next chapter.

**Ari** - Umm. . . oops, I seem to have forgotten you in the review replies in the last chapter. Thanks for reviewing anyway! And I hope your teach didn't actually fail you in math. Btw, never, ever take calculus: it's evil. Seriously. Enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I only own the plot. I only wish owned everything else.

* * *

This chapter is dedicated to Ari, my faithful reviewer who always makes me laugh with her reviews. Sorry for forgetting to reply to your review in my last chapter.

* * *

A Year with Q

Chapter 33 - Sneaky Gryffindors

As it turned out, the first and second year Slytherins had been busy while most of the school was away in Hogsmeade. This was demonstrated during dinner when a bunch of soup bowls randomly exploded into various students' faces. There was no actual pattern to it, although it did all happen within an approximately ten second time-span.

The Great Hall was its usual self with students chattering about every topic imaginable when all of a sudden several small explosions riddled the massive room. Everything went silent for about a minute. That's how long it took for everyone to realize that, no, the Dark Lord had not decided to attack the school with BB guns, but that the Hogwarts pranksters had struck again.

The most notable of those who had ended up with soup all over their robes, hair and faces was Hermione Granger, Colin Creevy (whose brother quickly snatched up his camera and took a picture of him), Cho Chang, Hannah Abbot, Draco Malfoy, Gregory Goyle and Professor Hooch.

It was after dinner, as Q watched the rest of his house prepare for the party, that one of the third years approached Draco.

"Malfoy?" the ginger-haired boy asked quietly, as if he didn't really want to say whatever it was he had to say, but knew he had to anyway.

"Yes?" Draco answered in a bored tone, barely even looking in the younger student's direction.

"Well, today in Hogsmeade, I well. . . I mean they were older and, well, had their wands out, pointed at me and , I. . .uhh. . ."

"What happened?" Draco demanded, looking thoroughly annoyed. A slight look of fear fleeted over the younger boy's face.

"I-I told the Gryffindors the password to our house," he looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry," he added in a small voice.

That got Draco's full attention. He whirled around and glared down at the third year.

"When and why?" he asked coldly. The smaller boy winced.

"This afternoon, in Hogsmeade. I was alone and they . . . they surrounded me and one of them, pointed their wand at me and I-I was scared that they'd hurt me, so. . ."

"Don't worry, it wasn't your fault. You were outnumbered," said Pansy soothingly. She had noticed what was happening and decided to come over and help moderate Draco's reaction. It was her duty as prefect to make sure her friend didn't go overboard in his duties as prefect. Unless of course it was against the Gryffindors.

"Yes, we can always just change the password," Draco added, Pansy's intervention having helped him gain some perspective on the situation. Then he paused and seemed to think about something. "Although it would be a lot more fun if we were to catch them in the act."

"But what about the party?" Pansy asked. Draco waved her off.

"We'll just have to set up stronger and noisier wards and then dim the lights and hide when they approach. Besides, they might not even be planning to use the password tonight."

"Are you sure this can work?"

"Of course."

Having reached his final decision, Draco raised his wand and whispered something. Colourful sparks shot out from it followed by several loud 'bangs.' All of Slytherin House turned their attention to their prince as he explained the plan to them.

There were a few sceptics, who didn't believe they could pull it off. Q was one of them.

Oh come on, you didn't even know Snape showed up for the first party and now you think you'll be able to keep a clear enough mind to keep an eye out for a group of people you're planning to catch. Not to mention the whole catching part. Oh well, at any rate this could be interesting.

The entity then watched with interest as Draco and several seventh years charmed the carpet to be higher, thicker and softer than it was before.

In the end, it turned out the sceptics were right.

* * *

It was about midnight when the Gryffindors, who turned out to be just one Gryffindor, must've decided that all the good little Slytherin students would be in bed. What Q couldn't fathom was why any of them would think that any of the Slytherins would be good ever, and especially on a Saturday night. A Hogmeade weekend Saturday night at that. 

He had been watching for movement in Gryffindor House and was quite surprised when someone he hadn't actually expected, stole Harry Potter's invisibility cloak and snuck out.

First they went 'round to all the other houses, slipping into Ravenclaw with the help of a friend from that house and then doing the same in Hufflepuff. Apparently, they had no such handy friends in Slytherin though, because the minute they left Hufflepuff, they donned the invisibility cloak.

Q felt the individual hesitate before finally mustering up a bit of legendary Gryffindor courage and slowly walked down the stairs into the dungeons. Now that he knew that Snape actually charmed the dungeon corridors to appear darker, colder and mustier than they really were, Q almost felt sorry for the Gryffindor trespasser. He observed with his mind as they almost tripped over a bowl laying at the corner of one of the dungeon's many intersections. They picked the bowl up and sniffed at it, making a face at the smell of stale liver coming from it. Then they put it down and continued.

A minute later they walked through the wards. The alarms sounded inside the Slytherin House common room. And no one noticed. Or if they did, they were too drunk to realize what the noise meant and that they should be doing something about it.

Should I tell them there's a Gryffindor approaching? Oh wait, here comes Draco. I think. . . or maybe not. . . no he's definitely heading this way. . . in a round about sort of way.

Q was leaning against the wall, next to the door watching as a very drunk Draco Malfoy spent about five minutes trying to climb over the tall, high-back leather chair, before realizing he could simply walk around it.

He looked very annoyed and out of breath by the time he made it to where Q was standing.

"You know Snape hasn't shown up yet, I wonder if he is 'cause he did last time and it was kinda fun having him in the common room with us even if he didn't stay long and he threatened one of my friends. . .I wonder if he still plans on poisoning Blaise, 'cause that would be a shame since he's such a good drawer. Blaise not Snape. . . I don't think Snape can draw, do you think he can draw? I wonder what he'd draw if he could, probably something very dark and horrible; maybe he'd draw a picture of himself poisoning Blaise. . ."

Somebody turn me into a Borg. Now. No, even better, someone turn him into a Borg.

Out of the corner of his eye, Q saw the door to the common room open. It stayed open as someone stood in the doorway, too shocked at what they were seeing to move on. However, curiosity obviously got the better of the person and slowly the door opened wider, enough for a person to get through. The moment they stepped into the room, Q realized something.

Aha, the carpet charms make sense now. . . Draco must know about the invisibility cloak then. He changed the carpet so that he could see where the person was in the room.

Then he turned back to the happily babbling blonde who was leaning against the wall next to him.

". . . you know I really like parties, they're lots of fun. I also like alcohol, it's also lots of fun, do you think that's why they usually go together?"

"Draco," Q said.

"Because whoever decided to put them together should really be given a medal. . ."

"Draco!" Q grabbed his arm.

"What!"

"Don't look now, but I just saw the Common Room door open." Draco's eyes went wide.

"The Gryffindors?"

"Gryffindor. Just one. . . and yes, they're here."

"Damn."

"Yes, I think damn would be an appropriate reaction to the situation."

Draco glared at Q, looking a lot more sober now than he had a minute ago. Then he stepped away from the wall and stretched out like a cat, while covertly looking in the direction of the door. By now, it was shut, so instead he examined the carpet.

Sure enough, shoe-shaped indentations were appearing and disappearing in the carpet as whoever was under the cloak walked over to the announcement board. Luckily for the individual it was in the far corner of the common room, on the opposite end from where the food and drinks were. Which meant that there were only two students in that part of the room and both were out cold.

Draco frowned as he watched the footprints.

"I didn't think Potter had such small feet," he said.

"I'm surprised you can think at all," Q shot back.

"Very funny Q and if I wasn't so drunk I'd think of a wonderfully witty comeback, but at the moment I'm past caring that I can't come up with one and, and. . . oh whatever."

Q chuckled.

Draco decided to ignore Q this time and instead he slowly (so that he didn't go toppling over) followed the intruder, who finally stopped directly in front of the announcement board. Q, being omniscient, already knew what the Gryffindor's purpose inside Slytherin House was, so unlike Draco, he wasn't surprised when two arms suddenly materialized from underneath the cloak.

Draco, however, stopped and stared for a few moments, before apparently realizing that if he was going to catch the person, he had better do something about it. So he continued on his way towards the announcement board where two bodiless arms were hanging something up next to Blaise's pictures.

If the first advantage of soft, thick carpet in the Common Room, was that a person sunk into it and hence make footprints in the carpet as they walked, then the second advantage is that someone could sneak up on someone else without the other person hearing them.

However, the lion who had made their way down to the snake pit, hadn't noticed the super-think carpet and so very nearly jumped out of their skin when a voice suddenly cooed in their ear "Oh, look at the pretty picture!" right beside them. In fact, they even managed to give a startled yelp.

Draco smirked and reached out to where the sound came from. He finally managed to grab a handful of silky material and yanked.

"Aha!" he cried as the cloak's hood slipped away, revealing long, red hair. The blonde blinked.

"Wait, you're not Harry Potter," he said. Q, who by now had made his way to the two students, rolled his eyes.

"Harry isn't the only student in Gryffindor you know," he said.

"Yes, of course I know that," Draco spat back.

"Let me go, Malfoy!" Ginny Weasley cried as she fought to disentangle the cloak from her captor's grasp. Draco turned to her.

"I don't think so Weaslette," he sneered, "you're in Slytherin territory now. And it's waaaay past curfew, which means you're in a whole lot of trouble!"

Ginny's eyes went wide with fright as she realized that taking her to professor Snape might be the most pleasant thing he could do to her at the moment. Especially with the rest of his house backing him up. They could even tie her up and take her straight to the Dark Lord for all she knew.

However, then Draco continued talking.

"You know, I almost wish you were Potter, 'cause it would've been a lot more gratifying to catch the great Boy-Who-Lived as he tried to sneak into Slytherin, because I could think of at least a thousand, no ten thousand, no a million things I'd like to do to him. I mean, with the Gryffindor Golden Boy at our mercy we could hold the entire world randsom. . . well the wizarding part of it anyway, but then again who cares about the muggle part of it; it's not worth much anyway. Except for Shakespeare and Mozart and some other old guy whose name I can't remember. . ."

Realization hit Ginny like a stone bludger to the head.

"You're drunk!" she accused the babbling blonde standing in front of her.

At some point in time during his little tirade, Draco's sneer had vanished and been replaced by a careless grin. Now it turned into a frown.

"That's a lie!" he cried. "Malfoys do not get drunk. I should know, I am one and I know that I would never do anything as base and vulgar as getting drunk: that's what poor peasants like you do and I most certainly am not poor. Nor am I a peasant. I may, on occasion get a tad, shall we say, tipsy, or perhaps even. . . umm . . . what's the word. . ."

"Totally wasted?" Q suggested.

"Exactly. . . Wait. No. Q! That's not what I meant at all!" Draco looked at Q in outrage while Ginny had to bite her lips in order to keep from laughing out loud.

"Q you're supposed to be supporting me here!" Draco continued. "We're housemates, friends, bosom buddies. . ."

"Bosom buddies?" Q inquired.

"Yes bosom buddies. We're. . .we're like MacBeth and Duncan. . ."

"MacBeth killed Duncan."

". . . or Hamlet and Ophelia. . ."

"Ophelia committed suicide."

". . .or. . ."

"If you say Romeo and Juliet I will turn you into a chocolate frog and feed you to Mrs. Norris."

"Romeo and Juliet? Who's he?"

"You know what, I don't think you're fit to have such an intellectual discussion. Actually, I don't think you're fit to have a conversation with anything that isn't either a lamppost or a brick wall."

Ginny Weasley burst out laughing. Tears poured down her face, she was laughing so hard. She didn't even notice the music (which happened to be a fourth year playing the bagpipes) stop. It wasn't until she finally managed to calm down a bit that she noticed she had the attention of the entire house. Except for the few students who were already unconscious.

"Hey, that's a Gryffindor!" someone yelled.

"Who invited a Gryffindor to the party!" someone else asked.

"Maybe it's the one we were supposed to catch," a second-year pointed out.

"Wait, weren't there supposed to be more of them?"

"They must've run off. . ."

"Gryffs don't run off you idiot, they stay and do brave stuff, like fighting and such."

"Merlin, you're all drunk!" Ginny exclaimed.

"Of course we are," said Blaise from where he was lounging on one of the high-backed leather chairs with a pretty fifth-year sitting in his lap, "you didn't think we threw a party so that we could stay sober did you! Where would the fun in that be?"

"Besides, a sober party wouldn't cheer Malfoy up very much would it?" the fourth-year who had been playing bagpipes earlier asked.

"Huh?" Ginny looked at Draco in confusion. He gave her a 'don't mind them' look, which froze as the next unknown person opened their mouth.

"Exactly, he's been in a right mood ever since Christmas when his father Avada Kadavred him."

"Malfoy survived the killing curse!"

"Wow!"

Draco rolled his eyes.

"Hey, that makes him the new Boy-Who-Lived! Potter better watch his step!"

"Potter's already got competition," a dark-haired second-year pointed out.

"Yeah. . . the Duck-Who-Lived!" another one added and they both giggled.

"Duck-Who-Lived?"

"Who's that?"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, shut up the lot of you!" Pansy yelled from the back. Everyone turned to where she was sitting on top of the grand piano. "Draco got cursed with Crucio not Avada Kadavra!"

"Oh."

"Yeah, that does make more sense."

"Too bad, Avada Kadavra sounded more impressive."

"The more important question though," Pansy continued, "is now that we've caught our little Gryffindor tresspasser, what in Merlin's name do we do with her!"

Pansy looked directly at Draco and raised an eyebrow in question. The Prince of Slytherin stared at her for a moment, then looked around the room.

"Well, we can't take her to any of the professors or Filch," he began thoughtfully, "because then she'd just turn around and tell them all about our party and the alcohol, mostly the alcohol, seeing as how it's against school rules and all, but we can't just let her go because then if she runs into anyone and they ask her where she's been then she'll just tell them she's on her way from our party, so that doesn't work. . . unless we can somehow make sure no one catches her, but that would be tricky and by the way, am I babbling, 'cause this sure seems like an awfully long sentence, which means it's also quite grammatically incorrect and I always speak correctly, so that would be bad if I was-were babbling and oh Merlin! I am babbling, aren't I? WHY DID NO ONE EVER TELL ME THAT I BABBLE WHEN I'M DRUNK!"

By the end of it almost all of Slytherin House, including Ginny, was roaring with laughter. Draco glared at them.

"Because you're too much fun to listen to," Pansy smirked mischievously from across the room.

True, very true. I wonder what Picard would be like drunk? Or perhaps Tuvok. Yes, I definitely have to find out what happens to Vulcans when they imbibe alcohol. Maybe they spontaneously combust from all the emotions that suddenly come bursting through their self-control. Now, that would be fun to watch. I'll have to add it to my to-do list.

Suddenly Draco grabbed Ginny by the wrist.

"Hey!" she cried out in surprise. "Let me go!"

He ignored her as he dragged her over to the leather couch in front of the fireplace. With his other hand he motioned for the people sitting on it to shove over, which they did, leaving space enough for one person on the side closest to 'Draco's chair.' Then he practically threw Ginny at the couch.

"Sit!" he commanded before heading off to the buffet tables.

Ginny watched him in confusion, completely flabbergasted as to what he was doing. But she did sit down in the spot provided. Moments later she began to feel very self-conscious about being the focus of attention of about half of Slytherin House.

The other half had gone back to either drinking and talking or drinking and listening to the story of the Duck-Who-Lived.

About five minutes later Draco returned with two plates full of food and a first year in tow carrying drinks.

"Here," Draco said, handing Ginny the plate with less food on it, before he sat down in his chair. The first year handed him one of the glasses she was carrying and then cautiously walked over to Ginny and handed her the other.

Ginny smiled at the girl, who quickly scampered away after Ginny took the glass from her. Then Ginny looked at Draco in suspicion.

"What is this?" she asked him.

"Food, surely even someone as poor as you should be able to recognize it!"

Ginny glared at him as he took a bite out of a cream puff.

"I know what food is Malfoy, but why did you just bring me some. . . and actually while we're at it, why am I sitting here watching you eat?"

"Because I have to sober up before I can escort you back to Gryffindor House in order to make sure that none of the professors catch you so that you can tell them all about our party and you have food in front of you because for the moment you are our guest and it is polite to offer your guests refreshments."

"Malfoy, if you're trying to sober up, why are you drinking even more?"

Draco rolled his eyes.

"This is the non-alcoholic stuff. Do you actually think we let the lower years drink alcohol? What in Merlin's name do you take us for!"

Ginny decided not to answer that and took a sip of her drink instead. Then she coughed at the unexpected taste.

"Why do I have the alcoholic stuff?"

"Because if anyone asks, you've also been drinking alcohol," Draco answered with a smirk.

Just then someone banged loudly on the piano. When everyone looked over, they saw Pansy, Goyle and Slytherin's second-year violinist standing by the piano.

"Q!" Pansy called. "This piece is in your honour. We spent all of Christmas break practicing it."

Q's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He watched as Pansy took her place behind the piano and the second-year positioned the violin under his chin, setting the bow carefully on the A string. Suddenly the silent common room was filled with soft piano notes.

Q recognized it instantly.

The intro ended and the piano was joined by the crystal clear sound of violin mixed with Goyle's rich tenor as he sang the Latin words to Bach's _Ave Maria_.

It felt as if no one was breathing, letting the music breathe for them, move for them even. Goyle's voice glided with ease from the softest notes, to suddenly ring out in the highest crescendos, climbing higher and higher, only to plummet down again seconds later. All the time mirrored by the higher-pitched sound of the violin and accompanied by the more mellow tones of the piano.

The music stopped and there were several moments of complete silence. And then the entire house erupted in applause. Ginny just sat there, wondering how someone who was destined to become evil, could produce something so beautiful.

"Wow," Draco breathed and then he turned to Q, "a muggle wrote that?"

Q just nodded.

Damn these brats for leaving me speechless, but wow, I'm impressed. And I was present the first time that piece was played, so that's really saying something.

"So, Malfoy, do you play an instrument?" Ginny asked, now turning to her host-by-default.

"No," he answered without looking up from his plate.

"Oh, well, I just thought. . ."

"That all purebloods make sure their children can play at least one musical instrument?"

"Well, yes."

"They do."

"I see. . . so then, why don't you play an instrument?"

"Well, I took piano lessons until I was 10, at which point my parents finally got it through their thick skulls that no amount of money, yelling or practice was going to change the fact that I'm completely tone-deaf!"

Ginny giggled, but stopped when Draco glared at her out of the corner of his eye.

Meanwhile, Pansy and Goyle had left the podium and the violinist began playing something much more lively. The new tempo was greeted with wild drunken cheers as several people jumped up and began dancing. . . some with invisible partners and one with a broomstick he kept calling Matilda.

"So. . . what did you think?" Pansy asked Q as she threw herself onto the couch next to Ginny.

"Very good," Q replied.

"Very good!" cried Ginny in outrage. Then she turned to Pansy "Ignore him, it was absolutely beautiful! I had no idea you all had such talent!"

Pansy looked at the Gryffindor in surprise, as if she had only just realized she was there.

"Well, being evil and trying to take over the world can be very stressful," Blaise chimed in from the couch, "everyone needs a hobby." Then he turned his attention back to the brunette on his lap. "Speaking of hobbies, how would you like to go somewhere private and let me show you one of mine?"

The girl rolled her eyes.

"Blaise Zabini, you have the worst pick-up lines when you're drunk," she said. Then climbed off his lap and walked off, leaving Blaise staring after her. About three metres later she turned around.

"So, are you coming?" she asked. Blaise grinned widely and hurried to follow her.

"All right, well I think I'm as sober as I'm going to get," Draco announced after the two of them were gone. "Come on Weasley. . . sorry, Weaslette."

Ginny shot him an annoyed look, but got up anyway. She hesitated slightly when she noticed him take the invisibility cloak.

"Wouldn't want you disappearing on me, now would I?" Draco said when he noticed her watching him.

He grabbed something out of a basket beside the door. Then he stepped aside, motioning for her to go on ahead of him.

Q turned away, uninterested.

"There is one thing I'm rather curious about," he said to Pansy, "where did you get the music for _Ave Maria_? I hardly think you had it laying around the house."

"I wrote to a squib uncle of mine," Goyle answered instead of Pansy, "he plays the cello in the Manhattan symphony orchestra. He was so thrilled to hear that I was interested in muggle music that he sent me several large stacks of it. By the way, have you ever heard of a musical called _The Lion King_?"

* * *

Half an hour later, Q was astounded that he'd just had a semi-intelligent conversation with Goyle about music. 

Ten minutes after that, Draco sneaked back into the common room.

"Did you run into any trouble?" asked Pansy as he sat down.

"Just Mrs. Norris," he smirked. "It was actually quite funny watching the look on the Weaslette's face when instead of running, like she wanted us to, I just walked up to the disgusting creature and gave her a treat. Not that she actually saw the treat part. . . as far as she's concerned I just petted her. Which in itself could prove to be quite amusing in the future. I do hope she goes off and tells all her Gryffindor friends that all you have to do is scratch that cat behind the ears and she won't tell Filch about you."

Then Draco looked around the room.

"Where's Millicent by the way?" he asked.

"Oh she passed out hours ago, didn't you notice?" Pansy replied.

"No, I didn't. Funny, I thought she had a higher alcohol tolerance than that."

"Well, she does usually, but she had had a headache earlier and went to Madame Pomphrey, who I guess didn't tell her that healing potions and alcohol don't mix very well."

"I guess she won't be very cheerful in the morning then," Crabbe said from where he was sitting next to the fireplace. Everyone chuckled.

"Well, now that I'm sober again, it's definitely time to have something to drink," Draco said and got up to get a drink of the alcoholic variety.

* * *

The next morning saw Draco Malfoy staring at his oatmeal as if it were a pile of horse manure. 

"Good morning sunshine!" someone suddenly said loudly into his ear. The blonde winced.

"Drop dead Weaslette," he said miserably.

"Not today, thanks."

"Oh, and Weaslette. . ."

"Yes?"

"A word of warning: I'd stay away from dark, empty corridors if I were you tomorrow."

"Why? And why tomorrow?"

"Because that's how long it's going to take some people to figure out who left us that lovely picture of Voldilocks with curlers in his hair, wearing a set of pink and purple poc-a-doted house robes, writing into a journal at a desk filled with Dumbledore paraphernalia. By the way, the fuzzy pink snake slippers: nice touch."

Ginny just looked at him for a few moments before nodding. Then she headed off to the Gryffindor table, leaving Draco to nurse his hangover in peace.

Millicent didn't make it to breakfast that morning. Or lunch.

* * *

Well, there it is, another chapter. I think I see a prank coming on in the next one. . . among other things. Anyway, hope you enjoyed that. Please review! 

Author's Notes:

**MacBeth/Duncan, Hamlet/Ophelia** - I'm pretty sure I don't have to mention this, but in case you haven't figured it out, they're all characters from Shakespeare plays. If you remember waaay back in one of the earlier, pre-Christmas break chapters, Q had lent Draco both _MacBeth_ and _Hamlet_ (but not _Romeo and Juliet_, hence why Draco didn't recognize those two names).

**Manhattan Symphony Orchestra** - I'm not really sure if that's what it's called, but I do know there must be an orchestra in New York. Why New York? No clue, just sounded like as good a place as any for Goyle to have a squib uncle.


	34. Valentine's Day

**Well, here's another chapter.** Hope you guys enjoy. Just to let you know, I still haven't read the HBP yet. But I'm starting it just as soon as I post this, so please no spoilers in the reviews for this chapter.

Well, I have nothing else to say. Thanks to everyone who reviewed:

**Murgen **- Calculus easy? God, you sound like my brother (who got like 100 in high school and took some sort of exam in order to get a university credit in it as well). As far as I'm concerned e evil. Glad you enjoyed the drunken ramblings. I was trying to figure out what kind of drunk to make Draco and that just popped into my mind.

**Cassie-bear01** - Hehe. I was wondering who was going to ask this question first. Based on what I've seen and read, I've sort of came to the conclusion that although Q calls himself omnipotent and omniscient, he is not all-powerful. I don't know if you remember it, but way back in one of the first ten chapters, Q tells the Slytherins that Voldemort will never become all-powerful, because ultimate power is an illusion. Or something like that. Well, basically, I've been writing with two things in mind:

1) Q cannot read minds. Otherwise he would know what Picard or Janeway were thinking and they couldn't foil him like they do on the show.

2) He could be truly omniscient should he choose to be. In other words, he has the ability to find out any information he wants to simply because he can be anywhere at any time and understands the universe in a way we can't imagine. But, that doesn't mean he always seeks the information out. I mean, how boring would it be if you knew everything that was going to happen before it happens? He certainly wouldn't have challenged Sisco to a boxing match (btw, I haven't actually seen the episode, so I don't actually know how that happened) or tried tempting Riker with Q powers if he knew ahead of time what was going to happen.

So basically, he didn't bother finding out what Pansy and Goyle did throughout their entire Christmas holidays, so yes, he was surprised.

**Urgo, the Observer** - That's what I figured had happened. And I honestly don't know where I get my ideas. The only thing I'm on is caffeine. My muse might be another matter though.

**lala-girl27** - I think someone else got passwords that way in one of the books (possibly the Weasley twins). As for what happened: Ginny got some of her friends to surround one of the Slytherin first-years and get the password out of him and then used it to get into Slytherin House. She didn't need to do it for any of the other houses, 'cause she had friends in them. Glad you liked the chapter!

**OrionTheHunter** - Yay, I'm glad you like my Q! It took me a bit of work to get him to sound just right. But I'm totally wowed that you think my story's that good! And flattered. . . yes, definitely flattered. Hope you enjoy this one too!

**Ari **- So, there a racoon out there somewhere reading my fic, eh? That's certainly different. Lol! I'm glad you liked Ginny - she's a favourite of mine. I don't know, I seem to have a soft spot for secondary characters. Interesting secondary characters, I should say. Oh, and Hogwarts blows up? Ooooh, what an interesting twist. . . are the borg responsible? Or maybe Shinzon travelled back through time . . . LOL! Hope you like this chapter as well.

**GoldenRat **- Ginny and Draco. . . well, let's just say they're beginning to develop a state of non-aggression that may, in time turn into friendship. . . or something else. . . I do however stand by what I've said in earlier chapters in that there will not be any romance in this fic. If you want to, you can consider this a sort of pre-romance.

**Gymnast204** - I'm glad you liked Draco's drunken babbling. I had a lot of fun with that, as you can probably well imagine.

**Shavaineth** - Yes, he is getting way too many ideas, isn't he? And the year's not over yet, either. As for Ginny, let's just say she's going to have a little bit of a bigger part from here on in. Although she may be spending part of it in detention for wandering about Hogwarts after curfew and getting caught by Mrs. Norris.

**blackmamuth** - No, Draco gave Ginny back the invisibility cloak. She's seen him drunk and hence has too much potential ammunition to use against him.

**Also thanks to**: libraflyter, AnotherChance, Pleione and Moonjava.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the storyline. And Voldilocks, the Duck-Who-Lived and the Evil Snake Man of Doom.

* * *

A Year with Q

Chapter 34 - Valentine's Day

By the time February rolled around, the announcement boards in each of the houses, as well as the wall space within a two-metre diameter of them was plastered with artwork. There were paintings, pencil sketches, drawings using charcoal, coloured pencil, crayons and pastels and even some food art. Some of it was anonymous; some of it had the artist's name written in bold capital letters at the bottom. None of it was serious.

Voldilocks was a common theme among a lot it, students quickly having grown to like the nickname for the most powerful dark wizard of their time, but a few new names also cropped up, such as Vold-a-wart, Moldywart and the Evil Snake Man of Doom.

The Duck-Who-Lived was also featured in quite a few of the drawings, especially those of the muggleborns.

One fifth-year Hufflepuff even began to put out a weekly comic strip of the adventures of the Duck-Who-Lived and his sidekicks Tweety and Bugs. This resulted in numerous debates as to which one was supposed to Ron Weasley and which one was supposed to be Hermione Granger. When asked, the artist just smiled and shrugged.

Blaise, of course, was still the only artist who had managed to remain completely anonymous. Most artists either gave their pictures to friends from other houses or to one of the prefects to put up. Some went as far as venturing down into the dungeons themselves and knocking on the entrance to Slytherin House in order to ask if they could stick their artwork onto the wall.

As a result, more Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs entered Slytherin House within three weeks than in the previous three years. Many were surprised not to find an altar dedicated to the Dark Lord, or pictures of the Dark Mark or any other dark arts artefacts laying around the common room.

The Slytheirns found they enjoyed watching the expressions of those particular students. There was even some debate about whether or not they should build a shrine to the Dark Lord just for the fun of it. In the end, logic won out and the Slytherin Common Room remained shrine-free.

It was on the fifth of February, after a prank gone wrong, which resulted in a truly spectacular potion's accident that left half of the third-year Ravenclaws bald, that an enraged Professor Snape sent two Hufflepuffs to see the Headmaster. That night at dinner it quickly spread that the Headmaster had copies of every single picture from the announcement boards plastered haphazardly around his office.

Two days later Blaise put out a drawing featuring a depressed-looking Dumbledore standing in front of a wall full of pictures and paintings of all sorts, eating lemon drops. Littered all over the ground were empty bags of lemon drops and other various candies. His desk was full of empty mugs and a stack of dirty dishes that looked as if it were to topple over at any minute. The dialogue bubble coming from the old wizard said : "I defeated Grimiwald and he couldn't even defeat a child. So why does he get pictures and I don't?"

Professor Dumbledore was grinning widely when he came down to breakfast that morning.

With everyone's attention focused on the artwork circulating around the school, no one noticed the lack of pranks in January. Except for the professors, who decided not to mention it, just in case the pranksters had somehow forgotten.

It all changed on a boring Sunday afternoon, when half the house was lounging around the Common Room. Thanks to the storm that was pounding into the castle, there wasn't much else to do. Except for schoolwork. . . and they still had all night to get that done.

Draco was sprawled out in 'his chair' reading a copy of _Romeo and Juliet _he had borrowed from Q. Blaise was playing chess with his girlfriend, who he'd been going out with since the party. Crabbe was eating Bertty Bots Every Flavour Beans while staring into space. Every once in a while he'd wince at an unpleasant flavour. Then he'd swallow loudly and pick up the next one. He didn't even seem to notice Millicent stealing candies out of his bag while she read February's issue of _Witch Weekly_.

Pansy, Goyle and the second-year violinist (who's name was, Reginald Evergreen) were practicing in the far corner of the room, which they had put a silencing charm around so as not to disturb everyone else. And also so that they could surprise them at the next party.

Q, meanwhile, was pretending to read out of the book in front of him. In reality, he was only vaguely aware of the fact that it was about catalysts for charms and transfigurations, which he had randomly picked out of the library the night before. At the moment, his attention was on a conversation he was having with Fawkes about what kind of toothpaste the Headmaster used and whether it would be possible to add a laxative to it without the old wizard noticing.

In other words, he would've died of boredom long ago if not for the fact that he couldn't die.

He looked up in time to watch Pansy dissolve the silencing charm and walk up to the group. She had a determined expression on her face.

"We should do something for Valentine's Day," she announced as she plopped onto the couch next to Crabbe. She then took a handful of beans out of Crabbe's Bertty Bots bag.

"We are not decorating the common room in pink hearts Pansy," Draco stated without looking up from his reading.

"Did I mention decorating the common room?" Pansy asked in annoyance.

"We could decorate Snape's office in pretty pink hearts," Millicent suggested before popping a red-coloured bean into her mouth. She made a face. "Eeewww. . . I don't even think I want to know what flavour that was."

"I would highly advise against that Miss Bulstrode unless you wish to spend the rest of your time at Hogwarts as an eel."

The blue jellybean on its way to her mouth froze three inches before it reached its destination. Millicent's eyes went wide as she ever so slowly turned her head to look towards the entrance to Slytherin House.

"An eel professor?" Draco asked, looking up from his book with a puzzled expression on his face. "Why an eel?"

"Because that's what the charms on the door will turn you into. . . assuming you survive the other ones of course."

The Slytherins looked at each other and gulped.

This man is brilliant. His awesome talents are completely wasted by being trapped inside that pitiful carbon-based husk. An eel. . . Deanna would make a good eel. . . an empathic eel- now that would be original. I could put her into an aquarium inside Dumbledore's office and she could keep Fawkes company. After all, she's only half-human, so she might make for some semi-intelligent conversation. And she's a physiatrist so she can psychoanalyse him. That I'm sure would be a full-time job.

"Mr. Filch's office, on the other hand, could do with a bit of re-decorating. . ." Snape continued casually.

All eyes turned to their Head of House and stared at him. Slowly, delighted smiles started spreading on various faces around the room.

Snape rolled his eyes and walked over to where Helga Schwartzkatze, the seventh year prefect, was sitting writing a letter to her boyfriend, who went to Durmstrang. He handed her a piece of parchment.

"This is the revised prefect's schedule," he said.

"Oh, thank you sir," she replied as unrolled it and skimmed through it with her eyes, "I will post it immediately."

Professor Snape nodded and left. Meanwhile the Slytherin prefects gathered around Helga and looked at the schedule over her shoulder.

Blaise also got up, but not to see the schedule. Instead he walked up to Q.

"What's that you're reading?" he asked.

Q lifted the book he was pretending to read so that Blaise could see the title. Blaise seemed to ponder something for a moment. Slowly, en evil smirk began to appear on his face. His eyes met Q's.

"I think I know what we're going to do for Valentine's Day."

* * *

This year, February the 14th fell on a Wednesday, which meant that students lucky enough to get dates had to make plans around things such as classes, curfew and roaming professors.

If anyone had been paying attention to Slytherin House on that morning, they would've seen a group of seventh-years leave bright and early to wander around the school, stopping every once in a while to discuss their upcoming NEWTs. If anyone had observed very, very closely, then they would've noticed them taking turns in discretely taking out their wands, pointing it at the ground and muttering some sort of incantation before then kneeling down and tapping a stone on the floor three times.

About a half an hour after then seventh-years left, this mysterious person would've also seen two second-years leave to flood the boy's toilet on the fourth floor. Ten minutes later, five students emerged and headed off to hide in one of the alcoves by Filch's office.

After that, every fifteen minutes a first year darted out of Slytherin House with a stuffed bag and scurried off to the owlry. Altogether, there were about 6 students that went that way. 

Unfortunately, no one in the school was paying attention to them that morning, so by the time breakfast started, everyone was back in their usual places and none of the Slytherins bore any evidence of their early morning exploits.

Even Blaise made it to breakfast early (which in itself should have aroused suspicion) and patiently awaited the arrival of the professors.

One of the first to arrive was Professor Janeway, who most certainly out-did Lockhart in the holiday cheer department. He floated into the Great Hall wearing a set of bright fuchsia robes that had a red, fur-lined collar and hearts of every size and shade of pink imaginable bouncing around on the fabric. Every once in a while, one of the hearts grew a face that winked before disappearing again.

"There should be a law against wearing that much pink and that many hearts," Blaise commented as the entire Slytherin table watched the DADA professor walk by.

"Just as soon as I become Minister of Magic I'll make sure to pass one," Draco deadpanned.

Forget magical law, it should be against the universal laws and laws of nature and whatever else that's important.

Several minutes later Professors Snape and McGonagall entered. Both seemed to be bracing themselves for what they were going to find. As one they stopped just inside the door and looked around the Great Hall. They appeared genuinely surprised not to find anything amiss.

They glanced at each other and shrugged. As he passed, Professor Snape sent a calculating glance at his Slytherins. His eyes narrowed in suspicion when he noticed Blaise eating breakfast along with everyone else.

Half-way through breakfast Professor Dumbledore casually strolled into the Great Hall followed by a highly agitated Filch. Mrs. Norris trailed behind them, sporting a bright pink bow with little white hearts attached to it.

Did they have to decorate the cat as well? I mean, bow or no bow, it's still the ugliest creature on the planet.

"Headmaster, I demand you do something!" Mr. Filch was saying rather loudly. He narrowed his eyes and scanned the mass of students, looking for guilty faces.

"Mr. Filch, as you well know, the staff and I have been trying for months to figure out the identity of our resident pranksters with no results," the Hogwarts Headmaster said calmly. "But if you insist. . ."

Dumbledore walked around the Head Table as the groundskeeper stopped and stared at Professor Janeway in shock that soon turned to disgust.

Professor Janeway merely smiled at him and waved slightly. Filch's eyes went wide and he quickly turned away, just in time for Dumbledore to clear his throat.

"Excuse me everyone," he said and the Great Hall quieted as all eyes were turned to the headmaster, "I'm so sorry to interrupt your breakfast, but I'm afraid we need your help. Does anyone know who broke into Mr. Filch's office this morning and turned the walls, ceiling and floor pink, the furniture red, attached red, white and pink streamers and charmed the floating, flashing dark pink hearts to sing "Love is a Many Splendid Things"?"

Almost no one noticed Snape choke slightly on his tea. They were all busy gaping at Professor Dumbledore's speech. Then, as images of what the office must look like materialised in their minds, grins started to appear on everyone's faces. Which then turned to snickers.

Soon the Great Hall reverberated with the sound of laughter. Dumbledore sighed.

"There, you see," he said to Mr. Filch, "it will be almost impossible to find out who broke into your office. But be assured that we will take every effort to find out who these pranksters are."

"Don't worry Argus," Professor Snape spoke up, "I'm sure that by the time classes end for the day you'll have several willing and able bodies to help you un-decorate your office. And by willing I, of course, mean detentionees."

Filch nodded to the Potions Master before storming out of the Great Hall.

Moments later dozens of owls flew in. Some of them dispersed and headed towards the four house tables. Most of them, however, were headed for the Head Table. Each of the professors received a sealed letter. They looked a bit like Howlers, except that they weren't red, but bright pink.

Everyone, that is, except for Professor Snape. He received several dozen. He looked at the things piled up in front of him with a mixture of disdain and suspicion.

One of them suddenly began trembling noticeably. The potion's professor carefully reached for it, but just as he was about to pick it up, it exploded in a pretty cloud of silver sparkles (some of which stayed in his hair).

"I love you, Professor Snape," a high-pitched female voice said, sounding much louder than normal in the quiet Great Hall. No one had failed to notice the pile of valentines the greasy Potion's Master had received.

Then another one exploded, quickly followed by a third.

"Be my Valentine, Professor Snape."

"I will love you forever, Professor Snape."

At first Snape's eyes darted in horror at each new valentine that exploded, but soon he simply crossed his arms, sat back and glowered at nothing in particular. While he was actively planning the excruciatingly painful deaths of every single member of his house, he didn't want to give them away as the pranksters.

Watching their colleague in amusement, the other professors momentarily forgot about the valentines they had in front of them.

It was Professor Dumbledore's which exploded first in a cloud of bright pink dust. When the dust cleared everyone assembled was given a wonderful view of the headmaster's now pink beard.

Before they had a chance to panic, the rest of the professors' valentines exploded.

Despite his anger at the annoying valentines that were still fluttering around his head, Professor Snape had to admit that he preferred them to the bright pink hair and red-rhinstone, heart-shaped glasses that McGonagall now had.

* * *

Later on that day, Q was on his way to the dungeons when two loud voices distracted him.

"Professor Dumbledore!" the first one exclaimed.

"We need to talk to you. . ." said the second.

". . . it's important."

He turned around in time to spy two identical-looking redheads in matching dragon-hide jackets striding in through the main doors. The headmaster stopped on his way towards the stairs and turned around to greet the newcomers.

The redheads suddenly froze and stared at his beard.

"Bloody hell. . ."

". . .what happened?"

"He was pranked!" cheerfully announced Harry Potter as the Golden Trio walked into the main hall.

The twins turned their attention to the three Gryffindors. They both cocked their heads to the left.

"It looks like. . ."

". . .he wasn't the only one."

Oh this is too perfect.

Harry frowned in confusion. So did Ron. Hermione noticed where the twins were looking and looked over her shoulder to where Harry was standing a few steps behind her and Ron.

Her eyes widened and she gasped, putting a hand over her mouth. The hand was very soon used to muffle her giggles.

I think it's a good look. Worf should try it.

"What?" Harry asked, confused.

"Oh Merlin!" Ron exclaimed before he grinned. Harry looked behind him.

"What is it!"

"Harry, you-you're. . ." was all Hermione got out before an all-out laughing fit claimed her.

But it's missing something. . .

"What's so funny?" Harry practically growled out.

Q decided to intercede. He walked out into the open and tossed a rock from his pocket onto the floor to the right of where Harry and his friends were standing. Then he pointed his wand at it.

"Here, have a mirror Harry," he said as the rock turned into one.

The group looked to Q in surprise. Which they got distracted from moments later when Harry yelped as he noticed his reflection in the mirror. He quickly looked down at himself to make sure it wasn't a trick. Unfortunately it wasn't.

He really was dressed in a short, white toga, wearing leather sandals and a laurel wreath with read hearts weaved into it. Where his bag usually hung, was a bow and a quiver of arrows with red feathers attached to the ends.

"Wings," Q announced, "you're missing wings. How could they be so stupid as to forget the wings." He shook his head sadly.

"Well, one thing's for sure. . ." the first of the twins said.

". . .if you ever decide to leave the saviour of the Wizarding World business. . ." the second one continued.

". . .you will definitely. . ."

". . . make a cute cupid."

Q chuckled at the glare Harry aimed at the twins. He decided spontaneously that he rather liked the infamous Weasley twins.

"Who are you?" the one he knew as George asked.

"And why is Mrs. Norris wearing a pink bow with hearts on it?" asked Fred.

"What? Where?"

Mrs. Norris, apparently aware of the attention she was getting, turned around to meow at the twins. Then she continued on her way down the stairs to the dungeons.

"My name is Quincy Picard and I have no idea why Mrs. Norris has made an attempt to be festive. However, my guess would be that it has something to do with the renovations Filch's office went through this morning."

"Oh, so you're the American exchange student."

"Renovations? What do you meant renovations?"

"I am afraid that poor Mr. Filch was the victim of a prank this morning," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. The twins' eyes lit up. "Someone broke into his office and changed the décor."

"Yeah, it sounds absolutely brilliant," Harry grinned.

"If I didn't have quidditch practice tonight, I'd've actually made an effort to get detention tonight, just to get a glimpse of it," Ron added.

"Gred. . ." George said, looking at his brother.

"Yes Forge?"

"I think we should pay a visit to our dear old friend, Mr. Argus Filch."

"I agree."

Just then the headmaster cleared his throat.

"Boys, wasn't there something you two wanted to tell me?"

"Bugger."

"I agree, yet again."

The two redheads looked in longing at the corridor that led to Filch's office. Then they sighed and looked back at the headmaster.

"Yes sir, there was something. . ."

". . .very, very important."

"Well then, come, we can talk in my office."

"Watch for Professor Sprout," Ron called after them, "rumour has it she still hasn't managed to get all the poison ivy and flashing red hearts out of her hair!"

* * *

That night at dinner, Draco was practically giddy with excitement.

"What is with him?" Q asked. Then he remembered that it was Valentine's Day. "Does he have a date tonight or something?"

"Nope, prefect duty," Pansy said from beside him.

And just when I was starting to understand how these teenage minds work. . .

"Right. . . now for those of us who aren't fluent in the warped mind of Draco Malfoy, could you please explain how that is exciting?"

"Because I get to sneak around the castle and ruin everyone else's dates," Draco explained as if it were obvious.

"Oh, of course, how silly of me not to have thought of that."

Just then the doors burst open and the Weasley twins walked into the Great Hall. They were wearing bright red robes with tiny, dark pink hearts scattered all over them and a short blood-red cape tied at the front with a heart-shaped clasp. There were also antennae that ended in bobbing red hearts attached to their heads.

"We've been pranked!" they wailed, sending the entire Great Hall into roars of laughter.

Then they waited with their arms crossed and identical grins plastered on their faces until the room settled down again.

"But, we did manage to figure out. . ."

". . .how those particular pranks work."

Suddenly they had everyone's attention again.

"You see, what they've done is charms certain stones in the floor. . ."

". . .so that when someone steps on them, a spell is activated. . ."

". . .that transfigures the individual's robes, hair . . ."

". . .and whatever else he or she happens to have on them. . ."

". . .into a specific costume."

The doors opened and a furious-looking fourth-year Ravenclaw stormed into the hall. He sat down amongst his peers and glared at them, daring them to say anything.

"Like that!" George said as he pointed to the Ravenclaw's pink bunny outfit.

Professor Janeway entered.

"Or that!" Fred pointed.

The twins looked somewhat confused as everyone broke into laughter again. The DADA professor didn't seem to notice as he made his way up to the Head Table. He hadn't yet bothered to change his hair back from the pink colour the prank at breakfast had left him with and therefore looked even more like a walking Valentine's Day card than he had before.

Meanwhile, one of the Hufflepuffs took pity on the twins and explained that the professor's outfit wasn't the product of any prank. Except for the hair, of course. The twins looked even more astonished after that little revelation.

"That is. . ."

". . .scary. Very, very scary."

They looked at each other and shivered in mock horror. Then they turned back to their audience.

"Anyway, the prank is absolutely, positively brilliant!"

"And we have decided that something like that is definitely something we would like to include in our joke shop. . ."

". . . therefore, we would like to invite the prankster to please contact us. . ."

". . . so that we can discuss the possibility of making them a partner. . ."

". . . of Weasley's Wizarding Weezes!"

I would love to see the expressions on their faces if the Slytherins decide to take them up on the offer. They have no idea what they're asking for.

Having said their part, the Weasley twins grinned at the crowd one last time and then made their way to where their younger siblings were sitting at the Gryffindor table.

* * *

That evening the Slytherin common room was abuzz with discussion of the Weasley twin's offer. The suggestion that they should write them just to see what kind of reaction they would get, was quite common.

"Hey, I know!" Millicent suddenly exclaimed. "We should pull one, last spectacular prank on the very last day of school and invite the twins to watch. Then at the end of it all we reveal ourselves as the pranksters."

She looked at her friends with an excited look on her face.

"Do you have a prank in mind?" asked Draco.

"No, but I'm sure we can think of something."

"Well. . .it certainly has some potential. . " said Q.

Not to mention that it would be a great opportunity for me to then show these humans a real show by spicing it up a bit. After all, by then I'll be able to use my Q powers again! Oh, how exciting! And that statement alone proves just how low my standards have fallen since I came here.

"It needs some work, but sounds like fun," Blaise agreed. Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle also agreed.

"Well, as much fun as this is," Draco said, standing up, "prefect duty calls."

"Hey, don't forget not to check the third storage closet down the hall from Sprout's office," Blaise called after him.

"You mean the empty one on the left with the salamander painted on the corner of the door?" Draco asked.

"Yeah."

"Ok, sure thing."

Fifteen minutes after Draco left, Blaise got up off the couch and went into his room. When he remerged a few minutes later he was holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Well, I'm off as well," he announced before leaving to meet the blonde Ravenclaw who was his date for the evening. He and the girl from the party had broken up several days before.

It didn't take long for Q to get bored. So, he slipped out of the Common Room and went wandering.

He was about half-way down the corridor that led to the kitchens when he felt a presence behind him.

"Well, well, I was wondering when I'd be meeting you," he said, "after hearing so much about you, I feel like you've been avoiding me."

"Avoiding you, definitely, but forgotten you? Never," Peeves, the Hogwarts poltergeist said with a smirk.

"I see. . . so what are you going to do now? Report me for being out of bed after curfew? Or sorry. I mean, make a lot of unnecessary noise and thereby alert the nearest professor and/or prefect to my presence?"

"I could, but with you, that would only be somewhat amusing. I have better things to do with my time."

Then Peeves grinned and Q's entire being froze.

He knew that smile.

* * *

I was going to continue there, but then I decided that this story hasn't had enough cliffhangers in it. Well, this isn't really a cliffhanger, but close enough.

And yay, I made up a word in this chapter: detentionee (a person severving detention)! At least I don't think it's actually a word. . .

Anyway, I'm off to begin the HBP. Please review! I like reviews:)


	35. Poltergeists, Chocolate Frogs

**Well, I think this is officially the longest this story has gone without an update!** Hopefully this chapter will be enough to mollify all my angry fans. It took a while, but it's here. And it's the longest one of the fic (21 pages)and quite a bit happens in it.

I finally read HBP and after it I wasn't quite in the mood to write anything funny. Then I went away for a week, started school again - including my honours thesis - and ran into some internet trouble.

Also, just thought I 'd let you know that since this fic's already AU, it'll be completely HBP spoiler-free. In case you were wondering. Oh, and I'm not going back 35 chapters to fix Blaise's character.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, but there are so many of you that I can't write a review response to each of you like I usually do. I also really don't have the time right now. Sorry.

I will say this much though: as far as the Slytherins revealing themselves at the end of the year. . . let's just say things won't go as planned by a long shot.

Also, **Falan**: actually the thing about the priest and the temple is something I learned in a comparative religion class I took two years ago. It's actually more of a Hebrew thing from the Old Testament I think, hence why the fear of God is so big (no one is convincing me that the God of the Old Testament wasn't just really nasty - look at what he did to poor Job!). And God's real name is Yaweh (not sure if I've spelt it right). Any good translation of the Bible will have mentions of God (especially when he's being addressed directly) typed in capitalized subscript as a way of pointing out that "this is where God's name goes". Again, most of this information is stuff I learned from a class, which was incidentally taught by a protestant priest.

And **Fuji**, thanks for the link, but I'm afraid I couldn't open it, 'cause it's on a local server of some sort. I know I've seen something similar before though.

If anyone wants to chat about my fic/Harry Potter/Star Trek/whatever remotely related, feel free to e-mail me. Or I'm also on msn regularily on msn: dalex UNDERSCORE invasion AT msn DOTcom. I uhh. . . also have a livejournal as morenaevensong, which I plan to update tonight (let's just say it's been a while).

Disclaimer: I do not own Q, q, the Klingons, anything recognizable from the Harry Potter fandom, or the mice.

* * *

**A Year with Q**

**Chapter 35 -** Poltergeists, Chocolate Frogs and Something Else

Then Peeves grinned and Q's entire being froze.

He knew that smile. . . . .

"You! What the hell-"

"Not here," was all Peeves said before disappearing. Q growled in annoyance. Then he snapped his fingers and followed the all too familiar poltergeist.

He reappeared in a corridor that looked like no one had so much as peered into for several hundred years. It literally felt like stepping into a completely different time period. The self-cleaning charms that were present in the entire castle hadn't been renewed here for so long that they had begun to decay and fall apart in places. Patches of the wall were covered in various colours of moss and mould. The corridor was windowless, the only source of light a row of wooden torches using an everlasting flame charm, which was clearly not meant to be used for as long as it had, no matter what it was called.

Q could feel the wards surrounding the corridor, keeping it isolated from the rest of the school. Unlike the charms inside, they were still intact and just as powerful as when they had been newly created.

What a charming place.

Q looked down the corridor and saw a ghostly shape disappear around the corner. He followed. At his own pace, of course. Q actually found the corridor quite fascinating.

He was now in a part of the castle he had never been to before. In fact, he hadn't even realized it was there until Peeves had disappeared into it. The wards and other spells that had once been cast on it surrounded it like a bubble, keeping it inside the castle, yet not really a part of it, as if the entire system of corridors he was in was an entirely different dimension. It was so completely cut off from the rest of the school that there weren't even any insects, spiders, or rodents.

I think the house elves might just have a collective hernia if they ever saw this place. Look at all the dust. And these flame charms, why they're relics. Regardless of how clueless about the advancement of the human race wizards are, no one uses these ones anymore. Thank the gods Binns doesn't know about this place. This would probably be his idea of a field trip. And, oh look: the end of the tunnel.

A few moments later, Q exited the corridor through an archway and entered into a circular chamber. There were four other archways surrounding it. The two on Q's left continued on into the corridor system, but the two on his right were blocked off by brick walls, preventing access to wherever it had once connected to. One of the blocked-off archways stopped about a metre above the ground, indicating it had once been a window. A large, bronze chandelier hung from the surprisingly high ceiling. It was very simple and not particularly elegant, but drew the eye anyway. It was lit by more everlasting flame charms, but these had survived the years in better condition than the ones in the corridors, perhaps because they were much smaller.

The floor of the chamber was laid out in tiny, stone tiles, like a mosaic. At one point in time, they were probably deep, blood red, but they were now faded and, in places, almost pink. At the centre of the floor, there were black tiles that formed the shape of a scarab beetle.

"Khepri, the Egyptian God of renewal, rebirth, immortality; evil that engenders good," Q remarked, "how appropriate."

"Yes I thought so," said a voice that no longer sounded like Peeves the Poltergeist.

Q looked directly ahead of him, at the painting that hung on the wall. The man in it was grinning madly.

"So you're Peeves, Hogwart's resident pain-in-the-posterior," Q folded his arms across his chest and walked up to the painting.

"Q! It's so good to see you! Although, I must confess at being just a bit confused as to why you're here. . .as well as the other Q. Actually, I'm even more confused that I don't recognize the other Q. Unfortunately, although being an omniscient, omnipotent entity does make my painting by far the most powerful one in the castle, I'm still only the portrait of an omniscient, omnipotent entity. Although, that still doesn't explain why I don't recognize your companion."

"It's because the other one's my son. I'm here because I lost a bet to him and this is his idea of payback."

"Son? But the Continuum. . .they'd never allow-"

"But they did. And it's all thanks to you really."

"Thanks to me? How's that?"

"Well, you had to go commit suicide and disrupt the universal order. . ."

"I what! Wait. . . I don't exist anymore outside of this painting?"

"No."

"Wow. Do tell."

"Well, basically, I inspired you to become a rebel and write poetry and such against the Continuum order. The Continuum, of course, didn't want you spreading chaos, so they imprisoned you. You were rescued by the USS Voyager and I was sent to get you back. Unfortunately, by the time I found you, you had already asked for amnesty aboard the Starfleet ship. And of course Captain Janeway, or Kathy, as I like to call her, refused to hand you over to me unless I could prove you were a dangerous criminal."

"Wait, why didn't you just whisk me away? No human could've stopped you."

"No, but you promised to come along peacefully if I won. Plus, I have a big soft spot for Kathy and her silly ideals of truth and justice."

"Oh, I see."

"Anyway, in the end I lost the case and you received amnesty and became human. However, the silly humans refused to let you kill yourself like you wanted to. By then you had, of course, reminded me of how much fun being a rebel was, so I gave you some hemlock to drink. Then you died. The Continuum was thrown into chaos that resulted in a civil war. In order to end it, my mate and I mated and created an offspring. End of story."

The Q in the portrait sighed dreamily.

"Hemlock. . . just like Socrates. What a wonderfully poetic way to die."

Q rolled his eyes.

"Ok, now it's your turn: how the heck did you end up here?"

"Oh, I'm afraid my story's nowhere near as exciting as yours. I was wandering the cosmos, when I decided to pay a random visit to this lovely planet and I just so happened to show up just after this school had been completed. They were looking for professors and I became enchanted with Helga Hufflepuff. What a wonderful woman: beautiful, funny and smart. She was truly a woman ahead of her time. Why, it was her idea to teach both purebloods and mudbloods in the same school. And she managed to convince both Rowena and Godric to go along with it too! Only Slytherin refused, but then again Salazar always was a traditionalist at heart. Liked things the way they were and didn't want them changing. It's why he took to teaching dark arts studies at the school; thought that people were beginning to loose respect for them and not properly understanding the principles behind them-"

"Yes, yes, that's all very nice and all, but what the heck does it have to do with you!"

"Well, as I was saying, I found idea behind the school fascinating. Obviously, there were a lot of glaring errors made, but overall a fairly good attempt. Anyway, I decided to stick around for a bit and became one of the school's first professors. In fact, I taught astronomy."

"I wish you still taught it. Then I wouldn't have to listen to the blundering idiot who teaches it now."

"Oh well, we can't all be omniscient, can we?"

"I shudder at the thought of an omniscient human."

The Q in the painting laughed.

"Yes, that is quite a scary thought. All that knowledge with no power. Or would the power come with that knowledge? Hmm. . . you know, it's almost a pity the Continuum is so omnipotent, makes it harder to remember our roots."

"And why exactly would we want to remember our roots?"

"No reason."

"Good, then stop thinking about it and get back to your story."

"There's not much more to tell really. All the original staff of Hogwarts had paintings drawn of themselves and they were all positioned all over the castle. In fact, I believe that fat cow that used to teach Latin is still hanging over the entrance to the Gryffindor dormitories. I wonder if she still entertains the same delusions of being able to sing? Not that it actually matters, either way the only person who ever enjoyed hearing her sing was the fat cow herself."

"Sounds like the doctor on Voyager."

"Really? How completely uninteresting."

"So, that explains why your painting is here. . ."

"But not me?" asked Peeves, floating into the chamber through the wall. Q nodded.

"I'm a Q," the Q in the painting said, "and as I've already said, that makes my painted alter ego much, much stronger. Peeves here was created one year during finals when the students were all exceptionally busy and I was exceptionally bored. It was at the same time that I realized I could alter small things around the entire school. Like the stairs-"

"YOU control those blasted stairs!"

"Yes, I do." The other Q smiled smugly, while Q glared at him.

"So, what other things can you do?"

"Oh, mostly little things: create extra rooms, move rooms, rearrange them, add dead ends where there were passageways before, create the occasional secret passageway. . .lots of things, though nothing too major. I suppose that, in a way, I'm the castle's sense of humour."

"So I suppose you were the one who isolated this part of the castle from the rest."

"Oh no, that's too big a change even for me. No, that was done about three hundred years ago or so. The school got a bit more selective in their acceptance process because of the other European schools that had popped up over the years. Therefore, they were getting less students and the headmaster of the time, Merrytwinkler I think his name was, decided to shut down part of the school. And my painting just so happened to be in that part. Plus I made sure they missed it when they went around collecting all the others. Anyway, long story short, they warded this section off so that no one could access it or detect it and sealed all passages leading to it. Really, the only way to enter it would be to apparate and, well, you can't apparate within Hogwarts."

"That's absolutely wonderful."

"Well, it does get rather lonely at times. . . but that's why I have Peeves around!"

"So in other words you spend an incredible amount of time talking to yourself."

"No, I spend an incredible amount of time playing random, pointless pranks on the hapless inhabitants of this school."

"I see."

"You should considering you've been doing the same thing practically since you got here."

"How'd you know? Besides the obvious intelligence behind some of the more brilliant pranks. . ."

"Tribbles aren't native to Earth."

"Right."

"Although I must admit that my personal favourite was the Looney Toons Christmas Special. You really must bring your son along at some point in time and introduce us."

"Of course. Anyway, I think I'll be going now. I need my beauty sleep after all."

"I don't think eternity has enough hours for how much you'd need to be beautiful."

"Oh hardy har har. Good-bye Q."

"See you Q."

And with a small flash of light, Q was gone.

* * *

As he whisked through Hogwarts at many million times the speed of light, Q's extra sensitive senses alerted him to something rather interesting. So he made himself invisible and materialized inside a corridor not too far from the Ravenclaw dormitories. 

Draco had apparently just managed to disturb yet another couple. Which would've normally been a case of sending both to their dormitories after taking off numerous points. However, here the hold up was that one of them was also a prefect. And since said prefect just so happened to be Ginny Weasley, she had absolutely no intention of letting the blonde take points off of them.

"I'm a prefect too!" she told him with narrowed eyes. "I have just as much right to be in the hallways as you do. If you must know, I took Ron's patrol shift."

"Fine, whatever, but," Draco pointed at the tall and skinny Ravenclaw boy standing next to her, "he isn't a prefect."

"He's with me."

"That much was obvious." Q raised an eyebrow at the hardness in the Slytherin boy's voice. "Oh, what would McGonagall say, I wonder, at one of her prefects abusing her privileges in order to see a boy?"

"Look Malfoy," the Ravenclaw took a step towards him, "it's Valentine's Day, can't you just lay off for once? You know, in the spirit of things?"

How did this kid end up in the rumoured House-of-Brains? Next thing you know he'll be singing a badly off-tune version of "Why can't we be friends?".

"Hmm. . . let me think about that. . ." Draco began sarcastically, ". . uh, no."

"Oh, you are such a prat, Malfoy!" Ginny seethed, partially at how Draco was mocking them, and partially because her date deserved to be mocked for saying something that stupid to begin with. "Just because you're such a git therefore and couldn't get a girl to spend Valentine's with, doesn't mean you have to ruin it for everyone else!"

Ouch. This girl's got spunk; I like her. I'm sure she'd do great Klingon impersonations. . .as long as everyone could look past the hair. And, well, the fact that she's human.

Draco's face hardened and his eyes narrowed.

"For your information Weaslette, I don't have a girl to spend Valentine's Day with, because I didn't ask any."

"Scared Malfoy? Don't tell me the big, bad Prince of Slytherin is afraid of rejection!" the Ravenclaw boy taunted.

"No, I merely had better things to do than try and figure out which blubbering wench I wanted to invite to join me tonight," Draco drawled in what almost appeared to be a lazy, uninterested manner. To complete the look he even pretended to examine his fingernails. "Besides, sneaking around and breaking up everyone else's secret rendezvous is so much fun."

"I'm sure it is," Ginny muttered.

"You don't actually expect us to believe that?" the Ravenclaw demanded, before an evil smile spread across his face. "I bet your father just forgot to threaten some poor girl to go out with you this year."

At the mention of his father, Draco's features underwent an incredible transformation. His hand fell down to his side, reaching into his robes for his wand as the rest of his body stiffened. His shoulders squared and his chest puffed up slightly. He looked the Ravenclaw in the eye with an expression of quiet, cold fury.

The Ravenclaw boy flinched and took an involuntary step backwards. Suddenly he seemed much smaller than he had before.

Ginny, meanwhile, was looking between the two teenage boys with a look of exasperation.

I don't think this Ravenclaw's got a chance at a second date. Unless he ties Ginny to a chair and force-feeds her an expensive dinner with caviar and champagne.

"Steven, you're not helping!" she growled at her date. Then she took a deep breath and turned to Draco. "Look, Malfoy, can't we, I don't know. . . make a deal or something?"

She ignored her date's cry of protest and approached the Slytherin prefect. Draco's attention had turned to her. His face relaxed and an eyebrow shot up as he eyed the redhead with interest.

"A deal? What could you possibly have to bargain with?" he asked.

"Well. . . I can't really think of anything at the moment. . . but, I could own you one. I'd be in your debt, that must be worth something, right?"

"Why would I want you in my debt? You don't have anything that I could ever possibly want."

Ginny hesitated, thinking. Then she smiled sweetly and walked right up to Draco. Leaning forward she whispered in his ear:

"You babble when you're drunk."

Draco froze and Ginny pulled away, waiting and watching as his left eyebrow twitched angrily.

Brilliant! I knew I liked this girl.

"Fine," he finally spat out, "you owe me."

Ginny's smile turned genuine and she bounced back to her date, who was watching her with an utterly confused expression on his face.

"Oh, and Weasley," Draco called to her. When Ginny turned around to look at him, he smirked. "I always collect my debts."

She nodded seriously and then dragged Steven away, towards his dormitory. Draco watched them leave.

Well, that was fun. Almost. I wonder who else has dates in this castle. . . not McGonagall, not Flitzwick, thankfully not q, oh look, Dumbledore's missing in action, although not because of some woman. Well, Snape seems to have a date. Unfortunately, it's with Voldylocks. Oh well, maybe the silly evil wizard will make an effort and serve him chocolate truffles and wine. And wear a wig. Or, even better, not come at all. . .

At this point in time, Q began walking idly towards the dungeons in order to waste time before breakfast.

* * *

That weekend it snowed. Not the kind of fluffy, romantic kind of snowing. No, what came from the sky were big, wet flakes coupled with strong gusts of wind that blew every one of those flakes into a person's face, while practically scraping off their skin with its intensity. Only a few very determined people went to Hogsmeade that weekend. Mostly they were either girls who did not want to miss out on their Valentine dates, or students desperate to restock their candy supplies. Or boyfriends being dragged on the above mentioned dates. 

The rotten weather didn't ease up for the next three weeks. It was so cold and windy that Professor Snape began threatening students with sending them outside for an hour instead of detention. Care of Magical Creatures had been moved indoors to the dismay of Hagrid, but the relief of his class, because he had to stick to showing off creatures that were relatively harmless and could be brought indoors. Several Charms classes were dedicated to learning proper heating charms, which were then used to heat the greenhouses and in Advanced Transfigurations, Professor McGonagall taught her class to concentrate on details in their casting by having them transfigure random objects into large, ornate quilts.

During the three weeks that students were essentially confined to the castle, several things happened. First of all, Peeves decided to take a more pro-active part in the troublemaking going on in the castle. So, one Monday morning students and teachers alike woke up to find that all the bathrooms in the castle had been flooded with strawberry scented, bubble water. On Tueday, he decided to make it blueberry and Wednesday it was lavender. Then he apparently tired of the joke.

The second thing that happened, was that the amount of art posted on the common room walls, doubled. A new, regular comic strip appeared along side "The Duck-Who-Lived" series. It featured two white mice who wore white lab coats and ran around in a cage during the day. However, when the clock chimed midnight, they both changed into black robes and crawled out of the cage. One of them was tall and thin and had the perpetual expression of someone who had been hit over the head one too many times. The other one was shorter, but had a large head, bright, red eyes and slightly greener fur. In the first frame of every edition of the comic strip, the slightly daft-looking mouse turned to the red-eyed one and asked: "What are we doing tonight?" The red-eyed one would then reply: "The same thing we do every night: take over the world!"

It took a lot of explaining from muggleborn students before the purebloods at Hogwarts fully understood the humour. Not to mention the odd-looking contraptions surrounding the mice.

Thirdly, having to spend so much time inside the castle walls, the Slytherins decided to take advantage of it and resurrected their role as the Hogwarts pranksters. This did not make the professors very happy, although secretly many of them were glad for the distraction. . . as long as the pranks weren't aimed at them.

For instance, Professor McGonagall had to try very hard to hide her smile when half of her second year Transfigurations class shuffled into the room covered in what looked like bright pink cotton candy. However, she was far from impressed the next day when she happened to step on a charmed tile left over from Valentine's Day and had to teach her seventh year Advanced Transfigurations class dressed in a bright red mini-skirt, white tank top covered in pink hearts and bubble-gum pink hair. Especially since the charm had caused her glasses to change prescription, making everything look blurry.

Like most things, the cold weather eventually came to an end one Friday morning in March the school woke up to a fresh layer of snow. And as luck would have it, the next day happened to be a scheduled Hogsmeade weekend.

The students were so excited about getting out of the school that Headmaster Dumbledore didn't have the heart to cancel the trip, even with the increased death eater activities in the rest of the Wizarding World. He did, however, make sure that certain Order members would be present in Hogsmeade that day and instructed his teaching staff to be especially vigilant, even if they were staying behind in the castle to watch the younger students.

That Saturday saw everyone at the Slytherin table in high spirits. Blaise actually spent an entire hour at the table, enjoying his eggs and bacon with a wide smile on his face.

"How come breakfast is never this good on a normal day?" he asked no one in particular, after he finished his second helping of scrambled eggs.

"It's the same every day. You just never get up early enough to have breakfast," Pansy remarked while spreading jam on a tea biscuit.

"In that case, maybe I'll start getting up earlier."

"Of course you will Blaise," Draco deadpanned, "just as soon as Dumbledore shows up to dinner wearing a yellow corset and matching lacy knickers."

"Draco!" Pansy shrieked, eyes wide in surprise. Millicent giggled from where she was sitting beside her. Blaise groaned.

"That was not an image I needed this early in the morning," he said.

Oooh. . . that idea has potential. . . maybe I'll bring it up later. Would make a nice April Fool's Day prank. Yes, definitely worthy of being remembered.

"Hey Malfoy," Theodor Nott called from further down the table, "can't you go ruin someone else's breakfast!"

Draco had an innocently bewildered expression on his face.

"What did I do?" he asked, looking around.

"What seems to be the problem here?" a deep voice asked.

The group looked up at their Head of House, who was looking down at them with suspicion. He apparently hadn't forgiven them yet for transfiguring all this cauldrons into bullfrogs earlier that week.

"Nothing, professor," Draco quickly answered.

"Believe me, professor, you don't want to know," Blaise added.

"Oh, but I think I do Mr. Zabini."

"No, really, Professor Snape," Millicent argued, "you honestly don't."

Professor Snape's eyes narrowed and a dangerous glimmer appeared in them.

"What happened here?" he hissed.

Surprisingly enough, it was Crabbe who answered.

"Um, well, sir," the large Slytherin began, "Blaise was saying how he really liked breakfast and that he'd try to get up earlier in order to have it. Then Draco said that was about as likely to happen as Professor Dumbledore coming to dinner wearing a yellow corset and knickers."

Snape stared at Crabbe.

"You were right," he finally said, before turning to walk away, "I didn't need to know that."

He hadn't even taken two steps before he stopped again and twisted around to look at Draco.

"Oh, and five points from Slytherin, Mr. Malfoy, for even thinking such a thing."

"What! But. . ."

"Draco, leave it," Q said as everyone else chuckled.

Just then a screech owl flew into the Great Hall and landed in front of Draco. The blonde looked genuinely surprised. He quickly recovered and untied the parchment from the owl's offered leg. Then he gave it some bacon and studied the letter as it flew off.

"That's odd, mail doesn't usually come on Saturdays," Millicent observed.

"Who's it from?" Blaise asked.

"My mother," Draco answered as he began to read it. His expression turned to a frown as he read the letter. "But it makes no sense though."

"Oh look, it's Professor Janeway," Pansy whispered excitedly.

"So it is," Q said coolly, eyeing his son's attire.

"What's with the fish this week?" Blaise asked.

"I don't know. . . what kind of fish are those anyway?" said Millicent.

"Clown fish," Q answered, "which is oddly appropriate, really."

"Hmm. . . so far this week we've had goldfish, sharks, salmon, seahorses and pike," Blaise listed. "What's next? A beluga?"

"Maybe he's trying to hint that he's planning to drown himself," Draco suggested, still frowning at the letter in his hands.

"No, I think that's just your wishful thinking," Q said.

"I think it's time to go," Goyle said, pointing to the Head Table, where the professors all seemed to be getting up to leave.

"Well, it's about time!" Pansy said.

"I'll figure this out later," Draco muttered and folded the letter before stuffing it into his pocket.

Moments later, the group was heading down to the dungeons to get their warm winter cloaks.

It wasn't until around two o'clock that the Slytherins decided they'd had enough of the over-crowed stores and finally made their way to the Three Broomsticks for lunch. The noon rush was essentially over by then, so they had no problem in finding an empty booth by the window. As they sat down, Q noticed the Golden Trio and some of their Gryffindor friends sitting at a booth not far from their own.

Madame Rosmerta came to their tables and took their orders. Several minutes later they were all sipping butterbeers, waiting for their food to arrive.

Pansy took out the newest issue of Witch Weekly and began discussing the new fashion trends coming out of America with Millicent. Blaise listened in on the discussion, adding his own comments every once in a while, which resulted in him getting hit on the head with the magazine. Goyle listened in on the conversation, while Crabbe looked at the pictures in the music magazine he'd bought himself. Draco took out the letter from his mother and reread it. He frowned.

"What could possibly be so confusing about a letter from home?" Q asked, annoyed and slightly curious.

"Well. . . it just sounds odd, not like her usual letters," Draco answered carefully, "and it doesn't really make much sense. She doesn't seem to have a purpose for having written it."

"Read it out loud, maybe we can help," Blaise suggested. Draco looked at him and then shrugged.

"Dear son," he began reading aloud, "I hope this letter finds you in the best of health. I miss you. Your father has been very busy lately and I hardly see him. It's nice that the weather has gotten warmer. I hope you enjoy your trip to Hogsmeade. Please be careful and return to the castle early, before the weather turns foul again. I wouldn't want you to catch your death. Say hello to your American friend for me. I love you. Your mother, Narcissa Malfoy."

Draco finished and looked around. Everyone in the booth looked back at him with confused looks on their faces.

Oh surely they can't all be that thick. Come on, it's completely obvious what the letter's about.

"Well, that was a fast response," Millicent commented finally. Draco frowned.

"Response to what?" he asked. Now Millicent looked confused.

"Didn't you write her about Hogsmeande weekend?"

"No, I haven't written home in almost three weeks."

Draco looked back down at the parchment in his hand.

"Why does she keep talking about the weather?" Goyle asked.

"And how does she know it's going to get bad today?" Crabbe added, looking out the window. "It still looks nice out."

The others followed Crabbe's gaze, staring intently up at the sky, as if expecting the answer to somehow appear among the fluffy white clouds.

Q rolled his eyes and decided to give them a hint.

"You know," he said casually, "what I find even more interesting is how she uses the phrase 'catch your death' instead of simply telling Draco he could get sick, or catch a cold."

All eyes snapped to Q. Their eyes widened as they suddenly all realized what Draco's mother was trying to say. Then they stared down at the parchment for several moments, not even daring to breath.

"Bloody hell," Draco swore, terror beginning to show itself in his eyes.

"Draco, you are-" Pansy began.

"I know, I know," Draco winced, "I'm a complete and utter idiot."

Then the blonde took a deep breath as he stood up. The others followed his example, their shock changing into full-blown panic.

"Merlin, what are we going to do?" Pansy whispered urgently.

"We have to get out of here is what we have to do!" Blaise told her.

"Then what in Merlin's name are we waiting for!" Millicent practically screeched. "Let's go!"

"No, wait: first we need to get the lower years out of town before the attack," Draco stopped them. He looked at each of his friends in turn. "Blaise, you and Goyle go to Zonko's and Honeydukes. Pansy, you and Crabbe head to Madame Pudifoot's and that end of town. Millicent, find Professor Snape and tell him what's going on. He's probably at the Hogs Head. Q and I will scout through the other end of town, just in case anyone's wandered all the way to the train station. Any questions?"

There weren't any questions.

"Then we'll meet back at Hogwarts."

Q stood up and watched the Slytherins scramble to retrieve their bags and get out of their cubicle. Having sat on the end and possessing no bags, all he had to do was slide out.

"What's going on?" someone asked him from behind.

Q turned around and saw Ginny looking at his housemates with confusion. Behind her, the rest of the Gryffindors were also watching the sixth year Slytherin's mad scramble.

"Oh, not much," Q answered dismissively, "Draco just clued in to the fact that his mother's letter is really a warning about a scheduled death eater attack on Hogsmeade today."

Silence.

Q glanced back at the Gryffindors' stunned faces, fully enjoying their reaction. Then he smirked and followed Draco out of the pub. As they began their light jog towards the train station, Q directed part of his attention back to the pub.

"You reckon he was telling the truth?" Ron was asking Harry.

"Ron, what reason could he possibly have for lying?" Hermione countered.

"I think Hermione's right," Harry said, "I mean, I could see them not telling us about the attack or denying it was going to happen. . ."

"Besides, Malfoy and his friends seemed to be taking it pretty seriously," Ginny pointed out.

"So, t-there's g-going to be an attack?" Neville asked, eyes wide with fear. "Here? Now?"

"Quick, we have to warn everyone!" Harry cried as he jumped up. His friends quickly followed suit and within minutes, there were students, professors, Order members and citizens running around everywhere.

Draco and Q did find a few students by the train station. They weren't Slytherins, but Draco warned them about the attack anyway. Right after he took points from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff for smoking.

Together, the two Slytherins rushed back to the path to Hogwarts. Q wished he could just snap his fingers and appear at the school. Not that he was tired from all the running around - he was a Q after all and therefore couldn't get tired - but it was rather annoying having to take so long to get from place to place.

When they got to the road that led to Hogwarts, it was full of students, all hurrying in the same direction. Some were walking casually and chatting amongst themselves, not taking the rumours very seriously. Others were half-running, looking over their shoulders every couple of seconds to see if they were being chased.

Draco stopped in his tracks when he saw the mass migration of students. He swore loudly.

"Father is going to kill me if they really do attack," he said.

"Well, look at it this way," Q reassured him, "if they don't attack, the entire school is going to kill you for ruining their Saturday."

The blonde glared at him.

"Draco! Q! There you are!"

Q looked up and saw Pansy and Crabbe hurrying towards them. Behind them, he saw several people talking urgently amongst themselves. Among them he recognized Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall. He'd never met any of the others, but he knew they were members of the Order of the Phoenix.

"What's the werewolf doing here?" Draco asked no one in particular.

"Hmm?" Q looked at the group and realized who Draco was referring to. At the same time, Draco also pointed the individual out.

"Over there, the ragged-looking bloke who looks like he just stumbled in off the streets. He was our DADA professor in third year. Resigned when the whole school found out he was a werewolf." He sneered the last part.

Q nodded.

You think a werewolf's weird? You ain't seen nothing yet, kid. I mean, at least werewolves are nasty and snarly for only three days a month. Klingons, on the other hand, are in a constant state of snarl. Or the Jem'Hadar. . .now they're truly nasty. And then there's the various number of shape-shifters out there, who can turn into any number of vicious, blood-thirsty creatures at will. And of course, my favourite. . . oh dear, I do believe we've overstayed our welcome.

Just as Pansy and Crabbe joined their friends, a terrified scream filled the air. For several moments it was as if some all-powerful cosmic entity had pressed 'pause.' Everyone went silent and stared with fear in the general direction of the scream.

And then they appeared.

Like a flock of Ringwraiths, a dozen figures in black cloaks and white masks strode out of the alley beside Honeydukes. Moments later a series of pops echoed through the silent town.

Three seconds after another dozen death eaters had apparated into Hogsmeade, that same all-powerful cosmic entity pressed 'play'. The screaming began again, only this time it came from all sides as panic swept through the crowd of students like a giant tidal wave. This wasn't a joke anymore and no one was casually strolling back to the castle anymore. They were all running.

Q noticed several of the Gryffindors along with a few Ravenclaws and a Hufflepuff standing outside of the stampede throwing curses. He immediately recognized Harry and his friends and realized the others must be from their defence club.

They have neither the strength nor the skill to fight against fully-trained dark wizards, and yet they do it anyway in order to protect everyone else. How. . . utterly and disgustingly human. I think Kathy and Picard would really like these kids. To risk your life for the greater good, to fight in a battle you had absolutely no chance of winning. . . yup, Kathy would definitely like them. Actually, what am I talking about, I think the Klingons would like them too!

Q felt it coming. It took him two seconds to realize that, although it couldn't harm him because he was a Q, he couldn't let it hit him because then he'd have to pretend to be feeling the effects of the curse. A split-second before it hit, Q swirled off to the right, banging into Draco in the process and sending them both sprawling onto the ground.

Q rolled off of Draco and sat up.

"Did he just try to curse me?" the omnipotent entity growled.

"I guess they're not differentiating between the houses," Draco muttered, not knowing quite what he felt about that, but knowing he didn't like it one bit. He stood up and looked at Q, who was still sitting on the grass, watching two death eaters throwing hexes into the crowd of children.

"Come on Q, we have to go!"

Q slowly stood up and took out his wand.

"How dare those pitiful humans think they can curse me!" he said under his breath, not noticing the odd look he got from Draco.

He didn't even bother with an incantation. A powerful blast of magic from his wand sent one of the death eater flying. He crashed through the window of a pretty yellow house. The other death eater watched his companion fly away and turned his attention to Q. He pointed his wand, but Q was faster.

Moments later, instead of a menacing death eater pointing his wand at Q, there was suddenly a duck with one black wing and a wand in its beak.

"Q, look out!" Draco cried. "Protego!"

The hex that had been aimed at Q bounced off of Draco's shield and a nearby tree suddenly burst into flame as it got hit instead. Several high-pitched screams suddenly erupted from the group of Ravenclaw fourth years that were closest to the now burning tree.

There was so much noise everywhere. It completely drowned out the 'pop' with which the werewolf, Lupin, apparated in front of Q and Draco. They had apparently become the focus for several death eaters.

"Run!" Lupin shouted back to Q and Draco as he drew the attention of the death eaters onto himself.

It's not like I'm in any danger from these silly little curse-things. But if the werewolf wants to play big, bad hero, then who am I to stand in his way?

The werewolf's words seem to alert Draco to what he was doing. It was as if the Slytherin suddenly realized he was trading hexes with death eaters and essentially doing the same thing that Harry Potter and his group were doing. He froze, eyes wide as terror slowly crept into them. Then he staggered back a few paces, before whirling around and sprinting alongside the rest of the students.

Q shook his head and then followed him.

You know, defending the students would've been much simpler if everyone had just stayed in Hogsmeade. But that would require logical thinking and common sense. In fact, the only reason this isn't turning into as big a disaster as it could be is because there aren't that many death eaters here.

Just then a badly-aimed curse went flying to the right of Q. It was actually so badly aimed that despite the large number of students around, it managed to miss all of them. Unfortunately, it was followed by several more curses.

It took Draco about 15 seconds to decide that the creatures in the Forbidden Forest might just be the lesser of two evils. Grabbing Q's arm, he changed course, pulling his American friend with him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Q noticed several others following the blonde's example. As did the death eaters. However, Q made sure that while their curses came close, they never actually hit anyone. He smirked inwardly at the muttered curses coming from the dark wizards, who simply couldn't figure out why they were missing so much.

Then they entered the forest. Draco immediately pressed himself to the back of a large tree. He was panting heavily out of both exertion and fear. Q leaned behind another large tree, although with a much more casual and considerably less desperate attitude. Then he turned his head to look behind the tree, back at the road.

It was sheer chaos. Students were running in every direction, trying to dodge curses as they tried to escape the death eaters. Some were firing a few of their own hexes at them in what appeared to be a vain attempt to defend themselves. The death eaters were smart though, they constantly apparated from one place to another.

Suddenly a new chorus of terrified shrieks rang through the air as three black, cloaked figures appeared directly in front of a group of Ravenclaws trying to get to the forest. Q also noted two Slytherin seventh years in the group. The figure in the middle pointed his wand at a fourth-year blonde girl with pigtails.

Then the girl was falling to the ground, screaming. Q's eyes narrowed.

Oh, the things I could do to these carbon-based lifeforms. They think the Crucio curse is bad? I could make that look like a stroll through the Reman mines. Maybe I should just forget the stupid bet. . .

"Expelliarmus!" a voice suddenly shouted.

Q recognized immediately; it was Professor Dumbledore. All three death eaters' wands sailed through the air and into the headmaster's waiting hand. As one, the three of them turned to look at the old man now holding their wands. There were three 'pops' and suddenly the unarmed death eaters were shielded by four others.

The two closest to the forest didn't hesitate in attacking Dumbledore. The other two turned their attention to the students, namely those in Harry Potter's defense club, who were trying to protect everyone else. Q saw Hermione, Ron and Neville trying to block the dark wizards' attacks with some, small success.

The other students, seeing that the death eater's attention was only on a few individuals, took advantage of whatever openings they could find and ran towards either Hogwarts, the Forbidden Forest, or back to Hogsmeade.

It only took about 10 minutes for one of the death eaters to break through Neville's defenses and the Gryffindor went flying backwards into a bush.

Moments later, there were two more pops. It was Remus Lupin and q. Q raised an eyebrow in interest, wondering just what his son was planning on doing to defend his charges. After all, the possibilities were indeed endless.

Q chuckled slightly when he noticed the bewildered look the werewolf gave his new fighting partner when he noticed the fish on his robes. Which had at some point in time managed to grow long, pointy teeth and very malicious, angry expressions.

His momentary distraction cost him, but Lupin managed to look up in time to dodge the curse headed for him. Meanwhile, q managed to take advantage of his own opponent's preoccupation with his robes and threw him a Bat Boogey hex.

While the second death eater was cancelling the hex on his companion, Professor Janeway grabbed Lupin and dragged him back a few steps. Q could see the former DADA professor protesting and the defense club members frowning. He himself was quite curious about what his son was up to. When he thought they were a sufficient distance away, his son stopped, said something to Lupin and then turned his attention back to the death eaters, who were now Bat Boogey-free.

q pointed his wand and began chanting in a deep voice. The language sounded foreign to the English wizards' ears, the words harsh and menacing. Several of the death eaters took a step back, not really sure if they wanted to go up against a spell that was so ancient they couldn't even recognize the tongue it was spoken in.

Q rolled his eyes. While the wizards had no idea what his son was chanting, he definitely recognized the old, Cardassian nursery rhyme.

q stopped chanting. Then there was a huge flash of light so blinding that everyone brought their hands up in front of their eyes in order to shield themselves from the glare. It only lasted a few seconds and everything was back to normal.

The death eaters looked down at themselves and then at their surroundings. Everything was exactly the same as before. Then they looked at the current DADA professor. q had his arms crossed and was looking at them with a smug expression on his face. Even the fish were now grinning widely at them. Which only seemed to confuse them more.

Then one of the students gasped.

Oh you have got to be kidding me.

It was then that the death eaters noticed that the students- and Lupin- were staring at something behind them with wide eyes. A few of the older ones were slowly moving backwards.

What did he do? Watch an insane amount of television between his classes!

The dark wizards really didn't seem to want to turn around to look at what was behind them. But they did anyway. . . very slowly. And then they froze. The one on the right actually began trembling as he stared at the magnificent set of sharp teeth that were only inches away from his face. Then the skinny, dark creature opened its jaws and a large tongue came out. The death eater jumped back in surprise, when the 'tongue' suddenly revealed a set of sharp, pointy teeth of its own.

Ok, ok, I'll admit it: this is fun to watch.

"What is that thing?" Draco asked no one in particular.

"A dentist's worst nightmare," Q answered.

"A what?"

"Nevermind, it's a muggle thing."

"Oh. Wait, those things exist in the muggle world!"

"Only as a figment of some poor, demented soul's imagination."

Suddenly they heard a loud screeching sound. Q looked back to his son and the death eaters and saw that the creature was on the ground several meters away and the second wizard had his wand pointed at it. The first death eater ran to join his companion. However, moments later the creature was once again on its feet, tail swaying behind it as it crouched down.

The creature leaped, landing only a few steps away from the two dark wizards. The wizards screamed like a couple of five-year-old girls and ran for their lives. The alien followed.

At some point in time during the q - death eater showdown, Professor Dumbledore had managed to subdue his two attackers. He was now watching the two death eaters with a thoughtful expression and a twinkle in his eye.

There was a 'pop' as Professor Snape apparated beside q. He frowned as he too glanced the death eaters retreating as fast as their legs would carry them. Then he turned to Professor Janeway.

"Although it is a pleasant change to see that the position of Defense against the Dark Arts instructor has not been filled by the customary complete incompetent," he said, "would you mind explaining what in Merlin's name THAT was?"

"Why Professor Snape, thank you; coming from you that is high praise indeed," said Professor Janeway with a sweet smile, "and that was a just a neat little spell I learnt during my travels in Africa. It works by, essentially, conjuring up the most terrifying image you can think of."

"Professor Janeway," a seventh year muggleborn from Hufflepuff began, "are those things real? I mean, I always thought they were just fictional."

"Oh, well they are. I had to think of something terrifying in a hurry and the first thing I thought of was this muggle movie I had once seen, called _Alien_."

"Well done, James, well done," Professor Dumbledore congratulated his DADA professor, "but I think you'd better stay here, just in case your little imaginary friend gets a bit out of hand. Severus, would you and Remus kindly escort the students back to the school. I do believe that the death eaters in Hogsmeade are still a problem. I will head there."

The two men in question nodded briefly to the headmaster and quickly began to round up the students in order to get them all back to Hogwarts.

* * *

Author's Notes:

**The Other Q -** He appeared in the Voyager episode: "Death Wish". I think I did a fairly good job of giving a general idea of what happened during that episode, so I won't elaborate further. I don't think the poison Q gave the other Q was actually hemlock, but I thought it was a nice touch, so I put it in.

**Scarab Beetle - **The scarab beetle is the sign for the Egyptian high god Khepri. According to the Ancient Egyptian creation myth, Khepri essentially created all animal and plant-life. Another name for Khepri is Ra. Or rather, during the day when the god is in the 'upper world' he is Ra. During the night, when he is in the Underworld fighting Apophasis, he is Khepri. I am not going into a lot of detail here, because I don't have the space for it and most of you don't care anyway, but the "evil that creates good" is something I read in a translator's notes regarding a book I read that also had a scarab beetle show up in it. Therefore, I will assume the translator knew what she was talking about.

**The two lab mice -** If you didn't recognize Pinky and the Brain, then you apparently need a refreshment course on your _Anamaniacs_. Or maybe that particular cartoon wasn't really big outside of North America, I don't know. Either way, that's who those two were.

- If you didn't recognize Pinky and the Brain, then you apparently need a refreshment course on your . Or maybe that particular cartoon wasn't really big outside of North America, I don't know. Either way, that's who those two were. 

And I think that by now, you all should have figured out that the "creature" q conjured up was the alien from the _Aliens_ movie series. You know, the ones with Sigorney Weaver in them.

Oh, and I realize that I haven't used q's full name since the very beginning of this fic, so just to refresh your memories: the full name he's using is James T. Janeway. Hence, why Dumbledore called him James.

I will try very hard to get the next chapter up soon! Now please review!


	36. Missing: One Head Table

**I feel** absolutely horrible for taking this long to update. Sorry guys. I've had this chapter written by hand for almost a month now, but with being away (moving into a new house 3 days before Christmas is not fun) and not having my own computer, I've only just gotten around to typing it up. It's a long one, so hopefully that'll make up for it.

Since has changed its rules and I'm no longer able to respond to your reviews here, I'll only say a few things. I'm glad you liked my interpretation of Peeves. And a few people mentioned that q was called Quintin in the series (by the Voyager crew anyway). Well, here's the deal: a couple months before I began this fic, I read a bood co-written by John D'Lancie called _I, Q_ and in it they referred to Q's son as q and his wife as Mrs. Q. I rather liked that differentiation, since I kinda got the idea that Qs don't really name themselves and just refer to each other as Q, so it would make sense for Q to think of his son as q. By the way, the book is hillairous and really well written and it's where I got theinspiration for how to write my Q.

In the future I'll be responding to your reviews directly using those wonderful review response links. .. which only work if you're logged in. Or you can ask me questions on my livejournal, where I've started posting random updates on how my storie's going (and occasionally giving teasers about the next chapter). I'm morenaevensong .

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, except for the oddly twisted plotline. . . at least I think there's a plot.

* * *

**A Year with Q**

**Chapter 36** – Missing: One Head Table

Q was bored.

And more than a little upset with Voldemort for attacking Hogsmeade, thus disrupting an otherwise dull visit and creating the situation he found himself in now. Which made even the dull Hogsmeade visit seem somewhat exciting.

The entire school was in the Great Hall, apparently for protection. Q rolled his eyes at the notion that having everyone in the most obviously room in the castle was going to keep them safe. Remus Lupin was standing by the doors watching over the students anxiously. Professor Sprout and several of the professors were walking amongst them trying to reassure them.

Needless to say, most of the students looked terrified, although thankfully most of the panic attacks had passed. Or passed out.

_I wish I could turn Voldemort into a nice, fat pig and then feed him to a ravenous Cardassian lizard beast. Heck, I'll even give him a blonde wig with pigtails. Stupid bet._

He looked over at his housemates and frowned. The death eater attack had left 12 students dead, although only Q knew the exact number. He knew that two out of the five students being transported to St. Mungo's wouldn't make it through the night, no matter what the healers did. Among the dead were two Slytherin fifth years.

The sudden, shocking realization that it didn't matter which house they were in, or who their parents were, had sent the house into a stupor. Draco Malfoy had sat down and said: "They attacked us as well" and hadn't moved since.

Pansy was the only one who seemed to have found the strength to pull herself together. She walked around the Slytherin table, talking to the lower years, trying to convince them everything was going to be all right. She even tried rousing Draco with no success.

Q looked to the other side of the room and noticed the Gryffindors were in some sort of conference.

_Well, that has to be more interesting than a bunch of nitwits staring into space._

"We have to do something," Hermione was saying. "Just look at them, they're terrified."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," said Ron.

"Hermione's right," Ginny said. "If we let the fear control us, we've already lost."

"So what do we do?" Harry asked. Then he frowned. "And please tell me you want me to give some sort of uplifting speech."

"Well, now that you mention it. . ." Hermione looked thoughtful for a moment, before she noticed Harry's glare. "Oh, don't look at me like that. You're their hero. They look up to you. What they need right now is hope. . . they'll listen to you."

_You're not serious, right? The only good thing that could possibly come of that is that the Slytherins will look up and start transfiguring random objects into rotten fruit in order to throw it at them. Hmm. . .maybe I do approve of this idea. It would certainly wake everybody up._

Harry groaned.

"You have no idea how sorry I am right now that I brought it up."

"Well, I'm sure the Slytherins would appreciate an inspirational speech from the Boy-Who-Lived," Ron joked. "Luckily for you, there's no food on the tables."

_Exactly!_

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Speaking of the Slytherins. . ." Harry began, "am I the only one who's confused about them warning us about the attack?"

"Technically they didn't actually warn us per say," Hermione said. "Picard told Ginny after she asked him what was going on."

"True, but I'm pretty sure I saw Picard and Malfoy actually fighting the death eaters."

"You sure 'bout that mate?" Ron asked sceptically.

"Positive."

"Well, that's. . . unexpected. . ." Hermione looked slightly confused.

_What's so unexpected about it? They were trying to kill us! I mean sure, technically they couldn't have killed me anyway, and honestly my list of top one thousand most terrifying things in the galaxy doesn't even come close to mentioning them. . . but I think I have a right to be offended when such a pathetic excuse for a life form dares to even conceive of the notion that it can destroy me._

"It's not really like they had much of a choice really," Semus interjected. "The death eaters were pretty much cursing anything that moved."

"I heard they even killed some of the Slytherins," Lavendar added.

"Good thing Professor Janeway showed up when he did, or we'd all be dead," Neville said and everyone nodded.

"I have never been so glad to be wrong in my entire life," Hermione stated. "I was sure Janeway was just another Lockhart, except with better acting skills and a worse wardrobe."

"Yeah, that spell he did was bloody brilliant!" Ron agreed. "I wonder if he'd teach it to us."

"Just so long as you don't conjure up the same thing he did," Neville said and shuddered. "Those things were horrifying. Why would anyone create something so ghastly?"

"Entertainment," Semus said. "I saw all four movies two summers ago with my older cousin. Had nightmares for a week afterwards."

"You call nightmares entertainment?" Harry asked.

"No, but they prove just how good and realistic the movies are."

"Muggles are strange," Ron said, shaking his head.

"Um. . .what's a movie?" Neville asked.

"It's this muggle thing that happens inside a box called a televisor," Ron said, excited to be able to explain something from the muggle world. "It's kind of like a wizarding portrait, except that the pictures move from place to place and have all sorts of different people in them pretending to be other people and it tells a story."

_Ok, even I'm confused by that explanation._

Neville still looked confused, but decided not to ask anymore questions for fear of getting even more.

"Anyway, so back to the Slytherins. .." Hermione began again.

"Of course, the Slytherins!" Ginny exclaimed. She turned around and hurried towards the farthest table in the Great Hall.

"Huh?" was the only thing Harry could think of saying. He looked at Hermione, whose only response was to shrug.

* * *

Pansy was rounding the end of the Slytheirn table, preparing herself mentally for another attempt at getting Draco to help her with the students. Seeing their unofficial leader staring lifelessly into space, was not helping morale. 

Suddenly someone grabbed her arm. She turned around and her eyes widened in surprise when she saw who it was.

"What do you want, Weasley?" she asked. She would've added a sneer if she had had the energy for it.

"Could you play the piano?" Ginny asked in response.

"I should think you already know very well that I can play the piano. . . "

"No, I mean now. Could you play the piano now? And maybe have Goyle sing along or something."

"Slytherins perform for Slytherins. Why in Merlin's name would we want to change that?"

"Look around you Parkinson, everyone's absolutely terrified. They need something to take their minds off the attack."

Pansy looked around the Great Hall. She hadn't been paying attention to anyone other than the Slytherins.

"Please."

Pansy met Ginny's eyes and studied the Gryffindor's earnest expression. She nodded slowly. Ginny's face lit up.

"I'll have to talk to the others and they might not agree. . . "

"That's ok, as long as you try." Ginny turned to leave.

"Oh, and Weasley. . ." Ginny stopped and looked back at her. ". . .my name is Pansy." Ginny grinned.

"Then I'm Ginny."

The girls nodded and went back to their respective houses. Ginny was immediately cornered by her brother, who demanded to know why she had gone to talk to "that cow Parkinson". Ginny replied that she and Pansy "had prefect business to discuss", which of course started an argument over the fact that Ginny was on a first-names basis with future death eaters.

Pansy, meanwhile managed to convince her friends to go along with the plan.

"But Pansy," Goyle said, "what about the instruments. How are we going to get them if we can't leave the Great Hall?"

"He's right," Evergreen, the second-year violinist, said, crossing his arms. "And I absolutely refuse to play a transfigured violin. Violins sound absolutely dreadful when they're transfigured."

"The same goes for saxophones," Goyle added.

Pansy opened her mouth to respond, but closed it when she realized she had no idea how to answer that question.

"I have an idea," Blaise piped up. Everyone turned to him and he smirked. "Dobby! Dobby, get over here!" he called. There was a small 'pop'.

"Yes Mister Zabini, sir," a small squeaky voice said. "What can Dobby do for Mister Zabini?"

Several sets of wide eyes stared at the house elf. They weren't really staring at the creature itself, but rather at what it was wearing. Instead of the standard tea cozy, it was wearing a full set of robes, complete with an ornate clasp. He may actually have looked like a distinguished, if very small, wizard if he hadn't been wearing four hats on his head with the letters SPEW embroidered on them.

_Ok. . . that's possibly one of the odder-looking things I've ever seen. What am I talking about? He doesn't even come close to competing with my son for the 'worst dresser of the year award'._

"You know, I might be going a tad barmy," said Draco as he eyed the bizarre-looking creature thoughtfully. "But I think it looks vaguely familiar."

The house elf suddenly spun around to look at Draco with eyes that looked they were threatening to pop out of its skull at any moment.

"Young Master Draco, sir," it squealed in alarm. Surprise fluttered over Draco's face, before he narrowed his eyes and examined the house elf.

"You used to work at the Manor," he pronounced finally.

"Young Master Draco remembers Dobby!" the former Malfoy elf exclaimed and practically jumped for joy. Then it sobered. "But Dobby does not belong to Master Lucius anymore, because Dobby is free and so Young Master Draco is not Dobby's master either and so Dobby does not have to call Young Master Draco, 'young master' anymore because the great and noble Harry Potter tricked Master Lucius into freeing Dobby. Dobby is now free and making money and does not belong to anyone anymore."

_And that was supposed to make sense in which dimension?_

"Umm. . . yes, thank you for clearing that up Dobby," Blaise said. "Anyway, I have a favour to ask of you."

"Mister Zabini wishes for Dobby to hang up more pictures?"

"No, not this time. I have a different favour to ask of you."

Dobby frowned. Suddenly his eyes doubled in size and he looked up at Blaise with a horrified expression.

"Dobby will not harm Harry Potter!"

_Huh? Did I just have a time lapse? Where did that come from?_

"Why not?" Draco immediately countered. Blaise just blinked. Pansy was clearly taken aback, but soon her surprise was replaced by amusement.

"Uh, that's not what I was going to ask Dobby. . ." Blaise said slowly.

"But it is a great idea Dobby, thanks for the suggestion!" Draco interrupted cheerfully.

Blaise glared at him.

"I should've known mentioning Potter's death would bring him to his senses," Pansy muttered.

"What I was going to ask," Blaise began again, loudly, "was if you also had access to our dormitories."

"Brilliant idea!" Draco cried enthusiastically. "You can smother Potter in his sleep with a pillow! Preferably a green pillow with snakes on it!"

Everyone, except for Dobby, groaned. Dobby looked scandalized.

"Yes, wonderfully original idea, Othello," Q said. "Why didn't Voldemort think of that?"

"Because he has the intelligence of someone who was defeated by a one-year-old?" Blaise asked innocently. Q's eyebrows shot up as everyone else stifled chuckles.

_Did he just. . . ? Oh I'm good, I'm so good. That's at least 50 points to me and a big fat zero points to the big, bad, snake wizard. And I seriously need to get out of this school. . . it's corrupting my thought patterns.I actually just awarded myself points._

"Who's Othello?" Draco suddenly asked.

"A character from a Shakespeare play," Q answered.

"You mean there are more Shakespeare plays I haven't read!"

_Just when I thought humans were semi-intelligent creatures._

"Of course there are, seeing as how he wrote 37 of them!"

"Oh."

"Anyway," Blaise began again. "Dobby, could you get into Slytherin and bring us back a few things?"

"Yes, Dobby could do that," the sceptical elf said. "But only if it isn't going to harm Harry Potter."

"Dobby, I solemnly swear Pansy will not use the thick rope under my bed to strangle Potter." Everyone glared at Draco, who was smiling cheerfully. "Because I will."

"Oh for Merlin's sake, Malfoy!" Millicent exclaimed. "What are you, drunk?"

That shut Draco up.

"Dobby, please ignore Draco," Pansy said sweetly. "All we wanted you to get was a few instruments. For music."

"Musical instruments?" Dobby echoed.

"Yes. Evergreen's violin, Goyle's saxophone and the stack of parchment from the piano in the Common Room."

Dobby thought about that for a few minutes. Then he nodded.

"Very well, Dobby can do this," he straightened up resolutely. "What will you give Dobby if Dobby gets the musical instruments from Slytherin House?"

Blaise and Pansy looked a bit uncomfortable at the question.

"Well, umm, you see Dobby, we can't leave the Great Hall, so therefore we don't actually have anything at the moment," Blaise said.

"But we give you our word that we'll pay you back as soon as we're let out of here," Pansy quickly added.

Dobby shook his head.

"No, Dobby does not think that is a very good idea. Either Mister Zabini pays Dobby now, or Dobby does not get anything."

_Well, what do you know, the creature has an inner Ferengi._

Blaise and Pansy looked at each other with flabbergasted expression on their faces. They apparently hadn't expected Dobby to refuse and had no idea what to do now that he had.

Suddenly Draco knelt down next to Dobby and held out something to the house elf.

"Will this be sufficient payment?" he asked. Dobby caught sight of the small object in Draco's hand and his eyes widened in disbelief.

"Young Master Draco would give Dobby his family ring?" he asked quietly.

Draco nodded solemnly. Dobby snatched the ring out of the blond's hand and disappeared with a pop. Draco stood up again.

"Draco. . . " was all Pansy could think to say.

"You know, that felt rather cathartic," Draco said lightly before he walked towards the Slytherin table, where food had appeared about five minutes ago. He turned around.

"Well, what are you lot waiting for? Start setting up already!"

Still in a partial state of shock, Pansy immediately set out to track down her seventh year transfiguration wiz of a friend. Goyle and Blaise began organizing some of the other sixth and seventh years in creating a music area in the Slytherin corner of the Great Hall.

* * *

". . .they're all death eaters-in-training and you're being friendly with them!" Ron was still ranting five minutes after Ginny returned from her meeting with Pansy. "Next thing you know, you'll be snogging Malfoy and going to pureblood only tea parties!" 

"Ron, I think you're exaggerating," Harry said in an attempt to stop the redhead's rant before Ginny's impending explosion. Though legendary for their bravery, all the Gryffindors knew better than step between the two siblings when their tempers flared.

Hermione was alternating her attention between her friends and the entrance to the Great Hall, where some of the professors had gathered with a few Order members. The adults were oblivious to what was happening. Apparently, whatever was going on outside the hall was more urgent.

The bushy-haired girl watched as most of them suddenly dashed off, leaving only Remus Lupin and Professor Snape inside with the students. Snape wasted no time in sneering at the werewolf the moment the doors had shut behind the others. Then he abruptly turned and headed for a group of Slytherin first years, who were huddled together at the end of their table.

She took the opportunity to really look at the students of said house for the first time since the attack.

She wasn't quite sure what she had been expecting, but the downcast, frightened expressions surprised her somewhat. She felt a pang of guilt for having even considered that they might be celebrating.

Then she spotted Malfoy and his group, which for some reason included a second year she didn't recognize. They were standing on the far end of the Slytherin table in a small circle and talking amongst themselves.

"Harry," she said. When there was no answer, she turned around and found him arguing with Ron. She rolled her eyes.

"Harry! Ron!" she yelled at them. Both boys stopped mid-argument and looked at her with 'what now?' looks. She motioned towards the Slytherin Table.

"Oh look, figures Malfoy would be up to something," Ron said venomously. "Probably planning a little celebration in the name of his father's enormous success today."

"Shut up Ron!" Ginny snapped. "In case you haven't noticed, none of the Slytherins look like they particularly want to throw a party!"

Ron opened his mouth to reply, but Harry cut him off.

"Ron, no," he said. "Besides, she's right. Which could mean they're all really good actors, but- woah, what the. . !"

"Is that Dobby?" Hermione asked.

"I-I think so."

"Merlin! I know I haven't seen him since before Christmas, but still. . . he's wearing robes!" Ron said.

Sure enough, Dobby was standing in the middle of the Slytherin cluster and talking to Zabini and Parkinson. Then Malfoy got involved as well. His friends, however, didn't quite seem to appreciate the blond's input and spent a lot of time glaring at him. Until Bulstrode finally said something and he clammed up.

The Gryffindors jumped as food suddenly appeared on the table in front of them. Ron's stomach grumbled.

"Must be dinner time," he shrugged and went to sit. Everyone else chuckled and followed his example. Hermione was in the middle of pulling her chair out from the table, when Ginny grabbed her arm.

"Hermione look!" she said.

Now, since she was a child, Hermione had always had a very active imagination. It was partially thanks to this imagination that she was so good at solving riddles and finding solutions to whatever problem was put before her. But never, even in her most abstract daydreams, had she ever imagined seeing Draco Malfoy, self-proclaimed Prince of Slytherin, down on one knee in front of a house elf.

She was sure she'd have an incredibly intelligent and witty comment to make on the spectacle. . . just as soon as she recovered from her shock.

"I think the death eaters might've permanently damaged him," Harry remarked.

Suddenly Dobby snatched something shiny from Malfoy's outstretched hand and disappeared. Malfoy stood up as if nothing had happened, but the others were staring at him as if he'd proposed to Dobby.

Realization hit Hermione like a blunt speeding bullet with jetpacks.

"Oh Merlin," she gasped and brought a hand to her mouth. "That's absolutely brilliant!"

Harry, Ron and Ginny looked at her expectantly.

"Sorry, but what's brilliant?" Harry eventually prompted her. Hermione turned to him.

"You know those cartoons that started mysteriously appearing in the common rooms just after we got back from Christmas break?" she asked. Her friends nodded. "And you remember how not even Professor McGonagall could figure out how the person was getting them in?"

More nods.

"Oh wow," Ginny suddenly said. "You're right; that is brilliant!"

The boys looked at each other.

"Wait, hang on," Ron looked at Hermione incredulously. "Are you seriously suggesting that it's one of the Slytherins doing it and they've been bribing Dobby to put the pictures up?"

"Yes, I am."

"You're mental!"

"Why do you think it's a Slytherin?" Harry asked. "It makes no sense."

"Think about it Harry, who else would go to such lengths to remain completely anonymous?" Ginny reasoned. "I mean, at this point, whoever started the whole picture exchange thing is practically a hero in their own way."

"Exactly," Hermione agreed. "However, if the artist is a Slytherin, then he or she would probably get crucified by their housemates if they ever found out."

"Not to mention their parents," Ginny added with a thoughtful expression. "If their parents are death eaters and they ever found out about the artwork. . . well, I can imagine that to say they wouldn't be happy about it is an understatement."

"So, basically you two are saying that you think a Slytherin is responsible for one of the biggest student-led anti-Voldemort campaigns Hogwarts has ever seen?" Harry asked slowly.

"Uh. . . well, yes, I guess we are," Hermione seemed to have finally realized where her logic had taken her.

"Whatever, I'm starving," Ron dismissed the group in favour of the chicken in front of him.

"Everything all right here?" a voice asked from across the table.

"Professor- I mean, Remus!" Harry exclaimed. "I'm glad you're here."

"So am I, although I do wish the circumstances were better," their former professor smiled weakly. "Although at least I seem to have managed to calm down the more hysterical of the younger students."

"You should sit down and eat with us," Ron said.

"Yeah, absolutely," Harry agreed.

"Thanks boys, but I think I'll go eat at the Head Ta-" Remus motioned to the front of the Great Hall and did a double take. He stood staring at it for a few moments. "Umm. . . where's the Head Table?"

"Uhh. . . good question. . . " Ron said.

"It was there a minute ago. . .I think," Hermione added.

"Well, Snape sure doesn't seem all that concerned," Harry commented as he spotted the Hogwarts Potions Master sitting at the head of the Slytherin Table chatting idly with Draco, Q and a few other Slytherin students.

Just then Headmaster Dumbledore and the other house heads entered the Great Hall. They were engaged in a heated debate. Professor McGonagall momentarily looked up and froze in place. She lurched forward as Professor Flitwick walked into her.

After the group of professors all blinked wordlessly at the podium where the Head Table usually sat, they made a collective beeline for Remus.

"Remus," McGonagall said, "where in Merlin's name is the Head Table?"

"Er, I haven't the slightest clue, actually," Remus answered sheepishly.

"Professor," Lavender Brown called from a bit further down the table. "I saw the Slytherins levitate it down and into the corner, but then Professor Snape went after them, so I didn't say anything."

"Oh."

The professors looked at each other.

"Well, I'm sure Severus has an excellent explanation for our missing table," Professor Dumbledore declared calmly.

Whatever he was about to add was cut off by a single, long violin note that cut through the hall. All noise stopped as everyone looked around to see where it was coming from.

The single note turned into another and was joined by soft piano music.

Ginny immediately recognized the intro Pansy had played when Ginny had been in Slytherin House before. Hermione also recognized it. Her glass froze halfway to her lips.

Then above both instruments, a clear, deep voice rang throughout the Great Hall as it sang in Latin.

"Ave Maria. . . "

The glass slipped out of Hermione's hand. It bounced off the edge of the table, spilling pumpkin juice all over her lap. But she barely noticed.

"Hermione, are you alright?" Ron asked. She nodded even as she felt her eyes begin to water.

"This is _Ave Maria_ by Bach," she said as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "My grandmother loved this piece."

She stopped and closed her eyes, listening and remembering.

"They played it at her funeral," she whispered.

"It's beautiful," Harry whispered. Everyone else nodded.

The piece ended and silence spread through the Great Hall. Professor Snape was the one to break it with three short claps. Soon the rest of Hogwarts was also applauding the unexpected performance.

A few more professors entered the hall at this point, along with more Order members. Naturally, they were somewhat confused by the clapping. And the absent Head Table.

"I wonder who the singer was," Harry said.

"Goyle," Ginny answered automatically. She cringed when she realized that, logically, there was no way she should know that. Sure enough, no one missed her blunder.

But before they could question her, the musicians started up again. This time, Ron was the one to recognize the traditional wizard ballad.

"Bloody Hell!" he exclaimed part-way through. He was at this point standing on top of his chair in order to get a better look at the Slytherin corner of the room, where the music was coming from. "It really is Goyle!"

"What!" Harry and Hermione exclaimed and also began climbing onto their chairs.

"Well," Professor Dumbledore said, "I suppose this solves the mystery of the missing table."

"And such a wonderful, rich tone as well," Professor Flitwick added.

"Yes, that's quite the transfiguration's feat," McGonagall said. "I wonder who did it. . . "

All over the Great Hall, students were standing up and craning their necks to see who the performers were.

The song ended and Professor Dumbledore was the first to begin clapping. Goyle, not used to being applauded by such a large room full of people, looked uneasily from side to side. Pansy stoop up from the piano and leaned over to whisper something to him. He looked at her and nodded.

"Well, who'd have figured that Goyle, of all people, was musically inclined," Hermione said as the entire student body watched Goyle walk over to the wall and pick up a saxophone.

"Yeah," Ron agreed.

"I honestly didn't think he could read words, let alone notes," Harry said.

"Apparently Professor Snape did," Hermione pointed out. "He doesn't seem at all surprised by any of this."

Piano music once again filled the Great Hall. Except this time it was slightly more upbeat and without the violin. Everyone could practically heard Pansy's fingers dance across the keyboard. Deep, mellow tones of a saxophone joined in.

"Clearly, they've been practicing together," Remus suddenly said. "They're definitely good. I wonder if they ever perform."

"Only for Slytherin House," Ginny said. She cringed once again. Hermione turned to look at her.

"This is what you went to discuss with Parkinson, wasn't it?" she said. Ginny nodded.

"Well, why didn't you just say so?" Ron demanded and his sister rolled her eyes a dozen nasty responses on her lips. However, she opted for the more diplomatic response.

"Because Pansy wasn't sure if she could get the others to agree. They usually only perform for Slytherins."

"Then how exactly did you know about this, Miss Weasley?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"With all do respect, professor, I-I'd rather not say. . ."

"Miss Weasley!"

Ginny winced.

"Well, I uh. . . sort of snuck into Slytherin House on evening to put up a picture on their board and well, they happened to be performing when I did-"

"When did you sneak into Slytherin House!" Ron demanded.

* * *

No one really took notice of q when he walked into the Great Hall with Moddy and several Weaselys. Whatever they had been doing up 'till now couldn't have been too interesting, because the fish on q's robes had fallen sleep. In other words, they all had cartoon-like speech bubbles pointing to them with several z's floating around inside. 

Q looked over at the group as they entered. He smirked at the look of utter misery and boredom on his son's face.

q looked at his father and glared. Then his eyes flashed as he got an idea. q snapped his fingers and sat down at the first available seat looking very pleased with himself.

Q frowned. He didn't see anything different. He concentrated on his son's Q essence and followed its trail with his consciousness. Then he figured out what q had done.

_Oh this is priceless, absolutely priceless and wish I had thought of it first._

To the humans in the room, Q appeared to be sitting casually at the Slytherin table, listening to Goyle playing jazz on his saxophone. To everyone else, he was laughing hysterically.

He was still laughing when the saxophone stopped and Goyle walked over to the table to get a drink of pumpkin juice. The Great Hall was silent.

All of a sudden, a chair screeched and curious students watched as Luna Lovegood of Ravenclaw walked up to the piano. She briefly talked to Pansy. Pansy nodded and turned to her notes, flipping through them until she found what she was looking for.

Long, airy notes filled the room and Luna began to sing. Her voice wasn't rich and deep like Goyle's, or even strong like the Slytherins knew Pansy's was. It was light and sweet, but not screechy. Luna sang an old love song, most purebloods in the room recognized about the unrequited love of a young witch.

Before she was half-way through, several others had joined in.

Everyone clapped when it was over. Luna bowed and went back to the Ravenclaw table amidst a sea of excited voices.

Two Gryffindor fourth year girls ran to the piano. After a short conversation, Pansy got up and let one of them take her place. The other girl jumped onto the podium where the Head Table usually resided. She shrugged off her outer robes to reveal muggle clothes: faded jeans and a yellow t-shirt that read "Dance Camp 1993" in big, black letters. She pointed at her feet with her want and said an incantation. Then she carefully placed her wand on top of her robes.

She went to stand at the centre of the podium and nodded to her friend at the piano. The other girl flexed her fingers and started up a lively melody. But all attention was on the podium as the girl on it began to dance. Her legs seemed to fly in all directions as she tapped her way from one end of the podium to the other, sometimes jumping so close to the edge that everyone was amazed she didn't fall off.

When she was done, a Hufflepuff seventh year performed a gymnastics routine.

Hours later, when the professors finally sent the reluctant students off to bed, everyone knew a bit more about each other.

They knew, for instance, that Hufflepuff had a stand-up comedian capable of giving Professor McGonagall stitches. They knew that Ravenclaw could easily put together a decent dance troupe if they wanted to, that Semus knew way too many drinking songs for someone who wasn't legally able to drink yet, that the Weasley Twins couldn't sing, that their younger brother was even worse, that Cho Chang could play the harp and that Professor Hooch had a surprisingly operatic voice.

And Professor Dumbledore knew that no matter what happened, his students would make it through.

* * *

Several dozen kilometres away, in what from the outside looked like an old, abandoned shack on the edge of a cliff, Lord Voldemort sat frowning on a high-back ornately carved wooden chair. All around him, on the floor, the mantle above the fireplace, on the chairs and even inside the iron maiden he had confiscated from the house of a particularly odd muggle, spread a colourful sea of furry balls. 

One of them moved. the Dark Lord's right hand shot up and a green light came out of his wand, hitting the fur ball dead on. It stopped moving.

Slowly, and quietly, his death eaters resumed floating the things out of the room.

By the left back leg of Lord Voldemort's throne, lay a partially crumpled piece of parchment. It read:

_Dear Voldilocks,_

_I am simply writing to congratulate you on finding a new and inventive way of livening up Hogwart's monthly Hogsmeade weekends, which can sometimes become quite dull and tedious._

_However, I would like to respectfully request that next time you remind your minions to tidy up a bit before they flee back to your super secret hideout. After all, cleanliness is next to godliness. If you are so adamant in pursuing god-like powers, I believe you should keep that little proverb in mind. Also, a nice little message telling us that they have indeed gone and are not still lurking about would also be greatly appreciated. As you can imagine, it would save us a lot of time._

_I certain hope there is no bad blood between us as I have nothing but respect and admiration for your noble goal of riding the planet Earth of all lower life forms. Although, I fear you may find this goal somewhat difficult to achieve even with your advanced level of evilness._

_As a token of my appreciation, I send you these creatures. They are called Tribbles and make wonderful house pets as they are remarkably low-maintenance. All they require is plenty of food._

_Your's truly,_

_q._

* * *

Well, I hope that made up slightly for the wait. I promise to have the next chapter up sooner. Much sooner. 

Author's Notes:

**Othello** - The main character from Shakespeare's play of the same name. He smothers his wife to death with a pillow, because he believes she was unfaithful to him.


	37. The Slytherin Factor

**Yes, I'm back** with a new chapter! This story is slowly drawing to a close, but I still have quite a few things planned for it. Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing; I really appreciate it. I have one more week of classes before Study Break, which I will be spending at my family's. In other words, I will literally have nothing better to do all day than write fan fiction, more or less. Translation: the next chapter should be up sometime around next weekend.

Just a reminder: 'blah' telepathic speech, aka. Fawkes talking to Q

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own any of this.

* * *

**A Year with Q**

**Chapter 37 **- The Slytherin Factor

Professor McGonagall walked into her classroom Wednesday morning feeling rather cheerful, all things considered. As long as she didn't actively think about the 12 dead students, she could actually manage a somewhat optimistic attitude. Her first class of the day was second year Hufflepuff-Slytherin, which she didn't think was all that bad of a start. Especially since the Slytherins in this particular group were slightly less obnoxious than the usual bunch.

And so with a determination to not allow herself to fall into depression, the transfigurations professor unlocked the door into her classroom and walked in.

And stopped the moment she actually saw the interior.

She scanned the room from one end to the other. Then she shook her head as a slight smile graced her lips. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she realized that normally she'd be positively livid and wondered if perhaps she should run and get the headmaster just so she could make a fuss. However, for some reason, she didn't feel upset, but somewhat relieved.

She couldn't help but think that things were starting to get back to normal at Hogwarts. Whatever that meant.

So, Professor McGonagall walked into her office to lay down her mug of green tea. Then she went back into the classroom, took out her wand and started removing the furniture from where it was stuck upside down onto the ceiling with some very heavy-duty sticking charms.

Idly, she marvelled at how neat her desk looked with all the books, papers and knick knacks glued to it so they didn't fall off.

* * *

When Fred and George Weasley walked out of the fireplace in Professor Dumbledore's office, they had to double check they were in the right place. The crowded room was a confusing mess of people, divided into two groups. The first one consisted of Hogwarts professors doing a sort of collaborative rant. The second was, essentially, the rest of the Order. That group was listening to the professors with barely concealed amusement. 

The door into the office opened and Harry, Ron and Hermione walked in.

"Oi! Little brother and friends!" Fred yelled over the noise.

"How did you manage to get in on the meeting?" George asked as the trio saw them and moved towards them.

"It wasn't easy, believe me," Harry said.

"However, we pointed out that we had been there during the attack and, as students, could provide a unique perspective on it," said Hermione.

There was a whoosh from the fireplace as someone new flooed in. The group turned in time to watch Remus exit the fireplace.

"Hello everyone," he smiled and then noticed the professor's circle. He frowned in confusion. "What's going on?"

"I'm not sure. . . " began Fred.

". . . they were like this when we came in," finished George.

"Probably still going on about the morning prank-a-thon," Ron announced cheerfully. And a little too loudly. Suddenly Ron was on the receiving end of several death glares from the professors. Except for McGonagall, who had twinkles in her eyes to rival the headmaster's.

The twins looked at each other and grinned. Behind them, Remus chuckled quietly.

"What did they do this time?" he asked.

The glares directed themselves at him.

"Well, I walked into my classroom this morning to find all the furniture glued to the ceiling," Professor McGonagall said calmly. "Professor Flitwick had a snitch that told bad jokes at inopportune moments." The charms professor ground his teeth loudly. "It was snowing inside the arithmancy classroom, pouring rain inside the runes classroom and the greenhouses were turned into a swamp."

"It really wasn't that bad," Professor Sprout admitted. "I just wish they'd left out the alligator."

"Aye, slippery bugger that was," Hagrid agreed from the corner of the room where he was towering over everyone else.

"An alligator!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "But that's dangerous! Someone could've been killed!"

Professors Sprout and Hagrid blushed.

"Well, erm, it was actually just a giant stuffed toy alligator charmed to move," Sprout explained. The crowd burst into laughter and the professor looked slightly insulted. "It wasn't funny! I was terrified there was a real, dangerous animal in the greenhouse!"

"Well, it's a good thing that Hagrid was there to help catch the extremely dangerous non-creature," Snape said dryly from beside Professor McGonagall.

"Oh, you're one to talk," snapped Hooch. "Of all of us, you and Minerva got off the easiest."

"Exactly," Sprout agreed, "all you got was a bunch of signs plastered to your classroom door saying "Keep Out", "Enter at your own risk" and "Beware of Dangerous Creature"."

"Don't forget the howling doorknob, professor," Ron added helpfully. Neither the twins, nor Remus missed Snape flinch.

"The howling what?" Remus asked.

"Doorknob. Sounded like a bloody banshee whenever anyone touched it."

"Yes, I was the first one walking into class this morning," Hermione said. "It scared the living daylights out of me. Not to mention what a distraction it was whenever someone walked into class late." She looked pointedly at Harry and Ron, who just smiled sheepishly.

"It was a nightmare," Snape said. Then a small, malicious smile spread across his face. "However, it did make sneaking into class late a bit more. . . taxing than usual."

McGonagall snorted in amusement.

_Well, she certainly got up on the right side of the bed this morning. I don't think we tried hard enough if she actually found it amusing._

'No, Eternal One, I believe Professor McGonagall is merely happy to have something else to distract her from the weekend's tragedy.'

_Yes, thank you, I never would've figured that out by myself._

'No need to get testy.'

_That wasn't testy, that was sarcastic. I'm an omnipotent, omniscient being that's been reduced to playing silly little jokes on small-minded humans and watching their reactions for entertainment. I have every right to be bitter and sarcastic. Especially since my usual pranks are much more spectacular and I can't even show off!_

Fawks spread his wings and sang a long that sounded very much like laughter made of notes. It was bright and cheerful and everyone in the room turned to look at him.

Behind the phoenix's perch, an invisible Q leaned against the wall with his arms folded across his chest. He scowled and growled so that only Fawks could hear him.

Harry smiled widely.

"See," he laughed, "even Fawks thinks it's funny!"

"Thinks what is funny?" asked Dumbledore as he stepped into the office.

"The pranks from this morning," Ron answered. The headmaster chuckled.

"Aaah yes, it would seem our resident pranksters have taken it upon themselves to brighten up our mood. I'd award house points if I knew who they were."

"You would?" Snape asked as his head snapped to attention. Q watched the emotions in his eyes flitter around: loyalty to the students in his house warring with the ever-present desire to win the House Cup. In the end, he decided to keep the trust of his students. But not before he had attracted the suspicious glances of almost everyone in the room.

"Severus. . . do you perhaps know something about these pranks?" McGonagall asked slowly. "Something you'd like to tell us?"

"I can assure you Minerva, I know nothing about the pranks."

She didn't believe him, but he ignored her.

"Professor? Would that work?" Hermione suddenly asked.

"Would what work Miss. Granger?" Dumbledore asked.

"Awarding house points. If you simply gave points to 'the pranksters' would the points automatically get added to whichever house they were in?"

_Not a bad idea. . . if it works, it could make the game a bit more interesting._

The professors all looked at each other. Sprout shrugged.

"It would at least tell us which house the miscreants are in. That should cut the search down by quite a bit."

"But would it actually work that way?" Flitwick asked.

"It's definitely worth a try," Dumbledore shrugged. "I must say I am practically dying of curiosity to know who has been successfully catching us off guard this year. Hmm. . . I award 50 house points to the house of the school pranksters."

All eyes turned to four identical cylinders on the left wall. Each represented one of the houses and was filled with varying amounts of coloured liquid that reflected the amount of house points. They were all glowing. Then Gryffindor's red liquid suddenly returned to normal, followed by Hufflepuff's yellow and then Ravenclaw's blue. The only one left glowing was Slytherin, where the green liquid inside began slowly rising. When all 50 points had been added, this cylinder also stopped glowing.

Now everyone turned to a triumphantly smirking Professor Snape. He raised an eyebrow at the Gryffindor Head of House.

"Now then, what was that you said at the beginning of the year about Slytherins not making good pranksters?" he asked.

"You knew!" McGonagall cried. "You knew the pranksters were in your own house and you never said anything! No wonder you never got targeted the same way we did."

_That's not true! What about those beautiful bright orange robes we gave him!_

"Oh my gosh, that's it!" suddenly Hermione exclaimed.

"Sorry, you've lost us," Harry said when she didn't elaborate. "What's it?"

"Well isn't it obvious who the prankster is? I can't believe we didn't think of it before!"

Q shifted a bit to get into a more comfortable position, watching the girl with curiosity. He was genuinely interested to find out what she thought she had figured out.

"Really?" Fred asked quickly, eyes sparkling with excitement and mischief.

"Who is it?" George asked with an identical expression.

"Think about it: it would have to be someone who wasn't here before right? Otherwise we probably would've heard of him or her. I mean, I somehow doubt that whoever this is would've passed up an opportunity to prank the living daylights out of Umbridge."

"Right, makes sense," Ron said.

"And I think it's safe to say that most of the pranks have required some very advanced spells no first year would be capable of doing, right?"

"Right," the Weasley Twins said as one.

"So, it's someone in Slytherin, who isn't a first year and is new to the school."

Harry slapped his forehead.

"Picard," he groaned. "Of course. . . why didn't we think of him sooner."

_Good question. The only answer I can think of is that you have the mental capacity of a mouldy eggplant._

"Oh. Right. Plus, he's from America, so he might not have any problems with making fun of You-Know-Who," Ron said.

"Wait, hang on a second here!" a rough, scratchy voice said from the non-professor side of Dumbledore's desk. "Is this Mr. we-need-to-watch-him-because-he-might-be-a-death eater-spy Picard we're talking about?"

"Yes Alastor, indeed it is," Dumbledore answered. "Although the boy is still quite a bit of a mystery-"

_And not one you'll be unravelling anytime soon._

"-recent events have shown that perhaps he's not quite as much of a threat as we'd previously thought he was."

_No, I'm actually much worse of a threat. . . er, well I will be in a few, hopefully short, months. Just not the kind of threat you think I am._

'Do you plan on revealing yourself to them Eternal One?' Q heard Fawkes ask him in the back of his mind.

_Probably. Apparently I've grown to like these silly little humans a bit too much to let them go without a proper good-bye. You know, the kind people tend to wish I'd never give. I just haven't thought of the perfect way to say so long, farewell and aufweidersehen yet._

'You could sing and dance it to them.'

_I somehow don't think they'd survive seven of me._

'No, perhaps not.'

Q stayed for another hour, watching the Order of the Phoenix argue and plan and then argue about the plans, all the while providing what he thought was some much-needed commentary.

In the end, the Order unanimously decided it had no idea what to make of the Slytheirns, although Professor McGonagall wasn't quite sure whether to be relieved that there was nothing wrong with Common Room security, or outraged that Dobby would compromise them in exchange for a few small trinkets. The Golden Trio was asked to help the professors keep an eye on Slytherin students and the headmaster promised a case of candy to whomever could bring him evidence as to the identity of the prankster.

Also, and much to Q's amusement, it approved Dumbledore's suggestion to invite Professor Janeway to join the Order.

They also discussed other security measures and the incompetency of the ministry, but Q tuned those out. As the meeting started to wind down, he said good-bye to Fawks and before the great, golden bird could blink, he was back in his dorm room and sitting on his bed with an open textbook in his lap.

It wasn't until they were on their way out that realization hit the Weasley Twins.

"Bloody Hell!" Fred suddenly cried out.

"Watch your mouth young man!" came his mother's automatic response. However, neither one of the twins paid any attention to her as they instead stared at each other in horror.

"We've actually offered. . ." one of them started.

". . . a partnership of our joke shop. . ." the other continued.

". . .to a Slytherin!"

They both put their heads in their hands and groaned. Everyone else rolled their eyes. Except for Professor Snape, whose only response was a rather enigmatic half-smile.

* * *

Half an hour later, Q sensed Snape walking into the Slytherin Common Room. Curious, he got up and went to see what was going on. 

Just outside his room he ran into Pansy.

"Q, Snape's in the Common Room and says he'd like to speak to everyone," she said as she stopped to knock on the sixth year boy's dorm room door.

_Aaah, he must be here to tell us the professors are on to us. How very considerate of him. I guess he'd like to see our grand finale at the end of the year as well. Except that he doesn't know there's going to be one yet. . . _

Professor Snape was already sitting in one of the leather chairs in front of the fireplace when Q walked in. He was chatting with Draco, who was in 'his' chair surrounded by Arithmancy notes, several books and half an essay. Draco was the first to notice Q.

"Ah, there you are," he said.

"Hello Draco, professor," Q answered. Snape inclined his head in greeting as Q plopped down onto one of the remaining leather armchairs. "So, what's the occasion? Gryffindor Tower blow up? Or has Voldylocks announced his early retirement plans?"

Snape rolled his eyes and Q noticed how the corners of his lips quivered. Draco tried to hide his laughter with a cough.

"I somehow don't think Dark Lords do early retirement," Millicent laughed as she joined them with Pansy.

"Probably not worth it," Pansy added. "I mean, no pension to speak of, absolutely no health benefits and you'd get constantly hounded by aurors."

Blaise leant against Draco's chair with a rather thoughtful look on his face. By now most of the other Slytherins had arrived and were variously scattered around the Common Room whispering amongst each other.

Snape coughed and the whispering stopped.

"I have just come from a staff meeting," he said. Then he looked around to make sure he had everyone's attention. "First of all, I would like to congratulate you all on the success of your pranks this morning. However, if I ever figure out who charmed the doorknob to my classroom, that individual or individuals will be cleaning cauldrons until they either graduate or their arms fall off."

A couple of fifth years in the back corner of the room looked at each other and gulped.

"Were the other professors angry?" Draco asked innocently.

"Yes, especially Professors Sprout, Flitwick and Hooch. However, Professor McGonagall, infuriatingly enough, actually seemed amused by it all. The alligator in particular seemed to be a favourite."

Pansy shared a grin with several seventh years, including her transfigurations wiz friend. Snape took note of this and continued.

"I would also like to congratulate you all on winning 50 points for Slytherin House. Apparently, the headmaster shared Professor McGonagall's appreciation for your attempt to distract the school's masses from Saturday's tragedy."

Cheers erupted in the Slytherin Common Room and many people turned to the mantel to toast with imaginary glasses.

Blaise scoffed.

"That's not even close to the truth, but we'll take the points anyway."

"That's right," Millicent added. "We've been planning some of those pranks for weeks."

"And they weren't done for the Gryffindors," a fifth year boy in the back protested vehemently.

"Wait a minute," Draco suddenly called out, raising his hand in a request for silence. "How did Dumbledore know to give Slytherin those points?"

Snape gave Draco a little smile and told them what had happened in the headmaster's office. Excluding the part about the Order of the Phoenix being present, of course. After he was done, whispers broke out once again, as the students tried to figure out what it meant that the entire staff knew of Slytherin's involvement with the pranks.

"Hmm. .. so they think I'm the prankster do they?" Q said with a smirk. "I wonder how long it'll take them to figure out I never would've been able to set up all these pranks on my own."

_Well, not if I was human I wouldn't have. As myself I could turn the entire school into one big monster joke house, but that's not the point. Although it is a good idea._

"So what do we do know?" Pansy asked no one in particular. "I mean, I was rather looking forward to no one actually figuring us out so that we could do a large unveiling at the end of the year."

"We confuse them," Q answered. Everyone looked to him for clarification. Q rolled his eyes. "We just have to plan where the people not participating in the pranks are going to be as well as the people participating. Make different people visible at different times. I'm their main suspect at the moment, so you'll all have to compensate while I make sure I'm around where they can see me act all surprised when things start happening."

"Makes sense," said Draco, "as long as we make sure it's not obvious that we're sticking people in places just so they can be seen."

"Of course."

"Hey, this could be even more fun!" Millicent suddenly said. There was a general chorus of agreement from around the room.

Professor stood up.

"I shall leave you to discuss your new battle strategy," he announced. "Oh, and Selkirk, Wordslock, Baddock and Twitterpate, tomorrow, my office at seven o'clock. I believe you'll have some cauldrons to clean."

The fifth years didn't even bother protesting as they swore under their breathes, wondering if their head of house was somehow omniscient.

With a dramatic sweep of robes, Snape sailed out of Slytherin House.

Overlooking the scheming and plotting in the Common Room, were two framed pictures on the mantle. The pictures had been taken at the last Hogsmeade weekend the year before and each featured a girl in school robes. One held an ice cream cone in her hand as she smiled and twirled for the camera. The other was sitting inside the Three Broomsticks toasting the photographer with a half-empty pitcher of butterbeer. There was a small white candle beside each photograph and a bouquet of white kala lilies between them in a clear crystal vase with a wide, black ribbon tied around them. The mantel was covered in a black silk runner.

Both had been in fifth year and both of them were dead.

* * *

Ok, so I realize this was a much shorter chapter than usual. Gee, I remember a time when 10 pages was long for me. . . lol! It was actually supposed to be longer, but this just seemed like such a natural ending. 

Please review!


	38. A Letter from Home

**Well,** this is the shortest time between updates in a while. Hopefully, this will develope into a trend. I'm thinking of concentrating on this fic until I finish it, since there's only about 5 or 6 chapters to go. Then I'll start on the sequel. Lol.

In the Author's Notes to the last chapter I forgot to point out that the four cylinders measuring house points in Dumbledore's office are my own creation. The books only mention one set of house point recorders in the Entrance Hall, where house points are recorded with little gems. However, I couldn't very well have them all trek all the way down to the Entrance Hall, so I created the cylinders in Dumbledore's office. Thanks **Kd7sov** for pointing that out!

Disclaimer: As much as I would like to, I don't own any of this. Except for the plot.

* * *

**A Year with Q**

**Chapter 38 -** Letter from Home

Q walked out of the castle's front doors and took a few moments to bask in the sunlight. It was a wonderful change from the dark and dusty trophy room he had been forced to clean. Especially since he shared the detention with a couple of Hufflepuffs and therefore couldn't use any powers to speed the process along. It was a horrible way to spend such a nice Sunday, and completely unfair.

After all, Q was perfectly right to point out that the translation in their textbook was wrong and the author, who insisted the pyramids were built by wizards as magical focus points and only disguised as tombs in order to keep muggles unaware as to their true nature, was a complete bonehead. Professor Pudiwart, however, didn't appreciate his student's input and seemed to think an aged expert in the field knew much more about the Egyptians and their magic than a sixth year delinquent. Q had never hated not being able to reveal his true identity quite as much as he had in that particular moment.

On the other hand, being in detention all morning and part of the afternoon under constant supervision, and with three witnesses, meant he had the perfect alibi for when the Gryffindor Common Room's fireplace blew up in a whoosh of bright green smoke.

It happened just after lunch, when most students had just arrived back from stuffing their faces with roast beef and chocolate pudding. The Gryffindor Common Room had been packed with students mulling around, trying to decide whether to spend the day outside and study later or study and do homework in the afternoon so as to have their evening free.

All of a sudden, a fire erupted inside the fireplace, emitting green sparks, which of course caught most people's attention. Then there was a bang, followed by a whooshing noise that sounded like something large and heavy had just fallen into the fireplace. It took about three minutes for thick, green clouds of smoke to envelop the entire room, 10 minutes for the entire tower.

The smoke, itself, was completely harmless and was more of a fog than actual smoke. It blinded, but didn't suffocate and let small amounts of light through. For some reason, it also smelt vaguely of strawberries.

The prank was the pet project of several Slytherin seventh years, who were doing NEWTs in potions and charms. They had spent almost an entire month working on it and all their research and early tests results were neatly organized and written down. The purpose of the prank was to test their concoction and see how it well it worked.

If successful, they figured they could always patent the idea and sell it to the Weasley Twins at the end of the year.

Q smiled when he remembered the look on Professor McGonagall's face when she swept into the Trophy Room, fully expecting to find him missing. She had looked decidedly put out when she saw him. Then the students he was with said he hadn't left the room since ten that morning and Filch showed up to verify that he hadn't left the room for lunch.

It was too easy, in Q's opinion. All he had to do was act confused, like he didn't know what was going on or why on Earth the professor was asking him where he had been all day.

And so, with such pleasant thoughts in mind, Q headed off towards the lake, where he knew Draco and the rest of his group had charmed themselves a couple of warm rocks to sit on while studying.

"Q!" someone called from behind him when he reached the bottom of the stairs. He instantly recognized Millicent's voice. He turned around in time to see her bouncing down the stairs after him, carrying several large tomes.

"What are you doing Hermione Granger impersonations now?" Q asked her. Millicent snorted.

"Not likely," she said. "The bottom two are for a Divinations essay and the rest are on animal transfigurations and this top one's about wandless magic."

"Interesting choices. . ."

"Well, it's about two weeks to April Fool's Day, so we figured we should get planning."

"Aaah, yes, April Fool's Day. . . soon to become my favourite holiday."

"And we must come up with some thing extra good. Pansy says she overheard some of the Gryffindors talking about how the Weasley Twins plan to sneak into Hogwarts to do an April Fool's Special."

"Really? How wonderful! I almost pity the poor, unsuspecting masses of the school."

They were halfway to the lake, when Q spotted a dot in the sky flying over the lake. It turned out to be a massive eagle owl, which ended up landing amongst the same rocks they were headed for. A pair of hands reached up to untie something from the bird's leg. Moments later, it took off again.

"Who was that owl for?" Millicent asked, once they reached the group.

"Draco got a letter from home," Pansy told her.

"Wonderful," said Q, "should we avoid the mad rush and start running for our lives now, or do we have a few more hours?"

The Slytherins chuckled. Except for Draco, who was looking rather pale as he read the letter in his hands. Q noticed his hands were gripping the parchment a bit tighter than they needed to and were trembling slightly.

"Umm, Draco. . . that was a joke, you know, the kind you're supposed to laugh at. . ." Q said. Draco ignored him. Or rather, he didn't even seem to hear him.

"Q, if you've just jinxed us, then I may have to hex you into oblivion," Blaise groaned.

Q frowned and sat down next to Draco.

"Draco?" he asked. No response.

"Draco!" Nothing. Q scowled.

_How dare you ignore me you stupid, unintelligent mammal! _

"Hey ferret!" he practically screamed in his ear.

Draco jumped a foot and probably would've fallen off the rock had Q not grabbed him by the arm.

"What the hell are you calling me that for!" the blond Slytherin growled.

"Well it was either that or blondie; you were completely spaced out. What's in the letter that has you so spooked?"

Draco's anger disappeared almost instantly. He looked down again at the parchment in his hands with a bland expression on his face.

"It's from my father," he said quietly.

"Oh wonderful, " Q muttered. "A week later and he's writing to see if you're all right."

Draco smiled bitterly.

"No, apparently he heard that I haven't heeded his warning and am still friends with you. Plus, I have apparently betrayed him by fighting against the death eaters. . . "

"Actually, that was called 'defending yourself'."

"Plus, the whole school was warned in advance about the attack."

"Well, they would have had advanced warning if you had figured out your mother's code sooner. As it is, I hardly think five minutes constitutes an advanced warning."

"The point is that they all knew because of me."

There were several moments of silence. Draco stared morosely at the crumpled piece of parchment in his hand. Everyone else just stared at each other, not having a clue what to say.

"Dammit!" Draco suddenly cried out in frustration as he leapt off his rock. He then threw the parchment onto the snow-covered ground and stomped on it repeatedly with his left foot. "I always thought Slytherins stuck together! Stupid Dark Lord with his stupid spies! I can't believe my father got another Slytherin to spy on me!"

Draco stopped again and stared down at the battered parchment, breathing heavily with his fists clenched tightly at his sides.

"Well, now that you've stopped behaving like you're five, perhaps I should point out how pathetic it is that you've managed to fall prey to your own stereotype?" Q said lightly. Draco whirled around to face him.

"What are you talking about Q?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"You're assuming the spy's a Slytherin."

The accusation caught Draco off guard. Some of his anger fled his body as he thought about it.

"What exactly are you implying?" he asked Q carefully. Q rolled his eyes.

"Hm, well, let me see. . . what exactly does your father have to say about me?"

"That if you do not share our ideologies, then you're not the sort of company I should be keeping. Oh, plus he's also not too keen on the fact that you're American."

"Now let's think about this. Does Halloween ring any bells? The entire house laughed at that one. How about me telling the entire Common Room that this war is pointless and stupid and none of you so much as hexing me for it? Or perhaps those pictures that are hanging on our wall and no one is doing anything about? Actually, I'm pretty sure quite a few people have clued in and know Blaise is the one who started the whole thing and yet you hang around him just as much as you hang around me. And that's not even touching on that huge argument last week about loyalties, which I believe well over half the upper years participated in."

"Yeah, Voldylocks and the death eaters weren't really the favourites in that one," Millicent pointed out.

"He's right," Pansy said. "If your father had a spy in Slytherin House, there's a lot more things he could be angry about than you being friends with Q and defending yourself during a Death Eater attack."

"And not just about Q either," Blaise added. "That argument involved all of us and you'd have to be very optimistic to think we were supporting the Dark Lord."

"That does make sense," Draco said and frowned. "Wait, so my father went to a non-Slytherin asked them to spy on me!"

For some reason, this seemed to upset him even more.

"Well, logically, not all Death Eaters from the first war were in Slytherin House," Millicent said. "And the odds of every single one of their children being in Slytherin is even slimmer."

"Not all the Death Eaters are from Hogwarts either," Crabbe added.

Draco climbed back onto his rock and rested his head against his hands with a sigh.

"I don't suppose there's any way I could just avoid my father until this whole stupid war is over?"

Before Q could start gushing over how proud he was the blond Slytherin had taken his words to heart and realized the pointlessness of the whole Voldemort war, a voice cut in. A very cheery, female voice.

"Oi, where's the funeral?"

The Slytherins looked up at Ginny Weasley. In fact, they stared at her for a few moments.

"The funeral, Weasley, was yesterday," Millicent said with a slight sneer. "Or didn't you notice?"

Ginny looked slightly taken aback by the rude response. She looked at each member of the group. Pansy and Blaise were frowning. Crabbe and Goyle had blank expressions, apparently waiting for the rest of the group to decide what reaction they should take. Draco wasn't even paying attention to her and instead was slumping as he stared into space.

That got Ginny's attention.

"What's with Malfoy?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"His father sends his best wishes," Pansy answered. Ginny gasped.

"There isn't going to be another attack is there?" she said, looking slightly panicked.

Blaise rolled his eyes.

"If there was going to be another attack do you really think we'd be sitting here doing our homework?"

"Um, well, I suppose not. . . What did he write then?"

"Oh, you know, just about things in general," Q answered. "Such as life, school, Draco's apparent bad taste in friends, his overwhelming desire to stay alive and not get killed by some random guys in cliché-looking evildoer costumes. . ."

"Q!" Draco snapped. "I would appreciate it if you would kindly refrain from talking about my personal family problems with random Gryffindors."

"Come on Draco, she's already seen you drunk, what could possibly be worse than that?"

If looks could kill, and providing Q could be killed, then he would've been burned alive by the glare Draco aimed at him. The rest of the Slytherin group chuckled.

"He's got a point there," Blaise helpfully agreed, not bothering to look up from the Transfigurations text he was reading.

"Besides, Ginny here is a good friend of Harry Potter, our resident World Savior," Q continued. "And therefore, I'm sure she'd be very interested in knowing that we think there's a death eater spy among the students."

"What?" Ginny's eyes widened. "W-what makes you think that?"

"You mean apart from my father essentially telling me during the Winter Break?" Draco asked wryly.

"Oh. Do you know who it is then?"

"All we know for sure is that it's not a Slytherin," Pansy said. Ginny opened her mouth to speak. "And before you ask Weas-I mean, Ginny, let's just say there are some things happening inside Slytherin House that Lucius Malfoy would be much more angry about and he hasn't mentioned them."

Ginny shot them a calculating look. Q idly wondered if the Golden Trio had told her about the pranksters being in Slytherin.

"Pansy, are you talking about those Voldylocks cartoons?" the Gryffindor girl asked carefully. Blaise's head snapped up from the book he was reading. Draco also looked up.

"What about the cartoons?" Pansy asked.

"Did you just call her Pansy?" Draco asked at the same time.

"Well, it is her name," Ginny shrugged.

"Since when?"

"Since last Saturday," Pansy answered. Draco's eyebrows shot to his forehead.

"I see. . ." He looked at Ginny for several moments. "In that case, I'm Draco."

Ginny didn't even bother to hide her surprise. And she wasn't the only one. Everyone else in the group was staring at him in shock. Q shook his head.

"I swear he does this just because he enjoys the looks on our faces afterwards," he said with a slight smile. Draco looked at him and smirked.

"Well, I must admit that part is rather fun." Then the blond looked back to Ginny. "Oh for Merlin's sake, Weaslette, will you either find a rock and sit down or scamper off to shock the rest of your friends with the news that you're on first names terms with the big bad Malfoy."

"Actually, you're father's the big bad Malfoy; you're just his wannabe mini-clone," Q said offhandedly.

"I'm his what!"

"Nevermind, muggle thing."

"Q, if you're not going to explain the expressions you use, then don't use them! It's quite annoying not knowing whether or not I've just been insulted."

"Oh, don't worry, when I insult someone I tend to do it in a language they'd recognize. I mean no point in comparing someone to a pile of dragon dung if they don't know they're being compared to a pile of dragon dung."

Draco glared at him.

In the meantime, Ginny had indeed taken a seat on the nearest rock and was listening to their bickering with amusement.

"Are they always like that?" she asked Blaise, who was sitting on the rock nearest to her.

"Sometimes," he answered.

* * *

While their sister was making strategic friends within Slytherin House, Fred and George Weasley were sitting inside a small room at the back of their shop in Diagon Alley. It was an oddly shaped room with six walls instead of four. Each wall was lined with held heavy-looking worktables, filled with an odd assortment of colourful knick-knacks, potions supplies, tools and piles of parchment and books. In the middle of the room was a small table at which the infamous Weasley Twins sat. 

The two redheads were studying a sketch of the interior of Hogwarts.

"Well, we could get in through Honeydukes using the secret passage," George said.

"But we'll have to do it very early in the morning," said Fred. "Otherwise we'll have a very hard time getting into the dungeons."

"Do you think we should ask Dumbledore for help?"

"Well, would make it easier to smuggle into the castle. . ."

"And get around inside without getting caught . . ."

". . .but that would be cheating."

"Right, besides, we'll just ask little brother for help."

"Exactly."

"And borrow Harry's invisibility cloak and map."

"Should we ask his permission first?"

"Only if we have to."

"Good – oh bollocks, the invisibility potion's boiling over!"

"Damn!"

* * *

Well, this chapter was slightly shorter than some of my other ones, but I want to make April Fool's Day all one chapter. 

Author's Notes:

**Professor Pudiwart** - apparently J.K. has never mentioned the name of the Ancient Runes professor according to the Harry Potter Lexicon, so I randomly made up a name.


	39. April Fool's Day

**Here it is, **the chapter I went nuts on. I realize I haven't had a genuinely pointlessly silly chapter in a while so here it is. Hope you all enjoy it.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own anything.

* * *

**A Year with Q**

**Chapter 39** - April Fool's Day

"Oh, two little Weasleys came out to play within a castle big one day!"

Q rolled his eyes at the sound. He knew he had arranged for Peeves to signal them when the Weasley Twins arrived, but he was rather hoping for something slightly subtler than singing at the top of his lungs.

"Well, I guess it's safe to say the Weasel twins are here," Draco whispered.

"Not to mention how lucky we are they ran into Peeves before we did," Blaise added.

"That too."

_Oh, luck had nothing to do with it my wizarding friends. More like good relations with the local poltergeist._

"We're not quite done yet, so we'll have to wait 'till tomorrow and then improvise between classes," Draco decided. "And leave now, before those red-headed menaces run into us."

"Shouldn't be too much of a problem, after all we have spent the entire week setting up some of this stuff," Q said and then followed his housemates back to their dormitories.

* * *

April 1st started very quietly. Too quietly. It was with the utmost caution that everyone opened their eyes and carefully, testing the floor first, got out of bed. And the one person who didn't think to test the floor, a Ravenclaw 7th year, screamed and fell down in surprise when she stepped on something that let out a very loud, aggravated noise.

That was not, however, due to any practical joke. That was because she had stepped on her roommate's cat.

Half an hour later, the quiet morning was broken by another high pitched scream from the Gryffindor boy's bathroom. This time it had nothing to do with any household pet.

* * *

Ron Weasley knew who to glare at the moment he stepped into the Great Hall. There, sitting in the middle of the Gryffindor table were his currently least-favourite brothers.

"Ronnikins!" one of the twins called.

"Why, good morning little brother!" the other one called.

They both waved at him with wide grins on their faces. Ron glowered at them. The tips of his ears turned pink when he heard the sounds his friends made as they tried not to laugh. Well, sort of, pretended to try anyway. Narrowing his eyes, he stomped over to the twins.

"So, how are you this morning?" Fred asked happily.

"Have a nice shower?" George asked.

"Enjoy the new shampoo?"

"It has a very nice cinnamon apple scent."

If looks could kill Fred and George Weasley would be having their skulls smashed open by a million and a half vicious warrior pixies wearing tin cans and wielding nail files. Especially after his friends burst into laughter, along with half the school, who had finally noticed his bright, canary yellow, star-shaped hairstyle.

"Come on Ron, why don't you sit down and have some breakfast," Hermione said softly, manoeuvring the redhead into a seat.

"Yeah, you can think up ways to murder your brothers while you eat," Harry added cheerfully. Ron growled at him, but sat down and started loading up his plate.

"Good morning all!" Ginny said as she took a seat next to Fred. Ron looked up at her.

"Hey!" he cried in outrage. "Why is there nothing wrong with her!"

"Because dear brother. . ." George began.

". . . she provided us with the password to Gryffindor Tower," Fred finished and put an arm around his baby sister. Ginny smirked.

"I wonder what the Slytherin pranksters have planned for today," Harry said in order to change the subject before Ron spontaneously combusted. "I mean, none of the professors are here, which means they're probably checking their classrooms for jinxes."

Fred snickered into his pumpkin juice.

"No, I rather think they haven't made it to their classrooms yet. . . " George said.

". . . or out of their rooms for that matter. . ."

". . . because when we passed them last night. . ."

". . . with plans to turn the hallway into a swamp. . . "

". . . their portraits all had closets, suits of armour. . . "

". . . desks, benches, boulders, trees. . ."

". . . cars, crates, wagons and other things. . ."

". . .piled up in front of them."

Everyone within earshot of the twins stared at them. Suddenly Ginny noticed something.

"George, what's that on the side of your neck?" she asked. George flushed pink and Fred chuckled.

"Oh, um, these here?" he asked rubbing the oddity in question. "Why they're gills."

"Gills?"

"Well, it's a distinct improvement from two hours ago," Fred said with a grin. "He was an eel then."

"Apparently there's a reason Snape's office doesn't get pranked," George muttered as everyone around him laughed.

"Stand still, you bloody stupid thing!" Ron's growl cut through the laughter. The twins and company turned to see what he was doing.

Ron was completely oblivious of the attention as he tried in vain to capture the salt shaker. Slowly he inched his hand towards the white ceramic object. When his outstretched fingers were mere centimetres away from it, he suddenly lunged for it. . . and caught empty air. The shaker had slid down the table so that it was still three centimetres away from his hand. He lunged again. The shaker moved.

He was half-way to actually laying on the table with his entire body, when he gave up. Ron stood up and grabbed the wand out of his robes.

"That does, you stupid ceramic span of evil!" he cried and pointed the wand at the shaker. "Diffindo!"

Nothing happened.

"Diffindo! What the? Why aren't you. . ."

Ron's face went blank as he stared at the rubber chicken he was holding. He looked at his friends. They were laughing. Some of them even had tears streaming down their cheeks.

He threw the chicken half-heartedly at the twins. It hit George on the side of the face. George brought a hand up to rub the spot, but didn't stop laughing.

"I knew I should've stayed in bed this morning," Ron said miserably as he slumped back into his seat.

Professor Janeway walked into the Great Hall.

"Ouch, Forge, my eyes!" Fred exclaimed.

"Ouch, indeed Gred!" George agreed.

For a change, the DADA professor's robes did not have any odd designs on them, except for little tap-dancing stick people on the dark pink boarder along the bottom and down the front. They were, however, bright lime green. And, for some reason, the professor was also wearing large, yellow-tinted sunglasses with lime green frames and several rhinestones on the sides.

Professor Snape followed him in at a slightly more leisurely pace, watching the other man's back with an amused smirk on his face. As Professor Janeway walked by them, the Gryffindors quickly understood why. There was a bullseye drawn on the robes over his bum with "Hex me" written above it.

Q was especially proud of that particular prank. Especially since his son had yet to notice it.

Moments after Janeway had seated himself at the Head Table, the doors banged open and a procession of Slytherins entered the hall. Ginny gasped and looked at her brothers.

"I don't suppose you two have something to do with that?" she asked.

"Well, you know how we said we were going to make a swamp for the professors. . . " said Fred.

". . . and how there was something already there. . ." said George.

". . . and it would be horribly unsporting of us. . ."

". . . to sabotage a fellow prankster's prank. . ."

". . . especially since it was aimed at the professors. . ."

". . . so we decided to move the swamp into the dungeons."

Ginny chuckled.

"This is just too tempting to let it go," she said and in a flash she was out of her seat and making her way towards the sixth year Slytherins, who had just walked in.

"Morning all!" she greeted them cheerfully just as Draco sloshed down onto his seat. "Isn't it such a lovely day today? My brothers are visiting you know."

"We've noticed," the Prince of Slytherin said dryly. The words seemed to be the only dry thing about him. His hair was laying flat on his head and there was mud splattered on one side of it, with a twig tangled on the other side of his head. His robes were soaked and muddy. Ginny could practically hear the water dripping from him onto the floor.

"Oh, so you have. . . wow Mal-I mean Draco, what happened to you? Fred and George said they put in a swamp, not a swimming pool!"

"He had a clumsy moment," Pansy said as she picked up a roll. "It was actually quite amusing, really."

"I am so glad you found me tripping over a vine so amusing. Next time I'll make sure to grab the hem of your robes and drag you down with me."

"I can't believe you came to breakfast like that," Ginny said.

"He almost didn't," Q said with a grin. "We had to drag him kicking and screaming."

"I did not kick and scream! Well maybe I screamed. Once. But I did not kick!"

"Hey look, the Head Table is almost empty," Millicent pointed out.

"Oh good, maybe the professors are all hiding out from the pranksters and there'll be no classes," Draco said. "Then I can to go back to the dorms and take a shower. I smell of swamp."

"Speaking of professors at the Head Table," Pansy interrupted. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but are those sunglasses part of a prank, or were they born that way?"

"Since when are sunglasses born at all?" Q asked.

Suddenly Goyle burst out laughing.

"Hey, look at Weasley!" he cried, pointing over at the Gryffindor Table.

"Which one?" Millicent asked, craning her neck. "Oh, nevermind, I see him. You know, suddenly that swamp doesn't look so bad."

"That's only because you didn't meet it up close," Draco muttered.

Professor Dumbledore walked into the Great Hall at that point. He looked up at the Head Table and paused.

"Dear me," he said to himself, "we do seem to developing a tendency of misplacing things. First the Head Table and now the teaching staff. I hope this doesn't continue."

Several students nearest to him chuckled, earning themselves a mischievous wink from the old man. Then the headmaster noticed the two out-of-place red heads at Gryffindor Table. He smiled and walked over to them.

"Good morning misters Weasley," he said, his eyes twinkling up a firestorm. "Tell me, do you two gentlemen know anything about my gargoyle's new look?"

"Gargoyle?" Fred asked and looked at his twin. They shrugged and looked back at the headmaster.

"Nope, sorry, wasn't us professor," George answered.

"I see, then that must be the work of our other pranksters. Oh well, I suppose the dark sunglasses and moustache do clash with the pink tutu, but overall it could've been worse. Now, I really should head on over to the professors' quarters and liberate them from their morning predicament." He paused just as he was turning to go and placed a hand on Ron's shoulder. "Mr. Weasley, I do not think it wise to take fashion tips from Professor Janeway. I'm afraid the results don't look very flattering."

Ron groaned and buried his head in his hands as everyone else laughed.

* * *

Ginny was sat next to Luna in Transfigurations. The memory of her brother sulking on his way to class still brought a grin to her face as she copied down the notes from the board. Her grin widened when she remembered Draco looking like a wet dog. A very muddy, wet dog. She was actually quite amazed he hadn't put up more of a fuss about it.

Then again, a lot of things the Slytherins did this year were amazing her. Although, she reasoned, she had never really spent any amount of time among Slytherins. The closest thing to a Slytherin acquaintance she had was Professor Snape, whom she'd seen at Grimmauld Place a few times over the summer.

And, Tom Riddle, of course. But he wasn't really real, just a memory. A very powerful memory. Ginny shivered involuntarily.

The writing on the board changed while she was in the middle of a sentence, startling her out of her daze. Quickly, the redhead looked over at Luna's parchment and copied down the rest of the sentence. Then she returned her eyes to the board, determined to get everything down before Professor McGonagall decided to change it again. The usually strict professor was in a horrible mood today. Ginny guessed it was due to the same thing that had made her late to class.

Suddenly, Ginny realized her parchment looked slightly further away than it had a minute ago. At the same time, she also realized her chair was swaying from side to side.

No, not swaying. Moving. It was moving away from her desk. She looked down and squealed in surprise.

"Miss Weasley!" McGonagall said, turning around to glare at her student. "Kindly do not. . ."

The Head of Gryffindor House stopped dead in her tracks and gaped as Ginny Weasley's seat walked off with her. Or rather, as the giant tortoise her seat had turned into walked slowly towards the door.

"Oi, what the-!" one of the boys in the back suddenly cried. His seat-turned-tortoise also walked towards the door.

The Transfigurations professor covered her face with a hand and groaned. There were several more yelps of surprise, but she didn't bother checking what happened.

"I think I'm going to hex Albus for letting me out of my rooms," she said.

* * *

Professor Snape, on the other hand, was feeling quite happy this morning. Unlike the students in his house, he knew an alternate route out of the dungeons and therefore managed to avoid the Weasley's swamp. Then, of course, there were Professor Janeway's robes. And the gills on one of the Weasley Twin's neck, which told him who had been stupid enough to try and break into his office last night.

However, the clincher on his spectacularly good mood were the angry protests and terrified gasps he heard when he announced the surprise potions test to his sixth year class. Even Draco looked slightly apprehensive. Snape smirked at that, knowing the boy had probably been paying more attention to coming up with creative pranks rather than studying for class this week.

The only one who didn't look the least bit nervous was Q. Thinking upon it, Snape couldn't remember the American ever looking nervous or scared about anything. He briefly wondered whether he was that good at hiding his emotions, or just extremely self-confident.

Q noticed the evil twinkle in the Potions Professor's eye the moment he stepped into class. Therefore the surprise test didn't come as a complete surprise to him. He could also tell the man was enjoying every single groan the students made.

"You may begin immediately," the professor said. "After all, I believe most of you will require the entire class to complete this. When you are finished, sign your name in the slot at the bottom of the parchment."

He waved his wand and a long piece of parchment appeared on each desk. Q shrugged and picked up his quill.

_Hm, he's got something up his sleeve. He's way too happy. Oh well, it's not like I'll have a problem with some stupid. . . woah, hang on! Did he give us the right test?_

Q scanned the questions and frowned. The class hadn't actually covered any of this. In fact, most of the questions weren't something any of the Hogwarts classes covered. And the last one. . . that was a mixture of alchemy and potions!

_This is all high-level stuff. I'm sure Snape would have to work at answering some of these. Ok, so some of them are much simpler. Damn, I could answer all of them, but that might give me away, 'cause there's no way I should be able to answer them if I'm just a sixth year student._

He looked up at Snape. The professor met his gaze and arched an eyebrow. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a hand rise.

"No, Miss Granger, you will not be receiving any help from me on this test," he said. "Nor should you require it."

"But sir, these questions. . ." the bushy-haired girl protested.

"There is nothing wrong with the questions! Or are you saying that in all your cleverness, you are incapable of completing a test?"

Q scanned the parchment in front of him again. Then the name slot at the bottom right hand corner caught his attention. He examined it very closely. Suddenly, he realized what was going on. He smirked.

_Heh, clever, very clever. Well, might as well play along then._

First of all, Q figured out which questions Quincey Picard could reasonably know the answers to. He decided number eight was safe. And so next to the question "What happens when you mix Wolfsbane, Mandrake juice and finely chopped Accronilla slugs?", Q wrote "boom".

When he had answered the three questions he could without drawing too much attention to his vastly superior knowledge, Q went about answering the others. The second question on the test asked about the purpose of dog hairs in some more complex love potions. So, naturally, Q wrote two paragraphs about how a dog is loyal and protective of its master and that adding dog hairs to a potion makes the drinker take on these attributes towards the brewer. However, said brewer should be careful which breed of dog they choose or how many hairs they put in, because some dogs also have a tendency to run away, which would be most unfortunate if passed on to the drinker.

None of this had anything to do with why dog hairs were sometimes added to some of the more complex love potions, but Q had fun inventing the answer anyway. What added to his amusement was that he was now the centre of attention in the quiet classroom, since he was pretty much the only one writing anything down.

Half-way through class he felt Draco lean over to get a look at his answers when the professor was looking in the opposite direction. He heard the blond choke when he saw what Q had written. Q looked up at the boy and smirked.

Slowly, Draco smirked back. Then he shook his head and picked up his own quill.

Exactly five minutes before the end of class, Snape announced their time was up. The entire class sat in a cloud of tense silence.

"Well, what are you all waiting for?" the professor asked with an annoyed gesture. "Sign your names on the bottom of the parchments."

Q and Draco had both finished fifteen minutes ago and signed their names. Now they sat back and watched the expressions on their classmates faces as one, by one they signed.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Blaise exclaimed loudly. Then he banged his head against his desk.

Snape's evil grin grew with every new exclamation and groan.

The last one was Hermione, who had been quickly trying to finish off one of the questions. Satisfied she had answered every question to the best of her abilities, she signed her name. Only to watch the ink disappear from her parchment. Her eyes widened.

"Oh no, my test!" she gasped, urging herself not to panic. Bold green letters appeared on her parchment and she barely resisted the urge to scream as she read them.

"APRIL FOOLS" they read.

On the Slytherin side of the room Pansy leant forward to whisper to Draco and Q.

"Is it bad that I think I've just fallen in love with our head of house?" she asked.

The boys turned around and gave her looks that clearly questioned her sanity. She giggled.

* * *

The Weasley Twins walked into the Great Hall for lunch covered in some sort of bright orange slime. Blaise heard the whispering and looked up. His eyes widened.

"What were those two doing trying to get into the snogging closet?" he asked no one in particular. Draco choked on his pumpkin juice.

"What!" he asked as he tried to get his breathing under control.

"That slime they're wearing. . . it was supposed to cover anyone who tried to get into the broom closet on the second floor, by the statue of Little Timmy."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but which one is Little Timmy?" Q asked.

"The huge vampire statue on the other side of the intersection behind the staircases."

"Oh, you mean the one of Timothy the Terrible?"

"Yup, that's the one."

_Of course it is._

Q looked over to the Gryffindor table and watched everyone interrogate the twins about their orange dilemma.

"Blaise, when did you activate that prank?" he asked a few moments later.

"Umm, after first period. Why?"

"Maybe they stashed something in that closet earlier this morning and then went to go get it after you'd set the prank." While Q worded it as a suggestion, he already knew from listening to the twins explanations, that was exactly what had happened.

"Maybe. . . that would be rather funny."

_Actually it's downright hilarious. The legendary Weasley Twins pranked thanks to dumb luck._

"Not to mention embarrassing, since no offence Blaise, but that's a rather obvious prank," Millicent reasoned.

"Yeah, well, I had been aiming it at some unsuspecting couple looking for a place to snog between classes. . ." Blaise shrugged.

"Oh look, there's one of those now," Draco pointed out two Ravenclaws trying to sneak into the Great Hall with pale blue slime over their school robes.

"Aaah, that's from the empty office by the Astronomy Tower."

"Say Blaise, how long until the slimy stuff comes off?" Crabbe asked.

"It's impervious to any cleaning and vanishing charms for several hours and water only makes it more gooey." Blaise looked thoughtful for a moment. "However, salt eats it away."

"So you mean all they have to do to get that stuff off is dump a salt shaker on themselves?" Draco asked.

Blaise nodded and grinned.

At that moment, Filch stormed into the Great Hall covered in florescent pink slime.

* * *

The sixth year Slytherins later heard from the second years that Snape had spent an entire class with horns growing out of his head before he went into the storage cupboard for something and noticed his reflection in one of the glass jars.

Millicent also complained that someone had switched Trelwany's usual incense for something that smelt only slightly better than dungbombs. The worst part of it, she said, was that the venerable Divinations Professor didn't notice the difference.

And half the first year Hufflepuffs never made it to their afternoon Transfigurations class, because the staircases mysteriously stopped mid-movement and remained frozen for an entire hour. It was also rather unfortunate for them that Peeves had somehow managed to get his hands on a large quantity of cream pies and decided that the stranded Hufflepuffs made good target practice.

Charms class was made somewhat more interesting with the addition of a fairly large toad that sat on Professor Flitwick's desk during class and burped loudly every five minutes as it changed colours. If the professor tried to get rid of it or hex it, the toad would merely hop out of the way and then hop back to its previous position several minutes later. The second years found they quite liked the creature. Between classes, the Weasley Twins showed up to inspect it and decided they agreed with them.

Getting to arithmancy proved to be an adventure that afternoon as well. The entire hallway had been transformed into a smooth, shiny skating rink. Of course not everyone noticed in time, so there were quite a few students fidgeting in their seats throughout class.

Needless to say, the entire Hogwarts faculty breathed a collective sigh of relief when classes finished for the day.

* * *

Dinner that evening was anything but a quiet affair. Students and faculty alike exchanged stories of the pranks they'd either seen or endured. There were a few interruptions to the evening. The first of them was when a group at the Ravenclaw table discovered they had inherited the moving salt shaker and later, when Professor Sprout reached for an apple and it bit her.

Q noticed his son smirk at that.

"I like that prank," Blaise noted as dinner disappeared. "Food that bites you back. . . has a very nice ring to it."

"I wonder if you could develop a sandwich with teeth," said Millicent.

"Of course you could," Q said. "The trick would be to make it edible as well."

"Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Eat or be eaten'," Draco said as he poured himself some tea from the kettle that had just appeared in front of him. He then passed it to Millicent, who was sitting next to him and grabbed a custard cream from the tray of cookies, which had appeared along with the tea.

"So is the vicious fruit one of ours?" asked Blaise.

"Umm. . ." Millicent looked around the table. "Don't think so. Must be the Weasels."

"Pity, that."

"So, do we have anything planned for after dinner?" Draco asked between bites.

"Well, I hear the Ravenclaws might not be able to get into their dormitories," Pansy said thoughtfully.

"Oh, and why's that?" Millicent asked.

"On account of all the pink fog. I think it was pink. . .maybe it was orange. . ."

"I see."

Suddenly Draco let out a surprised squawk. Everyone looked over to him and noticed he was sprouting feathers. And growing smaller. . .and smaller. . .and smaller. . .and then he was a canary.

"Draco?" Pansy asked slowly, leaning over to touch him. Suddenly she snapped her hand back. "Ouch. He bit me!"

"He may be a bird, but he's still Draco," Q said. "You weren't expecting him to purr were you?"

"That would've been really silly of you Pansy," Millicent added. "Especially since he's a canary and not a cat."

"Oh look, one of the Hufflepuffs just turned into a bird too!" Goyle said. "And there's another one and. . ."

The boy didn't finish the sentence as he, too, turned into a small yellow bird. Blaise, Millicent and Pansy looked down at the sweets in their hands and the tea sitting in front of them.

"Suddenly I'm not so crazy about dessert anymore," Millicent said, putting down the chocolate cookie she was holding.

"Me neither," Blaise agreed.

"So, do you all want to go work on that Charms paper we have due in two days?" Pansy asked. They all nodded. "Alright, come on Draco, either you let me carry you or you can fly."

Draco decided on the minimal effort approach and rode to the Slytherin dungeons on Pansy's shoulder. Goyle did the same with Crabbe.

They didn't hear the firecrackers going off in the middle of a meeting in the staff room.

* * *

Hope you all enjoyed that. Please review!

Author's Notes:

**"Two little Weasleys went out to play. . . "** - Anyone remember watching _The Elephant Show_ with Sharon, Lois and Bram when they were kids? Well, that line is loosely based off the first line of their opening jingle.

**Food that bites back** - Lol, fruit with teeth. . . I think I've been watching too much Muppet Show with my sister.


	40. Conferences and Exams

**Hey everyone!** So sorry it's taken me so long to update again. I've been in such a Buffy/Angel mood for the past two months or whatever, 'cause my friend and I have been watching the entire series of Angel. We plan to watch the entire 5th season this weekend (aka Sunday, 'cause I work tonight). Anyway, I meant it when I said I wouldn't just leave this story. I do plan to finish it. Only two more chapter to go!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I really, really appreciated. Reviews make me want to write the next chapter even more.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot.

* * *

**A Year with Q**

**Chapter 40** - Conferences and Exams

"This is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous! It's like they've all gone clinically insane!"

It was 2 am and the only people in the Great Hall were Fawkes, Peeves and a ranting Q. The phoenix and the poltergeist were watching the omnipotent being with amusement as he paced in front of them.

"It's like this every year. . ." Peeves said.

"Oh, so it's a seasonal madness then, is it?"

"Not exactly. .."

There was a flash of light and q appeared beside Peeves. He raised an eyebrow at his father's behaviour.

"What's with him?" he asked, looking at the other two, especially the translucent one. "And why are you upside down?"

Peeves shrugged, but remained sitting with his legs crossed and head pointing towards the ground.

'Your father has discovered the fine Hogwarts tradition of end-of-the-year exams,' Fawkes answered telepathically.

"He's pouting because he's got no one to play with," Peeves translated.

q grinned evilly.

"Ah, yes, I'm finding I actually quite like this tradition," he said. "Although, the downside is that dear Severus seems too happy as a result. It's so much harder to irritate him now."

"Trust that overgrown bat to enjoy wide-spread torture," Q commented, finally having stopped pacing in favour of leaning against one of the tables with this arms crossed.

"Well, he is a Death Eater."

"Former Death Eater. He's a spy."

"A spy?" q looked surprised. "How did I miss that?"

"That's a very good question; how did you?"

'Only members of the Order of the Phoenix are to know about Professor Snape.'

"Yeah, well now he doesn't have to wait 'till he's sworn in."

"Why would I be sworn in?" q asked with a frown, annoyed at his own lack of information.

'Professor Dumbledore is considering asking you to join the Order.'

"He is? Wow, that's kind of. . . funny." q shrugged. "At least he's got good taste. And I can't deny I'd be a wonderful asset."

"As in you could banish him to Cardassia in the blink of an eye," Peeves said.

"Well, I was thinking more something along the lines of turning him into an ant and then letting that Potter kid step on him, but that would work too."

"Your idea would uphold the prophecy at least," Q said. "After all, can't have the humans finding out the big cosmic secret about how they don't actually work, now can we?"

Fawkes cocked his head at Q.

'You do not believe in prophecies, Eternal One?'

"It's complicated. But one thing's for sure, the only thing the stars will tell you if you read them correctly, is which way is north."

Peeves cackled loudly.

"I think I'll write that on Trelwany's door in chocolate icing," he said, rubbing his hands together gleefully. Q rolled his eyes.

"You do that." Then he turned to Fawkes. "So is Dumbledore still insisting on bringing in Order members to guard the school over the next two weeks?"

The phoenix sang a short melody. Q raised an eyebrow.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Who attacks a school during exams anyway?" q asked with an annoyed look on his face. "Everyone's high-strung and twitchy enough as it is. Why not just after Christmas when they're all relaxed and happy from being at home?"

"A truly twisted, cruel and evil - not to mention thoroughly cliché - villain."

"Yes, Voldilocks is nothing if not regular," Peeves said. "But then again, I have a feeling you're going to use that to your advantage Q."

"So long as he sticks to the schedule and doesn't attack until school's over then yes, I will."

"And if he doesn't?" q asked and then smirked. "I wonder if you could face off with the Dark Lord himself without giving into temptation and using your Q powers."

"Of course I could, it's not like he's all that powerful. It's only the humans who think he's powerful."

'Beside you, nothing can appear powerful. But to anyone without your power, the Dark Lord is strong.'

"Oh, and what exactly is he going to do? Kill me? Torture me? Feed me to a pack of vegetarian piranhas? You're forgetting that a) I'm immortal b) I'm not carbon based, nor am I actually corporeal unless I want to be and c) well, there are no vegetarian piranhas."

q rolled his eyes.

"Actually, I remember Tom Riddle when he was a student here," Peeves said thoughtfully. "And while he definitely had power, I think his true strength lies in his mind. He's cunning and determined, which is what makes him dangerous."

"Yup, cunning enough to get caught in a trap accidentally set by a dying woman and her one-year-old," Q quipped.

'Harry Potter is a powerful wizard and one day-'

"Fawkes, if I wanted to listen to an earful of Potter-praise, I'd un-silence my mirror."

"Do you three actually have anything interesting to say? I came down here to avoid boredom, you know," said q. "At this rate, the Chamber of Secrets sounds more interesting even with the dead snake inside."

"Well have fun, son."

q rolled his eyes and disappeared in a flash of light.

"You know, I think I'm really going to miss you two when you leave in two weeks," Peeves said, flipping himself right-side up. "Things just seem so much more interesting with you around."

"Of course they're more unpredictable; trying to predict us is like trying to read a fortune out of a rat's entrails. It's impossible."

"Well, not entirely impossible. . ." He stopped and grinned when Q glared at him.

"Anyway, that blasted feline is heading this way," Q said eventually. "I think I'll go join my son down in the Chamber. Reanimating that legless lizard sounds like a great way to waste time."

Like his son, Q disappeared in a flash of light.

* * *

"How can you be so calm about everything?" Pansy demanded.

Q looked up from the charms book he was reading. Beside him the fireplace burned steadily, casting a low glow onto the only two calm things in the Slytherin Common Room: Q and his book. The rest of the room consisted of small groups of children hovering over stacks of parchment and books, whispering amongst themselves as they tried to desperately absorb as much information as possible.

"Any particular reason I should be panicking?" Q asked.

"Well, personally I'd think the potion's exam tomorrow would be an excellent reason."

_Which is why you're the unintelligent carbon-based life form and I'm the superior, highly intelligent and omnipotent being._

"I'll leave the panicking to you; you're obviously much better at it than I am."

Q ignored Pansy's glare and looked back to his book.

"I've got it!" came Blaise's shout of triumph from where he had been sitting on the couch, staring into space. Pansy's expression brightened considerably as she turned to him hopefully.

_You've got what? Mail? A brain? _

"You've figured out the fire-bearing potions stuff?"

Blaise blinked at her.

"Uh.. .no, I gave up on that 15 minutes ago. Apparently I'm simply not destined to understand it." He grinned. "No, I've figured out how we should go about our best and biggest prank ever."

Q looked up. As did Draco and half the students in the room.

"While not quite as helpful as fire-bearing potions, that's definitely more interesting." Pansy sighed and plopped back onto the floor and leaned against the leather chair Draco was sitting in.

"Well, we wanted to do it at the very end of the year, right?" Blaise paused long enough to make sure everyone was nodding. "Ok, well in that case, we should leave it until midnight after the Leaving Feast. That way the professors can't take off any points and we can go all out."

"That much is called common sense," Q pointed out, rolling his eyes. "Do you have anything new to add or did you just want to bring attention to how thick you are?"

"Of course I do. Look, we agreed we were going to do something to all four Houses as well as the hospital wing, Filch's office and the professor's quarters, right, but what if we set it up in the Great Hall as well and send the Weasley twins a personal invitation. Give them front row seats so to speak."

"Just so long as we can hide somewhere and watch their faces," Draco said. Millicent smirked.

"That has potential, especially if we can prank them while we're at it," she said.

"Problem is, they'll be expecting it," Blaise said.

_After midnight of the Leaving Feast you'll all get a dose of something none of you are expecting. Me._

"I don't think that'll be quite so problematic," said Q. "We'll just have to bombard them with stuff first."

"And what exactly do you propose Q?" Draco asked sarcastically. "Cream pies and rotten fruit?"

"For starters."

_Cream pies and rotten fruit are so often underestimated. No matter how cliché, everyone always laughs at the banana peel. Mind you, they also laugh at those stupid chicken jokes, so I suppose that's not really a measure of taste._

Q tuned out the next part of the conversation as he planned out the "surprise addition" to the Slytherin's final prank.

* * *

"Aaah, can you feel that Harry?" Ron asked as he stretched out his sore muscles. He was smiling and looked completely relaxed.

"Feel what Ron?"

"Freedom: sweet, wonderful freedom. Now all that awaits us is a feast, a train ride and two whole months of doing nothing."

"Other than studying for you NEWTs you mean," Hermione interrupted him. The dreamy look on Ron's face instantly changed into a frown.

"You can't be serious. We've only just finished studying!"

"Aw, Ronnikins, is your girlfriend. . ."

". . . giving you trouble already?"

Ron froze and turned to look behind him, where his twin brothers were leaning against opposite walls of the corridor.

"She's not my girlfriend," he said with a slight blush.

"What!" Fred exclaimed in mock surprise.

"Why not?" George copied him.

"Is there something wrong with her?"

"Is she not your type?"

Suddenly the twins were flanking their younger brother, leaning in with expressions that were probably intended to look worried, but really ended up looking rather devilish. Ron tried protesting their suggestions when Fred put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's not because she's a girl. . . is it?"

Ron blinked. It took several moments for him to realize what his brother was asking.

"What. . . no! No, absolutely not! I like girls, I definitely like girls!"

"Then what's wrong, brother dear?" this time George asked.

"Did you ask her out. . . "

". . . and she said no?"

"Umm, well, no. . ." Ron's face was now flaming red.

"Then she said yes?"

"No. . . "

They sighed.

"Ronikins, Ronikins. . ."

". . .don't you want to go out with her?"

"What! I-I, well. .. I mean.. .I. . ."

George turned to Hermione, who was also blushing deeply now.

"Hermione, dear, would you say yes. . . "

". . . if Ronald here, asked you out for ice cream?"

"Uh, well, I suppose so. . ." Hermione answered, shifting from one foot to the other, looking for all the world like she'd rather be anywhere but in the spot she was standing.

"Are you doing anything next week on Friday?"

"Not that I know of. . . "

"Wonderful!"

"Do you think you could make it to Diagon Alley. . ."

". . .at about three o'clock. . . "

". . . or would you rather Ron be a gentlemen. . . "

". . . and came to pick you up?"

"Er, well, it would probably be easier for me to meet him in Diagon Alley, I guess."

"Perfect!"

"It's a date!"

They both looked at Ron again.

"There, see. . . "

". . . that wasn't so hard."

Harry burst out laughing. Ron and Hermione glared at him. He laughed even harder.

* * *

They were hidden fairly well, but Q could still see them, sense them. After all, there wasn't much that escaped his notice.

_Although I've got to hand it to them, they've been here for two weeks now and the only people who seem to be aware the place is being haunted by Phoenix members as well ghosts are Potter and his little army. Speaking of which, what manner of creature possessed them and made them name it Dumbledore's Army? Isn't that the kind of thing you do AFTER someone's dead?_

On his way to the Great Hall, Q managed to count four armed and ready members of the Order of the Phoenix, including one girl with the oddest colour hair he'd ever seen and hoped to never see again. The werewolf was also somewhere in the castle, as were the Weasley Twins.

The twins, of course, weren't even bothering to try and hide their presence and pretty much the entire castle knew they were here. And it wasn't just because of the biting fruit that had begun to appear on the tables during dinner.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted q motioning to him from an empty classroom.

"Um, I just realized I'd forgotten something," he said to the others he was walking with. "I'll meet you in the Great Hall."

He didn't bother waiting for a reply and turned around to walk back to the dungeons. His friends looked confused.

"Oh, ok, we'll save you a seat then," Pansy called after him.

"What could he have forgotten?" Draco asked when they all thought Q was out of hearing range.

"Don't know," Millicent answered and shrugged. "Maybe he'll tell us eventually."

Q turned the corner and vanished in a slight blink of light, reappearing next to his son in the abandoned classroom.

"You know, I really hope someone saw you do that," q commented as soon as his father appeared. "'Cause with only a couple hours to go, that would be rather funny."

"Don't worry son, the human's lack of intelligence hasn't begun to rub off on me yet."

"Pity."

Q glared at him.

"So, what do you want?"

"Oh, nothing much, just thought you might be interested to know the headmaster of this fine institution did indeed ask me to join the Order of the Phoenix last night."

"Oh, really?"

"Uh huh, I have 'till tonight to decide."

"And. . .?"

"And don't worry, I'm not going to abandon our romps about the galaxy in order to help a bunch of low-intelligence life forms fight a mob of even less intelligent life forms from their own planet."

"So, you'll say no then."

"Not exactly. . . I'm meeting with the Order members who are here in the castle tonight and. . . well, I'm expecting to be interrupted part-way through. You know, before I actually have to answer them."

"Wait, so Dumbledore wants you to meet the members of his top-secret order before you join? What if you said 'no'?"

"Then he plans to erase my memory."

"Right. Not that it would actually work on you."

"No, but he doesn't know that. Besides, I've been 'accidentally' bumping into them all week."

"I should've done that."

"Yes, you really should have. .. the looks on their faces were hilarious. And watching them try to explain their presence even more so."

q smirked and looked away for a few moments. "Well, looks like Dumbledore's about to start his pre-food babble, so we'd better go."

In a flash of light father and son disappeared from the classroom and appeared outside of the Great Hall, scaring the wits out of Mrs. Norris. They entered the hall just as Professor Dumbledore was beginning to stand.

* * *

Yes, yes, so I fully realize that wasn't the most exciting chapter ever. But I needed to show the passage of time and what's going on. Next chapter: the real action starts. Also: anyone have any ideas for q's last set of robes of the fic? 

Please review!


	41. Condemned by the Bell

**Wow, this took a ridiculously long time to write**, but here it is: a new chapter. I really hope I still have some readers left. .. Lol. Oh, and sorry about the Qs everywhere, but for some reason I can't seem to get the page breaks to work properly today.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!

Disclaimer: I own only the plot and q's robes. Because I don't think anyone else wants to own q's robes.

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**A Year with Q**

**Chapter 41** - Condemned by the Bell

It was fairly easy for Q to sneak into the Great Hall unnoticed. Well, mostly unnoticed. A few people looked in his direction, especially from the Slytherin table, however most eyes automatically fixated on his son, who was grinning like a demented Cheshire Cat.

Somewhere between the deserted classroom and the Great Hall, q's robes had acquired red, blue, green and yellow vertical stripes and a mob of live-size puppies and kittens. At second glace Q noticed the small animals had oddly pointed ears and were happily rolling about as they played with toy Romulan Warbirds.

Q resisted the urge to bang his head against the nearest hard object. Or possibly bang his son's head against the nearest hard object. He wasn't picky.

"What took you so long?" Pansy whispered to him as he slid into a seat between her and Blaise.

"I got distracted," Q waved her off.

"I can see why," Millicent commented from Pansy's other side.

"I don't know, I was expecting something more. . . explosive," Draco said thoughtfully.

"He's already done fireworks, probably didn't want to repeat himself for the end of the year," said Pansy.

"Speaking of which, did you notice that he hasn't worn the same robes twice all year?" Blaise asked. They all looked at him. "That's a lot of robes he must own. . . "

"I don't even want to think about it," Draco said.

"Or he could be just recharming them every morning," Pansy suggested.

"That's even worse."

_Yes, you're right, it is worse. Several million IQ points and he uses them to purposefully create what can only be called wardrobe malfunctions of the highest calibre and which should be fed to ravenous blue abominable snow beasts. If such a creature existed, which it doesn't. Although, I suppose I could make it exist. . . ._

The general commotion in the room caused by Professor Janeway's entrance ceased when Professor Dumbledore rose to speak.

"Well here we are, at the end of yet another school year," the headmaster said with a small, melancholic smile. "The time certainly does fly doesn't it?" He paused as he surveyed the room. "I hope you all had a wonderful year, all things considered. To those of you leaving us, may your futures be bright and may you always remember Hogwarts as your second home. If ever you stray from your path, be assured you will be welcomed here and given guidance. And even if you don't stray from your path, please stop by anytime for a cup of tea and some lemon drops."

A chorus of chuckles erupted around the room. Q saw a few of the seventh years wiping discreetly (for the most part) wiping away tears and rolled his eyes.

_For a species with such short life spans, humans certainly do enjoy dwelling on moments._

"To those of you returning next year, I hope you have an enjoyable and safe summer." Dumbledore suddenly became very solemn. "Now I would ask you all to stand for a moment in silent memory of those us, who couldn't be here today."

As one, the mass of students stood. Once the shuffling and scraping had ended, there was silence. Q heard a few sniffles amongst the students and from the Head Table, but no one dared defile the sanctity of the silence. Eventually, Dumbledore continued his speech.

"Cedric Driggory was the first victim of this war we find ourselves in. This year, 12 more from our midst have been added to the death toll. I only wish I had some reassuring words of wisdom to impart to you all, but alas, all I can say for certain is that there will be more."

Again the professor paused.

_Gee thanks, we never would've figured that out for ourselves. . . no, we're all stuck in big pink cherry-flavoured bubbles of happiness. Blah, just thinking about that makes me sick._

"I tell you this not to scare you, but to warn you. Voldemort will stop at nothing to get what he wants and he wants the Wizarding World on its knees. And so we must prepare for the worse, for evil does not stop on its own. Evil must be destroyed."

_Wow, he's long-winded tonight. And 'evil must be destroyed' - when did this become a cliché-fest? Gah, humans. . . only a few short hours before I can be rid of them. Now that's something worth celebrating._

Suddenly the headmaster smiled.

"Now that we have that over with, let's eat!"

There was more shuffling and more scraping of chairs as everyone sat down again and attacked the feast that had just appeared on the tables. Even Q enjoyed himself as he counted down the minutes to midnight and freedom. He felt the celebration was completely appropriate for the occasion.

Later that evening, when the students were all glowing contentedly, the headmaster announced the winner of the House Cup as Ravenclaw. His friends' faces fell, but Q couldn't care less. As far as he was concerned, it was just a stupid game.

Finally, the feast was over. Q smirked. Now, the fun really began.

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As he walked out the Great Hall doors with his Slytherin companions, Q spied the Weasley Twins waiting in an alcove not too far away. Feeling especially cheeky, he grinned widely and waved at them.

The Twins blinked, startled at being noticed. So shocked were they, that it was only at the last minute that one of them realized Harry, Ron and Hermione had just walked by them and they hadn't gotten their attention like they were supposed to. Cursing under his breath, Fred took a few steps and grabbed Hermione's arm, putting a hand in front of her mouth so that she wouldn't attract attention by screaming.

Hermione made a funny little yelp and immediately began struggling against the strong arms that were pulling her back into a dark alcove. She did the first thing that came into her mind and bit down hard on the fingers in front of her mouth.

There was a muffled cry of pain and then: "Bloody Hell, Hermione! It's just us." The hands holding her were removed and the bushy-haired girl swung around to look into the annoyed faces of the Weasley Twins. She sighed in relief.

Then she punched one of them in the arm.

"Oi! Will you stop abusing me already!"

"Serves you right!" Hermione huffed. "Really, if you wanted to talk to me, why didn't you just tap me on the shoulder when I was walking by with Harry and Ron?"

"Umm. . . well, we were going to. .." one of them began sheepishly.

". . . but we, er, got sort of distracted. .."

Hermione raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"You see, er. .."

"Picard waved at us!" the second twin blurted out. Hermione blinked.

"Picard waved at you? And you got distracted enough to forget to tap me on the shoulder and were thereby forced to resort to kidnap?"

The Twins had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Right, so what was it that you wanted?" Hermione asked after she'd finished rolling her eyes.

"Oh, Dumbledore wanted us to tell you to come to an Order meeting in his office at 11 o'clock," Fred answered.

"They're supposed to be swearing in a new member. . ."

". . . and he wants you to be there. . ."

". . . and Harry and Ron too, of course."

"But aren't we supposed to be patrolling the halls with the rest of the DA?" Hermione asked.

"The two of us and Tonks won't be at the meeting. . ."

". . . we'll be patrolling too, so if anything happens. . ."

". . . such as a Death Eater attack or a last, huge prank. . ."

". . . we'll be there to-"

"Wait!" Hermione held a hand up to stop their run-on sentences. She gave them a pointed look. "Prank? Is there something you two know about that the rest of us don't?"

"Umm. . ."

". . . well, we might've gotten a letter from the pranksters. . . "

". .. saying they'll reveal themselves to us. . . "

". .. at midnight of the Leaving Feast. . ."

". . .in the Great Hall."

"I see," Hermione was trying very hard not to look amused. She was also calculating the chances of the Order meeting being short enough for her to be able to make it to the Great Hall before midnight so she could find out who the pranksters were.

"Well, I'll let Harry and Ron know about the meeting then," she said and walked out of the alcove.

She stopped and looked around. Harry, Ron and the rest of their group were nowhere to be found. She frowned.

"Stupid boys," she muttered before heading off to Gryffindor Tower.

She didn't notice a pair of extendable ears slowly withdrawing along the wall away from the alcove.

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"What is it with all the Gryffindors on the prowl tonight?" Draco growled under his breath as he, Pansy and Q crouched into the shadows of yet another dark alcove to avoid being seen.

They were on their way to the Great Hall with a bag of props. This was the third time they'd had to stop and hide from wandering Gryffindors. Well, except for the first time; that had been a Ravenclaw.

"Must be Potter's little defence group," Blaise whispered back with a slight sneer in his voice.

"You should've done a comic about them," Q said as he watched Neville Longbottom round the corner. "Ok, coast's clear."

"Finally!" Draco whispered and got up. "Millicent and the others are probably already there."

Q gave Draco a pointed look.

"Draco, she went with Crabbe and Goyle to the kitchens. Somehow, I don't see that going very fast."

"The point is that it's taking us much longer than it should. It's ten already, which gives us only an hour before we can expect the Terrible Two to come sneaking in."

"Speaking of which, I could've sworn I saw them the other day here at Hogwarts," said Blaise.

"Oh, they've been here for the past two weeks along with a few aurors and some other random wizards," Q said. Draco's head snapped around to look at him with narrowed eyes.

"And you didn't bother to tell any of us about this, why?" the blond demanded.

Q shrugged.

"Didn't think it was that important. I mean we weren't doing anything anyway, so it's not like they could 'figure us out' or anything."

"And the aurors?

"Maybe Dumbledore's senility is developing a dose of paranoia."

Blaise chuckled and Draco snorted.

"Possibly. Anyway, I don't think Bumblebottom's coming back, so we should get going."

Blaise and Q nodded and the three of them resumed their journey to the Great Hall.

Harry, Ron and Hermione burst into the headmaster's office, panting heavily.

"We're so sorry we're late," Hermione immediately gasped. "We thought we heard something in one of the corridors, but then it turned out to be Mrs. Norris."

"That's quite all right," Professor Dumbledore said with a smile. "We were only introducing ourselves." He gestured to the man standing next to him. "I believe the three of you are acquainted with Professor James Janeway."

"Professor Janeway?" Harry asked as Hermione stared at the robes their professor was wearing. "You're the new Order member?"

"Wicked!" Ron exclaimed. "After you get sworn in, will you teach us that spell you used on the Death Eaters at Hogsmeade?"

"I suppose I could," Professor Janeway answered with a wide grin.

"Just as long as there's a way to do it without that alien thing," Hermione said. "Those things give me the creeps."

"Oh? You'd have preferred the Duck-Who-Lived?"

The other professors chuckled. Except for Snape. And so the first 15 minutes of the meeting of the Order of the Phoenix was spent telling the non-teaching staff members about the Duck-Who-Lived. The second 15 minutes were taken up by Professor Dumbledore explaining to their soon-to-be newest member exactly what his role would be in the Order.

They never got a third 15 minutes, because that was when all Hell broke loose.

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It was exactly 11:13 pm when Fred and George Weasley entered the Great Hall. They looked around. It was empty. Well, almost.

"Aww, looks like they were expecting us, Gred," one of them said.

"Indeed, Forge," said the second. "And they even left us front-row seats."

The two redheads scanned the room once more and then, deciding it was relatively safe, closed the doors behind them and walked up the centre isle. They stopped in front of two large chairs with red cushions that stood about three-quarters of the way to the Head Table. One of the twins tested a cushion by poking it with his finger.

"Looks comfortable enough," Fred said. The twins looked at each other.

"They don't actually think we're going to fall for this, do they?" asked George.

His brother sighed. "And I had such hope for them."

"Oh well, we can't all be diabolical prank geniuses."

"Sadly, no."

"Shall we take a seat, brother dear?"

"Why of course."

Grinning madly, the Weasley Twins walked over to the Hufflepuff table and hopped up onto it, placing their feet on the chairs in front of them. Then they waited.

And waited.

Fifteen minutes later, they were both sitting hunched over with their heads resting in their hands. They were bored.

"Gred, I'm starting to think this waiting idea wasn't all that great," one of them said.

"Forge, I'm starting to agree with you."

"Maybe we should've come a bit later."

"Maybe."

They sighed and then waited some more.

Suddenly, something hit the Great Hall doors and the massive wood shook. Both Weasleys sat up and listened attentively. They heard shouts and the unmistakable sound of hexes being fired. Someone screamed in pain.

"Bloody Hell!" Fred whispered, eyes wide with horror.

"I'll second that," answered George as he jumped to his feet.

And went tumbling down to the floor along with the chair his feet were on.

"George!" Fred cried as he leapt to his feet to help his brother. Which didn't quite work out as planned since he basically just ended up sprawled on the floor with him. "What in Merlin's name. . .!"

He blinked twice before the obvious occurred to him. His feet were stuck to the chair.

George was by now exhausting his entire Romanian vocabulary, which he had learned while visiting Charlie (none of which was suitable for polite company. . .some of which wasn't suitable for any sort of company). His entire body strained with the fruitless effort of trying to separate his feet from the chair seat. Finally, he gave a frustrated noise, took his wand out and began reciting un-sticking charms.

Fred quickly followed his example, hoping the pranksters used the same sticking charms as he and his brother did. He flinched as more cries of pain filtered in through the Great Hall doors. Then he groaned as he recited one of the spells wrong and only succeeded in turning the chair seat red.

"This is not the best way to find out the pranksters are secretly geniuses," Fred muttered. Beside him, George chuckled dryly.

"Yeah, brilliant prank; horrible timing," he said.

Suddenly the sounds coming from the Great Hall stopped. The Twins froze. They looked at each other.

"Dammit, we don't need shoes!" Fred said, shoving his wand into his robe pocket and attacking his shoelaces.

"Shoes are highly overrated," George agreed, following Fred's example.

Finally, the twins managed to free themselves of the chairs they were attached to and scrambled to their feet.

They froze as the Great Hall doors burst open.

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Several figures huddled in the darkness of the unlit girl's bathroom. Suddenly, the door to their right opened with a slight creak. A single beam of light entered the room from the crack in the doorway. A shadow passed through the light and then the door was carefully closed, sending the room once again into complete darkness.

"The twins just entered the Great Hall," Millicent whispered as she craned her eyes into the shadows.

"Good, now all we have to do is wait for midnight," Draco whispered back. Millicent began to carefully make her way along the wall towards the sound of his voice.

"Ouch!"

"Whoops, sorry Pansy," Millicent apologized after stepping on something that was most certainly not tile floor. "You know, this would be so much easier if we just had a bit of light."

"Except that if the lights were on and someone walked in, they'd see us," Draco pointed out.

"Actually, if someone does walk in, then they'll probably just turn on the lights and then see us," said Q. "And then we might have a problem on our hands, 'cause this doesn't at all look suspicious. . ."

"Hey, if I remember correctly this was your idea!"

_Oh right, it was, wasn't it? Geez, the human's low intelligence is starting to effect me._

"Well I never said all my ideas were good. . . just most of them."

"So, if we're agreed this is a stupid idea, can we turn the lights on then?" Pansy asked.

"Yea, at least with the lights on we can talk using hand signals and be quiet," said Blaise. "Sitting quietly in the dark is boring."

"Well, I'm not crossing the room in the dark again," Millicent insisted. "I had enough of that the first time."

"Well, someone's going to have to get up and open the door, so they can aim at the chandelier," Draco said.

"Then why don't you do it, Malfoy?"

"Lumos," Q said and the tip of his wand began to glow, illuminating the faces of his friends. He raised an eyebrow at their startled expressions.

"Or, that works too," said Pansy.

They sat in silence for a while.

"I wonder if they fell for the chair thing?" Blaise asked idly.

"Would be nice," Draco answered, sniggering. "Then they'll sit still for the rest of it."

The group chuckled. Then they were silent again, only this time there was a tenseness in the air, anticipation.

Suddenly they heard a shout from somewhere on the other side of the bathroom door. Then there were footsteps running past the door. And more shouting. The Slytherins looked at each other in confused horror.

It was the screaming that ripped them out of their shock.

"What the bloody hell is going on out there?" Blaise asked.

"Y-you don't suppose it's an attack, do you?" asked Pansy.

Draco gulped. "There's only one way to find out," he said, brandishing his wand as he stood up.

They others followed his example as they made their way to the door by the light of Q's wand. Once outside, they looked down the corridor leading to the main hallway, outside the Great Hall. At the end of it they clearly saw the bright flashes of magic spells being cast.

Draco led them to the end of the corridor. They scene in the hallway was one out of their nightmares. There were students, there were Death Eaters and one random pink-haired auror. It didn't take a genius to figure out who was losing this fight.

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Harry ran into the vast Hogwarts entrance chamber only to have the blood freeze in his veins. There were Death Eaters everywhere. Dark and menacing, they were like a dozen grim reapers, here to take them to the Underworld. It was like a nightmare: here, inside Hogwarts, the only place Harry had ever truly felt safe in. His home. They were invading his home. He saw a flash of bright pink hair fall to the floor. Tonks.

Suddenly, Harry was furious. His eyes narrowed and the grip on his wand tightened.

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"Expelliarmus!" he screamed as he pointed his wand towards the nearest Death Eater. The dark wizard's wand went flying.

Q watched in fascination as Harry Potter came rushing onto the battle ground like a headless rooster. Then the boy stopped and stared in shock at the scene before him.

_Gee, I think the words 'we're under attack' don't usually refer to pretty purple things. What you were expecting Death Eaters armed with large, heart-shaped pillows?_

However, it was only moments later that Harry recovered and disarmed his first opponent. And was then attacked by two others. But now there was a fire in his eyes, part anger, part determination and part desperation.

_Aaah, so THIS is the savoir of the Wizarding World. I was wondering if we'd ever get a chance to meet. He reminds me a bit of Jean Luc. Except with more hair and less experience. A lot less experience._

Harry screamed in pain as he got hit in the right shoulder. His wand went crashing to the ground. Q imagined the Death Eater behind the mask smirking as he prepared his next curse. Harry looked at the tip of the dark wizard's wand with wide eyes. Q saw him shift his weight, preparing to dodge the curse.

"Crucio!" the wizard called.

Harry leaped, but Q could tell he wasn't fast enough. The yellowish beam of light streaked towards him. . .

"SUPER DUPER PURPLE WALL OF MAGIC!"

Suddenly a two-metre tall square wall made of dull purple light appeared right in front of Harry. The curse hit it and disappeared. Q blinked. He raised an eyebrow at the castor.

'Super Duper Purple Wall of Magic?' he mouthed.

q just shrugged. Then he handed Harry his wand back and helped him to his feet. The wall vanished and both professor and student turned back to the enemy.

"_ALBUS DUMBLEDORE_!" a loud, powerful voice reverberated throughout the castle.

As if on cue, the fighting stopped and everyone turned to the main doors. Gasps were heard all around. Standing there, scanning the assembled wizards and witches (and two omnipotent entities - but he didn't know that) with his glowing red eyes, was the most feared man alive: Lord Voldemort.

_Ok, so if Snape was a Dracula impersonator, then this guy's definitely going for Nosferatu. I suppose the name Death Eater does seem to imply some sort of vampiric tendencies. . . _

Several students and teachers parted and the school's headmaster walked into view. "Hello Tom," he said in a gentle, but firm voice.

"It's been a long time since I've gone by that name," Voldemort answered, a hint of anger in his voice. Dumbledore chuckled.

"Aaah, you see, that's the thing about teachers. No matter what you accomplish or how high you rise, they'll always remember you as the awkward, pimpled hooligan you were at 14."

"Now that's a scary thought," Draco mumbled.

"Absolutely," Pansy agreed.

"Then I'll just have to make a better impression on you. . . something a bit more recent to remember me by," Lord Voldemort hissed. He snapped his fingers and the Death Eaters behind him parted, allowing one of their comrades to pass between them. There was a chorus of gasps as the members of the Hogwarts defence realized what he was floating ahead of him.

Q recognized the student as a sixth year Hufflepuff by the name of Eric Windson, an average, mildly intelligent, not very interesting boy. He was conscious, but magically petrified as he floated half a metre above the ground, his eyes darting from side to side. He looked terrified.

_Humans can be so stupid sometimes._

"Now I believe this conversation would be better suited for the Great Hall," Voldemort continued, the hidden threat clear in his voice.

"Yes, perhaps that would be best," Dumbledore said with a slight bow. The headmaster's voice was as pleasant as always, but Q heard the edge of steel in it, a warning that said the kind old man would only tolerate so much.

Voldemort and the Death Eater floating the boy ahead of him walked forward. A path was cleared for them and with a wave of the Dark Lord's wand, the Great Hall doors flew open.

Q walked out of the shadows he and the other Slytherins were hiding in. This was getting interesting and he certainly wasn't about to miss the show-down. Draco grabbed his arm.

"What are you doing!" the blond hissed. "That's the Dark Lord!"

"Yes, thank you, I had rather figured that much out myself," Q rolled his eyes as he answered.

Just then the shadows they were standing got darker. The two boys looked up to see a tall Death Eater standing over them. He said nothing for several moments. And then -

"Draco."

Q recognized that voice and his eyes narrowed. Draco let go of Q's arm and stiffened.

"Father."

"I see our contact decided it fit to inform you of our attack," the Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy, continued. "I would've appreciated he told us of this beforehand, but I am at least glad you finally decided to actively participate in the cause. Come. You will have the opportunity to see how weak the fools who oppose us truly are."

With that he whirled around and followed the rest of the Death Eaters into the Great Hall. Draco took a deep breath and followed. It didn't take an omniscient entity to figure out the boy was terrified. Q and the others made up the end of the dark procession.

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The Great Hall looked exactly the same as it had when they'd last left it. Except for the large amount of people currently occupying it and the two upturned chairs with two pairs dragon-hide boots stuck to them over at the Hufflepuff table. Whatever the Dark Lord had thought of the now shoeless Weasley Twins, he was over it and instead studying the two large, cushioned chairs sitting in the centre of the isle.

"Well, at least we know they fell for the chair thing," Blaise whispered.

"Uh huh," Pansy agreed. Suddenly her eyes widened. "Guys, if the Dark Lord continues to stand where he's standing now, then. . . "

"We're dead," Draco stated. There was no emotion in his voice, only a look of absolute horror written all over his face. "We're bloody dead."

"But we'll definitely go down in Hogwart's history," Q said with a smirk.

"I suppose there could be worse ways to go," Blaise said with a shrug. They had just come to a stop by the Ravenclaw Table, towards the back of the assembled group. The Dark Lord was standing at the head of the Great Hall, with several Death Eaters flanking him and Dumbledore and his group standing facing him.

"Really?" Draco glared at him. "Name one."

Blaise was about to answer when a yell from ahead of them and to the right, by the Hufflepuff Table, interrupted them.

"Malfoy, Picard!" The two Slytherins in question looked up to see Ron glaring furiously at them. Beside him, the rest of the Golden Trio sent their own glares. "I should've known you two were behind this! I can't believe I thought even for a moment that you weren't one of them!"

The Slytherins blinked. Beside Ron, Ginny spun around to look at them. The surprise on her face quickly turned into anger. There was a touch of disappointment in her glare. Q noticed Draco flinch slightly.

"Now, now Ron, don't get ahead of yourself," Professor Janeway admonished lightly. All eyes turned to him. "They didn't participate in the fight, after all, and we really have no idea how umm. . . You Know Who and his Ringwr- I mean, Death Eaters, got in."

Now everyone blinked. The Dark Lord looked like he didn't quite know what to say. Or possibly he was trying to figure out if his eyes were still in perfect working order. Pansy leaned in closer to Q and the others.

"Am I hallucinating, or has he changed his robes since the Feast?" she whispered.

"I'd like to think that not even my hallucinations could be that bad," Blaise whispered back.

"Well, at least he's dressed for the occasion," Q suggested with a shrug.

"If the occasion was his intended execution," Draco added.

How everyone had up until now failed to notice q's bright orange robes was a mystery that Q was sure would boggle his mind for all of 15 seconds. In other words, he didn't particularly care. In fact he was rather enjoying the grinning skulls with pretty pink and green bows. Although, he did think the orange fur collar was slightly overdoing it.

Finally the Dark Lord decided there were more important matters to dwell on than some random crazy professor's wardrobe disaster. He turned to Professor Dumbledore.

"Well, now that I have your complete and undivided attention," he began. "I would like to discuss the terms of your surrender. And before you say anything, Albus, you and I both know you have no chance of winning this battle." He paused. "Or perhaps I have forgotten to mention the servants I have sent to each of the dormitories. All those students, asleep and unaware. Are you really willing to sacrifice them?"

"Your Death Easters will never be able to enter the dormitories, Tom, and you know it," Dumbledore replied calmly.

"You're sure about that, are you? Besides, even if I can't enter them right away, I already have one of them at my mercy?"

Eric Windson was floated forward. Voldemort brought his left hand up to caress the boy's cheek.

"Such smooth skin, such a young, beautiful face. . . I wonder what it would look like screaming in agony?"

"Leave him alone!" Harry Potter suddenly cried. "Get your filthy, disgusting hands off him!"

_And the hero rides to the dubious rescue. Oh joy._

"Aaah, Mr. Potter. . . don't worry, I haven't forgotten you. I will take special joy in killing you."

"Not if I kill you first!"

"Brilliant comeback, Potter," Q muttered. Then he smirked and looked to Draco. "It's time," he said a little louder.

Suddenly the school bell resounded through the Great Hall, twice as loud as usual. Q found it rather comical watching the Death Eaters and battle-hardened members of the Order of the Phoenix start at the noise.

"Somehow, I don't think those sleeping students up in the dormitories are quite so asleep anymore," Millicent said with a smirk.

"No, probably not," said Pansy.

The alarm stopped and there was a moment of silence.

_**"**Well we got no choice_

_All the girls and boys_

_Makin all that noise_

_'Cause they found new toys_

_Well we can't salute ya_

_Can't find a flag_

_If that don't suit ya_

_That's a drag_

_School's out for summer_

_School's out forever_

_School's been blown to pieces_

_No more pencils_

_No more books_

_No more teacher's dirty looks_

_Well we got no class_

_And we got no principles (principals)_

_And we got no innocence_

_We can't even think of a word that rhymes_

_School's out for summer_

_School's out forever_

_My school's been blown to pieces_

_No more pencils_

_No more books_

_No more teacher's dirty looks_

_Out for summer_

_Out 'til fall_

_We might not come back at all_

_School's out forever_

_School's out for summer_

_School's out with fever_

_School's out completely**." **_

The Weasley Twins looked at each other excitedly. Midnight had arrived.

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Author's Notes:

_School's Out -_ Not mine, those lyrics are borrowed from the song by Alice Cooper. I thought it was oddly appropriate. D

Now Please read and review!


	42. The Games

Betcha you never thought you'd seen an update to this story, huh?

Well, sorry 'bout that, but here it is! Looking back on this story made me truly amazed at just how many people seem to like it. I guess it means my writing's improved a lot since I started it if I can read it over again and think it's crap. But I never had intended to abandon it. Anyway, hopefully there are still readers out there who are willing to forgive me for taking this long with the update. Only one more chapter to go and then the epilogue. I move in three weeks and want to have this finished before I do, so hopefully that means another update soon.

Thanks for your continued support guys!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot.

* * *

**A Year with Q**

**Chapter 42 -** The Games

_School's out forever_

_School's out for summer_

_School's out with fever_

_School's out completely _

_The Weasley Twins looked at each other excitedly. Midnight had arrived._

The song ended and there were several moments of baffled silence.

"Let the games begin," said Q softly with a grin.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang, followed by a whistling noise, another explosion and a flash of bright pink light. Everyone, including the Slytherins, jumped at the first noise. All eyes turned to the Head Table, where three innocent-looking skulls sat in the middle of the table, empty eyes staring out at the assembled people. The eyes of the one on the far left flashed green and two seconds later, its jaws opened and a green firework shot out. Next the one in the middle flashed blue and the same happened.

After a minute or two, the fireworks began to change. It was one shot from the left that was the first, appearing in the form of a bright yellow, demented-looking Jolly Roger. Then there was a bright green dragon, a scrawny pink cat with a top hat and other cartoon-like characters. There was a quiet cheer from the students present when the Duck-Who-Lived appeared in all his bright red glory, complete with a cape and carrot wand.

"Those look amazing Blaise," Pansy whispered. Blaise, the cartoonist, flashed her a wide, satisfied grin.

Somewhere between a dancing green apple and a bright green Voldilocks (which produced several laughs), Fawkes flew into the Great Hall and landed on Q's shoulder. Q, of course, knew the phoenix was on his way, but the flapping of giant wings startled Draco and the others. They collectively gaped at him.

_Hello Fawkes. _Q greeted his friend, while sparing him only a quick glance before returning his eyes to the face of a Dark Lord who was steadily becoming more and more irritated with the fireworks display.

'Good evening, Eternal One.'

What brings you here, into the midst of battle?

'Why, to witness your grand finale of course. Besides, I believe the battle is now over, even if the participants have yet to realize it.'

Oh, how do you figure that?

'Because, you won't let any of your Slytherin friends to come to any harm. Your pride, if nothing else, won't allow it.'

Q frowned.

You know, trying to predict my actions can be very dangerous.

"Umm, Q, isn't that Dumbledore's pet phoenix?" Darco asked. Q looked at the boy.

"Yeah."

"What's he doing here then?"

Q grinned and winked at him. "Why, he's come to watch the show, of course. Probably wanted front row seats and figured the ones back here were safer."

'And are they?' Fawkes interrupted.

Absolutely. Do you really think I'd stand anywhere I could get caught up in my own prank?

Out of the corner of his eye, Q noticed Hermione staring at the phoenix on his shoulder, looking incredibly confused. He smirked as Harry and Ron also noticed. Harry nudged Professor Dumbledore. Q had to use all of his several billion years of experience to suppress the laughter that threatened to erupt at the utterly flabbergasted expression that appeared on the old wizard's face when he saw Fawkes sitting on the potential enemy's shoulder instead of his own.

A huge explosion from the Head Table brought everyone's attention back there. The Dark Lord had apparently stopped finding the light display amusing and reduced the firework spitting skulls into piles of dust and colourful sparks. Although, it could have been the pink and purple bunny-eared Dark Marks that finally broke his patience.

The silence that followed was almost deafening and all eyes found themselves glued to the fuming Dark Lord. His eyes were flashing a murderous red as a quiet whimper from the Hufflepuff hostage brought everyone's attention back to the situation at hand.

"Now then, if we are quiet done with all the foolishness," Voldemort finally said. He looked directly at Professor Dumbledore. "I believe you were about to surrender, Dumbledore."

"I was?" the aged wizard asked innocently.

"As if we'd ever surrender to you!" Harry yelled. "We will defeat you, Voldemort!" Q rolled his eyes at the sea of flinches that followed Harry's final statement.

"Oh, will you now?" Voldemort grinned sinisterly. "And do you plan to do this before, or after I torture poor Mr. Watson to death? Because, I can assure you, my Death Eaters can easily fend you off until I've had my fill of his screams."

Harry's face paled.

Humans really are incredibly stupid creatures. . .

"If you want any sort of co-operation from us, Tom, then I suggest you refrain from making such threats." The hint of steel was back in Dumbledore's voice.

"You don't fully seem to understand your situation: I'm not requesting your co-operation. At the moment you have no choice but to surrender." Voldemort's grin turned gleeful. "Oh, but I suppose I am at fault for this little misunderstanding. After all, I haven't told you that we know the passwords to all four houses." He looked directly at the Golden Trio. "All for one and one for all, right?"

Hermione gasped. Ron and Harry simply looked stunned.

"That's their password?" Draco asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's a quote from a rather famous novel by a Frenchman named Alexander Dumas," Q commented.

"I wish we had known that a couple of hours ago. . . " said Pansy, but her expression was just as stunned as the Trio's. "Y-you don't suppose he means Slytherin House as well, do you?"

"Well, he might not have the new one since it got changed a couple of hours ago as protection against the Weasley Twins," Draco answered. "But that doesn't mean someone hasn't owled their parents since then. . ."

Q looked up when he heard several pops from overhead. So did the rest of the Slytherins and a few of the sharper-eared professors and Order of the Phoenix members. They ended and then there was nothing for a few moments. Then there were 10 slightly louder pops. Those got everyone else's attention. They all looked to the ceiling, but no one could see anything.

"What's wrong?" Draco whispered. "Is it broken?" There was an almost hopeful tinge to his voice.

"Don't be so impatient," Millicent admonished. "Just wait for it."

"As I was saying," Voldemort continued unperturbed, but Q noticed he was holding his wand just a little tighter than a moment ago. "You will surrender yourselves or I will give the signal and my followers will storm the dormitories-"

He stopped as something fell to the ground next to him. He looked down and blinked. It was an apple core. He looked up to the ceiling again.

"Hey!"

Draco looked to the source of the exclamation and couldn't help but snicker as Ron Weasley knocked a brown banana peel off his head. Even Harry and Hermione looked amused and Ginny simply giggled outright.

Yup, that additional two centimetres to the left was all it needed. I wish I'd thought of that with the first one.

'You know, that could be considered cheating,' Fawkes commented, clearly amused as well.

So? Why leave things to chance when I can manipulate them to serve to my momentary amusement?

Suddenly, there was a big swoosh and a cascade of objects fell from the Great Hall ceiling and onto the mostly unsuspecting crowd of people below. And it continued falling.

"Wow, that's a lot of kitchen scraps," Blaise commented.

"Well, they have been collecting them for us for the better part of the week," said Millicent.

"Either way, it's brilliant," Pansy added.

"Thank you."

"Yes, it is rather unfortunate we won't live long enough to gloat properly about it," said Draco.

"Oh don't worry, it's not like I'm going to let that fermented skeleton kill you," Q waved away his worry.

"Umm, Q, you do realize this is the Dark Lord you're talking about, right?"

"Of course."

"And you also realize you're going to die along with the rest of us, right?"

"No I'm not. I'm immortal."

Draco sighed in frustration. "Could you please be serious for once?"

Q looked down at the blond with an amused expression.

"I am being serious."

Draco blinked at him, as if trying to decide whether or not to believe his friend. Q shook his head and looked back towards the Head Table with a grin.

"Nevermind, it's almost over."

"Huh?"

Indeed, the various fruit and vegetable peels, egg shells, used tea bags and various other unidentifiable substances had stopped falling. Instead, they were now covering the assembled group of Death Eaters, Dark Lords, professors, Order of the Phoenix members and students. Except for Professor Janeway, who was currently looking around as he casually twirled a bright orange and pink striped umbrella.

Professor Dumbledore waved his wand and the staff and students were suddenly clean again. Each of the Death Eaters did the same to themselves, as did Voldemort - although in a much darker temper.

"When I find out who is responsible for these ridiculous interruptions, I will personally pull out their intestines through their nose while Cruicoing them until they forget their own name," Voldemort promised.

"Hmmm. .. I wonder if that's actually physically possible. . . " Q asked no one in particular.

"Who cares?" Pansy whispered back urgently. "For once, I hope Dumbledore really is as powerful as everyone says he is."

Draco snorted. "Oh don't worry, Q here's promised to protect us."

"I'm, um, flattered. .. I think."

"Look, I have a plan," said Blaise. The other Slytherins turned to him expectantly. "We wait until it's over, watch everyone's reactions, gloat for a few seconds and then run like mad."

Draco slapped his right hand to his forehead.

"Blaise, in case you have forgotten, the rest of the school is also crawling with Death Eaters," he said. "And where exactly did you plan on running to? The Forbidden Forest, so we can get eaten by the werewolves and things that live there?"

"Enough!"

Voldemort looked furious. He pointed his wand at Eric Watson, whose eyes widened with fear. Everyone else held their breath. Q raised an eyebrow.

"Crucio."

The magically bound Hufflepuff screamed in pain and his body spasmed. Several Death Eaters stepped in front of Voldemort as the Gryffindor group drew their wands.

Before the battle could start anew, the screaming stopped.

The Great Hall doors opened slightly and an albatross flew in. No one really paid it much attention though, since their eyes were glued to the panting, twitching body of Eric Watson.

"Tom, you will release that boy immediately," said Dumbledore in a low voice.

"No, I don't think I'm quite done with him yet. In fact I don't think I'll be done with him for a while. . ." Voldemort smirked.

The people standing around the Hogwarts headmaster all took a step away from the old wizard. Q realized with interest that Dumbledore had finally shed all pretences of pleasantness and was standing up straight, an aura of power surrounding him. Q could feel the wizard's presence from where he stood and he was sure from their expressions that the other Slytherins could as well.

Aaah, so this is the Albus Dumbledore that's said to be one of the most powerful wizards of all time. Not bad. I'm sure I'd be suitably awed if I were human.

The two most powerful wizards of their time glared at each other, auras swirling around them angrily. Neither one of them was willing to back down and everyone around them sensed the battle was about to begin anew. They drew their wands, waiting for the moment when the tension finally exploded.

What I wouldn't give for a hoard of Klingons or Cardassians right now. Even mindless violence would be more engaging than this. Do they plan to defeat the another by glaring them to death?

"Tom, I will give you one last chance to leave this castle in order to prevent needless deaths-"

"Ha! Are you really naive enough to think I care about preventing deaths, Albus? On the contrary, it would only serve to make me happy were you all to-"

"Bombs away!" a loud, squeaky voice suddenly sounded from above. Three seconds later something fell to the ground, bounced three times and rolled to the left. Half the people in the room stared at the large, yellow marble as it finally hit a chair leg at the Ravenclaw table and stopped.

Nothing happened.

"I don't care what it is that's dropping those things," said Voldemort through clenched teeth, not even trying to look up and see the thing for itself. "And I don't care how you do it. Just get rid of-"

"Bombs away!"

This time the marble was blue and it rolled off to the right, hitting the side of Mad-Eye Moody's shoe. He gently kicked it away.

"Oi, it must be that bird there dropping them!" Ron exclaimed, pointing upwards to where the albatross was circling the room.

"First a condor and now an albatross?" Hermione said, shaking her head. "I wonder why they can't just use owls like regular wizards?"

And be boring like the rest of you?

"Umm, did we actually need to use that bird for this?" Pansy asked thoughtfully as she and the Slytherins watched it circle.

"I don't think so. . ." Blaise answered.

"Oh, but it's more fun this way," Q grinned.

Suddenly, the albatross veered towards the centre of the room to avoid a hex. A few more hexes followed and the bird preformed a few agile twists and turns. They all missed. The bird abruptly sped up and dived towards one of the Death Eaters, who jumped out of the way to evade the winged creature.

"Bombs away!" it cried as it began ascending again. One of the Weasley Twins picked up the red marble that rolled towards them. He held it up in front of him as his brother joined him in examining it.

"Have two minutes passed yet?" Draco asked, anxiousness in his voice.

"Almost," Q answered. "It better hurry up with that last one."

Meanwhile, the Death Eaters weren't having much success hitting the bird. In a fit of frustration, one of them turned and stomped over to the Slytherins. Q immediately knew who it was: Lucius Malfoy. His right fist clenched, remembering the first time he's seen the man, but let none of his anger show in his expression.

Fawkes decided finding a new perch was in order and flew off to land on Harry's shoulder. Harry yelped and staggered under the weight of the giant bird.

"Didn't you hear the Dark Lord?" he demanded. "Why aren't you helping?"

"We're supposed to be helping?" Draco asked in confusion and Q nearly laughed. Mostly, because he realized full well the boy wasn't trying to be cheeky.

"But it's so much more fun watching you trying and failing," Q said as he grinned. The Death Eater turned to him and Q could picture narrowed gray eyes flashing in anger behind the white mask. It made him want to rub his hands together in glee.

"You must be that American exchange student, Quincy Picard."

"Yes, I suppose I must. Oh, and call me Q."

"Draco, I thought I told you to stop associating with this boy. . . "

"Now, what exactly is the point of you wearing that ridiculous mask if you're simply going to announce you're Draco's father in front of everybody? You might as well have a name tag pinned to your forehead. And did you really have to ruin my game? I mean, I've spent all year trying to convince Four-eyes and his band of merry men over there that I'm your spy and now you've just gone and ruined everything!"

Q sighed and shook his head in disappointment. Out of the corner of his eye he could see said band of merry men (and women) gaping at him.

"Bombs away!"

A green marble bounced off Lucius Malfoy's head. Draco caught it. He looked over to the still-gaping Gryffindors and smirked.

"Here, Potter: catch!" With that he tossed it to Harry, who absently caught it and then proceeded to stare at it blankly.

Fawkes took off again, this time perching on top of the Slytherin shield that hung on the Great Hall wall. At about the same time, the albatross also settled down, perching on top of the Gryffindor shield across from the phoenix.

Fred Weasley sniffed at the marble in his hand and raised an eyebrow. It smelt sweet: like cherries and cinnamon.

"I think it's supposed to be a candy," he told his twin. He experimentally licked it. Then he made a face and handed the marble to his brother. "Gah, tastes bloody horrible, though."

George Weasley took it and sniffed it, before he also examined it from all sides.

"Wonder what it's supposed to do then," he said.

"Oi, Forge!" George looked back to his brother. "Look, there's more of these things on the tables!"

George turned to look at the Hufflepuff table next to him and sure enough, in between the salt and pepper shakers and sugar bowl there were little glass bowls filled with multicoloured marbles. As the twins looked around, they noticed all the tables had at least two or three of these bowls each, all on the front half of the room.

Suddenly there was a soft 'pop', followed by a startled yelp. Fred and George looked to their left and saw Harry staring at a tiny sliver of parchment in his hand.

"Oi, what's it say, Harry?" they heard Ron asked.

"It says 'Don't worry, it'll come off in about an hour. We think.'" Harry read.

"What will come off in about an hour?" Hermione asked.

No sooner had she finished her sentence, then the entirety of the Great Hall felt a massive displacement of air. For a few moments, all the Weasley Twins could see in front of them was a swirling cloud of sparkly colour, as if someone had just poured lots and lots of rainbow dust into the room. It got into their noses and made their eyes water. They waved their arms in front of them, trying to get rid of it, but really that only made the colourful dust whirl around even more.

From somewhere beyond the rainbow clouds, they heard people cry out in pain as they got whacked by whoever was next to them as said person was also trying to get the dust out of their way. Then there was a loud crash and a gruff voice cursed quite colourfully.

"Alistair Moody!" Fred and George snickered as they recognized their former Head of House. "How dare you use that kind of language inside a school?!"

"Everyone freeze and let it settle!" Professor Sprout called out.

The boys obeyed and sure enough, a few minutes later, the dust was on the floor instead of in the air. They stared in awe at the layer of dust on the floor. George suddenly blinked when he realized he was also staring at his bare feet. Something occurred to him then and he brought his hands up for inspection. His right hand, which had been holding the marble, was bright red. He looked to his twin, who stared back at him.

They blinked at each other. Or rather, they blinked at the random streaks and swirls of colour that was now their skin, hair and clothes. They looked to the others in the room. Everyone was pretty much in the same state: as if a two-year-old with a paint set had just redecorated them all to his own liking.

The twins looked back at each other and grinned. And noticed with a start that not even their teeth were white anymore. That was when they heard the laughter from behind them and turned to see the Slytherin students looking completely normal. . . and clearly enjoying themselves.

Q wasn't sure who had been the first to break, but it had definitely come after the "powder candies" had exploded and after Lucius Malfoy had gasped in horror, called out "My Lord!" and ran into the fray. And slipped on a lonely, forgotten banana peel. Naturally, Q had no idea why there was a lonely, forgotten banana peel directly under the Death Eater's foot.

Draco had seemed particularly delighted when Mad-Eye Moody toppled backwards over a chair and then got chastised by Professor McGonagall for his rather creative use of the English language. Q almost thought it was a shame when Professor Sprout told everyone to stop moving.

Until he saw the finished masterpiece.

Half the Great Hall now looked as if a pain shop had dumped upon it and left to its own devices. Nowhere, not on the floor, the tables, or the people, was there a single particle of black, white or gray.

Professor Dumbledore's long, white beard, now contained a sort of tie-dye effect of red, blue and several shades of purple where the two colours had mixed. Remus Lupin, who'd been standing next to the Hufflepuff Table, was almost entirely yellow on one half of his body and a sort of streaky, splotchy blue and green combination on his right. Harry Potter was possibly Q's favourite, since he'd been holding the large green "candy" directly in front of him, and therefore looked rather like a Rosewell-style alien since his entire torso and face were now a bright green.

There was one notable exception to the current colour scheme of the front half of the Great Hall.

Again, Q had no idea why Professor Janeway was glaring at the Slytherins in a set of plain, black robes. Or why his hair only had a few, tasteful, green streaks in it. Everyone else seemed to be baffled by it as well. Q grinned and waved at his son, who only glared harder.

"Oi, why the Hell aren't those slimy Slytherins affected?" Ron suddenly demanded.

"Because we're smarter than you," Q said cheerfully.

"One of them is probably the prankster," Hermione grumbled. Draco stopped laughing and smirked at her.

"Actually, Mudblood, you're wrong," he said, earning himself several glares and reproachful looks, which he promptly ignored. "One of us is not the prankster."

From the back of the Gryffindor group, Ginny Weasley gasped. She stared at the Slytheirns with a hand over her mouth and wide eyes filled with realization, quickly followed by horror. Draco's smirk faltered a bit.

"Well, well, looks like the littlest Weasley has us figured out," said Q under his breath.

"Y-yeah."

Q glanced at Draco. There was a smirk plastered on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. It was slight, almost unnoticeable from a distance. . . but the boy was shaking. Q placed a hand on Draco's shoulder and squeezed. Startled, he looked at Q and blinked. Q smiled at him, hoping it came off as comforting rather than creepy (he wasn't really all that used to this whole 'being nice' thing yet).

It's actually embarrassing how soft I've become.

"Don't worry, it'll all work out fine," he said. "You're the Slytherin Prince, right? So act like it. After all, all that-" He gestured towards Voldemort who was currently attempting to remove the maroon, red, purple and blue squiggly strips from himself. "-thing that currently looks like a demented zebra's drug-induced hallucination has going for him is a couple of good spells and lots of posturing."

Draco smiled at Q weakly.

"You forgot the apparently immortal friend who's going to somehow protect me," he said dryly. Q grinned.

"Oh believe me, I never forget about myself. I'm simply too wonderful to forget."

"Now, who's posturing," Draco grumbled.

Q's attention was diverted as the albatross flew in front of him. Q's eyes followed the bird as it sailed through the air, just above the heads of everyone in the room. Just low enough to make sure everyone noticed it. Then it flew to the front of the Great Hall and did two loop-the-loops right above the Head Table, before stopping to hover just above the headmaster's seat. Its wings began to stretch and widen and little by little its body began to flatten as its beak and legs disappeared. . . .

Within a minute the bird was gone and instead a large white banner with green and silver lettering hung in its place. It read:

**THIS YEAR'S HOGWARTS PRANKFEST HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY SLYTHERIN HOUSE. WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT AS MUCH AS WE ENJOYED LAUGHING AT YOU.  
**

**P.S. With special thanks to Blaise Zabini for his wonderful drawings and the House Elves for their willingness to sneak things into dormitories.**

Stunned silence followed. Followed by loud, somewhat outraged, chaos.

"House Elves?!" Professor McGonagall screeched. "They got the House Elves to help them?!"

"No wonder we couldn't figure out how someone was getting into the dormitories," Professor Sprout groaned in exasperation. From beside her, Dumbledore chuckled and turned to wink at Draco and the others with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Hang on!" shouted Ron. "Is that trying to say that Zabini created Voldilocks?!"

"Oi!" one of the Weasley twins exclaimed. "Slytherin House?!"

"You mean, the entire house was pranking the rest of the school?!" added the second twin.

As one, the two turned to gape at the Slytherins present, who beamed and nodded proudly. the twins turned to one another.

"Blimey! That's-"

"-bloody brilliant!"

"No wonder they couldn't be caught-"

"-and no one could figure out who it was!"

"So, do we run now?" Blaise gritted out through his wide smile, valiantly trying to ignore the furious glares they were receiving from all the Death Eaters. And, of course, a fuming Dark Lord, who was made even more furious by the fact that none of his spells seemed to work on the mysterious dye he was covered in.

"Well, either that or pray Dumbledore doesn't feel like letting us die just yet," Pansy answered through her own wide smile, in a slightly high-pitched voice.

"Maybe if we grovel really, really well. . . " Draco began.

Q turned to them.

"Will you guys stop panicking?" he said. "It's after midnight. The school year's done and over. He can't touch you now."

They all turned to him and blinked.

"Q, he's not Cinderella, he doesn't loose his powers after midnight," said Blaise. Q grinned.

"No, but I gain mine back."

Q turned to speak to Professor Dumbledore, but suddenly a loud scream filled the air. Instantly, Dumbledore had his wand drawn and a curse fired towards Voldemort. The Dark Lord stopped the Cruciatus in order to block Dumbledore's curse.

Q rolled his eyes.

Here we go again.

* * *

Well, I sincerely hope that didn't disappoint. Please let me know what you thought about it!

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	43. I am Q

So apparently moving half-way across the country is a tad time-consuming, lol. And not nearly as much fun as it sounds. But, I'm moved and somewhat settled in. And finally have an update for you D This chapter just didn't want to come together for me and I'm still not sure if it's what I wanted, but here you go anyway.

Also, I'd just like to say one thing to whoever "**begging**" is: putting up a review on my other story in order to tell me to update this one without so much as bothering to say anything about the one you were leaving the message on is just plain rude. Especially since, if you had bothered to read the author's notes in the beginning of said chapter, you'd know I had it written almost two months ago, but was waiting for my beta to be done with exams and such. In the future, please leave messages pertaining to this story in the review section for this story, or e-mail me directly.

My thanks to everyone for their reviews! They made me very happy.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot. And q's robes. .. wait, his robes are plain black in this chapter. . . nevermind.

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**A Year with Q**

**Chapter 43 -** I am Q

Q turned to speak to Professor Dumbledore, but suddenly a loud scream filled the air. Instantly, Dumbledore had his wand drawn and a curse fired towards Voldemort. The Dark Lord stopped the Cruciatus in order to block Dumbledore's curse.

Q rolled his eyes.

Here we go again.

There were several moments of tense silence as opposite sides glared at each other once again.

"Leave him alone, Voldemort," Harry said through clenched teeth. He was shaking with fury, his wand pointing directly at the Dark Lord. Dumbledore placed a hand on his shoulder to hold the boy back.

"Calm down, Harry," he said, his voice holding only the barest hint of kindness. Just enough for his student to get the message. "Anger alone will not defeat him."

Voldemort smirked.

"Indeed, Mr. Potter, your anger will not save Mr. Watson here," he said as he traced the outline of his captive's face with the tip of his wand.

"Let him go, Tom, then we can talk."

"Oi, Albus, why're you trying to reason with 'im?" Mad-Eye Moody suddenly interrupted. "We have the chance to defeat him here once and for all and I say we take it!"

"Oh? Are you really so willing to sacrifice one of the students?"

The auror gritted his teeth and Voldemort smirked triumphantly. There were several more minutes of silence. Then Q's almost non-existent patience evaporated like a drop of water in the middle of the Sahara desert.

"Dear God, you lot are thick!" he exclaimed. Eyes turned to gape at him- anger flashing in quite a few of them. He didn't bother letting them protest. "Why in the world is everyone so concerned about the stupid Hufflepuff?! I mean, I'm positive there's some sort of wonderfully wise, old, Earth saying about letting people lay on beds of nails they made themselves or something to that regard!"

"Mr. Picard!" Professor McGonagall exclaimed in outrage. "This is a fellow student you're talking about! I don't know about how things are done in America, but over here we do not so casually abandon one of our own!"

Q sighed in frustration and shook his head.

"Harry?" he began slowly in a very calm, even voice, as if he was explaining something very simple to a class of particularly daft children. Which, as far as he was concerned, he was. "Is Watson there a part of your little defence club?"

Harry seemed surprised by the sudden question. "Uh, no. . "

"Weasley, this attack of there's seems to be centred around three main points: first of all the element of surprise, secondly, knowledge of at least one of the passwords with which to hold the school hostage and thirdly, the hostage to keep you from attacking directly and thus gaining momentum in your favour. Correct?"

"Well, I suppose so.. ."

"And, you'll also agree that charging into enemy territory with the hope that you might just happen across some idiot roaming about after curfew, who could then become said hostage, is a rather stupid way of planning a major attack?"

"Yeah-"

"Now, Granger, you're supposed to be the clever one, so tell me, why would a student who is not supposed to be out patrolling with the rest of you busybodies, be wandering about at this time of night instead of either packing to go home or celebrating the end of the school year with his friends?"

Hermione thought for a moment, looking at Q through narrowed eyes. "He could have been going to the kitchens, I suppose."

"And somehow managed to take a wrong turn into the Forbidden Forest?" He didn't bother waiting for her reply. "And Ginny, you remember that conversation you had with us a while back - you know, where we told you there was a spy in the school and how we were sure it wasn't a Slytherin?"

Q gestured to the banner that still hung above the Head Table.

"Now that there would be the reason why we knew said spy wasn't from Slytherin, since I'm sure Draco's father would have otherwise had a lot more to say about the use of singing Dark Marks than he would about his son's choice of friends." He paused to think for a moment. "Although, I suppose, the two are interconnected since the singing Dark Mark was my doing. . ."

"Q?" a quiet voice came from beside him. Q turned to Draco, who was looking up at him with furious eyes. "Are you saying that we've been spied on all year by a Hufflepuff?"

Q shrugged. "It's the perfect plan, isn't it? In this school, you're all so concerned with house divisions and the stereotypes based on them, after all. Slytherin is first place they'd go to look for a spy, Gryffindor for a hero, Ravenclaw for a bookworm and Hufflepuff tends to get overlooked and underestimated in the shuffle."

"What a clever boy," a voice suddenly interrupted. Q looked up to meet the gaze of Lord Voldemort himself. "You managed to figure that out even before the Great and All-knowing Albus Dumbledore."

"Well, not that it was all that difficult to figure out, but it certainly helps that I'm omniscient," Q quipped. Beside him, Draco rolled his eyes.

"First immortal, now omniscient, don't suppose you're omnipotent as well?" he muttered.

"Of course." Q grinned at the blond.

"AHA!"

Q whipped his head around at the exclamation from his son. q's face was lit up with a victorious smile as he pointed at his father.

"You just broke the rules! I win again!"

Q rolled his eyes as his son did a sort of ridiculous little victory dance. He put his hands on his hips and glared at q.

"I realize stupidity is indeed contagious and you've been around quite a few unintelligent life forms recently, but that's hardly an excuse for, apparently, staring at the pretty bright lights on the ceiling instead of actually paying attention!" he admonished the DADA professor, much to the surprise and outrage of the adults in the room. "First of all, the boy doesn't even believe me. Well, until now he didn't, at least. Secondly, it's past midnight, which means the school year is now officially over. Isn't that right, headmaster?"

Q turned to the Hogwarts Headmaster, who was watching him with a rather bewildered look on his face.

"Well, I suppose. .. "

"As fascinating as this conversation isn't-" Voldemort began, his voice shaking in fury.

"Will you be quiet for a minute! This is rather important." Q turned back to Dumbledore. The Dark Lord Voldemort gaped in the background. "So, yes or no: is the school year now officially over?"

Dumbledore blinked a few times before finally answering: "Yes, yes it is."

Q flashed his son a grin, making sure to give him his best "told you so" expression as well.

"Damn." q folded his arms across his chest and pouted.

Suddenly Q felt something brush at his senses. It was a power of some sort. . . definitely wizard magic, but unlike the usual spells he'd encountered at the magic school. He looked down at his hands and saw how each of the cells of his physical form were being illuminated by a yellow-ish sort of light.

Huh? What'd I miss? What's going on?

'You are being crucioed by the Dark Lord, Eternal One.'

Oh. Should've guessed he'd go for the unoriginal easy-fix. I wonder if he got his ideas from "World Conquering for Dummies".

'What is that?'

Nevermind.

Q looked to Voldemort, who was indeed pointing a wand at him. He had a curious expression on his face, as if he wasn't quite sure whether to hate the American student, be fascinated by him, or possibly even scared. Q cocked his head at the evil wizard.

"Umm. . . the correct reaction here would be 'ouch', right?" he asked.

Only a stunned silence answered him. Slowly, Voldemort lowered his wand.

"Mr. Picard, you are quite the intriguing individual. . . tell me, how exactly did you block the Crutiatus without your wand?"

Q pulled his wand out and twirled it casually between his fingers.

"What, you mean this worthless little stick?" He threw it somewhere behind him. "Don't need it. Besides, it's not a real wand anyway - just a plain ol' red stick. I had considered giving it pock-a-dots as well, but then I decided that might be going a bit overboard."

"Not a real wand?" Draco asked. "But you've been doing magic with it all year."

"Honestly, Mr. Picard, don't talk such nonsense," Professor McGonagall admonished.

"I can't believe I'm agreeing with Malfoy," Hermione added, "but we've all watched you do magic with it."

Q grinned and wiggled his finger in front of him.

This is more fun than I thought it would be.

"No, you've all seen me wave my wand around and then watched things happen. You merely _assumed_ those things were happening as a result of me waving my wand. And I take absolutely no responsibility for your silly little assumptions."

"But, but. . " Hermione was clearly at a loss about what she should be thinking.

Q suddenly felt the same odd sensation from moments before wash over him. He rolled his eyes and gave the Dark Lord Voldemort an irritated look.

"If it didn't work the first time, what makes you think it'll work the second time? Or is your intellect too small to grasp such mundane concepts?"

Anger flashed in the Dark Lord's eyes and suddenly the wand changed directions. Beside Q, Draco screamed as he fell to his knees. Q stepped in front of him, eyes narrowed.

Now it was his turn to be angry.

Voldemort chuckled. "You may, somehow, be immune to the Crutiatus, but as you can see, your friends are not. Do you honestly think you can protect all of them?"

"Okay, first of all, it's not so much that I'm immune to the Crutiatus, as that it simply doesn't effect me. Kind of like a dog whistle effects dogs, but can't be heard by most humans." Now Q met Voldemort's gaze with a hard, unwavering one of his own and smirked as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Secondly. .. are you sure you want to annoy me by trying to hurt my friends?"

The entire hall gaped at Q and in that moment of utter silence. A tribble dropping would've made an ear-shattering noise.

"Awww. . . that's so sweet, you called them your friends," a snickering voice broke the silence. Q scowled at his son, who smiled sweetly at him, eyes full of mischief and face finally void of any of the mature formality he'd adopted in his role as professor.

"Shut up, brat," Q said. Outraged and astonished gasps followed, turning into even more confusion when Professor Janeway mere scowled instead of protesting the disrespectful comment.

"Mr. Picard, perhaps we have grossly underestimated you," Professor Dumbledore spoke quietly for the first time in quite a while. Q scoffed at the old wizard.

"That much is blatantly obvious." He paused for a moment. "Oh, and don't call me Mr. Picard. Since this little farce is effectively over, I no longer need that name." He grinned at everyone and then bowed formally. "I suppose I should really introduce myself. My name is Q."

"Q? Isn't that what the Slytherins call you?" Harry asked.

"Yes, it is."

"My Lord, should I kill him?" Q overheard Lucius Malfoy ask his master.

"Yes, please do," came the reply. "He is becoming a nuisance."

"Hmm, I'm only beginning to annoy you?" Q asked. "That's not good. . . I must be losing my touch."

Lucius Malfoy raised his wand and pointed it at Q. Q waved him off.

"Oh, don't bother, those spells of yours are all designed to work on simple, carbon-based life forms such as yourselves; they'll have no effect on me."

"What is he talking about?" Ron whispered to Hermione, who looked at Q suspiciously.

"What in the world are you saying?" she asked out loud. "If you're not a carbon-based life form, then what are you?"

"A non-carbon-based life form, obviously."

"That would make you a ghost."

Q sighed and shook his head. "What narrow minds you humans have. . . "

"I will not be made a fool of!" Voldemort yelled, finally at the end of his patience. He pointed his wand at Q. "Avada Kadavra!"

Q looked on, unimpressed, as the green beam of magic hit him square in the chest. He waited five seconds and raised an eyebrow at the silly Dark Lord.

"Happy now?" he asked. The Dark Lord seemed to be in too much shock to reply.

"Avada Kadavra!" "Avada Kadavra!" "Avada Kadavra!"

A harmony of exclamations accompanied by sickly green streams of light barrelled at Q. The entity rubbed the bridge of his nose as he sighed. He snapped his fingers. The light show stopped, although the noise continued, only now in the form of some very colourful curses as the Death Eaters tried and failed to make the carrots they were now holding in their hands produce any sort of magic.

"See, now you can be original," Q quipped. "I happen to know for a fact no one's ever tried taking over the world using carrots!"

"How dare you!" Voldemort roared. He pointed his wand in Q's direction (since he was the only one without a vegetable). Q narrowed his eyes; he could see quite clearly that wand wasn't aiming at him, but at one of the girls. "I am the most powerful wizard of all time and I will not be-"

"You know, you talk too much," Q commented and waved his hand in Voldemort's direction.

There was another flash of light and suddenly the front of the Great Hall was empty except for the still-floating Hufflepuff student/spy and a large cage. The cage was fairly ordinary-looking: about a metre tall and two metres wide, made of sturdy white wire. Inside, were about a dozen white bunnies. They seemed slightly panicked as they hopped about the cage in a frenzy, climbing over each other and twitching their whiskers madly. Suddenly, a huddle in the middle parted and out hopped a bunny with glowing red eyes, black ears and golden pigtails.

"There, now you all just sit tight and please try not to multiply." Q grinned smugly.

"Q?" a quiet voice came from behind him broke him out of his gloating. Q turned around to where Draco was shaking slightly from the effects of the Crutiatus as he leant against Blaise for support. He and the other Slytheirns were staring at Q with wide eyes.

"You really weren't kidding, were you?" Draco asked quietly, his eyes wide in realization and a bit of awe. "You mean you really are immortal, omnipotent and omniscient?"

"I told you I was being serious, didn't I?" Q winked at the boy and smiled proudly.

"That's ridiculous! No human being can possess those kinds of powers: it's simply impossible!"

"Hermione Granger." Q looked directly into the eyes of the girl who'd spoken. "Did I ever say I was human? Even once?" The girl looked stunned for a moment. .. apparently that thought hadn't even occurred to her. "Isn't it rather stupid, just how many assumptions you make about people without even realizing you're making them?"

"If you're not human, then what are you, a god?" Pansy asked.

"I've already told you, I'm Q. I am a Q. A member of the Q Continuum, a race of beings who have long since given up their corporeal forms as they unravelled the secrets of the universe- wait, I'm making the Continuum sound much too grandiose. Actually, the Q Continuum itself is a rather dull place full of a lot of powerful, but rather dull, beings. Which is why I go elsewhere to find my amusement. Usually at the expense of others. I suppose you could call me an easily bored, god-like being." He paused for a moment. "Although, I suppose I wouldn't be terribly upset if you were to start calling me God."

"You actually except us to believe that?!" Alistair Moody demanded.

"Actually, I don't really think he cares too much about whether you believe him," Professor Janeway commented. Heads swung about in surprise, as if they'd forgotten he was even there. "I mean, it's not like his existence is threatened by your inability to comprehend the truth. Although, if you feel you need convincing, I'm sure we could arrange a few suitable demonstrations. . ."

"Wait, "we"?" q grinned at Professor McGonagall.

"Why of course, I can't let him steal all the spotlight now can I?" He looked around at the confused faces. "Hmm, perhaps I should also formally introduce myself."

q snapped his fingers and there was a flash of light. It disappeared in the place of the somewhat distinguished Hogwarts professor stood a boy of about 16 with curly black hair framing his grinning face. Instead of robes he wore a simple pair of blue jeans and a red t-shirt with a picture of some sort of strange space craft on it (Q immediately recognized it as the USS Voyager and rolled his eyes). He gave a dramatic bow.

"Hello, everyone, I'm q. Although, I suppose you can call me Quinton like aunt Kathy does, to avoid confusion. I must say I have had a blast being your Defence Against the Dark Arts professor this year even if it did require gritting my teeth at some of your more ridiculous ideas."

Q noticed the British accent his son had adopted while at Hogwarts had disappeared along with his robes.

"Hang on!" Ginny suddenly exclaimed once q was done with his dramatic introduction. She pointed to Q. "If you're "Q" and-" she pointed at q "-you're "q", then does that mean you're related. . .?"

"He's my son," Q said.

"WHAT?!!" Q winced at how loud a room full of humans could be.

"Oh, come on, don't tell me you didn't see that coming; I mean, seriously: "Super Duper Purple Wall of Magic"? What the hell kind of spell is that?! Incidentally-" He looked at his son. "-if you're going to make up a spell could you at least give it an incantation that isn't equivalent to something a five-year-old human would come up with."

q shrugged.

"H-how is he your son?" Harry asked, looking back and forth between them. "I mean, you look about the same age. .. "

Q snapped his fingers and in a flash of light was back to looking the way he normally did. He wore dark navy robes with gold embroidery around the edges and a matching cloak with a silver fur collar. The cloak's clasp was made of heavy gold with a ruby sitting at its centre. The style of the robes were a bit out-dated, but as he was, Q knew he was easily recognizable as high Wizarding nobility.

"Better?" he asked Harry. Harry merely nodded, looking stunned.

"Q?" said Blaise from behind him. Q looked over his shoulder at him. "How old are you exactly?"

"Oh, something over five billion, give or take a millenium."

One. . . Two. .. Three. ..

"WHAT?!!!"

Q sighed dramatically, but was inwardly enjoying the human's shock. Then he broke out in a wide grin and stretched.

"Well then, I suppose it's about time to celebrate my newly restored freedom," he said to no one in particular.

* * *

Well, how was it? Please let me know what you think in a review! 


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